The following guest review was written by SB Nonnie, who appears sporadically, mostly waving her arms in excitement and causing everyone in a 3 mile vicinity to break themselves laughing. Without further ado: Nonnie.
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26 Reasons PREGNESIA is the Best Book in the History of Pregnant Amnesiac Romance
Before I get to my list, I must say that I am no good at reviews. I am, however, pretty good at lists, so I am going with what I know. Besides, there are so many awesome vignettes and moments in this story, there’s no way I could formulate all of it into a cohesive whole. So a list it is. It should probably go without saying that spoilers abound in this, so consider this your official warning. Also, even though I do a pretty good summary of the plot here – take my word for it, the true glory of PREGNESIA must be experienced firsthand. So without further ado, my top 26 reasons PREGNESIA by Carla Cassidy is the best book in the history of pregnant amnesiac romance.
#1: The book is flipping entitled PREGNESIA. PREG-EFFING-NESIA. This is a level of genius previously unheard of anywhere, even at Harlequin. Now I highly doubt Ms. Cassidy had anything to do with this title – I know how they roll at Harlequin – and yet she had the grace, the wisdom, and the awesomeness to embrace it. Or at least not to bitch and cry to the internets with it. Kudos to you, Ms. Cassidy.
#2: The hero of this book, Lucas, is a former Navy SEAL, who, along with 2 other former Navy SEALs, opened a repo company called Recovery, Inc. At first glance, this seems rather…lame. But this is no normal repo agency, bitches. They repo airplanes, yachts, and mother-effing PEOPLE (from terrorists), yo. They are a serious bizness repo agency. Navy SEAL style. I would have known this had I read the first two books in this series, but as they were entitled INTERROGATING THE BRIDE and HEIRESS RECON instead of, I don’t know, SHEIKTASIA and COWBOYTOPIA, I didn’t read them. This book stands alone well enough though, and since from what I can gather it seems the heroine of book two was a tragically misunderstood Paris Hilton-heiress type, it’s probably for the best.
#3: The heroine of this story is pregnant. And she has amnesia. A pregnant amnesiac. YES. She has taken shelter in a car the hero is repossessing. But don’t worry, the hero is quick to assure the bloody and battered heroine he isn’t a skeezy repo man – he usually only repos expensive crap like planes. And millionaires. He is also quite quick to inform the heroine he is a former Navy SEAL. Because simply saying he was formerly in the military would not be cocky enough.
[PLEASE NOTE – THE REST OF THE REVIEW CAN BE A LITTLE SPOILER-Y – READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.]
#4: Despite being a former military man, Lucas is fine with not involving the police in this matter, and chooses to take “Jane” to his sister, who happens to be a nurse, for patching up. Because she got her clothes bloody, the next day he takes her to the Wal-Mart to pick up some clothes and essentials. A (crazily) smiling white haired old lady seems to be trailing them through the store. Good thing she’s nothing to worry about, huh, Lucas? During this trip he UNIRONICALLY points to a pale pink t-shirt emblazoned with BABY ON BOARD and tells “Jane” to buy it. Party like its 1988, Lucas!
#5: Leaving the Wal-Mart ahead of Lucas, “Jane” is almost kidnapped by two men in a dark van. OH NOES! It happens so fast that they are unable to get a plate number – which is actually understandable in this moment – but Lucas does spy some sort of logo in the back window of the van. This logo is, and I shit you not with this, a triangle with an all seeing eye in the center. This is some ALIAS bullcrap, fo’ reals! And later, this logo is revealed to belong to a mysterious, cult-like church. Filled with brainless criminals, apparently, because I know when I want to kidnap someone on the down-low, I hop in my van PLASTERED WITH MY CHURCH LOGO in order to do it.
#6: About this time, Lucas starts getting all tingly in his boy parts when he catches sight of “Jane”, because ladies, we all know how effing sexy an 8 months pregnant woman can be, right? Luckily, as the hero observes, “Jane” is still a sexy little piece, and the baby is simply a “ball” at the front of her stomach. No heartburn, no double chin, no hemorrhoids, no waddle, no ass spread. “Jane” can totes sense the heat, too. She knows Lucas is warm for her form, and she doesn’t think it is creepy. AT ALL.
#7: Two chapters after unironically encouraging the heroine to buy the pink “baby on board” t-shirt, the heroine unironically wears it. With some snug fittin’ maternity jeans. Mmmmm. Sex-AY. The hero unironically pitches a tent.
