Bitchin' Blog Posts
Maharaja’s Mistress by Susan Stephens: A Dueling Review
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | October 19, 2011 | Wednesday at 10:26 am | 130 CommentsTitle: Maharaja's Mistress
Author: Susan Stephens
Publication Info: Harlequin 2011
ISBN: 978-0373528318
Genre: Contemporary Romance
I received an email from reader Maria, who told me about this book and said it was UNREAL in its bizarre badness. So of course I forwarded her description to RedHeadedGirl, who replied, and I quote, “WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY I NEED TO READ IT”.
Seriously, you guys. The official book description does NOT even TOUCH the crazysauce that floods this book. This is what it says:
Monte Carlo is abuzz with news that Ram Varindha—young, hot and royal—is without a co-driver for the biggest rally event of the year. Though it’s been years since she last saw him, Mia leaps at the chance to get up close with the maharaja!
With time to spare before he takes on more serious royal duties, bedding this beauty is top of Ram’s list. But Mia has long known Ram’s reputation. Is she just in for the hottest few nights of her life, or could her dream of finally taming Ram’s playboy ways become reality?
Maria’s description reveals much more, and is in all frank honesty ENTIRELY ACCURATE:
Majaraja’s Mistress features a horribly disfigured/visually impaired eye patch wearing interior designer cum race car co-driver who wants one last chance at a race. She also wants to hook up with her brother’s old school chum who happens to be a a race car driver and a Majaraja. But wait, IT GETS BETTER!
Down on her luck she lives in an apartment with three models in Monaco and works as a sexy pirate (not a typo) receptionist in a hair salon run by a Liberace type. There are also multiple scenes involving an elephant parade and a superyacht (not at the same time tho).
I honestly said to myself, “Self, there is no way that Marie got all that right. Seriously. Maybe she is mixing up two books..” BUT NO. IT IS THAT CRAZY.
If you’ve been wondering when the next OMGWTFWOW book would come down the pike, well, here it is. And not only did RedHeadedGirl read it, but I read it along with her.
RedHeadedGirl’s full summary:
So it’s like this: Ram is the ruler of a small India-expy country called Ramakesh or Rammalammadingdong or something, and he grew up in England with Tony and Tony’s little sister Mia. They always were the type of friends that fought with each other all the time, and when Ram went off to be a playboy and rule his country, Mia went into a full on danger-seeking mode to… fill up the empty hole in her life or something. She eventually gets into a car accident while rally racing and has a bunch of scars on her face and loses the sight in one eye (thus necessitating the need for an eye patch) and gets a job in Monte Carlo as the receptionist for a hair salon. As you do.
Ram is in the process of resigning from his playboy life, and is doing one last rally race as his farewell tour, but loses his co-driver, and Mia jumps in to offer her services, even though they haven’t seen or talked to each other in years. Also she can only see out of one eye, but that doesn’t seem to matter for driving a racecar around the streets of Monte Carlo. You’d think that this whole race thing would be a major plot point, but it just sort of happens, and then he invites her to see his yacht (the size of a commercial cruise ship) and then sneaks out of the harbor of Monte Carlo without her noticing that the ship is moving, and basically kidnaps her to Rammalammadingdong, but they have a lot of (boring) sex along the way, so it’s fine. She agrees to redecorate his yacht, because apparently she was going to be an interior designer before she burned half her face off, and it’s all good.
They get to Rammalammadingdong, and there’s a huge welcoming celebration with elephants (bejeweled elephants) (really), and a lot of misunderstandings about what Ram wants from her, and what she wants from Ram, and what Ram wants to do with his little country he’s been ruling while being a playboy, and if they will ever sit down and hash it out, it’ll be ok.
So here we go, a dueling review from RedHeadedGirl and me for Maharaja’s Mistress.
Sarah: I have lost count of the number of times I have left a note in this book that reads, “What?!”
RedHeadedGirl: I’ve got “what” “wait what” “that is not how this works” and “ow.”
Sarah: Are these two the most mercurial people ever? “I want you!” “Go away!” “No, wait, I want you again!”
RedHeadedGirl: These two have the most acrobatic and most boring sex ever. I didn’t think that was possible.
Sarah: I cannot think of a single metaphor that HASN’T been used. She’s a hurricane. She’s a fallen angel. She’s a storm again. WTF?
RedHeadedGirl: Flinging off of peaks into bottomless pools of pleasure. Plus also elephants.
Sarah: I JUST READ THAT PART.
And they are Bejeweled Elephants! And also Political Manipulation Elephants.
RedHeadedGirl: OK, I finished it. Basically nothing happened, right? I didn’t fall asleep and miss it?
And yet all of that nothing was packed in crazy sausage casings.
Sarah:It was two cardboard people moving around in a plot of WTF.
My overall thought: This was the most bizarre book. It was if there was a plot and there were two people in the book but the plot and the characters had nothing to do with each other. Things would happen with elephants and yachts and kidnappings and palaces. Meanwhile, the two people in the plot would shout or murmur cliches at one another, all of it completely unrelated to the plot.
I must have highlighted 60 different passages and written “What?” “Huh?”
RedHeadedGirl: My overall thought: I have no idea what this book is about. That’s okay, because it has no idea what it’s about, either. Nothing happened around the rally race, the elephants, the giant yacht, and the random forays into interior design. I feel like Ram was barely cardboard, more like a manila folder character (hot? check. Rich? Check. Huge dick? check.) and what’sherface was barely in the same book as anything else that happened.
I think my favorite note is “Worst ‘where is this relationship going”’ conversation EVER.”
Sarah: Ram: WHAT?! WHY is his name RAM? Is that some sort of SIGNAL?
I know a lot of writers talk about plot driven and character driven stories. This was a story where the plot pretty much told the characters how to act. Like the backdrops were film directors talking to the actors: “OK, we’ve arrived in the Rumperkesh or wherever it is. And they have to get off the boat. And here are some elephants. Ok. In this scene, Ram, you get all pissed off without explanation, and Mia - no, no you cannot wear your pirate costume right now, we’re all done with your being a pirate girl. Mia, you have to get excited to ride an elephant while also recognizing with your savant PR skills that Ram’s negative reaction would be disastrous for his assumption of leadership.
*sigh*
That means: get Ram to ride the elephant because it’ll make him look good. Now you have to make sure to fight because we need some make up sex in the next chapter.”
