Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Pam G: There is a lot to see here, including wind machines in space. However, our hero has solved it with a plait! According to the Goog, this is called a Dutch braid–so, all business in the front, salon day in the back. Though, to be honest, I am more reminded of the Rat King in The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rats, as that is exactly how I pictured it.
Sarah: That braid is a challah. I wish my braided loaves looked so good.
Amanda: If he did it himself, that’s impressive.
Sarah: So here’s a little behind the scenes from SBTB HQ. We have an internal Slack with a channel just for cover snark (yes, it is glorious). So sometimes I’ll see a cover or drop one in the channel, and comment, and then my brain lets go of the image. Then, when it’s time to COVER SNARK ASSEMBLE, Amanda makes a Google doc to harvest all the comments from the group.
I just opened the doc and said to myself, “He has a challah on his shoulder!”
Completely forgetting that I had said the EXACT same thing when the cover was posted.
All that to say: I stand by my comment. That’s a challah.
Sneezy: It’s depressing how long it’s been since I had a challah. I used to finish an entire loaf myself, usually in one sitting. The first time was an impulse buy, and I felt sooooo guilty I bought such a large piece of bread for myself. And then I was soooo confused and sad because WHERE DID IT ALL GO?????
Anyway, someone tell the girlie it’s okay to tell your partner to shower before cuddles. She looks like she’s doing that thing where you’re trying to be supportive but can’t QUITE commit to slathering yourself on top of all that grease.
From Karen H: The Outlands Demon might deserve a mention in Cover Snark for a Photoshop Fail. I say this because I thought something was wrong with the man’s outfit even from the thumbnail view. From the larger view, it’s even more obvious that the top was pasted on since his shoulder is showing along the edge.
Sarah: The pasted on leather vest is SO DISTRACTING. The dress and hair on the model are fine, the backdrop is interesting, and then my eye gets stuck on, WHAT is with the JACKET ?!
Elyse: He’s trying to get his smoky eye makeup right and failing.
Sarah: That’s what happens when I try that look, too. Starts migrating all over my face in 5 minutes or less.
Elyse: You need a good primer. I like the one from Urban Decay. Maybe he needs a trip to Sephora.
What if the demon IS the jacket?
Sarah: oh NO and it’s wrapped around his soul, and most of his shoulder?
Susan: I think it’s growing out of his shoulder, based on the perfectly smooth line between it and his arm.
Maybe it’s his chitinous exoskeleton, it means he’s a healthy adult.
Sneezy: Maybe he’s in the middle of regrowing it after most of it got dinged up in a fight. Or maybe parasites got the old one. Do you think he sheds? Is he theoretically immortal like lobsters?
Amanda: I keep pronouncing it like Dr. Ob, Dr. Oz’s brother.
Sarah: Agreed. Doctor Ob is likely cousin to the very popular Dr Abs.
Shana: So, my brain just skipped over the period entirely and read this as DroB. Which feels more like an alien romance than a lazy Saturday in bed. Does he have tentacles below the waist?
Sneezy: And that’s how you saved this cover for me, Shana. Tentacles for the win!
From Linnea: What’s with the armpit?
Sarah: I do not understand this pose. Or more specifically, I don’t know what it’s trying to communicate other than “underarm here and now think about deodorant?”
Shana: He doesn’t even look happy to be sniffing his armpit.
Sarah: Finding an antiperspirant or deodorant that works and doesn’t cause rashes or itching can be such a drag, so clearly he’s having a time of it.
Elyse: The ad for his new deodorant deceived him.
Sarah: I wonder if there are more “casually sniffing the armpit” poses on covers or if “looking down at the crotch area” poses are more bountiful.
Sneezy: And you’ve got me wondering if the quantity and ratio is the same in illustrated vs ‘realistic’ covers. Academic questions aside, he looks like a Wonderwall guy. 🙁 0/10
Is that the same woman on the cover of both WARLORD and DEMON? Apparently, she got tired of paying tribute to the Warlord and went to join the Outland Demons (which sounds like the name of the gang in an MC romance).
The Demon’s jacket didn’t read quite as terrible to me as it does to you. Sure his arm is coming out from behind the oversized collar, but that’s okay. However, now that I look at it, is his waist smaller than his biceps? Could we get this poor man some calories?
If you want to write a “Hot Doctor” romance, why in the world choose an OB/GYN as your (presumably) hero? How much scope for romance is there with folx in birthing rooms or undergoing pelvic exams? And it better not be like Grey’s Anatomy, with hot doctors flirting and nurses distracted over patients in agony or open on the surgical table.
The woman on the Warlord cover appears to be a corpse. Alien warlords are reminded that they have a duty of care to their abductees and must check that the atmospheric oxygen levels on their planets are sufficient to support life in the relevant species.
I actually think it might be the same couple on both the Warlord and Demon titles. Possibly even the same (heavily photoshopped) photo?
Is it just me or does the last cover look like John Mayer?
@Heather: OH MY GOSH. That does look like John Mayer!
these were hilarious. I read it as dr. Ob as in Dr. Oz’s cousin too. …. and to me that doesn’t look like John Mayer! :p
The Deceived cover reads to me like a superglue accident. His right arm being strangely posed as well so I’m guessing it is also glued… somewhere. I’m picturing this as an episode of “Sex Sent Me To The ER” and his facial expression is because he’s trying to avoid explaining he mixed up the lube and glue bottles.
Dr . OB reminds me once again that there’s ALWAYS an xkcd. In this case, it’s about (are we allowed to post links? will three other people post the same thing while this is being Held For Moderation?) kerning.
Besides, what’s with the name? Will we later meet a Dr. Cardiology, a Dr. Gastroenterology, a Dr. Pediatric Oncology?
As a former bread baker, I immediately thought “challah.” Incidentally, the trick I’ve found that often helps achieve a nice challah braid is to leave spaces between the strands when braiding. We used to say “leave a window” when we were teaching new bakers. Then the challah rises/expands and fills in the spaces, without contorting the loaf’s shape. If you braid the strands tightly, then as the dough expands, the loaf might twist unpredictably.
Of course, this would not apply to braiding hair, unless his alien hair does some sort of expansion.
I read Dr. OB as his nickname because he is Doctor Obvious (like Captain Obvious).
@Jane: That is good advice!! I’ll use that the next time I braid a challah. Thank you!
@C (from the Karen H who sent this in): Look on Amazon and hover (or wherever you can see a magnified image) and you should be able to see that the bottom of the jacket “sleeve” edge stops before his arm/shoulder does. If you follow the jacket edge from his neck to his arm, again, the bottom part stops but does not connect with his arm as if it actually enclosed his arm. If I knew how to add an image, I would do so to point it out precisely because I’m not sure my description is really showing what I mean. Anyway, seeing the blowup also makes it obvious it’s a paste jab (shadows, textures, etc. don’t line up).
I read the second title as “The Quillands Demon” and then “Quillands the Demon” and was still confused.
The Demon cover has to be AI generated, right? Surely that’s the only way to explain the way that jacket just turns into his arm? Even the worst photoshop editor would know better than to let that unfortunate tangent stay that way. It would also explain the way his beard is melting into the shadows under his chin.