Elyse: Whoa. Whoa. Am I nuts or his head not on right?
It’s not supposed to do that, right?
Carrie: Elyse, it’s not you. That dude is NOT RIGHT.
Amanda: That cover reminds me of the meme of the dude with the long neck.
Sarah: His head and neck aren’t bothering me, strangely. But he is looking at me like he’s about to express profound disappointment that I didn’t work out today. I’m sorry, Mr. Dude.
Redheadedgirl: Um
Amanda: I’m going to start calling roommates my “bloodmates” when we sync up.
Sarah: HA! Is that a baffled expression? Bemused? Befuddled? What noise is coming out of his mouth right now?
Great, now I’m befuddled.
From Susan: I believe it is vitally important that you address the proper transportation of tools, given this example.
Redheadedgirl: I have some concerns.
1: Why is fighting fires with no shirt? That way lies skin grafts.
2: I haven’t played with chainsaws, but I feel like that’s not how you carry them
3: His belt doesn’t fit
4: Seriously.
Sarah: Gary stormed off, his heavy footfalls crunching the burnt tinder below in a rhythm of anger and hurt, except a little muffled because of all the ash. He’d show them. He’d show them not to laugh at his nickname.
Bent Saw McCrack was better than any of theirs.
Elyse: First of all, is that Ashton Kutcher?
Secondly, I had to zoom in but he’s not just carrying the chainsaw over his shoulder, he’s got it fucking balanced there like a pet monkey and he’s balancing it by holding the blade
I call bullshit. That’s not even physically possible. The other end is too heavy to lever it like… Oh. I just pulled a Glen. Carrie did you feel a disturbance in the force?
Also GLAD TO SEE YOU REMEMBERED YOUR HELMET AND GLOVES GARY, BUT THE SHIRT WAS JUST ONE STEP TOO FAR HUH?
I bet he’s one of the firefighters from Roxanne.
I just showed this to Rich. Rich: “Oh… He’s…he’s gonna die.”
From MissB2U: Our Friends of the Library group got a HUGE donation of romances. Among the many, many mind blowing covers, (the 80’s – holy crap!), this one stood out. I HAD to share.
Really, I have no words. You’re welcome.
Sarah: The positioning of “Men in Uniform” so it points straight up his kilt is genius.
Redheadedgirl: WHAT UNIFORM IS THAT
Sarah: Troubadour uniform, obviously.
Elyse: Is he wearing a garbage bag as a shirt?
Sarah: Yes. A short sleeved garbage bag.
As troubling as the lack of shirt and how he’s holding the chainsaw are, I feel one important point about that cover has not been addressed.
Why is he trying to fight fires with a chainsaw?
I admit to not being an expert, but that doesn’t seem like something a firefighter would use. They’re bulky. They’re dangerous. And, most importantly, they run on gasoline.
You know in Silver Linings Playbook when Bradley Cooper finally wears just regular clothes for the dance contest and I said to my husband, wow why does he look so attractive. Husband: Because he isn’t wearing a goddamn garbage bag any more.
Someone should memo the Troubadour. Women find men without garbage bags way sexier. Also, that does not look like a kilt. It looks like that unfortunate red midi skirt i bought at old navy one time.
“When Scottish folk singer Conner MacLaren dons his kilt and leather vest, he looks as glorious as his warrior ancestors–and he needs all of their legendary courage to win Leslie Turner’s heart. Her long-ago marriage taught her not to trust a musician again. But Conner, armed with a killer grin and potent kisses, vows to make her surrender to desire.”
I guess they couldn’t afford real leather and a trash bag had to do.
For some reason I absolutely love this cover in a weird it’s so bad it’s good kinda way.
I do, too. I have so much affection for the goofy weirdness. I grin every time I see it!
Lostshadow: wild land firefighters use chainsaws to cut fire breaks.
As to the no shirt, that doesn’t bother me as much as how clean he is! Have you ever seen a wild land firefighter after being on the line for two weeks?
Ashton Kutcher you don’t fight fires with a chain saw and you don’t do it shirtless. You’d think Mila Kunis would have gone over proper safety techniques before letting him out of the house.
HA! The very first thing I thought when I saw that chainsaw was “Glen would say that the fulcrum and moment arm are misplaced.” Carrie, we are all channeling Glen on this one.
I’m not convinced Troubadour Dude actually knows what he’s doing. Does that guitar actually have strings on it? Last time I checked, you kinda need those to make noises on a guitar.
(I just went to Goodreads to try to blow the cover up so I could check–I THINK there are strings there but it’s hard to tell!)
Also, I am not convinced he’s Scottish. Let’s hear you sing in Scots Gaelic, pal.
(That said, I gotta give this book props for having a musician hero be a folk singer for once. ;D )
“Bent Saw McCrack” OMG I’m at work I can’t be laughing this hard!!
On top of the dubious garbage bag shirt, the troubadour looks like the love child of Chad Everett and Gil Gerard (you young folks may have to IMDB them).
Troubadour Dude is also wearing white gym socks with his ensemble. Were y’all so stuck on the garbage bag shirt and the kilt, and the guitar, and the Men In Uniform tag…well – yeah, okay, there is a lot going on there. But the White Gym Socks deserve some snark of their own!
The white socks are proper attire with a kilt, in modern formal kilt-wearing (take a gander at a picture of a pipe band). But a leather vest is so NOT part of that style– why on earth would you combine the two? One of them makes the other look wrong.
