“Away In the Manger:” Turnip’s Missing Scene

imageYou Photoshopped covers, you invoked your wishes for Hot Turnip Action, and lo, Lauren Willig was not afraid of the Joy-ous cover efforts.

Lauren Willig has written the “missing scene,” the love scene of Turnip and Arabella on their wedding night. Seriously, y’all, this is the most charming and adorable sexual interlude I’ve read in a long time.

You can download your choice of formats – right-click-and-save-as, please!

PDF Format (480k)

ePub format (106k)  (suitable for nook and Kobo devices)

mobi format (123k) (suitable for emailing to Yon Kindle)

I hope you enjoy.

Thank you to Lauren Willig for writing the scene, and to our contest entrants who made the scene possible with their mad Photoshopping skills, and especially to Joyce for the winning cover. And of course, thank you to Turnip.

Please let me know what you think in the comments!


Comments are Closed

  1. Alex says:

    Oh what a lovely treat for a Monday morning.  Even though it’s beautifully sunny outside today I really enjoyed the Christmas setting.  Isn’t Turnip a gem?  “He was happy just to fetch things from high shelves and fight off the odd villain”  Bless him.

    Am I being awfully pedantic to mention that a British character probably wouldn’t have know what a rutabaga was?  We call them swedes.

  2. OMG, that was just utterly delightful! Thanks so much for sharing this with us—I’m still smiling.

  3. Sarah W says:


    Well worth the wait! Turnip, poor lovely dear, is one of my favorite characters and he deserves his scene—this scene.  And his Arabella.

  4. quichepup says:

    That was worth getting up at 6am for, high praise if you knew how I felt about early morning. 

    Yay for Turnip!

  5. cate says:

    That was an absolute & unexpected delight this Monday morning. Many thanks to Lauren Willig for making my day !
    And Alex, no it’s not pedantic to say that we refer to rutabaga’s as swede….I had to look up rutabaga to see what it was !

  6. Alex and Cate, thanks for pointing that out about the rutabaga!  Ooops.  I have to admit, I mostly included rutabaga because the word is so silly…. 

    Hmm, any suggestions for an alternative vegetable?  Maybe aubergine?  I’m afraid if I put “swede” in there, people will think there are random Scandinavians wandering around the barn! : )

  7. “It did a body good.”  ROTFLOL!

  8. Kristin says:

    “Your breasts are like puddings” might be my favorite line ever!

  9. AgTigress says:

    Maybe aubergine?  I’m afraid if I put “swede” in there, people will think there are random Scandinavians wandering around the barn! : )

    I doubt whether aubergines (Am. eggplant) were known or used much here in the early 19thC.  How about mangel-wurzel, an extremely silly word, which is a large, beet-like root vegetable used as animal fodder?

    I enjoyed the passage.  Reminded me of P.G. Wodehouse in places — and that is a compliment!

    There are a couple of other Americanisms, e.g. ‘obligate’ (we say ‘oblige’), but nothing to worry about.


  10. Diva says:

    See, I already knew Lauren Willig was awesome…but this just makes her even more so.

  11. helen says:


  12. Abby says:

    That was so totally worth the wait!  Turnip is swiftly making his way past the dark/broody types to the top of my favorite heroes list.  Thank you thank you thank you to Ms Willig for indulging some some bitches!

  13. Kristen says:

    That was fantastic!  “The only virgin he’d ever slept with was himself.” Heeeeeeeeee.

  14. Erin says:

    Thanks to Lauren – I just finished the book this weekend, so this was perfect timing.  Thoroughly enjoyed both, looking forward to reading your other books.

  15. Joey says:

    PERFECT!  Today is my first day back after an extended vacation and this was just the thing to ease me back into the real world.  (Does that make sense??!!)  Anyhow, I thoroughly enjoyed it – Lauren, I love your humorous erotica!  You’ve invented a new genre!

  16. Katherine says:

    Lauren – that was wonderful! Sweet and funny and so Turnip-y!
    What a great way to start my Monday morning.

  17. This was totally fab.

    The only virgin he’d ever slept with was himself.

    My favourite line too.
    thank you so much for that. Here in Sctoland, we call turnip neeps, which is sillier than aubergine though not as good as mangel wurzill (didn’t the wurzills sing I’ve Got a Brand New Combine Harvester?).

  18. cate says:

    Ooh Arr Marguerite, the Wurzels certainly did rock Combine Harvester to the tune of Brand New Roller Skates !….Now I’ll be humming that tune for the rest of the day

  19. Susan says:

    That was brilliant and lovely!  A great way to begin the week!

  20. Chelsea says:

    LOL oh my…Lauren Willig might be in danger of gaining me as a fangirl. I’m already enjoying her novels so very much, and this was just too cute. Don’t worry, I only stalk a little.

  21. Merry says:

    So what do the British call the people native to the land of Sweden? (And is it printable? 😉

    Stockholm is the capital city of the distant land of Rutabaga, noted chiefly for its fine architecture, many scenic islands, and decorative vegetables…

  22. Janice says:

    Thank you so much for the wonderful gift!!  Lauren and Sarah-simply you both are the best!!