#8: The hero wants to drive the heroine around where he found her to “jiggle her memory”. Jiggle her memory? Isn’t it “jog her memory”? Or am I insane? Regardless, the idea of this alpha hero using the phrase “jiggle her memory” aloud, is AWESOME. Also awesome? This phrase is used several times over the course of the book. That’s an awful lot of jiggling.
#9: After a long day of tracking clues to “Jane’s” past, Lucas kisses her and understandably freaks out. “Jane” encourages him to offer her more sweet lovin’, but he (very reasonably) points out that she more than likely has a man in her life, judging by her advanced state of baby making. She blithely replies that she has a feeling she was alone with this, and that she just “knows” that there’s no one in her life. Because a woman suffering from amnesia always knows what her relationship status is, and can be trusted when she theorizes upon it.
#10: Lucas returns home that evening to discover his apartment has been searched. He knows it’s only a matter of time before they track Jane to his sister’s apartment and decides to get her out of there. As she packs her stuff to leave, Lucas’s sister wisely asks if she may be in danger and Lucas is all “Naw. They were obviously trying to be stealthy when they searched mah place. YOU’LL BE ALL RIGHT.” OMGWTFBBQ!!ELEVENTY!!11!!1! Seriously? The amnesiac pregnant woman rates a trip to a safe house, but your own sister can deal with people willing to publicly kidnap and break and enter to trace her. YOU. ARE. AWESOME. Also, why not call the police and report the break in? “Jane” never stayed at his apartment, so the cops wouldn’t need to know about her, and this was a chance to have people dust for prints, etc.
#11: Lucas wants no long term connections (excepting his younger sister, who was his lone support as a child) because his father beat him, and his mother actively let it happen. He doesn’t want to be a father, for fear of repeating his past. This seems pretty reasonable to me, but as he’s already more than half in love with Prego McMemory-Loss, he’s going to have to get over it quick.
#12: A few days after retreating to the “safe house” Lucas leaves “Jane” alone ALL DAY in order to run some errands. No other precautions have been taken, other than locking the door. He used his same (traceable) car the entire time they were at the house, and had it parked in front. Those Navy SEALs. Always stealthy, always planning ahead. He does at least finally verify his sister is still alive. So that’s one thing, I guess. Sister helps point out that should someone come forward to claim “Jane”, perhaps she shouldn’t go with them, seeing as how she was bloody, battered, and fleeing when Lucas encountered her. Lucas’s sister is awesome. Lucas is unhappy to be slapped in the face with common sense, and chooses to ignore it.
#13: Lucas finally starts to take things somewhat seriously, yay! After gaining a tail, shaking it, and returning to the safehouse, he parks the car in the garage (FINALLY), and arranges for a rental car (DOUBLE FINALLY). Better late than never, I guess.
#14: Also, “Jane” has a morbid fear of getting the police involved in any of this. Lucas knows this, and yet, since he is “buddies” with the Chief of Police he has already enquired about missing pregnant women and asked him to run the license plate number of one of his tails. Additionally, the Chief is one of only 8 people that know the location of the safe house. I am placing my bets now. Chances that his buddy the Chief is NOT involved in this in any way, shape, or form? Approximately 0.0% (Having now finished the book, I was pleasantly surprised and totally wrong about this. Way to make me guess, Ms. Cassidy!)
#15: “Jane” has a totally understandable pity party because it’s been a week and no one has reported her missing. Although, since she is being chased by maniacs, why would she want to take the chance on someone who reported her missing? Whatever, it’s the hormones! And her aching back. Because she has a constant backache because she is mega-preggers. Lucas gives her a tender back rub. And pops a tent while doing it, of course.
#16: I like this heroine! She is totes putting the moves on Lucas. He’s adorably awkward and all “you’re preggers!” and she’s all “kiss me, you fool!” She is also not stupid enough to think they can have wild sexxors when she’s in her last month of pregnancy. So what’s a girl to do? HAND JOB. He acts like a shy debutante. “What are you doing? I do declare… Lawks-a-mercy!” AMAZING. Oh, Pregnesia, where have you been all my life?