Seriously. I never understood for a minute WHY they were reacting the way they did to anything!
Inconsistencies abound, too, which further compromised my ability to understand what the hell was going on. At one point Mia recalls (she spends a lot of time walking around in a reverie) the salon owner pushed her into his salon off the street after seeing her through the window and falling instantly in platonic flaming gay man love with her unique look and style or something. In the next chapter, Mia recalls brazenly going in to ask for a job.
Also of note: Tony, Mia’s brother, is some kind of pivotal figure in both Mia’s and Ram’s lives, but he doesn’t have one scene, nor does he appear to care that his sister is living in alleged misery as a one-eyed pirate in Monaco. Ram similarly has lots of thoughts about Tony, but Tony himself never appears. He’s an excuse, not a person.
RedHeadedGirl: One of the most aggravating things to me in this pile of nonsense was the Truly Exemplary Examples of Telling, not Showing. She’s a brilliant rally car driver (...without depth perception, but whatever), we know because she says “I’m a brilliant rally driver.” She’s the bestest interior designer? We know, because she was thinking about colors and stuff, but the author danced around the specifics- WHAT kind of designs was she thinking about? She handled herself well in the random contractor meetings off-stage? IT’S LIKE GREEK DRAMA WHERE ALL THE COOL STUFF HAPPENS OFF STAGE. (except for the utter lack of drama. I hate that, and so does the Dowager Countess of Grantham.)
And Ram and his Magic Dick- he was an accomplished lover and “took her with skill” or something. And she screamed a lot. The sex was SO BORING. The author rammed it down our throats that it was passionate and acrobatic and fantastic. I saw no evidence of that. But I was kind of gagging, so….
Sarah: Come on, his name was RAM. That wasn’t enough of a clue?
Looking over my notes, YES. This was all telling and not showing ANYTHING.
And did you count the cliches? I reached 54 uses of cliches by chapter 9.
RedHeadedGirl: I’m in law school: we don’t DO math. I can’t count that high.
The Amazon Product Description on the hardback edition says this: Vampire hunter Rand Wilder hated vampires-even if they were as beautiful and alluring as vampire princess Dominique Valois. For years he fought the beings who had killed his father, resisting their dangerous sensuality. Yet even Rand was tempted…
.....not this book
The MMP edition says this: Monte Carlo is abuzz with news that Ram Varindha—young, hot and royal—is without a co-driver for the biggest rally event of the year. Though it’s been years since she last saw him, Mia leaps at the chance to get up close with the maharaja!
With time to spare before he takes on more serious royal duties, bedding this beauty is top of Ram’s list. But Mia has long known Ram’s reputation. Is she just in for the hottest few nights of her life, or could her dream of finally taming Ram’s playboy ways become reality?
STILL NOT THIS BOOK.
Sarah: How is he a playboy? Based on what, countless descriptions of him as dangerous and sexy? And what about this part:
Ram had announced he would shortly be quitting his playboy life to serve his people in the independent state of Ramprakesh, but before that he was to enjoy one last indulgence—a timed rally car race across Europe in his super-car.
How does one quit life as a playboy? Do you resign? To whom, Hugh Hefner?
RedHeadedGirl: OBVIOUSLY.
Of course he’s a playboy! He’s got fast cars, and elephants, and a yacht bigger than Rhode Island! He quite possibly runs around fighting crime at night (that is what playboys DO right? Or have comics books been lying to me this entire time?) (Okay, you’re right, he doesn’t have a lot of time to FIGHT CRIME in between all the Ramming he does).
So… he wants to restructure the government of Rammalammadingdong to not be a…. what was the structure before? Oh right, we don’t really know- so they can be self-determining and also he’s actually running shit and not being a playboy so… he wants to sneak in quietly and not be like “EVERYONE CHILL THE FUCK OUT I GOT THIS.” I mean, I understand thinking a Surprise Bejeweled Elephant is a bit much, but.. did he really think that no one would notice the yacht the size of Rhode Island?
Sarah: I’m still not sure what qualifications he has to run a country, or how he did it from afar before he resigned as a playboy. (Did he write that resignation letter on rally car stationary, you think? Did it have matching envelopes? Did they say “Vroom vroom!” on the front corner?)
AND another thing: how did the author manage to pack so much detail into every sentence, while revealing absolutely nothing about anyone? Example the first: Mia’s model roommates. Because of course she has several roommates who are (a) models (b) gorgeous (c) friendly (d) incredibly generous and (e) leave en masse when the hot Ramrod walks into their flat.
“We’re going to clean up your act and send you out looking like a princess.” a pretty dark-haired eastern European called Xheni who had recently been scouted by one of the top model agencies assured her.
First: WHAT? I do not understand the parts of that sentence.
Second: XHENI? Someone needs to ascertain the location of JR Ward at this moment and make sure she is not in Monaco with these people.
Third: WHAT?!
Here are my top five highlights of nonsensical wtfery from this book.
“Hairpin bends could come and go, but where Ram was concerned arousal was for ever.”
If longer than for ever, or longer than four hours, please consult a physician.
“How could she begin to tell them about Ram when he had flashed across her world like the brightest of comets leaving her to clutch in vain at his sparkling dust?”
DO NOT INHALE.
In a scene with Mia and her Magical Model Roommates talking about Ram:
“When Ram was in town there was a buzz of sexual excitement in the air; they’d all felt it.”
I am willing to bet an entire dollar that Ram wears Axe Body Spray.
“Ram was quite an operator - if you liked your men straight up.”
As opposed to… resembling a corkscrew duck weenus?
“A blur of hungry female eyes only proved that Ram could turn any club steamy. He had set this one on fire the moment he had arrived - and now it was a raging inferno.”
DEFINITELY Axe Body Spray. This book is the definitive argument for scratch-and-sniff romance.
And, the sex. At one point, parts of Mia’s body were “moistly preparing for his most thorough and prolonged attention.”
MOISTLY?
Then Ram challenged her,
“throwing his head back so she saw his full potential, from the thickly corded column of his neck to the impossibly wide spread of his shoulders and his powerful chest.”
Yeah. In case you missed it earlier, he’s a dick.
Later they are doing it, she’s on top, “riding him with the same wild abandon she had always used to answer the stone wall she came up against with Ram.”
