Listen, you’re a smart crowd. You can all figure out the prominent theme of this Cover Snark.
From Emily: Goodreads suggested this title to me and my first thought was “SBTB would love this!”
Sarah: I LOVE THIS.
Shana: This cannot be real. What?
Lara: The body part(s?) in the top right hand corner are… ?
Maya: I can’t stop seeing a raw chicken or turkey in the background and Dolph Lundgren in the foreground.
Catherine: I share Lara’s concerns about the body parts in the top corner. Given the serial killer mien of the main figure on this cover, I can only assume that he butchers his victims, smokes them, and hangs them up on meathooks to cure. Long ham, as it were.
Tara: Are they actually still around? how are Siren still a thing?
Sarah: I don’t know? But this cover will bless us forever.
Tara: that smoky butt is going to haunt my dreams
Sarah: Toot toot!
Amanda: Next time my boyfriend farts, I’m going to tell him he’s released an air demon.
Charlotte: Maybe his power is summoning storms with his dong?
Gives a whole new meaning to lightning rod.
Carrie: Hey man don’t be kicking Siren!
Tara: I read a bunch of their stuff 8 or 9 years ago and remember some of it being fun. I just totally forgot they existed until I saw that cover.
AJ: Air Demon: Silent But Deadly
Carrie: Vanilla Ice: After the Fall
Sneezy: The rando body parts floating in the corner look like they’re shyly asking the air demon to preserve their modesty.
From lils: This is just wrong. Nip hiding in armpit. Multiple abs? Plus, pirate nip, shown front and center?
Sarah: Peekaboo Nips ahoy!
Elyse: It’s looking at me…
Sarah: It’s actually behind you right now, too. Don’t turn around.
Tara: Everything about this cover is bad. it’s just too much of everything.
Sarah: Not enough nipple though
Tara: I don’t know about that. I agree with Elyse that it’s staring at us. the second one is there too, it’s just hiding a bit.
Susan: I don’t know which of those two is worse
Carrie: It’s very Lovecraftian but I don’t think it’s that way on purpose.
AJ: I’m telling you guys. We must maintain vigilance. CONSTANT NIPPLE VIGILANCE.
Sneezy: You know what? It’s time we fought back. Let’s clamp them. Pierce them. Fucking draw kitty faces on them. Draw kitty faces fucking on them. Goddamn it, I’ll make nipples fun again if it’s the last thing I do!!
Elyse: The way the dude in front is curling his lip is bugging me.
Sarah: Peeky nipple!
Amanda: This looks more like mouth to mouth.
Susan: It’s the only way the poses make sense.
And the fact that the front guy looks somewhat corpse-like
Catherine: His head is at the proper angle, too. Though the guy giving CPR doesn’t really have a proper seal. (We had our CPR refresher last week…)
Tara: Oh shit, what if he was drowning?
Elyse: I thought you just do chest compressions now?
Catherine: Not in Australia! But we were told that in the US, it’s just compressions, and that kind of forces air in and out of the lungs anyway. So we were advised that CPR is a bit better, but if you aren’t comfortable with the mouth to mouth part, or if there is an injury or infection risk or whatever that doesn’t make it feasible, chest compressions are fine.
AJ: I learned a thing about CPR today! SBTB: Critiquing Nipples, Saving Lives.
Sneezy: *studiously takes notes on CPR*
*looks up*
*looks back down to be safe from corpse nipple*
Hsssst. Are they still looking at me???
Elyse: 1. Minotaur looks like he just got back from taking a feisty Maine Coon to the vet and
2. I don’t think arm muscles are supposed to look like that. Why are they purple?!
Tara: The infection caused by point one might be the answer to point two.
Carrie: It’s either a romance or one of the Saw movies – who can say?
Sneezy: This is why we tell kids safe, sane, and consensual. This is what happens when you don’t – you turn into a Minotaur with purple arms.
Carrie: Back in the 1980s, this is what they told kids would happen if we used steroids.
Sarah: This is Iron Bull fanfic, isn’t it. Also, no nipples! The nipple streak hath ended.
AJ: The joke’s on us, because he’s part bull, which means he’s going to turn around and have four.
(Side note: I googled that for scientific accuracy and now it’s in my search history forever, YOU’RE WELCOME.)
