You did it! We figured this one out! It is a truth universally acknowledged (by me for certain) that the Bitchery pretty much knows everything, and really, it's true. Scroll down to see the solution for this HaBO - and many thanks!
This HaBO is from Rach, who is looking for a rockstar romance:
I’m searching for a book (series?) that came out post-2011. I read it in the hospital, deluded on Dilaudid, but even then I knew wtf-ery abounded.
The heroine is a moderately successful rock star (also a foster child from a troubled home, where she stabbed her abusive parents to death at age 16, a murder case that remains open) and lost her virginity the same week to an older rock guy who gave her the perfect evening while high as a kite, and left her knocked up & somehow immediately forgot about it? It’s several years later, but they have matching tattoos from that adventure.
Anyway, he’s forgotten she exists; she hates his guts. They run into each other on tour while he’s trying to hook up with her bandmate, an angry girl who holds the murder over our heroine’s head as blackmail material.
Hero pursues heroine for reasons. She admits she hates him because of their shared past and she tries to slice her tattoo off with a knife to make a point. There might be a kidnapping in here somewhere?
Anyway, they have a lot of foreplay in the form of angsty duets on stage and hot-but-interrupted sex scenes. They are by turns sweet and insane together. Unrelated to their shared tattoos, he had a spiderweb tat on his dick, which terrified me.
But how did it all end? I can’t remember and I want to re-read. Anyone?
Very few HaBOs render me speechless, but this is definitely one of them. It also took me a good twenty minutes to pick out which WTF piece of this to use as the title.
I believe that this plot was a direct product of the medicine and beg Rach to publish this without delay.
MUST! HAVE! THIS! BOOK! Someone please tell me this wasn’t just a Dilaudid dream and actually exists. I know I’m going to hate it, but I want to hate it soooooooo bad.
WTH? that’s some story!
It’s reminding me a little of Lexxie Cooper’s _Love’s Rhythm_, but that is definitely not a complete match. Maybe you combined the plots of a couple of books while in your recovery haze? 🙂
Is it this: Real Ugly (Hard Rock Roots Volume 1) There is a spiderweb tattoo on his manly parts http://www.beststackroom.net/Romance/real_ugly_C_M_Stunich.html
“She tries to slice her tattoo off with a knife to make a point.”
I was somewhat traumatized by Annette Blair’s “Never Been Witched” which also featured a penis tattoo.
I have no idea what this book is, but I definitely wish to read it.
A penis tattoo? Too bad Never Been Witched is out of print because I am just caught up with all sorts of mental pictures. What state was the penis in when undergoing the tattoo? I understand tattoos hurt so I have trouble imagining how a man could maintain an erection while undergoing the tattoo. OTOH, if tattooed while flaccid, what does the tattoo look like when the penis is erect? How does the tattoo artist ensure that the tattoo is aesthetically pleasing when the penis is in either state.
Were these urgent questions addressed?
I loved Blair’s The Kitchen Witch and My Favorite Witch!
No idea on the HaBo….
Thank you all for solving the mystery! Amytha: it IS Rock Hard Roots. Can’t wait to revisit it without opioids!
I,too share these urgent questions about the pursuit of dick tattoos. I am awash in tattooed acquaintances, but I can’t exactly ask them what’s in their trousers.
Maybe you can put that question out there NEXT time you are on opioids.
Woo Hoo! Librarian skills coming in handy!
@Rach says “I am awash in tattooed acquaintances, but I can’t exactly ask them what’s in their trousers.”
I don’t see why not. Explain the context of the book and casually inquire if they know of anyone who had their penis tattooed and how was it done, etc.
@ mel burns writes “I loved Blair’s The Kitchen Witch and My Favorite Witch!.”
I remember reading a trilogy about sister witches, contemporary, and how they all came to live on an island. I might be conflating with another book, but it seems to me the island was in the vicinity of Salem or Lynn, MA. I know that area very well and I kept trying to figure out the location of off-island action. IIRC, there was also a prophecy about these three witches, and no, not confusing it with the Charmed Ones because I remember thinking “Did the author get the idea of three sister witches and a prophect from the Charmed Ones?”
Wonder if that series of three books are the ones we are talking about here?
I think I remember “The Dukes Tattoo” also featured an involuntary penis tattoo. His uncle(?), brother(?) cousin(?) had attacked or molested the heroine so she hired some muscle to tattoo his dick as punishment. In the meantime he had died and our hero inherited the title as well as the punishment. Kinda out there for a historical.
@Gloriamarie Amalfitano: I’m pretty sure you’re thinking of a Nora Roberts Three Sisters Island Trilogy.
@MegS, It might be Nora Roberts. Seems to me I remember a castle but I could be wrong.
@Rach & @Gloriamarie Amalfitano
I’m in complete agreement. You can ask your tattooed friends what’s in their trousers. Go ahead.
And then you can report back to us.
Inquiring minds want to know.
@Coco, the only men I know with tattoos work in Trader Joe’s and I don’t think shopping there is a sufficient acquaintance to make such inquiries.
It was 72c – I couldn’t resist the lure of the WTF and tattoos.
@Gloriamarie Amalfitano – There isn’t an actual castle in the Three Sisters trilogy, but one of the women lives in a beautiful stone mansion overlooking the island and ocean, so it’s castle-adjacent. The first book in that series is my ultimate comfort read, even though looking at it objectively, I don’t think it’s one of her better books. Funny how that can work.
@Gloriamarie: Annette Blair wrote a trilogy about witches who were friends. In the last book The Witch the Scot and the Wardrobe previously unknown to the heroine, triplet sisters show up and that is the next trilogy which takes place in a castle on an island off the coast of Salem, MA.
I didn’t like them, but I recommend The Kitchen Witch and My Favorite Witch are fun and sexy.