What?
And of course, he’s got lots of skill:
“And then he proved it, taking her to heaven and back with artful delay and intuitive strokes that allowed her to climb the mountain only to hover at its highest peak for the longest moment before plummeting down into the deepest pool of pleasure. “
However, before you think they’re mere fuck buddies, “This wasn’t about sex. It was a celebration of a friendship that had survived against the odds.”
Except for the part where they hadn’t spoken in years, and he had no idea she was in Monte Carlo at all, much less with scars and a plot-device-blind eye. We’ll ignore it. Turn a blind eye to it, in fact.
ba-dum-bump
But my absolute favorite part is where Ram asks her out after their nonsensical rally car race around Monte Carlo, then brings her aboard his yacht which, despite being larger, as you say, than Rhode Freaking Island, is all Stealth Bomber Quiet when the engines are fired up, enabling Ram to basically kidnap Mia and take her with him to RampraRomperRoom without her noticing that they’ve left the harbor. And when they’ve been underway for just enough time that he can’t send her back in the helicopter, which of course the yacht has, nor, you know, TURN the SHIP around, he decides he’s NOT going to tell her where they’re going, and storms off all huffy like because, and I quote, he “has things to do.”
And when she challenges him on that, showing a bit of spine, thank the good Lord, and demands to know WHY he’s kidnapped her, he reveals everything and nothing by saying, “Because the time is right and because I might need you again.”
HOWEVER, it is all ok and spiffy fine because Ram has made sure to furnish Mia’s suite with a nearly limitless array of elegant and traditional RampraRomperRoom garb that is (of course) in her size and fits her (of course) perfectly. OH - and he wants her to redecorate the yacht.
Because… wait for it… “Ram was certainly determined to take her on a voyage of discovery.”
Say it with me now: 0_o?
NO, WAIT. THIS. THIS is the WHOLE BOOK.
Making love to Mia felt like coming home. His only regret was that Mia couldn’t be part of his future in Ramprakesh. But he couldn’t let her go, either—the details were sketchy…
The details hardly mattered as he sank deep into her welcoming warmth.
The details are sketchy through THE WHOLE GODDAM BOOK.
RedHeadedGirl:
“Mia’s heart cannoned into her throat as a familiar black velvet voice growled a suspicious greeting.”
Cannoned?
“Why not bring the appointment forward? There had been far too many simpering, low-fat milk-sops in his life recently. Wasn’t it time to walk on the wild side and eat some clotted cream?”
SO WILD.
“There was no easy way for her - no long-distance solution. Mia needed close-up warmth and support, just as his people needed him in the country, rather than some distant stranger who issued orders for others to carry out. He would return home and take Mia with him. When he was sure she was healed she could leave and pick up her life - become the old Mia, rather than this theatrical version. It was the only way he could live with the guilt.”
Well, where to start? First, how does he know what she needs? THEY HAVEN’T TALKED IN AGES. Second, whatever, distant stranger. Third, “leave and pick up her life”? What does that even MEAN? If this were obviously his fucked up thought process, and there was some indication that he realizes that he’s WRONG, that would be less ridiculous. Not a lot less, but less.
Finally, WHAT DOES HE THINK HE’S GUILTY OF? As far as I recall, he does not know, nor does he ever know that she went into her danger-seeking phase because she missed him. That could have been fixed with, you know, a CONVERSATION, but why start now?
I had the “men straight up” line highlighted, too.
“...drawing her knees back as he claimed her to her own soundtrack of sighs and sobs….”
o.O
And then, after hours had passed by in hazy pleasure, he…. throws her into a cold shower. A lot.
OH! The room with the erotic pictures on it-
This wasn’t simply a stateroom, it was a collecting pen for a harem—and Ram was no longer simply her extremely accomplished lover, but a collector of living, breathing artefacts, which he kept alongside his inanimate collectables.
WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? That’s a lot of meaning to ascribe to erotic art.
“Judging by their elephant-sized jewels they had turned out to honor one man- though it was the people who were the jewels of Ram’s country….”
....? What?
“She was only now discovering that physical intimacy didn’t open the deepest portals in a persons’s mind, it simply drew a veil of pleasure over them.”
Oh, only now she figures this out.
....and at this point, I “reached the clipping limit for this item.”
“Sinking into feather cushions covered in the softest of fabrics was a sensual high only Ram could have devised, she decided contentedly.”
UM EXCUSE ME WHO IS THE DESIGNER HERE.
What I needed from these two is to, well, have some substance to them, and a little consistency, and maybe do something-anything, but what I really needed to see was communication. Actual, honest-to-dog communication where they at the VERY least acknowledge that they have things to say.
Even the proposal was terrible.
He hides a ring in an heirloom lute and when she finds it, he… puts it on her finger and she’s like
you—? Is this…?’ she blurted.
‘A proposal?’ he said coolly as he selected Mia’s marriage finger. ‘Yes, it is.’
Now, he does eventually actually ask the question, but really? It’s terrible.
It’s all terrible.
Sarah:
Wasn’t it time to walk on the wild side and eat some clotted cream?”
GET THEE TO THE GYNECOLOGIST FOR A PRESCRIPTION, MIA.
So, what grade would you give this?
Honestly, this book was painful and confusing to read. Both characters were so weakly drawn they had two modes of conduct (Fight and Nookie with occasional breaks for Cold Shower) and I didn’t like either of them. The plot was nonsensical and the only conflict was due to them spouting cliches at and about one another and therefore misunderstanding each other like smiting peaks of honey with waves of passion crashing into fallen angels with elephants.
But worst was all the telling. The reader is told everything, and because none of it makes any sense nor is anything I was told about the characters revealed in their conduct, I didn’t believe any of it. Or care.
RedHeadedGirl: I feel like it is so mired in its own wtfery, it shouldn’t deserve an F. But its so badly written. F+?
Sarah: Yes! The elusive F+: it’s horribly written—but there’s exceptional comedic value if you go in preparing for the wtfery.
With elephants.
This book is available from Amazon | Kindle | BN & nook | Kobo | AllRomance | Harlequin.com
Filed: General Bitching, Reviews, Guest Bitch Reviews, Grade F, Authors, Q-S
Tagged: wtfery, susan stephens, redheadedgirl, rammalammadingdong, middle east, make the burning stop, harlequin, contemporary, awesomesauce
Lobo said on 10.19.11 at 11:16 AM • [link]
As an Eastern European I can tell you no princesses have names starting with X at least not until Xena, warrior princess became famous in this part of the world. But by then there were no princesses to be found here you know because communism etc. happened.
