It’s a wonderous hallmark of Old Skool romance covers to have some type of animal in the background freaking the fuck out. The FTFO Background Creature has ranged from kangaroos to rearing stallions (obviously), but in a recent purchase from eBay, Sarah found many, many old skool covers, each one more snarkable than the next. Thank eBay, the scanner, and the long lost treasure trove from which these covers came, we will not be short for snarkage in a long, long time.
Sarah: Him: I have a unicorn AND a rainbow sprouting from my shoulder.
Him: I just farted a pair of fawns.
Her: Ho hum.
Him: A giant purple butterfly is nesting beneath my mighty ball sack!
Her: You and everyone else, dear.
Him: You know, you’re awfully uppity for a woman who is one stiff breeze from a full monty.
Her: I can fart turtledoves.
Him: Fine. You win.
Candy: In Enchanted Paradiseshire, gravity’s laws (as well as the laws of foreshortening) are held at bay, because I can’t think of a single other goddamn reason why that diaphanous slip of nothing is staying up.
I also think fucking with that many wild animals in the immediate vicinity is kind of creepy as well as hella unsafe. But maybe I’m just a prude that way.
Sarah: Horse 1: Is she wearing taffeta?
Horse 2: *slurp slurp slurp*
Horse 1: And can a feather really be that erect?
Horse 2: *drink drink drink*
Horse 1: Move over. You’re hogging the teal blue waters.
Candy: Oh my God. The dude looks like he’s just stepped out from a high-school interpretation of Hiawatha. And check out his bangs! He’s either a) facing a pretty fierce windstorm, b) REALLY startled, or c) has a membership at CostCo just so he can buy hair gel in the five-gallon tub size.
Sarah: What the fuck IS that thing? No, seriously, what the fuck is that?!
Candy: Presenting: naked mirrored were owl-man voyeur erotica. Who said romance was a stagnant genre?