@Susan and @mel burns, I think I have read both the Roberts and Blair series and have them mixed up in my mind. My memory is that what I read was cutesy but not great writing. According to Amazon, I’ve purchased the Roberts. the Blair appears to be out of print. Maybe I had those from the library.
Meant to say, I did not buy today’s HABO book because when I looked at it on Amazon, it is listed as New Adult which just doesn’t interest me, no matter how captivating I find the idea of a tattooed dick.
A book involving a rock star with a penis tattoo called Rock Hard Roots? I didn’t know a three-word title could contain so many puns.
@Lauren, the title of the book is not Rock Hard Roots. That is the name of the series. The book is Ugly Something Or The Other and is the first in the series.
Series are starting to bore me. I’ve read several and have the impression they are all formulaic, telling almost the exact same story with different names for characters. Occasionally I find one that really works but I’ve decided I’ll only trust the ones recommended by the SB because those have been entertaining and not formulaic, which just plain bores me.
I’ve always assumed that men who get dick tattoos are aroused by pain.
When I was doing intake exams at a Juvenile Hall in southern California, I met a number of young men with tattoos on their penises. My favorite was “This end up” with an arrow and I also remember one that said “Your lips go here.” The penises were turgid when tattooed, kept that way by rubber bands. When flaccid, it was hard to see what they said so the young men would obligingly pull them out so I could see.
All I can say is, in this day and age, if I happened across a tattooed penis during the pursuit of carnal knowledge, I would assume “hepatitis goes here” and I would flee the scene.
In The Duke’s Tattoo, it’s the area framing his “membrum virile” that gets inked. So, the lower abdomen not the penis itself. Loved this book, parts of it are quite funny.
And as to the HaBO, I do believe that will make its way to my Kindle quite soon.
As much as I like some tattoos, I can’t help but wonder what they’ll look like 30-40 years from now. Especially when they sport a lot of them. Between the sagging skin and faded ink I’m thinking not anything good. I won’t even start on the piercings, though at this point, all I’m doing is showing my age. Never mind.
I used to work with a guy whose grandfather had an eyeball tattooed on the head of his penis. Or so the grandfather claimed – I mercifully have no corroborating evidence. He said he always wanted to see where he was going. I am sure that there are charming and thoughtful people with penis tattoos, but that guy was a notable prick, if you’ll forgive the pun.
It was many many years ago, and I didn’t want to ask questions for fear of being shown answers. Just like I don’t want to google it now.
But I think I gathered that the pain isn’t necessarily arousing but it causes increased blood flow to the area, so for all practical purposes? Like, waxing would be the same sort of deal?
Coming back to say that I lied- I will not be getting that book even if it is only $.99 @ Amazon. Cliffhanger warning to anyone interested. Also, I read a review that was less than laudatory, and she described them having sex on a (very) dirty bathroom floor. Ah, no.
To anyone who may be interested: Annette Blair stopped writing while she dealt with a number of health issues.
She did say that she was feeling better and that she was finally writing again and hoped to have something out “soon”, but that was last year. No idea how she is now but I certainly wish her the best.
My friend and I were at an improv theatre and to inspire their long-form bit they pulled an audience volunteer up to ask questions about his life to inspire them.
He revealed (via words not showing!) that he had a dick tattoo, which is fine. But it was a tattoo of a tuna can because apparently one time a drunk girl hit on him and to turn her down he told her that she wouldn’t like his penis because it was like a tuna can, short and ridged. And then she threw up on him. So he got a tattoo to commemorate this.
My friend and I couldn’t decided if that was the stupidest or awesomest dick tattoo story we’d heard.
A friend of mine who is a doctor once came across a man with a US flag tattoo on his penis. Guess he enjoys raising his flag.
I remember when I was a teenager one of my brothers’ (older-ish) friends didn’t get a tattoo but a piercing, down there (on a work computer so don’t really want to get explicit). Even at 15 I was like “WTF??”
I liked Annette Blair’s first witch trilogy (Kitchen Witch, Favorite Witch, The Scot, the Witch and the Wardrobe), but, yeah, the Triplet Witch trilogy was full of wtf-ery.
I don’t know if a show called Tattoo Fixers is being shown in the US (it’s on Channel 4 over here in the UK) but there are a surprising amount of dick tattoos featured. The whole show is quite an eye opener, haha!
Sorry to hear that Annette Blair has been ill, glad she is feeling better. She has written stuff I have thoroughly enjoyed.
Um… my curiosity got the better of me and I googled. Some things a person can never unsee, so BE WARNED, BE WARNED, BE WARNED, BE WARNED !!!!!!!
If a man took off his clothes in front of me and I saw certain of these, I run screaming my lungs out.
http://blog.tattoodo.com/2015/03/8-craziest-tattooed-penises-will-make-cringe-nsfw/
http://www.homoerotimuseum.net/gal/gal08.html
The Annette Blair is actually Gone With the Witch (same trilogy, different sister), and I read it often enough to have worn out the library’s copy (really!, though I had help) I can recall clearly that the guy in the book says that the tattoo artist kept him aroused during the process. She was some sort of beautiful half naked Caribbean temptress and he was drunk (it all sounds highly unlikely to me)
Did we ever figure out the title? Now I want to at least skim this book
I read “Rome,” by Jay Crownover. A solid read, if a little angsty. The full, “Jacob’s Ladder,” is alluded to by the heroine, who is a professional at a tattoo/piercing shop. I had an idea of what this might be, but I had to google it to be absolutely sure (for science). A “Jacob’s Ladder” is a series of barbell-shaped piercings starting at/near the sac and running up the underside of the penis to the tip.
Now, this sounds like a terrible life choice for a long list of sensory and hygienic reasons. But it sure made for entertaining reading.