Yes, wildland firefighters do use chainsaws, and they do carry them in such a manner
http://davidgross.photoshelter.com/image/I0000GVRl5zhtM1U
But while wearing shirts. Those little teeth are sharp.
I’m pretty sure all that’s coming out of his mouth on the second cover is grunting and a little drool. Possibly all that EVER comes out of his mouth.
Good find, Cathy!
Although the actual firefighter is carrying it high on his shoulder (where there’s more room), and his hand is gripping and pulling it away from his neck. Cover guy has it plopped lightly on the edge of his shoulder and is pushing it towards his neck.
But, more realistic than it first seemed!
Cover guy’s carry is definitely not right. The chainsaw is about to slip off his shoulder, taking some flesh with it. His boss is gonna get pissed. And tell him to put on his damn shirt.
Troubador Guy is about three seconds away from Bluto drunkenly stumbling past, grabbing his guitar and slamming it against a wall.
Artist didn’t know how kilts hang, they are HEAVY, and while I’d agee he would likely wear white socks for a formal do, he’s definitely not being formal there.
Is it just me or is this a particularly appropriate selection of covers for Halloween? We have a demon-possessed guy in #1, a demon-possessed young Jeff Goldblum in #2 (making noises like he does in Buckaroo Banzai), a chainsaw killer (even if all he is killing is either trees or himself, accidentally) and a guy in a cheap knockoff Outlander costume.
I am clearly uninformed (especially about that “uniform”) but since when is a guitar the instrument of choice for a guy who wears a kilt? The disbelief cannot be suspended.
Does anyone else think the first two covers have eyes photoshopped to look supernatural or possessed? I suppose it’s appropriate for Halloween, but still…
chacha1 @ #20: Well, the cover blurb does say the guy’s a folk singer, specifically, and it’s kinda hard to sing when you’re playing the bagpipes!
Because yeah I had the same reaction, until I remembered that okay yeah sure, folk singers, and modern Celtic bands in particular, play guitars all the time. And given a modern Celtic band’s likely instrumental makeup, his other options for anything he can accompany himself with AND sing are mandolin, bouzouki, accordion, bodhran, and maybe fiddle if he’s really good (I rarely see fiddlers who can actually sing and play at the same time, though it’s doable)!
Though yeah I totally want to see a hero who’s a bona fide bagpiper. A well-played bagpipe is badass. I have heard actual bagpipes played in actual Scotland. It was awesome. 😀
OMG you guys look what my wife found when we started talking about Troubadour Dude:
http://houseofretro.com/index.php/2013/07/16/the-art-of-barnett-plotkin/bp18a/
High res version of that cover art. Which looks significantly more reasonable, I think. And I am reassured to see that there are in fact strings on that guitar. ;D
In fact? That guitar actually looks like my oldest guitar. The bottom guitar in this picture here!
Isn’t anyone else weirded out by the yellow eyes? Between them and the broken neck, the cover of Right Through Me is much too creepy.
Bloodmates: Surely his jaw is broken. That man has possibly one of the most unattractive faces I’ve ever seen, so elongated, that revolting lower lip. I think he is drooling. And what sort of hair is that” Looks like a brush of some sort.
Hot Seduction: I hope he hasn’t pissed any off because all someone has to do to kill him is sneak up behind him and turn that sucker on. Also, what’s wrong with his nose? Looks line a lion’s.
Troubador: I tried to find a description of the story because I wondered in what time period it is supposed to be set as that looks like a relatively modern guitar and the 6 string guitar was an invention of an Italian man in 1779
That is definitely a red plaid skirt and not a kilt.
Two things: cover #1 is in the middle of an “Oh no you didn’t!” Hence the cricked neck. Secondly, THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP!! I had no idea this book existed & am now off in search of some McKenna style cracktastic WTFery.
I disagree about the kilt. Modern kilts often have no pleats in the front, just on the sides. Check this out. https://sportkilt.com/product/1201/MacKenzie-Modern-Original-Sport-Kilt.html
@Joy I just spent way, waaaaay too much time on the SportKilt website.
(Not sorry.)
I think the guy in a kilt drives an IROC Camaro… probably yellow… and he’s headed for the Jersey shore…
I’m just glad the guy in the kilt is wearing a leather sporran. No badgers died for Scotland today!
I think Troubadour dude is channeling a catholic school girl & is gonna bust out singing Baby One More Time any second now
BTW, there is also the customer photo page on the utilikilt site for another take on the modern kilt.http://www.utilikilts.com/customer-photos
Do all guys with glowy eyes wear lip gloss too? Or just these special fellas?
That high-res troubadour is kind of… transfixing. Thank you, Angela & Angela’s wife!!
Back to the white socks, they should be cuffed (one of his is, one’s not) to cover the bands of his flashes (also known as kilt garters). And flashes usually have tartan ribbons on the outside of each leg. The socks also look way too short.
I can’t believe that no one mentioned the fact that the ‘mate’on the cover of Bloodmates is on the far side of petite. Doll-sized, even. Between that, his face and the nasal choking sounds that are no doubt emanating from it….HELL NO!!
I can’t believe that no one mentioned the fact that the ‘mate’on the cover of Bloodmates is on the far side of petite. Doll-sized, even. Between that, his face and the nasal choking sounds that are no doubt emanating from it….HELL NO!!