Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–S21 E9: What a Dick

If you’ve been hiding under a rock, you might not have heard about how this season of The Bachelorette ended. It’s…a lot.

So grab an adult beverage because we’re about to get into it.

Picasso says he’s not interested. Ear scritches only please.

Jenn’s family has traveled to Hawaii to meet both Devin and Marcus. Her mom, Trinh, starts crying when Jenn walks in.

Jenn’s family and best friend Nichole meet Devin first. She tells her family that they initially connected over having non-traditional families (neither of them having present fathers).

I would like to point out that Devin has his shirt unbuttoned and is showing so much chest hair that it’s kind of… we’ll just call it a choice.

He tells Jenn’s mom that he’s never felt a love like he felt for Jenn and there’s no question in his mind that Jenn is his person.

Trinh tells Jenn that she’s concerned because in Vietnamese culture they haven’t spent enough time together to get married.

James, Jenn’s brother, tells her that he’s not so sure about Devin, but that he loves her and will support her.

Picasso needs me to support his head right now while he snoozles.

Both Trinh and James seem like very practical, take no BS people and it’s clear they aren’t impressed with Devin or this process and it worries them. Devin asks both of them for their blessing and both of them say no.

The next day Jenn’s best friend and family meet Marcus. Jenn has told them that Marcus hasn’t said “I love you” yet.

Marcus tells them about being abandoned by his parents, and how he grew up in foster care.

James is concerned that Marcus isn’t in love yet, especially because his sister has a history with emotionally unavailable men. Marcus says he’s “well on his way” to find true love, but he doesn’t commit yet.

James says he plays “ring around the rosey” with his questions.

Marcus admits to Trinh that he’s not ready to get engaged yet.

Later Jenn sits Marcus down and asks if he’s not certain of her. He says that it’s the pressure he’s putting on himself to be the perfect husband and father due to his past trauma.

For their final date, Devin and Jenn do a traditional Hawaiian spiritual ceremony that is done before a major life event.

During a private interview, Devin admits that he’s starting to have doubts but that he doesn’t want to burden Jenn with that. Later he seems more confident.  He gives Jenn a necklace that the shaman in New Zealand gave him, telling him to only give to the person he meant to spend his life with.

The next day Marcus sits down to talk with Jesse and says he’s feeling more secure in their relationship. In his relationship with Jenn, I think. Not his relationship with Jesse.

Jenn meets Marcus in his hotel room and tells him she needs to know where his head it at. She says she doesn’t know if Marcus sees a future with her. He admits he’s struggling, but that he has real feelings for her.

Jenn is clearly about to break up with him and then he drops the “I love you.”

Great timing dude.

Jenn is in tears of frustration. She tells him she’s done waiting for “someone to get there,” and she tells him goodbye.

So then it’s Engagement Day! Devin picks out a ring for Jenn.

Meanwhile, Jenn tells Jesse that she’s not going to let Devin propose, she’s going to propose to him.

So then we cut back to a studio in LA, where Jesse tells us we aren’t going to watch the proposal until we hear from Jenn.

She comes out, sits down, and immediately starts crying. She says that as soon as they left Hawaii, things felt different with Devin. He was distant and she had a hard time reaching him.

A week before their “happy couple” videos were to be taken he called her and broke up over the phone. He told her he didn’t love her anymore, that he regretted getting engaged, and he felt like something was off.

This was a 180 from how he was acting on the show. He was telling her constantly that he loved her and that he was ready to get married, but it sounds like he was acting?

Jenn suggested couples counseling or just dating for awhile, but Devin didn’t want either of those things.

Jesse points out that Devin said Jenn was the most important thing in his life.

I’ve been talking with a lot of people who watch the show and none of us are really sure if he was acting all along or just really did have a major change in feelings, but the consensus is “fuck that guy.”

Jenn needs to hire these guys.

They bring Devin out, and why bother? We know what happened. Forget about that asshole, no longer speak his name, and bring Jenn pasta and golden retriever puppies. Or a bunch of kittens.

Then Jenn says, the day after they broke up Devin followed Maria (who was supposed to be The Bachelorette before she backed out) on Instagram. He also told her that he needed time and space to process, then went clubbing with Jeremy.

I really think this guy was after the “fame.” Like maybe they get engaged, he didn’t realize how stupidly he broke it off, and he would be on Dancing with the Stars or some shit.

“Am I not allowed to live a life?” he asks her.

For what it’s worth, Jenn is not letting him get away with bullshit excuses and honestly, neither is Jesse.

This is the first time Jesse has shown a personality.

“I was regretfully late on letting you know [how I felt],” Devin says.

At one point Devin mutters, “What is going on here,” presumably because he thought he was going to have more support from Jesse and the audience.

Devin says he doesn’t want to talk about his behavior post breakup (sure), and just wants to focus on the actual breakup. He claims he came on the show to make sure Jenn was okay.

Then he says he fell short of her expectations in the real world. They weren’t even seeing each other physically (as part of the show), so how did he do that? By not returning calls? He says he felt like she would have to compromise her standards to be with him.

Jesse interrupts him, and tells Jenn directly that he’s sorry how this played out and that she’s a strong, powerful woman.

They aren’t even letting Devin talk anymore LOL.

Then they play the proposal scene and I’m not going to recap it because it was just hurtful to her that they even played it.

FUCK YOU ABC.

Devin says, “That man loved you,” of the clip they watched. “I understand that I couldn’t keep the promises I made to you.

Jenn says she hopes he learns that his words matter.

I hope he falls off a cliff.

And that was the season. What did you think?