I was reading aloud from this review to my man as he was interested why I was laughing so much so you made his day too:)
N said on 10.19.11 at 12:24 PM • [link]
When I started reading this review, I was certain I’d be heading to the comments to launch into my (well-practiced) rant about authors setting their stories in a country/culture of which they don’t seem to know much. Then I hit the little quoted snippets and, oh wow. If she wrote those massively convoluted and mostly icky sentences, background research shouldn’t be high on her list, anyway. And if you guys read through a book littered with phrases like those, I think you’re entitled to as many Ram (the God) / ram (the animal) quips as you like. My favourite was ”...when the hot Ramrod walks into their flat.” Hehe. Ramrod.
Rei said on 10.19.11 at 01:18 PM • [link]
“Why not bring the appointment forward? There had been far too many simpering, low-fat milk-sops in his life recently. Wasn’t it time to walk on the wild side and eat some clotted cream?â€
...
I am tempted to buy this book just for that line.
Clotted cream.
Wild…clotted…cream.
Don’t get me wrong, I like scones as much as the next person, but as sensual pleasures go they’re really pretty innocent. Oh, baby, you are the cream tea of my desires! With you, the jam always goes on second!
Lynne Connolly said on 10.19.11 at 01:40 PM • [link]
I picked this up because it was one of Harlequin’s new multicultural romances where ethnicity doesn’t matter.
But I discovered that nothing really matters in this one. And I don’t know a lot about rally driving, but I thought Monte Carlo was famous for Formula One?
I was going to review it, but I didn’t know where to start. There was just - so - much.
And nothing happened inside the character’s heads. Romance is about internal feelings and emotions. There kind of weren’t any.
Can we have F+ with elephants as a new grade, pretty please with sugar on top?
How do you make elephants boring?
Rose said on 10.19.11 at 01:57 PM • [link]
Bejeweled elephants should be a part of every romance novel. Seriously. Otherwise, WTF? How did this get published?
As for the names: Was Xheni maybe a stage name? Like a really JR Wardish version of Jenny? Also, Ram is actually a normal (if not too common) name where I live, and on behalf of all local Rams (none of whom are nicknamed Ramrod, AFAIK), I am offended.
snarkhunter said on 10.19.11 at 02:27 PM • [link]
...this marks the second appearance of elephants in my morning, and it’s only 8:30. I am concerned for the rest of my day. Is this a warning that I’m going to be trampled by elephants? In Appalachia?
This book sounds amazing. And not in the good way. I absolutely LOVE the fact that she has only one eye but is apparently still able to drive race cars. (B/c that’s a GREAT idea.) /sarcasm. I’ve been wondering lately about disabled heroines—whether they exist. Somehow, this wasn’t quite what I had in mind.
JennyB said on 10.19.11 at 02:29 PM • [link]
@ Rose: I’m totally using Xheni as my new name!!
Also, I vow to use the phrase “nonsensical wtfery” at every opportunity.
Thanks for the morning laugh!
Patricia Eimer said on 10.19.11 at 03:01 PM • [link]
This, this is what makes me love the romance genre. Because you can’t make this WTFery up anywhere else. Thank you for giving me a hump day smile!
Sara said on 10.19.11 at 03:08 PM • [link]
OMG. This review. THANK YOU! I was thinking my week was made of suck, but then I read this and could not stop laughing.
Kim said on 10.19.11 at 03:15 PM • [link]
I don’t usually read bad books on purpose, but I’m definitely reading this one! As someone who longs for more books with South Asian heroes, I saw the title and got very excited, but now I know that the book should clearly not be taken seriously. Speaking of authors writing about cultures they don’t understand, there is an attempt by Mills & Book in India to cultivate Indian authors. I’ve been trying to get my hands on Milan Vohra’s Love Asana (their local author debut).
For those like me looking for more South Asian romances, I can recommend Anuja Chauhan’s The Zoya Factor and Rekha Waheed’s Saris in the City (Little Black Dress imprint). Also loved the hero in Meredith Duran’s Duke of Shadows who was part Indian.
If anyone has good South Asian romances to recommend, please pass them along…
TaraL said on 10.19.11 at 03:19 PM • [link]
I’m glad I’m not the only one who went straight from “clotted cream†to “gynecologist.â€
And â€elephant-sized jewels?†I’m immediately thinking “emergency room.†Dude. is that your elephant-sized jewels or are you just happy to see me?
Jeanne Wilson said on 10.19.11 at 03:27 PM • [link]
There’s one review of this book on Amazon.com—“Stunning! The Maharaja’s Mistress was a sensual and exotic journey written brilliantly by the talented Susan Stephens.”
Anna said on 10.19.11 at 03:33 PM • [link]
i think that if one does fun things with Xheni by like pronouncing it and reformatting it into Zheniya it is a reasonably normal name in parts of Eastern Europe. i can totally see a model mucking with it.
sadly that is the only even remotely believable part…
redheadedgirl said on 10.19.11 at 03:35 PM • [link]
@ Jeanne, We did notice that earlier this week- the interesting thing is that reviewer has what, like 500 reviews? And at least through the first four pages (after which I got bored) they are ALL 5 stars. Every. Single. One.
So…. there’s that.
Saira Ali said on 10.19.11 at 03:45 PM • [link]
@Kim
Thanks for the South Asian romance recs.
If you’re into paranormals, Nalini Singh’s _Blaze of Memory_ features an Indian-American hero. Although it’s full of wtfery like Dev, the hero, smelling like “cinnamon and other exotic oriental spices and metal.”
_Bodies in Motion_ by Maryanne Mohanraj isn’t a romance, but it does include romantic and erotic elements. It follows the members of two Sri Lankan families as they emigrate to the US and find love, or not.
Patricia M said on 10.19.11 at 03:57 PM • [link]
An observation for redheadedgirl: I went to law school because I assumed that there would be no math involved. Once I started practicing law, that assumption came back to bite me in the butt, big-time.
