A Princess for Christmas
by Janeen Damian & Michael Damian
Mediapro Studios
Princess for Christmas is a truly terrible Hallmark Channel Original Movie movie that nonetheless delighted me no end thanks to the efforts of actors that approach this material as earnestly as if someone was waiting backstage with an Oscar nomination for each of them. My eternal thanks to our readers who tipped me off about this. Spoilers ahead.
In this film, Katie McGrath, whom I worship from her days on Merlin, plays Jules. Jules is an antiques repair and salesperson who gets laid off in the first scene. Her sister and brother-in-law died recently and Jules has guardianship of the two orphaned plot moppets. Maddie is the angelic plot moppet who walks around with puppy eyes, while Milo is the angry teen moppet.
It turns out that Jules’ deceased brother-in-law (Charles) was a titled rich guy from England. When he married Jules’ sister (Sis, as in “We miss you, Sis!”), his snobbish family cut him off. Now that both Sis (alas, even in death she doesn’t get her own name) and Charles are dead, the rich English grandpa, who is played by Roger Moore (!!!!) wants to meet the kids. So he sends his butler, named, I shit you not, ‘Paisley Winterbottom’ to collect Jules and the moppets and bring them to Castlebury, England for Christmas.
Once the family gets to Castlebury, they are won over by the opulence of the castle/house/mansion in which they get to reside. Jules charms all of the servants with the exception of the head housekeeper. Jules has romance novels in her suitcase and the housekeeper is not impressed. The housekeeper looks, acts, and sounds exactly like Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein…
…but luckily Jules eventually wins her over too by appealing to her inner child. For your information, Jules packed one unidentified Nora Roberts book, as well as The Ranger by Monica McCarthy and Shameless by Karen Robards. Does Jules have good taste? Please advise me in the comments as of those three authors I’ve only read La Nora.
Once the unpacking is done, Jules literally runs into Ashton, who is played by SAM HEUGHAN. It’s a Christmas miracle! He has super tidy hair and I kept thinking about how much I wanted to mess it up and then Jules just reaches up and messes it up and I’m all, “Katie McGrath, you glorious creature, surely you do God’s Work.” Ashton and Jules have great chemistry. Charles (Jules’ deceased brother-in-law) was Ashton’s brother. Is it weird that they’re interested in each other? I think it’s a little weird. Look, even Ashton agrees with me.
We are coming along so nicely but tragically it’s time for an Unfortunate Trope, that of The Other Woman. Ashton has been dating Lady Arabella Marchand du Belmont for quite some time and everyone thinks they are going to get married.
Fanfic detour:
I couldn’t find a pic of Arabella that does her justice, but here’s a picture of her…
…and here’s a picture of Katie McGrath playing Morgana in Merlin.
You can tell me that you wouldn’t watch a TV show in which these two women swan about eating faces, but I shall not believe you. Lord knows I’d watch that show every day, forever.
Grandpa doesn’t want a Christmas tree, but Jules and Ashton conspire and then Maddie makes puppy eyes and there you have it. Decorating the tree gets Grandpa in the Christmas spirit so he plans a Christmas Eve Ball, which used to be a family tradition. There’s only five days in which to do it, but surely everyone in England will drop their Christmas Eve plans and come to a Ball hosted by HIM.
Jules overhears Ashton and Grandpa discussing the invitations to the ball. They are torn as whether to invite someone who has no money, no title, and is “crass.” Jules thinks that they are talking about her. When the servants iron her dress to death (I assumed this was a ploy to get her a better dress, but their distress seems sincere) she figures it’s a sign. She tells the moppets to have a great time at the ball and that she has to fly home RIGHT THIS MINUTE and start looking for a new job.
You should understand that Katie, Sam, and Roger play all of this stuff with utmost sincerity. No winking at the camera for them. This is some serious shit.