#17: Things are awkward the next morning, and Lucas is in major retreat mode. Having gotten a name from the car that was tailing him the day before, Lucas and Jane set out to see if the guy is familiar to her. To his credit, Lucas is opposed to this boneheaded idea, but the power of the hand job has left him helpless to Jane’s crazy logic. Although, I must say, he quite wisely has Jane stay in the car while he confronts the guy. Unwisely, he reveals Jane has lost her memory. So basically, he breaks even between cleverness and stupidity. And no knowledge is gained on his part. But now their potential enemy knows conclusively that Jane is with him and has amnesia, so that’s something, I guess?
#18: The next day Jane is on the news. Her real name seems to be Julie and “concerned family members” are looking for her. Yay! Good thing it finally happened after Lucas told a total stranger who was tailing him that she has amnesia and therefore can’t remember anything about people who may or may not have attacked her! W00T! But see, this is the genius of this book – just when someone does something totally ricockulous, they redeem themselves with cleverness. Lucas determines that he is going to run a check on the people who reported her missing, to make sure they’re on the up and up before they turn her in. Yay for using your big head, Lucas! But part of him is also super relieved she’s leaving, because he don’t want love and commitment, yo.
#19: Poor Jane/Julie! Her husband is dead as a doornail. Apparently he died approximately 5 minutes after the sperm reached the egg. Only, she doesn’t remember him, so that’s cool, I guess. I wonder if her baby stands to inherit something significant… I wonder…
#20: Oh, poor Julie, poor Lucas. They both want to stay together, yet neither one is brave enough to express their feelings! And Julie’s brother-in-law and his wife are there to collect her. They seem so normal and kind. Surely they only want what’s best for her? Surely! But where are they going? OH NOES!
#21: The All Seeing Eye has Julie, and damned if her memory doesn’t wait to come back until after she is in their clutches. God must really hate her. Or her baby. Or both of them. And they won’t let Lucas in to see her. And they won’t let the Chief of Police in either. But they will let one particular officer in to see her. That isn’t suspicious at all, right? NOPE. NOT AT ALL.
#22: Okay, honestly, I cannot fully express the crazy that happens next. Suffice it to say, it is WACKADOO. Part of what makes PREGNESIA so awesome, I guess. BUY THIS BOOK, GUYS. SERIOUSLY. CAPS LOCK SERIOUSLY. Suffice it to say, Julie – the relatively level-headed and competent Julie – loses her ever-loving mind and fails to see a gigantic plot hole right in front of her face. She is flipping breathtaking in her boneheadedness and inability to see the flaws in the villain’s reasoning. I’m not going to lie, this part made me laugh my ass off. In a wonderful way.
#23: Thank goodness Lucas and friends are ex-Navy SEALs. Because they get their stealth on in a major way. I would hate for that knowledge to be wasted – it’s only a shame the villains didn’t live in an underwater fortress so they could truly use all their training.
#24: Hahahahaaaa! The crazy again. Seriously guys, the last 50 pages are such cash money gold. I implore everyone to buy this book. It will give you literal LOLs. Suffice it to say, the villain wants her baybeeeeee. BAD. But at the same time threatens to put a bullet in her brain. A lot. So which does he want? Her baby or her corpse? Because I is confused. And I think Julie is too.
#25: Heartfelt confession of love time! And yay for Julie’s initiative, although in all fairness she has known Lucas for one week, shared two kisses and a hand job. But I guess when it’s right, it’s right. Too bad Lucas is askeerd to be a husband and daddy. DENIED.
#26: And now it’s baby time! Seriously, a book entitled PREGNESIA could not fail to deliver (har har) on the baby promise implicit in the title. But will Lucas stay away? Will Julie be all alone? Um. No and no. Yay, Lucas, yay, Julie, yay, baby Luke!
And those are the top 26 reasons why PREGNESIA is the greatest pregnant amnesiac romance EVAH. If you had to pin me down to a letter grade for this book, I would have to split it into two distinct grades – for actual story cohesion, plot, etc, it’s a C. For entertainment value? A+ all the way, baby. Thank you, Carla Cassidy. Thank you.
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Thanks!
This is so not a book I would ever read, but my life has been enriched beyond measure by SB Nonnie’s review. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
ways45: In 45 ways OR MORE did I love this review!
#‘s 6 & 7 just about did me in.
So with the amnesia and all, how do they KNOW she’s in her 8th month? Do they swing by the MiniClinic at Wal-Mart for a quick check?
So glad to see all that time using the ShakeWeight paid off for Julie.
Awesome review!