Kerry said on 10.19.11 at 03:59 PM • [link]
“He had set this [club] on fire the moment he had arrived - and now it was a raging inferno.â€
I have been waiting all my life for a romance novel with an arsonist hero!
mochabean said on 10.19.11 at 04:04 PM • [link]
How is there no Jacuzzi in this, I ask you? Jacuzzi carried on the backs of bejeweled elephants…tucked away in the aft compartment of the SS Rhode Island…nestled alongside one of those hairpin turns of the rally race? Lots of missed opportunities, there, I’m just saying…
Moviemavengal said on 10.19.11 at 04:09 PM • [link]
(*wheeze, gasp*)
Can’t breathe from laughing so hard!!!
It’s been awhile since we had a true WTF fest like this!
cleo said on 10.19.11 at 04:12 PM • [link]
@ snarkhunter - there was a post recently at DearAuthor about deaf heroines and heroes that listed a lot of books. Most sounded way better than this one. And there’s a Barbara Delinsky with the heroine using a wheelchair - maybe called An Accidental Woman - not sure. Think it’s the sequel to Lake News.
Anna the Piper said on 10.19.11 at 04:13 PM • [link]
To quote my beloved Tenth Doctor: “What? What?! WHAT?!”
Thanks, I needed that, Bitchery! ELEPHANT JEWELS is my new Maharaja’s Mistress cover band!
John C. Bunnell said on 10.19.11 at 04:14 PM • [link]
(1) I bet that 5-star review is from Harriet Klausner, who seems to review every genre fiction title published in North America (and the reviews are all about five lines long, award five stars, etc.).
(2) Being of the right age to remember them, the Ram-shtick caused my mind to instantly make the leap to the old Roger Ramjet cartoons (“when he takes his Proton Energy Pill[TM], he possesses the strength of 20 atom bombs for 20 seconds”). Which are, compared to this book, works of high art….
Sarah J said on 10.19.11 at 04:27 PM • [link]
Oh my God I could not stop laughing. I’ll be giggling all through my next class too.
Darlene Marshall said on 10.19.11 at 04:35 PM • [link]
[note to self—add sparkling comet dust to next pirate novel]
Wonderful. This is just what I needed to perk me up today. My total geek reaction: “Whoa! I wouldn’t want to be one of the bystanders at that race when Miss ‘I-have-no-depth-perception’ comes roaring around the curve!”
Thank you. You two are the classic Siskel & Ebert of romance reviews. Or maybe you’re Crow and Joel.
redcrow said on 10.19.11 at 04:37 PM • [link]
Umm, we kinda had a princess named Xenia. Which is probably what this mysterious “Xheni” is supposed to be. (I mean a name, not a person, or I’d say “whom”.)
He keeps his concubines in vivariums alongside his erotic art collection?
marykate_leahy said on 10.19.11 at 04:39 PM • [link]
This review made my life. It was absolutely hilarious! How in Satan’s holy hell did this get published?! I can hardly pick my favorite quote but it may be the clotted cream. It’s just that nothing says wild like curling up on the sofa with your cat, a scone and a cup of tea. Gets me so hot. Enough to draw my knees back and be claimed to my own soundtrack of sighs and sobs….LMFAO.
redheadedgirl said on 10.19.11 at 05:10 PM • [link]
@redcrow
Seriosuly, that bit- I don’t know where the fuck that came from. The harem bit, the collector bit- Mia just jumps to that conclusion based on the art alone.
M.M. Bennetts said on 10.19.11 at 05:21 PM • [link]
Well, at least this had some semblance of well, maybe plot is too far-fetched a term, but, er, geography. The very worst book ever written is Passion by Lisa Valdez, I promise you. As in your experience here, I lost count of the number of times I said, “What? He’s doing What? Where? WHAT?” And if you do read it or just happen to come across it, could someone please explain to me how the female got back across London in a cab after the bloke had cut her clothes off her?
Alley said on 10.19.11 at 05:23 PM • [link]
I’m with redcrow on this one: this sounds like his stateroom is full of women chained to the walls. WTF?
This book makes me want to get drunk and just start writing down whatever comes to me. Clearly, Harlequin will publish it.
Andrea said on 10.19.11 at 05:28 PM • [link]
@Kerry: LOL
OMG, this is so a book I will never pick up (I read one of her books - never again I tell you!!) - but it did serve its purpose by being reviewed here!
One thing though: I know someone who is blind in one eye and she can drive just fine - I think the brain somehow compensates. But does that only work when driving at normal speeds? Or when one has been blind in one eye since birth?
Melanie said on 10.19.11 at 05:42 PM • [link]
I actually bought and read this gem a few weeks ago. It’s everything you said, and then some. Along with everything else, I noticed that Mia has several roommates, but only Xheni has a name. What? Honestly, though, that was the least of this book’s problems.
I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that someone requested this book from me on Paperback Swap this morning. Whoever it is must have read your review.
Alice Shortcake said on 10.19.11 at 05:45 PM • [link]
I want to start a band called “Ram Varindha and his Inanimate Collectables”.
Alina said on 10.19.11 at 05:55 PM • [link]
I think Xheni is supposed to be Xenia (Kseniya), which is a common Russian name of Greek origin. But who knows.
(Side note because I’m all about onomastics: the name Anna mentioned in a comment above should be transliterated Zhenya, a common nickname for both Eugene and Eugenia.)
Here’s what disturbs me… that description of the harem room (Do cultures of the Indian subcontinent even have harems? Isn’t that a middle-eastern concept?) sounds like Ram is collecting actual women alongside erotica objects. Is he?
trudy said on 10.19.11 at 05:57 PM • [link]
i needed a good laugh! omgosh! when i grow up i wanna do the NaNo and not edit or anything, then send the ms to HQ who will then publish it, pay me and make me rich and famous!!! then someone will write a book about how that all happened to me but of course in the book i coudn’t have done that if i hadn’t had a tragic disfigurement and a guy who didn’t care, he just kept doing me until i got the 50k words done. now, that’s a dream job. HQ would publish that, too.
redheadedgirl said on 10.19.11 at 05:58 PM • [link]
@Alina:
Nope. Mia jumped to that conclusion based on the erotic art and on nothing else.
As for the Indian SubContinental Harems, it sounds pretty unlikely, I agree, but I don’t know for certain.