Sneezy: AJ, you just reminded me of the short animation Maya shared about vets/vet technicians needing to deal with clients who insist their male dogs don’t have nipples because they’re boys and try to yank said nipples off.
🎶DOES YOUR HUSBAND NOT HAVE NIPPLES?????🎶
Wouldn’t you think that, if you were designing the cover for a book titled DOG TAGGED, you’d—oh, I don’t know—make sure that at least one of the characters was wearing dog tags?
Also, I can just imagine the conversation when the two models got to the photo shoot: “Dammit Aiden, you told me you were gonna tan this week!”
I honestly thought, at first glance, that the Nighthawk cover was a guy getting his stomach shaved with an electric razor. “That’s a weird statement…oh”
It’s nice that Mr. Nighthawk is getting in touch with his feminine side with that little ruffle on his left hip but the ting on his right bicep makes me think that he had trouble using the can of spray glitter with his weird, mitteny left hand.
(Really, why is there a ting on his non-shiny bicep?)
The placement of the leather partial boob armor looks like Elvis hair, the visible boob becomes a face, and the abs are then that face’s muscular chest and arms. I can’t unsee a swole character that belongs in Little Big Planet.
And now I have the urge to make an LBP level based on romance covers because I have sooooooooooo much free time…
I have questions about Nighthawk. Are we sure that left arm grabbing the sword is his? Because the leather sleeve on the forearm looks like part of a jacket and doesn’t in any way correspond with the weird layers of ragged stuff on the model’s shoulder. What is with the weirdly pointy guard on the sword being drawn, which looks like it will stab/gash the wearer’s abdomen while being drawn? Where is the sheath of the sword, inside the skirt he’s wearing?
3 out of these 4 covers strongly remind me of smoked meats, possibly turkey drumsticks. New trend?
And the fonts, so many fonts
It’s posts like this that make me really miss the “Like/Hearts” the Bitchery used to have! I’d Like/Heart all the comments!
Am I the only one seeing the pink blob between the Demon’s torso and arm and wondering what it could possibly be???
OMG that video re. the vet techs is hilarious. That poor doggo!
Hey wait, aren’t those angel wing tattoos the same ones that traumatized us two weeks ago with the last cover snark?
Is Nighthawk stabbing himself in the hip? Or is someone else stabbing him? It really looks to me like whatever blade that is has opened a gash and there are bodily fluids gushing out.
And there is literally no reason for that weird cloud on the Air Demon’s cover to be there except to take up blank space. Couldn’t they think of anything better to put there? Like maybe a more coherent shot of those rando body parts?
I see the dog tags guys as under water, surrounded by sparkly gold bubbles. Corpse guy is drowning (his dog tags came off and wrapped around his feet and got tangled in seaweed) and the other guy is pushing on his chest to expel water before he shares his breath with him.
Or maybe I’ve read too many books with underwater rescues in them.
Am I the only one who got an AD for SPORTS BRAS right after “Does your husband not have nipples*?” I think it is meant for the Nighthawk cover, who is in serious danger of chafing.
*Do NOT show video to veterinary-adjacent friends. They will tell you their tales.
OhMyBob, these are a train wreck! But I have to award Heather’s Maximum Use of Typefaces Award to Air Demon. Every single section is a different font.
re: Air Demon – Before I read any of the comments, I legit stared at the cover for 5 minutes trying to figure out what body part that was supposed to be. A thigh? A leg? A drumstick? I am glad I am not alone.
re: Minotaur – his hands look like they belong to a corpse. Obviously being half-bull does not help his circulation.
@Sandra I see the pink blob on Air Demon too. The floating body parts look like part of an arm and torso, so depending upon which way said torso is facing, I thought it could either be a tail or a penis. Take your pick … I know what I prefer …
I’m reading the Nighthawk book right now. It’s better than the cover would lead you to believe.
@DiscoDollyDeb—I also miss the hearts! Especially on the Cover Snark and Whatcha Reading posts.
Listen, you’re a smart crowd. You can all figure out the prominent theme of this Cover Snark.
I read this too fast, thought it said “this cover”, and immediately started jumping up and down waving my hand to reply:
Why, yes. Yes I can. It’s Font Demo Week at the publisher’s. I count eight.
Eight.
Eight fonts.
I may have missed one, though.