Happily, the staff leave the party (which seems unwise, but OK) to rush off to the train station and give Jules a new dress so she comes back to the ball where Ashton breaks up with Lady Arabella, dances with Jules, and then kisses her.
Rant detour ahead! Lady Arabella is awful, simply awful. She’s a snob, self-centered, and cruel. This does not make Ashton any less of a douche by dumping her at a party and immediately going off to dance with his new girlfriend. Arabella is The Worst, but he’s not off the hook because if you dump someone who thought you might get engaged you should pause longer than thirty seconds before making out in public with someone else, even if Girlfriend Number One was The Worst.
Anyway, everyone but Arabella is happy and Santa comes and there are fireworks AND snow, and I did not make any of that up. Then there’s a cut to the future and a wedding, and Jules and Ashton ride off in a coach, and she is surprised to hear that he’s in line for a throne because back when he told her that he’s a prince through his mother’s side of the family apparently she didn’t know what a prince is. The End.
I’m tempted to say that this movie reaches peak Hallmark, but I’m pretty sure that title is reserved for movies in which a businesswoman who is too busy for love discovers the importance of family and Christmas in a small town in New England with a gazebo.
Shockingly, there is not a single gazebo in A Princess for Christmas, although there are several balconies, horses running through the woods in slow motion, and a choir consisting of orphaned children who sing in a quaint little village.
Some of you may wonder whether this movie is better or worse than The Christmas Prince, which Redheadedgirl reviewed earlier this month. I’ve no idea because I didn’t see A Christmas Prince. However, unlike A Christmas Prince, A Princess for Christmas does not have an inspirational disabled person who inspires the heroine, so that’s a plus. I’m a huge fan of Katie McGrath and Sam Heughan, so that was two more pluses right there, one per actor. You might feel a little sickened by the horrible dialogue, inexplicable plot, and giant, shameless dollops of sentiment, but don’t worry. That’s not nausea you are experiencing; it’s the Christmas spirit flowing through your body! Embrace it! Buy things! Everything is fine! As Jules says, “You just have to believe!”
Parting thought: That “crass” woman does come to the Ball. She’s dressed like Cruella DeVil, she’s eating all the canapes, and she seems a bit drunk. She is my party patronus. Rock on, crass lady. You do you.
Oh man. If this is on Netflix I am going to have to watch it. I love both actors and I have mulled wine, so it should be a great time!
Same looks like a baby. Not a babe, a baby. A cute, lipstick-wearing baby!
That was, of course, meant to read “Sam.” (Grrr.)
Aaaand. . . this is on YouTube.
So we’ve got dead relative, plot moppets (although in a pinch, fluffy dog or cat will suffice), occasion for dressing fancy, caroling/cookie baking, awful SO/ex-fiance(e) and heroine brimming over with spunk. (NO NOT THAT WAY)
But in order to qualify as a Hallmark Holiday special, the movie must also contain:
(1) slow panorama of kitchen lingering on can of Folger’s coffee the size of a basketball
(2) the sentence “YOU’RE breaking up with ME?”
(3) character with holiday-themed name (I’m on the fence about “Jules” because Merry Christmas in Swedish is “god Jul”)
(4) bad green-screen CGI.
Please advise whether these criteria were met soonest.
p.s. I still have nightmares thinking about the wisdom of marrying someone without having a french kiss (let alone sleeping with them) but perhaps that’s my (horny) cross to bear.
@Carol S: I would equate Jules with Yule, so I think you can reasonably check off #3.
I watched this the year I hoped watching Hallmark Christmas movies would make me a better person, and I remember nothing other than thinking Katie McGrath needs a better agent.
Oh, I have seen this one. More than once. I have such a weakness for Hallmark movies in all their disastrous glory. The key to a good Hallmark movie, IMO, is not plot or writing or logical consistency– those things are goners. It’s all about the chemistry of the leads and whether it can overcome whatever the script throws at them. This one fares pretty okay on that score.
I want to know the dark backstory of the village that they have so many orphans in this day and age.