OMG. I have to buy this book. I just hit 36 weeks with our first kiddo this morning and have this unnatural and slightly frightening craving for all baby-themed Harlequin books. They’re just so addicting!
I can unironically say that I’m not really into the Harlequins, but this review is full of WIN! I was dying by the time I got to #7, and knowing I wasn’t even NEAR the end was beyond exciting.
Great review!
Win! And what a great way to start off a Monday at work! Thanks Nonnie!
I’m tempted to buy this, just for the relative rarity of a TSTL hero (a TSTL Navy Seal, no less!) He sounds like the kind of ex-military man who’d become a Mall Ninja and patrol Abercrombie and Fitch with a surface-to-air misssile ‘cause that’s, you know, stealthy.
Okay… item #22 actually has me wanting to read this book, JUST TO KNOW what the effing plot hole is! Thank you SO much!
Excellent list. 😉
nearly49: hmm, 26 is not nearly 49. And hey, neither am I!
Great list! I’m tempted to buy this book just because of it and I usually don’t do Harlequin…well not since I was 13 anyway.
I don’t think I could hang with this book. I do have a few things to point out about the review though.
Point 1: There are plenty of women who look awesome pregnant. They even had one on a Playboy cover once.
Point 2: You can have sex at 8 months. I wasn’t uncomfortable until my last month with any of my pregnancies.
Point 3: The villain could have shot her in the head and taken the baby all quick and dirty like. Actually, given the fact that this was a cult, they could have arranged facilities and personnel to do a c-section and then done whatever with mommy, who would no longer be of use to them.
I am still snorting with laughter. Best review ever! Nonnie is a geius. Thanks for providing such an excellent review.
Awesome review! I love me some lists!
Pregnesia?! PREGNESIA?! Who came up with this title? And HOW? How did they pitch it? I have visions of somebody going “It’s like Brangelina! It’ll totally play!”
Sure, if by “totally play” you mean “sounds like some new horrid disease”. “I can’t come into work today, I’ve got PREGNESIA!”
I totally want DocTurtle to read this book! LOL. Awesome review!!!!
I’m looking forward to the next book in the series, SEALacious.
This is the best-written review I’ve seen in weeks. An excellent start to a Monday!
I Heart Nonnie.
MamaNice- I had the exact same thought about the ShakeWeight (I imagine I’ll be getting mileage out of that for years).
Dammit, I so totally commented on the wrong post.
I blame the tears of laughter from Preggo McMemory Loss
Nonnie, you make the book sound so-bad-it’s-good, but I’m sure it could not possibly be as funny as your review!
Elizabeth, if you want a TSTL special forces hero, try Lora Leigh’s “Maverick”.
Oh lord, I loved me this review. So so funny, and now I want to read the book, but can it stand up to the review? I’m just not sure!
Best start to Monday ever. Thanks, Nonnie. And you are definitely good at reviews.
This review rocked. Like, Boulder, Colorado rocked.
Can we talk about the cover artwork? Is it me, or is her belly bulge popping out about halfway down her thighs – and yet her hand on it is oddly Pillsbury Dough-Boyesque?
Pregnesia is without doubt the best title, Harlequin or otherwise, ever.
Companies that specialize in repo-ing airplanes, yachts and other high end stuff from deadbeat rich folks actually exist and I’m sure that more than a few of them employee former SpecOps guys. There aren’t a lot of legit. non-law enforcement jobs that call for the SEAL basic skill set but that would be one of them.
You are the awesome, Nonnie. Can’t wait to read more from you. And this book sounds insanely great and right up my alley. Badly-written romance is the spice of life.
I live for camp!
10 Reasons I love this review and other musings by the author of Pregnesia
1. Any publicity is better than no publicity
2. My original title was Pregnesia-The Story of A Pregnant Princess with Amnesia Who Lusts For An Ex-Navy Seal Turned Sheik Cowboy. Unfortunately, it was too long.
3. Any publicity is better than no publicity
4. I was working out my issues about being kidnapped by a blood-thirty cult who might think I was eight months pregnant.
5. Any publicity is better than no publicity
6. I was hoping you’d tell me about the big plot hole. It’s been bothering me for months!
7. Any publicity is better than no publicity
8. Stay tuned for my next blockbuster – Virgin Bride With Secret Babies Wants A Cop who Rides The Range
9. Reading the Review Made me think of comfort food. Thanks for giving me a reason to eat a box of Twinkies, four cupcakes and a box of macaroni and cheese. And it’s not even noon – and now I will have to watch out for those evil cult members who might lust after my pseudo-pregnant body!
