We need to start this week with Cover Snark, don’t you think?
From Emily: Submitting this for Cover Snark because of that hair.
Sarah: How does he keep his hair so shiny and frizz-free in space?
Amanda: His baby is his axe
Sarah: is it named “Baby?”
Amanda: Nobody puts baby in a corner
Tara: Did he get that wig and horns set at Party City?
Sneezy: Ugh pleh hurk – what the fuck is that wig????
Claudia: I’m fascinated by the horns that seem to be sprouting out of that wig.
Susan: I’m trying to work out what’s going on with that harness
Does it have a shoulder-spike? Is that his cape?
Amanda: For a second I thought it was a weird glass coffin a la Snow White in the woods
Sarah: Exactly what I thought. Who’s in the coffin?
Amanda: the bear’s wife?
Sneezy: I was going to say the bear had it prepared for the dude, but the bear looks tired and disinterested.
Elyse: I just caught that the series is Junkyard Shifters which makes me think they shift into raccoons or possums
Shana: Or rats? Why aren’t there more rat shifter books?
Sneezy: Because they’re more successful organisms than humans and we hate them for it?
From Pam G: I don’t know if this cover is snark, awe or wtf, but I can’t figure out the anatomy. Also the musical notes make me think of ants or the crud on elderly library books. Is it just me or is this one kinda weird?
Sarah: Nope, not just you. I had to stare for a minute before I figured this one out.
Tara: Her hand is gigantic compared to her hip, waist, and his shoulder
Sarah: “I can hear your digestion.”
Catherine: Does her uterus sing tunes? Is that what’s going on here?
Sneezy: LEAVE. SHEET. MUSIC. ALONE. THEY. DON’T. NEED. YOUR. DICK.
From LG: I couldn’t see the gun ’til I enlarged it so it looked like the giant was holding a mini blond dude with no legs. But even enlarged. What is happening here?
Sarah: That angle does suggest they are joined awkwardly, perhaps permanently.
Claudia: I definitely thought of a ventriloquist’s dummy!
Lara: There is so much about this cover that boggles my mind. The rules of the universe are suspended.
Elyse: I opened it, went “Nope”, and closed it again
Tara: Same, Elyse. I believe my words this morning were “too early”.
Sneezy: AM I HALLUCINATING THIS COVER PLEASE SEND HELP
The HOW TO STAY guy was on a lot of covers at one point. I can always recognize him by his oversized and yet oddly precise eyebrows (which, I’m assuming, is not the physical attribute by which most men wish to be remembered).
First guy’s “cape” is WINGS, and the harness is for a baby carrier, back-mounted for axe-swinging safety. I do not have an explanation for his Action News at Noon with Kaitleigh Flatiron hair.
@DDD: Lee Pace has done pretty well for himself with eyebrows I can identify even in photos blurred by Data Saver settings!
Dragon dude bears a remarkably disturbing resemblance to Elon Musk. *shudders*
Dragon’s Baby: The thing behind him looks like a piece of granite (tombstone?)with inexplicable claws at the top. His wig is dreadful. Why is his forearm wrapped in jute like a cat scratching post? Is trying to get cats to scratch him his kink?
Filthy Beast: Bear is definitely more interested in whatever is off to the side than in the guy. Guy is just posing, and I kinda hope the car is going to flatten him.
@hng23: I was thinking more like a young Wayne laPierre sans glasses. You’ll pry my ax from my cold, dead hands.
@Sandra: Not American so I had to look him up. *more shudders*
Is it weird for authors to chime in? I’m chiming in, because I live for Cover Snark and I am DELIGHTED to find my book here. I’m cracking up because my cover designer joked about adding a raccoon to the Filthy Beast cover. Anyway, thank you–this made my morning!
@Liza: #MoarRaccoonPls.
@SB Sarah – I shall put in the request for the next cover! She’ll totally do it, too. 🙂
Dragon’s Baby: I share Susan’s bafflement about the harness. Wouldn’t attaching the {cape / back-shield / dragon wings} to his upper arms seriously impede his mobility? Or possibly their mobility, since I believe this is three guys photoshopped together: one for the muscular torso, one for the face, and a third for the hair. Well, maybe two guys and a wig stand.
Filthy Beast: Does the title refer to the bear? Now that you mention it, it does look severely in need of a bath. Maybe it isn’t a coffin but a covered bathtub. If so, he’s left it a bit late; the alien spaceship is already landing, unless their world has a very oddly-colored sun.
Wait, stop, rewind. It’s a car. (Disclaimer: I’m typing this before reading the comments, so I am probably the seventh person to notice.) Or rather, it was a car; the bear has pretty well smashed it by now.
How to Stay: Raise your hand if you headed straight for the nearest keyboard to see if you could identify the music. (I couldn’t, even after whapping myself upside the head and realizing it’s not in F, it’s in G.) Still seems like it’s missing an adjective, though. How to stay happy, how to stay connected, how to stay in bed half an hour longer . . .
Zero’s Chance: Close, but no cigar. I only count three fonts–and it’s awfully hard to misread “Zero”. More seriously, though: Is it just me, or does the cover design convey a nasty implication that Legless Guy is for that reason known as Zero?
Our theme this week seems to be Improbable Series Titles. Red Planet Dragons of Shut Up and Don’t Try to Pronounce It; Junkyard Shifters, suggesting that someone was supposed to change into a ’63 Chevy but missed; Bad Girls of Cherry Lake, which simply doesn’t go with the individual title, unless Our Hero is compelling the bad girl to stay in bed by brute force; Unrelenting Passion . . . except when you need to take time off to shoot a fish.
Those are the most godawful illegible wings I have ever seen photoshopped into a cover. And how is he holding that axe with chains wrapped around his knuckles?
I too thought that was some sort of coffin or trunk, it took forever to resolve into a car. Now all I can see is Filthy Beast driving around in his 70’s Camaro with the bear in the back seat hanging its head out the window, jowls flapping.
That must be hoochie-coochie music since the guy is hugging her cooch.
And that guy has zero chance of shooting a fish. It looks like he should be holding a fly rod instead of a gun, in the middle of a cast, while Peter Pan there behind him is shooing all the fish out of range.
Two thoughts regarding Filthy Beast:
1. Caption-“Who let one?”
2. Is that a CORVAIR???? (I learned to drive in a Corvair, but I’m not a car
maven.)
And–for the record–I still can’t figure out the anatomy on How to Stay, but those are some great smoky eyes on that boy.
At first I thought the title was Fill Thy Beast, which would be a whole kind of another book….
Is Zero’s Chance blond model taking a selfie? He’s making those duck lips.
This batch of covers is the gift that keeps on giving. Look at all these new comments, snarktastic!
I finally realized that last cover is just two separate people photoshopped on top of each other. They look like they should be touching/ holding each other due to unfortunate placement, and possibly our expectations- this is a romance, right? What is romantic about dude shooting fish while other dude is just standing there in the background, photobombing?
The ventriloquist dummy really needs to revaluate his shade of concealer.
Respect the wig, it was an extra on Star Trek the original series.
I’d read at least 3 of these.
The HtS anatomy and the floating legless twink did throw me at first glance. Covers like these really make me appreciate good covers. Which makes me wonder if I should find a way to print my favorite covers (since I gave ebooks) then make a rotating display.