Welcome back to Cover Snark!
Maya: He’s got falcon wings and I think scales? Texturally I do not understand what is happening on his body, but then also apparently not enough because it looks like his waist was also photoshopped
Sneezy: Maaaaybe that’s like a cobra hood?
Something about how plastic the body looks is giving me weird sensory icks.
Amanda: Yeah there is something rubbery happening.
Sarah: Feathers, rubber, AND Lycra are a bit much for this season of Project Runway, I agree.
From Lisa Y: Another, um, great entry for the Cover Snark pile
Sarah: This is amazing. So many things.
Elyse: I love the word cloud. Nothing makes me want to read something less than an AI generated chart.
From Linnea: This chest wall is so bizarre I cannot figure out what is going on. Is there a growth? Does that tattoo go into his armpit?
Sarah: Ok, yeah, does that guy have an escaping trapezius?
Elyse: Dump and chase is when your cat takes a giant shit then shoots out of the litter box and runs around like crazy.
Sarah: I agree, if this is Chase, dump him. There’s a scary face in his abdomen.
From Susie T: This probably qualifies as a poor example of cover layout: notice where the mallet is located. Someone tried to make it a legal cover without thinking of the pasting of objects…
Sarah: First, hello to this model again.
Second, THE GAVEL OMG.
Elyse: Kardashian?
Sarah: I’m just imagining him jumping up and down in front of a low table screaming ORDER IN THIS COURT. ORDER IN THIS COURT. Thwappity thwappity.
If you ever do a Title Snark edition, “The Melting Book One: The Infection” should win. Melting and infection, that’s a seriously unappealing story right there. The title is even worse than the cover mess, where I’m guessing the photoshopped guy with a pen that didn’t write the word-cloud is the love interest. The button-up lady doctor should keep ignoring him in favor of her phone.
Adding to the Fierce ick factor, is that Elon Musk? I always thought he was a rogue alien who got dumped on us because the aliens didn’t want him.
And the Langlais — the whole series is worth a look. There’s a lookdown with flowers, another with a feather duster, and another wearing a halo. And they all seem to have some sort of cape stapled to their pecs. According to the title page, she paid someone to design this. The hero’s name is Dwayne. Does that look like a Dwayne to you? A badass reaper named Dwayne. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with the name, but in this context?
lol I initially scrolled past the word cloud cover thinking it was a poorly-designed banner ad.
I really want it to be The Kontempt of Kourtney.
“Thwappity thwappity.”
LOL
Actually, I think that isn’t Elon Musk but a younger version of a bench-pressing, bear dumping in Central Park presidential candidate.
The guy on the Fierce cover worries me; his chest looks OK but the farther down you go he looks malnourished, with that scrawny waist and prominent hip bones. I have a similar problem with Mr Dump and Chase; I think that may be a black-clad leg over there on the right but with that dark background it looks like his chest was carved out.
Is The Infection causing people to melt? Curious minds want to know.
@Heather M, I did exactly the same thing. I couldn’t work out what cover everyone was talking about.
The only cover image that’s loading for me is FIERCE (obviously not the case for everyone). I think the model in that one is so dehydrated that their shoulders are cracking.
Kolforin, me too! The descriptions are such a tease when you can’t see them 🙂
@Jane Oh, good — well, bad, but kind of comforting it’s not just me. Pics were broken on the Bachelorette post too so I thought my browser had just given up on loading pics after a certain point. But they’re back now!
Mr. Dump and Chase looks like he is in a Glossy CW remake of Basket Case.
Dump and Chase is in the wrong genre. This is clearly an Alien fanfic novel shoved out the door just in time for a new Alien movie this fall. That’s the simplest explanation for the awkward bulging from the abdomen.
Let’s just hope the prologue doesn’t include a spagetti dinner.
The jaw line and the pasty complexion of “Fierce” definitely remind me of Elon Musk (shudder). The placement makes “Rogue Alien Warriors” look like a giant belt buckle without a belt, and the bit behind it looks like a circular saw blade… so many bad design choices on one cover.
“Contempt of Kourtney”– I think someone does not understand that “smoldering” and “smoking hot” are not meant to be literal descriptions of romance heroes…
@Heather M, I made the same assumption. I don’t see much on that cover that says “romance”. What was the author thinking? Most indie authors doing their own covers could do better than that. In fact, it should be mandatory for all indie authors with DIY covers to read Cover Snark to know what to avoid.
@Sandra
The Elon Musk plot happens in a Cara Bristol book. I think Chameleon. Musk says he’s an alien from the future and meets up with Chameleon and the other aliens who didn’t know they were on the planet. LOL