Ann said on 10.19.11 at 06:02 PM • [link]
This is the second best review ever—with the winner being Pregnesia…
But it reminded me of a Bollywood-esque movie called Marigold that I just recently caught on cable. Within the complex plot it featured a film being made in India with disparate plot points like this. (And they had been filming for years…) Makes me wonder if these kinds of plots are common in Bollywood movies? Or that the author watched *this* movie?!????
cbackson said on 10.19.11 at 06:05 PM • [link]
@Patricia M: When I was a first-year associate, I was asked to do a bunch of ridiculously complex currency conversions involving a floating exchange rate, in what I know realize was the corporate law equivalent of hazing.
Jamie Michele said on 10.19.11 at 06:08 PM • [link]
Just when I’d started to fall in love with Presents novels…
But I have to read this one! I’ve been swimming in Maisey Yates and Sarah Morgan lately. Now it’s time to read the other end of the spectrum, eh?
Rose said on 10.19.11 at 06:20 PM • [link]
@Alina: wouldn’t a Ksenia be more like to go by Ksusha rather than Xheni, though?
I’m honestly not sure why that bothers me, considering all the WTFery going on in this book.
@Ann: oooh, imagine a mashup of Pregnesia and this one!
Meljean Brook said on 10.19.11 at 06:37 PM • [link]
“Ram is the ruler of a small India-expy country called Ramakesh or Rammalammadingdong or something”
Ah. So is this like that awesome Chinese city of Hummahummachingchong?
Look, I realize that it’s also the title of a fifties song, and supposed to be funny. I just don’t think it’s awesome to do the “Oh, those foreign names!! So funny! Look how easy they are to twist and mock!” bit, and it doesn’t much matter that the name was made up—at least the author attempted to make her country sound authentic to the area, instead of a joke. Please, please be better than that.
Alina said on 10.19.11 at 06:39 PM • [link]
@Rose: In the real world, where no one is named Xheni, yes. In this author’s cracktastic world? Who knows!
Sunita said on 10.19.11 at 07:06 PM • [link]
I haven’t read this yet, although it’s on my TBR because I couldn’t pass up the potential WTF-ery. Good to know it will deliver all that it promised.
Yes, of course South Asian culture is familiar with the practice sequestering women, but these spaces were generally called zenanas, not harems. They are not the same things. The zenana was the women’s quarter. It was not sexualized, although the European interpretation (and fetishization) is one of a sexual space. The zenana in the Red Fort in Delhi has gorgeous filigree work.
There were Muslim rulers (the Mughals being the most powerful and well-known) for centuries in India, and north Indian culture in particular is a syncretic blend of Muslim and HIndu religious, cultural, and artistic influences.
I picked up Love Asana in an airport when I was in India earlier this year. It’s pretty good, and it definitely has an authentic Indian feel to it, although aspects of the characters’ background and behavior felt Westernized to me. But overall a decent debut.
Sunita said on 10.19.11 at 07:16 PM • [link]
@Meljean: Thank you.
Donna said on 10.19.11 at 07:24 PM • [link]
Today just keeps getting better and better!! Book signing tonight. Leaving work early to get to book signing. Free lunch before I leave early. And now a tag team review. Today is a total score!!
I hope Sarah packed her warm coat and some galoshes because, as usual, the weather here, it is crap.
Hey, Meljean! Come to Chicago!! I’m sure the weather will be better….
Ruth Madison said on 10.19.11 at 07:36 PM • [link]
Hilarious! Wow.
The only thing was, I was so confused by why Ram was a funny name. Took me the whole review to realize that you were reading it like ramming something. lol. I was reading it as the Indian name, which is pronounced with a long “a.”
This review had me laughing out loud at work. I hope I can learn what not to do from it! :)
EC Spurlock said on 10.19.11 at 08:01 PM • [link]
OMG, double the review, double the fun, even if you two did not have double the pleasure. Thanks for making a sick, miserable day so much better.
And of course elephants would have elephant-sized jewels… It WAS the elephants she was talking about, wasn’t it? >.>
@snarkhunter—NASCAR driver Ernie Irvin lost an eye in a wreck and continued to drive in races for at least a couple more seasons. In fact, some would say it IMPROVED his driving; he ran into a lot fewer walls after that…
Julia Sullivan said on 10.19.11 at 09:08 PM • [link]
I picked this up because it was one of Harlequin’s new multicultural romances where ethnicity doesn’t matter.
Wait, are they really billing it as that? Because it sounds like the same ol’ same ol’ WHITE LADY WITH VAGUELY BROWNISH BAZILLIONAIRE WHO IS EXOTICIZED OUT THE WAZOO stuff they’ve been peddling for ages.
Kim said on 10.19.11 at 09:11 PM • [link]
@Saira
Thank you for the recs, too. I read the Singh series and haven’t got to that one yet:)
@Melanie
That was me who ordered this book from you on PBS (I just PM’d you, too!)
@Sunita
So jealous that you have a copy of Love Asana. I’ve been trying to figure out how to find a copy. This whole discussion has got me thinking about the portrayal of India and Indian characters in category romance series books. Also have just discovered a new line of historical romances published by Random House India by Indian authors (I think) called Kama Kahani (Passion Stories). The covers are really interesting. The books can be found on Amazon.co.uk.
becca said on 10.19.11 at 09:21 PM • [link]
If I flunk my midterm tonight, I’ll know which sites to blame.
redheadedgirl said on 10.19.11 at 09:40 PM • [link]
@Meljean and Sunita: I apologize. I wasn’t trying to go for a “oh, those Asian places sound so funny!” thing (it didn’t even occur to me that it could be taken that way), I was playing off of his name and the lack of research shown in the rest of the book, but I apologize.
@ snarkhunter and EC Spurlock: The way the race was described was going around the narrow and twisty streets of Monte Carlo, which I would assume you’d want both depth perception and wide range peripheral vision for.
@ becca SorryNotSorry.
Jackie Barbosa said on 10.19.11 at 09:42 PM • [link]
I have to say that when I read most of the excerpts, my first thought was to wonder if Harlequin is being charged extra by its printers for using commas. Bad as the sentences were, most would have been improved or at least clarified by the addition of a well-placed comma.
Although I must say, the craziness of the plot makes me think my prince + tattoo artist HP idea has a chance. Because it’s crazy, but it’s not NEARLY as nuts as this sounds :). (But maybe I should aim for nuttier?)