10. Thanks for reminding me you gotta take the good with the bad and I hope readers will check out my next book, Five Minutes to Marriage and my OCT release from Signet – Up Close and Personal. Hey, I should be able to get a little self-promo from all this!
Carla Cassidy
Heeee! Love your response list, Carla.
BTW, that reminds me, her name sounded familiar, and I checked my shelves and found I have two of her books including “Up Close and Personal,” which I got to review recently. Really enjoyed those two!
I do want to see BAM cover-snark this! It’s, umm, ripe for it. So to speak.
Ms. Cassidy, It’s nice to know you have a great sense of humor. That totally made me spew my cranapple all over my shiney new computer. It is offically broken in.
Love the review; love authors with a sense of humour. Ms. Cassidy, your response to the review made me add your name to my “check out this author” list.
Also, LOVE the list. Love it. Love it.
I should be writing, but was tweet-lured over here.
Carla, you know I’ve always loved your books! Your LOL spew coffee response reminded me why.
Of course now you have me craving mac and cheese. I hear you can get it fried. On a stick. Talk about your perfect comfort food. And if I could only become a pregnant amnesiac, hey, I’d forget I’d eaten it. So there’d be no lingering guilt involved.
The Minnesota State Fair is only 16 days away! Just sayin’.
(Every year, the local newspapers carry a story about whatever new foods are available on a stick at the Fair. I am a complete nut for the Fair who takes a day off work each year to attend. Although I’ve never had mac-and-cheese on a stick.)
Okay, this is why I love ebooks.
I saw this review, which totally rocked. And I have to get this book!
So I go onto FIctionwise, use my micropay credit to buy it at my Buywise discount ($3.83) in secure eReader format. I open up eReader on my iPhone. Prenesia is now mine, all mine in less time than it took to write this message.
Bwaahaha!
Now I have to read this book. Love the fantastic review and adore Carla’s perfect response.
I’m jealous I didn’t write this (both the book and the review). A new level of blogtastic (both reviewer’s and author’s posts).
Reviewer sounds suspiciously familiar…
Like JoAnn, I was tweet-lured over here. Carla, you are too funny. I predict your next blockbuster the “Virgin Bride With Secret Babies Wants A Cop who Rides The Range” will soon be a new continuity series. With sheikhs.
Madame Bonnie sayeth it is so. Go align your Twinkie chakras and go forth and write those vigin-riding cowboy cops!
I think I have to buy the book just because Carla was such a good sport!
The awesomeness of the review combined with the author’s grace and humor make me want to glom Carla Cassidy. I’ll definitely be picking up PREGNESIA just on principle. 🙂
Chicklet, Here’s a link to the comic book literacy blog where you can see a picture of mac-and-cheese on a stick. http://tinyurl.com/nwvypd
Also, in my ongoing procrastination, I just googled your fair and here’s a blog where it was available there (I suppose last year) from a place called Axel’s: http://tinyurl.com/l2ozfd It’s on page two.
I haven’t been able to find out whether we’re going to have it at our TN Valley Fair in Sept. But since cooks in the South seem to have never met a food they didn’t think would taste better deep fried, I’m counting on it. 🙂
Well done Carla. I will be picking up your books if you are half as funny as your reply!
Thank goodness coffee cup was empty
OMG Awesome!
Everything about this post makes me want to read the book. The review is hysterical, and Carla’s response takes the whole thing to a new level. This should go under the heading of Authors Behaving Excellently!
Carla Cassidy said:
2. My original title was Pregnesia-The Story of A Pregnant Princess with Amnesia Who Lusts For An Ex-Navy Seal Turned Sheik Cowboy.
LOL! Ma’am, my hat is off to you. But shouldn’t that have been “The Story of a Pregnant Princess With Amnesia Who Lusts For A Highlander Ex-Navy Seal Turned Sheik Cowboy In a Snowstorm”? 😉
Seriously though, props to you for good-sportitude!
There should be an annual
Macaroni & Cheese Luncheon
given in honor of all authors who show a true sense of self and humor when faced with what could be considered—by some—as a not-exactly-rave review.
With lolipops & chocolate for dessert.
And the readings of excerpts.
Nice review, great response.
Rock on Ms Cassidy!