True story: as I was on my way to the theater, my mom called to say that she had mailed a box that includes a bag of mine she got repaired, a book of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s letters that she picked up, my old Kindle that my dad doesn’t need anymore, and “a surprise.” I love surprises, and asked if it was chocolate, and she said no, it was about as far from chocolate as you could get. “You sent me dietary fiber?” She swears it is not dietary fiber, so it’s probably a box of kale. (I will update in the comments.)

This film is the latest in Garry Marshall’s genre of interconnected story movies revolving around a holiday (New Years Eve, Valentine’s Day) in the view of Love, Actually but supremely sanitized. No porn actor stand-ins here. I like Garry Marshall movies; they’re soothing and uncomplicated and not great art, but there are moments of touching emotion in there.  Also he has a fine company of actors that he regularly works with, and I adore having Hector Elizondo on my screen at any time, so…I am pre-disposed to not hate this movie, perhaps more than others.

(As a counter-point to Keanu, it was quite a weekend of extremes, let’s just say that.)

This movie has four(ish) main plotlines-Sandy (Jennifer Aniston) is coping with her ex-husband suddenly marrying a considerably younger woman, and trying to navigate her extremely complicated feelings with this new woman in her sons’ lives. Bradley (Jason Sudeikis) is a widower with two daughters trying to cope with the first mother’s day after the death of his wife. Miranda (Julia Roberts) is a QVC-clone host who gave up a daughter for adoption, and both she and the daughter are coming to terms with that. Jesse (Kate Hudson), along with her sister Gabi, has cut off contact with their racist, toxic parents, and she has complicated feelings when the parents turn up.

We’ll be talking about that last plot line in some depth, because hoooboy is it loaded.

The main theme running through these stories is coping and coming to terms with your life. Some of those are choices you’ve made, and some of them are choices others have made, and some of those are just things that happened, but it’s all a matter of how these characters choose to deal with them.

Marshall’s strength is casting likable actors, if very predictable ones. He’s worked with Elizondo and Roberts multiple times before. No one here is stretching themselves, or doing anything ground-breaking, but they give solid performances.

You expect in a movie called Mother’s Day that there’s some lionization of motherhood, and how it’s the most important job, blah blah blah, and the magical abilities of a mother to know what a baby needs ALL THE TIME. My sister, momma-extraordinaire to my adorable nephew, says there are plenty of times where both of them are crying at each other because he can’t tell her what he wants, and she doesn’t know. This myth that a good mom knows all and never struggles is bullshit and also damaging, because the counterfactual is, “if you can’t do this, you’re not a good mom.” Please stop it.

I liked the story with Julia Roberts reuniting with her daughter, though there was a lot of awkward thoughtlessness in the middle when Kristen was all like, “I don’t know who my mom is” and there’s no discussion or mention of her adoptive parents. Eventually, she explains that yes, they were lovely people, and they’ve since died, and the moment is very sweet. Like, yeah, movie, you got me. I had a tiny little emotion there.

Also important: almost all of the main players in all of these stories are white (with the exception of Jesse’s husband, who is played by Aasif Mandvi). This takes place in Atlanta, and there are Black people in the background, but only two, maybe three have any lines. It’s SUPER white, and this is Atlanta, for fuck’s sake.

But the hands down, worst part of the movie is the plot line with Jesse and her toxic parents. The implication is the whole, “It’s your mom, of course you have to forgive your mom, no matter what she may have done! SHE’S YOUR MOM.”

No, you don’t. You don’t have to keep toxic people in your life (EVEN IF THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS) if keeping them makes your life horrible. It’s your choice! You can choose to say “I don’t want you making my life miserable, I cast thee out!” If your mother is the type of person (as this mother is) who calls your husband a “towelhead” in his own home, tells you to divorce him before he gets your pregnant, and it’s implied that that isn’t even the least of what she’s done… you don’t need to have that in your life. It’s okay, and there are people who can support you.

Garry Marshall ain’t one of them. Sure, he tried to make it like, “well, these parents are just racist, and once they get over that, they’re lovely people!” but they showed up, in an RV, uninvited, to their daughters’ houses. They clearly have problems respecting boundaries, and it just made me sad that there isn’t a positive representation for people who have cut their parents out of their lives. They don’t need Garry Marshall and Kate Hudson saying, “but it’s your MOM, though!”

Without that plot line, without the, “Well, obviously these people are racist, so that gives us license to put all these racist jokes in here” then maaaaaaaybe I could give this a B- (with the understanding that I have a weakness for these stupid types of movies). But with that bullshit, I have to knock this down to a D. (There’s other BS to talk about here, but that covers the worst of it.)

(If you DO go see this, or Netflix it or Redbox it or whatever, there are outtakes in the credits, which WERE funny, including one where Kate Hudson is reassuring a toddler actor that the boom mike isn’t scary.)

NB: If you’re struggling with an abusive or toxic relationship with parental figures in your life, there are a lot of resources online. Coming Out of the FOG is one such group, and there are many others. If you have a recommended resource, please feel free to drop the link in the comments. 

Mother’s Day is in theaters now and you can find tickets (US) at Fandango and Moviefone.