DianeN said on 10.19.11 at 09:55 PM • [link]
@EC Spurlock, re NASCAR’s Ernie Irvan. He didn’t actually lose an eye. He had a severe head injury, and he did wear an eyepatch for quite a while afterwards. By the time he returned to racing, though, the patch was history and he was wearing glasses.
This book. Wow. My first thought as I waded through the excerpts was that perhaps the author’s first language is something other than English. My second thought was that it was written by machine. Hmm, what’s Watson up to now that the Jeopardy thing is over with??
MightyJesse said on 10.19.11 at 10:21 PM • [link]
This sounds like it came out of a random romance-novel-plot-generator program… After a really ill-advised dare during a 5 day drinking bender, perpetrated by a group of monkies with type-writers.
Lynne Connolly said on 10.19.11 at 10:41 PM • [link]
Nah, I just read a lot of Harlequins and just recently there have been some books with non-Caucasian heroes and/or heroines where the emphasis hasn’t been on the race of the people involved.
It was really well done in Maisey Yates’s latest.
Meljean said on 10.19.11 at 11:14 PM • [link]
@redheadedgirl Oh, I know—both you and Sarah are too savvy and aware for this to have been anything deliberate like that, and it was running along with the absurdity elsewhere (because much of this does sound totally WTF) but I’ll admit: I’m still trying to parse out exactly what this means for anyone writing multicultural romances.
His name, for example. I would never in a million years recommend Wikipedia as a reliable/great research source, but when a question like “What kind of name is Ram?” comes up ... it takes two seconds to hop over there and see if it IS a name that is used and is appropriate for the character’s supposed origin (at least as far as I can tell from the review).
“Hahah, Ram!? ... Seriously? Ram?”
Except…yes. Seriously. In a book full of absurdities and with plenty to criticize, I do find myself uncomfortable with the face that his name is also mocked and questioned, even though it’s culturally appropriate.
So I’m not sure where the line is when criticizing something that simply absurd, and what happens when the supposed absurdity is something that’s authentic, and it only seemed absurd because it wasn’t something our western (or insert any origin) ears are familiar with.
Anyway, I don’t have any answers here. I’m just thinking that if we are going to demand multicultural books and proper research and sensitive portrayals, readers (and I’m including myself) might need to do that quick self-check, too.
Asia M said on 10.19.11 at 11:49 PM • [link]
OMG this was hilarious!! Thanks for making us enjoy a wonderful review and avoiding us the reading of a crazy bad book at the same time!
As for the comments that were made about names… Just because a name actually exists doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of it. Especially if the context/character deserves it. There’s a difference between mocking something because it’s foreign, and mocking it because it calls for it, or because language allows you to! Imagine a hero named Dick who behaves like a dick. Why refrain from making jokes about it?
I’m half-Asian myself, and my boyfriend is South-Asian and has a Sanskrit name, by the way. I know what racism is. The fact that I could get told off by a white person for displaying anti-Asian racism quite riles me, too. (Not that non-white people cannot be racist too, but, you know.)
Alicia R said on 10.19.11 at 11:52 PM • [link]
I’m one of those people who will watch a really horrible movie just for the giggles, so I have to say…I’m kind of tempted to read this, now.
Also, love the Downton Abbey reference.
beggar1015 said on 10.20.11 at 12:48 AM • [link]
Somehow I need to find a way to work this into my everyday conversation, or at least a variation of it.
“How’s the weather?”
“Storm clouds could come and go, but where Ram was concerned arousal was forever.”
DreadPirateRachel said on 10.20.11 at 12:54 AM • [link]
I love you.
Isn’t it the best when an author feels the need to disparage other women in order to display the heroine to advantage? Especially when they use dairy metaphors.
beggar1015 said on 10.20.11 at 01:14 AM • [link]
Meanwhile, I think the site should also review this Marilyn Shoemaker’s 5 star reviews over at Amazon.
Or
So God’s idea of a sense of humor is trying to kill people with a blizzard?
DreadPirateRachel said on 10.20.11 at 01:38 AM • [link]
Also, supercar =/= not ideal car for a rally. If you look at the list of the cars that have won the actual Monte Carlo Rally, you do not find supercars. You find Mitsubishis, Fords, Subarus, Citroëns. Not Lamborghinis, Ferraris, or Koenigseggs. To win a rally in a supercar, you would have to take away most of what makes it a supercar.
I watch too much Top Gear (UK, of course. The American version is a not-funny joke).
Sunita said on 10.20.11 at 01:40 AM • [link]
@redheadedgirl: Thanks very much, I appreciate that. Like Meljean, I never thought you meant it the way it could be interpreted.
It does illustrate the dangers of being snarky when you’re not that familiar with the cultural context. When I first heard about this novel, I was struck by the name too, but not because of the homonym issue. Because that’s not how it’s pronounced; it’s pronounced Rahm, (as in Emanuel). But to give the hero the name of one of the most well-known and beloved Hindu deities, one who is famous for his role as a faithful (if spectacularly wrong about something) husband, is just odd.
So there’s plenty to snark on if you have more information.
I think Meljean raises a really important point. I’m one of those reviewers who has called out numerous authors for their lack of historical accuracy and/or cultural insensitivity. Is it fair to hold authors to such a standard and not reviewers? Surely we should be blaming them for the stuff they do wrong (and the joint review did a great job of that) but not the stuff they didn’t. Isn’t it the reviewer’s job to be sure of her facts/background before she wields her rapier of wit/snark? I think you guys fell down on this one.
Bad analogy. Dick is an English-language nickname and it has (at least) two meanings in English, which makes the joke work. Ram isn’t even pronounced the same way as the English verb. The joke only works if you *don’t* know how to pronounce it.
Ms. M said on 10.20.11 at 01:44 AM • [link]
It’s not Eastern European, but Xh is a common letter combination in Albanian (it sounds like ‘J’). I had students named Xhulia and Xhuliano.
Susan said on 10.20.11 at 02:22 AM • [link]
This sounds…I don’t know…words fail me. How does this stuff get published, and by a prominent publisher?
Julia Sullivan said on 10.20.11 at 02:35 AM • [link]
Nah, I just read a lot of Harlequins and just recently there have been some books with non-Caucasian heroes and/or heroines where the emphasis hasn’t been on the race of the people involved.