Hallmark will be airing it tonight at 9pm eastern time. Yay!
I must watch this due to my Sam Heughan infatuation, but I will be disappointed if there are no shirtless scenes, or horse-back riding, or lazing around in bed. Or at least some suggestive smirks here and there. Sigh.
My favorite Hallmark Princess Movie is Crown for Christmas, but this one comes in at a close second. I haven’t watched it since realizing who Sam Heughan is so I might need to give it another shot this year. Surprisingly, I wasn’t a fan of Netflix’s A Christmas Prince (it stretched believability even by Hallmark standards). I’m hoping Netflix’s other Hallmark-type movie is much better.
I discovered this movie a few years back. I have to say, Hallmark has to be kicking themselves stupid for not throwing Sam Heughan into more roles, think about what those ratings would be now, due to Outlander fame!
The movie is stupid with a poor story line. I would not watch it, if it weren’t for Sam!
@Melissa & @Rachel you took the words out of my mouth! Hoping SBTB reviews Crown for Christmas next. It’s just takes on schlocky good gateway drug . . . then your hooked.
@Carol S For #1 I think you have to accept Walmart bags in lieu of Folgers coffee. So many Hallmark heroines shop at Walmart!
I decided that I had to stop watching Hallmark movies until they put people of color in the starring roles. They make, what 20-30 of these a year? Surely they can have just one where an Asian or Black or Latina woman (or man) falls contrivedly in love (and decides that the small town life is better than the big city, that they are spending too much time on their career, and they really do love their meddling parents).
But their current casting tells me that they don’t want people who look like me watching their movies (or buying their products).
@ Carol S. – And they are all rockin’ around the Balsam Hill Christmas trees, multiple expensive Balsam Hill Christmas trees.
Time for a re-watch of A Princess for Christmas, though I always expect Roger Moore to do some Bondish.
Maybe Sis was actually the dead sister’s name? My grandmother’s given name was Frances but everyone called her Sis.
(no I don’t know why I’m suddenly so invested in a dead Hallmark character in a movie I’m never going to watch)
I’m a total Hallmark movie junkie, so I watch pretty much all of them every single year. A Princess for Christmas is one of my favorites because of Katie McGrath and Roger Moore. Plus, I love the royal trope.
A Royal Christmas is pretty good. So is Crown for Christmas. I also like Snow Bride and The Nine Lives of Christmas.
The holiday movies on the Hallmark Moves & Mysteries channel are a little more serious than the rom-coms on the regular channel.
@MsCellanie — You might want to check out Enchanting Christmas with Alexa PenaVega and her husband. It’s one of the new movies this year.
Since Hallmark/Lifetime/and ION television are on nonstop in my house from Thanksgiving through the end of the year, I am totally biased (yes, I like my cheesy with a side of fromage with some cheese curd sprinkles) – BUT as a ride or die Western New Yorker, this movie makes my heart go pitter patter as the first lines proclaim our heroine is Buffalo NY born and bred (ME TOO!!!). And she ends up being a princess??? Childhood dream realized lol. And the pretty pretty people don’t hurt 🙂 Also agree w/ Jennifer above- love 9 Lives, Crown for Christmas, Cinderella Christmas… Christmas with Holly had some enjoyable brothers, wouldn’t mind reading a book about them
I’ve seen it. Multiple times. Sam has not only tidy hair, he also has a tidy voice, with a very non-scottish accent. Unbelievably strange.
@Kristen, can’t tell if you’re being tongue-in-cheek or not, but Christmas with Holly is the first book in the Friday Harbor series by Lisa Kleypas! It’s pretty sweet.
The movie is on Hulu.
They were both filmed at the SAME CASTLE. Bwahahahahahaha!
You are missing the best/worst part!
Him: They’re playing our song.
Her: We don’t have a song.
Him: We do now.
They use the same castle as Chrsitmas Prince!!! I shit you not. Wow now I’m going to see if I can watch this split screen.