  23. Kathleen O says:

    What a wonderful way to greet a Monday, but with this lovely story… thank you

  24. AgTigress says:

    So what do the British call the people native to the land of Sweden?

    We call ‘em Swedes.  😉  The vegetables are associated with Sweden.  According to my dictionary, swedes (rutabagas) are so-called in BE from the early 19thC, having first been introduced into Scotland from Sweden in 1781-2.
    And the etymology of the American term, ‘rutabaga’ is from a Swedish dialect word, rotabagge, which I imagine went into AE (American English) via Scandinavian settlers.  So it all makes more sense than one might think at first.
    And mangel-wurzel (or mangold) is, of course, German, Wurzel being a German word for ‘root’.

  25. Tanya says:

    Oh, I need some help from the Bitchery!  I’ve only just finished The Deception of the Emerald Ring so I’m nowhere near ready to read Turnip’s book.  I want to read this so badly but do I dare having not read Mischief of the Mistletoe yet?  I don’t want to spoil it but this is like having a big old piece of chocolate cake (or pudding, as the case may be) in front of me and not being able to eat it!

  26. cleo says:

    How awesome and charming!  Possibly the sweetest love scene ever.  Thank you thank you to Lauren and Sarah and the winning designer. 

    I second Tanya’s question – can Mischief of the Mistletoe be read out of order?  Is it at all stand alone?  I really, really want to read it now, but haven’t started the pink carnation series.

  27. EC Spurlock says:

    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Smart Bitches and the inimitable Lauren Willig, for turning my perfectly horrid Monday completely around with this gem. I can’t tell you how much I needed this and how much good it did me to laugh out loud in the middle of my office. Just naming his estate Parva Magna put me in stitches. It was all so Turnip—but also so incredibly sweet! Thanks so much for restoring the Missing Sexytimes of Turnip Fitzhugh!

    Capcha: were88: There were at least 88 things that made me laugh!

  28. cleo says:

    Oops, on closer reading I see that Tanya and I had slightly different questions.  I haven’t read MotM yet but I just ploughed ahead and read the sex scene (didn’t even occur to me to deny myself – sure that says something about me but not sure what).

  29. Hi, Cleo!  You can absolutely read “Mistletoe” by itself.  The other books all have a modern framing character whose story moves very, very slowly, but “Mistletoe” is modern-free (modernically challenged?).  Anyway, it’s just the historical story, so it can be read alone without missing anything or having to say, “huh?”

  30. Hi, Tanya!  “Mistletoe” is a little out of order (I put its ideal reading location as in between “Crimson Rose” and “Night Jasmine”, since it actually takes place before/concurrently with “Night Jasmine”).  The only thing I can think of that would be a spoiler if you read this scene before “Mistletoe” is that Arabella and Turnip get together (probably not a huge shocker).  Likewise, I think you’re safe jumping into “Mistletoe” pre-“Crimson Rose”.  Only spoiler there is that by “Mistletoe” Lord Vaughn is married—but if you read the back of “Crimson Rose”, you’ll know to whom. : )

  31. Emily says:

    I really liked it! Now I’m going to have to go out and buy the book.

  32. Michelle says:

    Delightful and delicious…just like everything else LW writes! Thanks so much for the extra slice of life from Turnip & Arabella.

  33. Wonderful! A thoroughly enjoyable romp in the hay. Very sweet and sexy too.
    As to the discussion of root vegetables above, I’m now wracking my brains to remember what British fictional character used to address people as “My dear old mangel-wurtzel…” I’m not sure if it was Bertie Wooster or Lord Peter Wimsey.
    Dang it, now it’s going to bug me until I figure it out.  Anyway, I really enjoyed this little bit of Turnip and Arabella lagniappe.

  34. AgTigress, I cannot tell you how much I adore the word “Mangel-Wurzel”.  That may have to become a character name in the next Pink book….  It’s too good not to use.

  35. Aha! It was Lord Peter Wimsey, in “Strong Poison.”

    And I agree with the earlier commenter—“your breasts are like puddings” is an excellent line. So very Turnip.

  36. Maria says:

    Saving it until I hear the story (found it at Half Price books on audio). Can’t wait! Will buy the rest as e-books. Thank you to the author and all of you for making it happen!

  37. LizW65 says:

    So much fun!  I’m going to print it out and save it with my copy of “Mischief”.  And I think Mangel-Wurzel should definitely be either an upcoming character or a tiny hamlet in the wilds of Shropshire, possibly a rotten borough.
    And I just want to add, I really hope we get Sally’s story at some point (like when she’s, you know, legal) as she and her friends were some of my favorite supporting characters ever in the book.

  38. Lauren Willig is such a delight as a writer.  What a fun thing to do (and for us to read!), thank you so much!

  39. Kristen A. says:

    That was absolutely adorable- possibly even adorkable.

  40. Heather says:

    Lauren I loved it.  It was worth the wait.  I really wanted to read it this morning but pesky things like work an a child got in the way.

    AgTigress in the South we use the work oblige.  It is more common up in the mountains.  People often say “I wouldn’t want to be obligin’” When they have to ask for help or a favor.  They then offer something that might be needed r is a kind gesture.

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