Good morning, Bitchery! Or whatever time of day you happen to be reading this. We have some hot and fresh Cover Snark for you!
From Chelsea: Apparently I downloaded this book late one night whilst roaming Amazon half asleep (as you do). Suffice to say, the cover is…well, there’s a girl with her eyes closed feeling some sort of way standing next to a very intent Fabio-esque male staring out from the cover, and one very forcefully erect male nipple doing the same. Badly-photoshopped covers are commonplace, and I rarely give them a second thought. This, though. It’s something.
Elyse: He totally farted and she just noticed
Sarah: *sigh* “Again? We have another three hours to go in this photo shoot.”
“Just wait until I’m wearing the knight’s armor.”
Elyse: The echo…
Amanda: If the farts are bad enough in the armor, he might just pass out.
From Andrew: Half of his head is missing, and what kind of cyborg wears boxers? Sigh.
Elyse: Are we sure the planet isn’t growing out of his head?
Amanda: From far away, I thought he was wearing a fedora tilted to the side.
Also, the image of two glowing balls is not lost on me.
Sarah: Nice balls.
From Carole’s Cover Snark folder!
Sarah: I love that Carole has a desktop cover snark folder where she stashes covers that make her do a double take.
Dominus needs to see a Dermatologist.
Amanda: Ah…I see his problem. His insides are full of pine trees.
Elyse: He’s gonna need an ointment for that.
Sarah: Wait. WAIT. Is he PINING???
From Gloriamarie: Brandon’s bliss appears to be narcotic induced.
Sarah: That is a lot of fonts.
Amanda: The hero has since been updated. RIP First Brandon.
Amanda: Welcome, New Brandon.
Pining? *gives Sarah all the internet gold*
It looks like old Brandon sees new Brandon approaching and knows the end is nigh. And new Brandon is all, “just keep walkin’, dude. This is my sunset now.”
Pining! just had me laugh out loud in the office.
Is the hero pining?
*snickers*
Sounds to me like you’re … er… needling the cover artist there 😉
Thanks for the pining comment: my Monday morning needed that.
Also, to me it looked like the guy’s face of the A Caputured Heart cover is a cut-and-paste job. Or it’s just his intense gaze that is throwing me off/freaking me out.
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Haven’t we had cover #1 on a different book/snark? It looks awfully familiar. Also, is that Hugh d’Ambry from Ilona Andrews’ Iron and Magic? He looks much better there, and the wig’s not quite so obvious.
Ah, the Ye Olden days, when men were hair models, women slept on their feet, and the scenery was in strangely muted hues.
I suspect rocky planets that glow like that aren’t fit for human habitation. There also kinda small. Or is the hero a giant?
Not sure if those trees are on his chest or if he’s just see through. Neither is all that appealing.
I think I prefer the first Brandon. He’s less stereotypical Navy SEAL Romantic Lead™ looking.
Ack! They’re
I swear, I know the difference!
My first reaction was surprise that no one commented on the focused frozen stare of the Rogue Highlander, then I looked closer and noticed half of the left side of his face has been copped off! Now I’m impressed (and slightly horrified) that he is not writhing in agony.
The Captured Heart Guy’s guys face with the side divot gives a whole new meaning to “ chiseled features”.
pining purple glitter lotion–smooth it on and glistening purple pines appear in seconds
The ‘pining’ comment wins the day!
Does Dominus own a Christmas tree farm? Or maybe a yew plantation? I agree … the “pining” comment wins the day.
The cover lassie on A Captured Heart looks as though she is thinking “Oh dear, what has attached itself to my slipper?”
The Captured Heart guy? I’m not sure that’s even his face. It looks like it might be a different face pasted over his face.
Am I the only one who noticed that old Brandon and new Brandon get different filters? The sun’s so much redder in the second.
Which of course makes me think, that somewhere out there, there’s a guy and gal who met through a dating site and he’s saying: “That’s totally me in the picture! It’s simply a different filter!”
You gals seriously SLAY ME. I can’t even. Between bachelorette recaps, and cover snark. I mean the few amount of words you use to get me guffawing…… We don’t discuss the damage you do to my wallet though……Fangirl for life. <3
Captured Heart guy looks like he’s wearing a wig from the Fabio Hair Club for Men. She’s “Oh F**k, he’s doing that crazy staring thing for no good reason again,”
Rogue Highlander: “I am / more brooding than the scenery/ too brooding for anybody.” (Tune: ‘Too sexy’)
Cyballs: I’m glad those are boxers etc to you. Lucky. I looked too quick and saw a diaper on a dude in a ball pit. (And I don’t happen to be into that.)
0 Kelvin Pines: How does someone with a Jack Frost look, sorta, (Jacked Frost) get called Dominus? Especially when he’s only a “Son of” (demigod?)?
Though who knows, if people react by waxing kinda Shakespearean: “I burn, I pine, I perish”… or “hot ice and wondrous strange snow”, maybe it’ll catch on, like seachange, treechange etc.
Btw great makeup. That’s the exact shade of purple I went swimming in winter.
Yikes, that is one really aggressive nipple on the first cover.
Are those blue balls?
Pinin’ for the fjords?
I can’t make head or tail of that last title, and I blame the fonts. If it were
Brandon’s
Bliss
Heroes for Hire
then you could postulate a “Heroes for Hire” series, in which Brandon’s Bliss is but one title, and perhaps not even the cheesiest of the lot.
But instead it’s
Brandon’s
Bliss
Heroes for Hire
and then you’re compelled to ask: What the heck is a bliss hero, and what do you hire them for? (Wait, don’t answer that.) Does Brandon control a whole stable of them, like Charlie’s Angels? I don’t want to consider the possibility that there’s a whole series of those, beginning with Brandons mark 1 and mark 2: Trevor’s BHfH, Justin’s BHfH, Aidan’s BHfH and so on.
#1. Not only did she notice, but she is also thinking to herself, “Damn you, Paolo, I TOLD you to not have that escarole smoothie. Smells worse than the covershoot when you had Kale.” Paolo is apparently a method model, and is not only seducing the photographer, but also attempt to sway everyone who sees the cover.
#2 Is the planet purple? Do his balls glow purple? I believe that’s a more immediate call to the doctor than the 4 hour erection. And Galatic Cyborg Heat? Is he an alien cop? Robocop on Mars?
#3 Sarah killed me with pining. So is his scared power that he has trees in his chest? or is he a forest god? Deer stag shifter?
#4 I love how each Brandon is looking in a different direction. The first has the expression of “My agent is so not getting his 10%”. The second is sunset smoldering. Never knew it was a thing…