@Mary K- I have to claim total ignorance! I had no idea that was a Lisa Kleypas book but I’m making tracks to my Kindle to grab that now!
@MsCellanie Don’t worry with Meghan Markle set to wed Prince Harry, Hallmark screenwriters are probably frantically banging out a tepid script for us by next year. Plot? The “exotic” heroine will be a rapper who captures the heart of a “woke” royal, or some such nonsense. All I can say is “Dear God, no.” POC heroines have it hard enough in romance novels
I just watched “My Christmas Prince” (different movie from the previously mentioned “A Christmas Prince.”) I must tell you, I was so pleased to see that Nancy Drew married a Hardy Boy and lived happily ever after! And there’s stuff with their daughter and a prince, too. On the unfortunate side, I was sad to see that Counselor Troy is off the Enterprise and working for royalty of some tiny European country?!!! What! Oh, and the prince’s father was that guy from The Nanny. Disappointingly, the Nanny wasn’t the prince’s mother.
@Kristen, yay! I hope you enjoy. I have the sequel queued up but haven’t started it yet.
I tried to watch ION’s “Royal Christmas Ball” and couldn’t make it through — and this comes from someone who has endured a lot of Hallmark Royal Christmas Whatever movies. A total trainwreck which seemed to be based on “The Princess Diaries” if the father had lived and Julie Andrews had died.
You guys. YOU GUYS. THERE IS ANOTHER NOT TERRIBLE ONE!!! So i read this and thought, i’d Watch that..so i went to my DVR to watch it and chose “My Christmas prince” Turns out…totally different movie, BUT its a great movie in the grand scheme that is holiday romance movies. First, its a modern couple – they text eachother – like most of us do- granted its not “what do you want to do for dinner, what do. YOU want to do for dinner”. The heroine is from PITCH PERFECT , the King is the guy from the Nanny, the dad is one of the guys from Baywatch (the OG), the handler was in dynasty, there is a woman of color, they bond over donuts, the prince is open about his feelings and talks about them … i could keep going.
And don’t worry , the tropes we know and love about this kind of movie are still there: “YOU’RE DUMPING ME?1” , a royal fiancé, parents who are aghast at this concept, small European country that doesn’t exist, there’s a ‘makeover moment’ at a dance/ball, quant small town America at christmas time, and a HEA…duh
It may be just me, but I am left wondering why in the happy bridal picture, it appears that the female plot moppet is all decked out in a (presumably faux) fur, while the bride is in a sleeveless dress?
Are the climate changes so vast in that country as to occur on the same balcony?
It is just me, isn’t it?
Just came across this link. Seems appropriate.
SNL Hallmark
Christmas
@MsCellanie – Snow Bride has a lead actress of Taiwanese descent. Not that it makes up for the ridiculously white Hallmark line-up in general, but it might be helpful if you want some less mayonnaise-flavoured cheese. (Um… the metaphor got away from me, I think.)
I watched this with friends over the Christmas holiday, as you do. How did the racially-coded insults strike you all? They are awful, no question. But their inclusion made me pause. My theory is that this script was intended for a black actress. This would not justify the racially-coded insults in any way, but it would explain some things.
The only insults I caught were directed at the family for being Americans without money, proper British manners, or a title. The sterotypes at play that I noticed was “the British need to loosen up and Brits are snobs about Americans.” Do you have an example?
“Ghetto” was used at least once. Then there was the hip-hop angle and something about the types of food the main character eats, too.
They could be explained away as perceived “vulgar American” stereotypes, which is how they made it through to the final draft (we got general cliches like romance novels, TV consumption, etc., too). But the rudest comments were reserved for the snobby fiancee character and these were pointed enough to make me wonder what the first draft of the script might have been.
At the very least, the snobby fiancee character is all the more heinous for using racially-charged language to put down the main character.
Eww, I totally missed the “ghetto” comment.