Ah, I get it. You thought it might be another interesting book about an interracial/intercultural romance, instead of the old-school exoticizing garbage a la THE SPANISH BILLIONAIRE VENEZUELAN SHEIKH MAHARAJAH’S SECRET PREGNANT MISTRESS SECRETARY BRIDE stuff.
And then you got this. Yikes!
I will definitely look for the Maisey Yates book, though. Thanks for the tip.
Insane Hussein said on 10.20.11 at 03:23 AM • [link]
This book is now in my TBR. Why? Because I need 50+ cliches by chapter 9, surprise bejeweled elephants, elephant-sized jewels and low-fat milksops in my life.
SB Sarah said on 10.20.11 at 05:08 AM • [link]
@meljean:
His name wasn’t mockable because it was foreign sounding to my ears or brain. I pronounced it “Rahm” while I read it (am I the only one who hears books while reading them, like an internal monologue?).
Naming a character “Ram”—particularly a romance hero with a lot of alpha male characteristics—is a dubious choice, accurate or not. What about, for example, naming a hero “Randy.” It’s a male name in many places but it also has additional meanings (ahem) which might make it a poor choice for a hero’s name.
JamiSings said on 10.20.11 at 06:30 AM • [link]
There are some books where I can’t help but wonder who the authors slept with to get it published. Forrest Gump is one. (Seriously, one of two times the movie was better than the book. The other being The Ghost And Mrs. Muir.)
While I haven’t read this one, just from the review, I’m wondering if this author didn’t beat Lisa Sparks’ record.
cbackson said on 10.20.11 at 06:30 AM • [link]
Oh man, I just realized that this lady wrote THE UNTAMED ARGENTINEAN, a Harlequin that I use as shorthand for “ridiculous romances novel” when chatting with my friends. I love it because the hero is named NERO CARACAS, which I have to type in all-caps all the time. And which also gave rise to a fun-filled game of making up romance novel hero names by combining the names of Roman emperors with Latin American capitals (come on, doesn’t Justinian Santiago sound how? What about Caracalla Belmopan? Too much?)
KarenH said on 10.20.11 at 06:34 AM • [link]
Actually Ernie Irvan did not lose an eye in a wreck. In 1994, during practice in Michigan for the GM Goodwrench 400, he hit the wall in turn two at 170 mph and suffered a traumatic brain injury, from which he was iitially given less than a 10% chance of surviving the night. As a result of his injuries, he did suffer from a short term issue with one of his eyes requiring use of a patch during his recovery, and I believe that eye requires focal correction with glasses (and the other does not).
He has never raced with an eye patch.
Meljean said on 10.20.11 at 07:12 AM • [link]
@SB Sarah
But she didn’t name him ram (the English verb.) She named him Ram, and there’s absolutely no acknowledgement in this review that it’s actually an accurate name (as problematic as the usage might be for this character, as Sunita pointed out.) There is only the use of “ram” as in the English term and definition, and the source of humor in this review (in regards to his name) stems solely from that English interpretation. How is Randy any different than using Dick in that case (and Sunita explains why that is a problematic analogy?)
By this logic, if I have a Chinese hero with the last name Wang (one of the most common surnames in the world), then it’s totally open season because of the English slang and connotations there? How can that be acceptable? (I am really, really trying to understand this here.)
alicja said on 10.20.11 at 09:51 AM • [link]
ok, I’m from Eastern Europe (POoand). We don’t gest names like Xheni. we don’t, I swear. Not to mention that Eastern-European female names 99% of the time end with “a”, as it is an indicator of a female gender in slavic languages. Even the dumb people at “Gossip Girl” knew that, they named a polish housekeeper “Dorota” a perfect eastern-european name.
Xheni is more like Xena, the Princess Warrior. And how hard is it to look at the “top 50 models” list in the net? I mean, at least 20 of them are polish or russian or ukrainian, they could come up with a name like Kasia, Agata, Anja, Natalia (Natalia Vodianova for God’s sake, how hard is to think of that?). but nooo, we have to think of some kind of weid pagan-godess like slavic name of shit, it would be more fun :D
I love the webpage, though. You shoud absolutely do a book by Linda Castello, plenty to say about that :D
Ros said on 10.20.11 at 11:38 AM • [link]
So here’s the thing: I got a rejection from Mills and Boon saying that my opening chapter was, and I quote, “too melodramatic and unlikely”. But THIS got published?
snarkhunter said on 10.20.11 at 02:07 PM • [link]
I think the name “Randy” is actually a better example of the name example than Meljean Brooks is allowing, but only if it’s cross-culturally applied. In the US, Randy’s a not-uncommon name, particularly in working-class communities (in my experience). But if you wrote a Mills & Boon book for a British audience with an American hero named “Randy,” and the name is (justly) mocked for being hilariously obvious for a romance novel hero, is it deliberate cultural insensitivity on the reviewer’s part? Maybe, a bit, but there’s also the reality of the audience’s expectations to consider.
I am not sure the author thought the name through. It’s a perfectly legitimate name, but maybe not a great choice for a romance novel hero, even with the different pronunciation. Not everyone will know that “Ram” = “Rahm,” though a good writer could certainly make that clear in the text somehow. Honestly, with the level of cultural idiocy the *author* is displaying in this, I’m not convinced she didn’t choose “Ram” as a giggly pun. And if a white Anglophone author gave a hero (or villain) the last name of Wang, yeah, I’d make fun of that. Not because “Wang” is inherently a funny name, but b/c the author deliberately chose a name that she must know has crude connotations to her Anglophone audience. (There are dozens of other Chinese names that would serve for a character: Li/Lee, Liu, Zhang, Zhao, etc.) A *person*‘s name isn’t funny. A character’s name is problematic when it’s chosen without consideration of cultural accuracy and the reception by the potential audience. When an author chooses names like these in English-language novels that display other examples of stereotypical cultural nonsense, I actually suspect the author is mocking the name herself.
However, if the author straight-up addresses this—by having the character have his name mocked, and then defending his name—I’d be totally cool with it. B/c then the author is addressing our own racist assumptions about names.
Kaetrin said on 10.20.11 at 02:22 PM • [link]
Christine Monson’s Rangoon had a hero named Ram. It is set in Burma (as it was called at the time). I still have a soft spot for that book and because of that if for no other reason, I didn’t notice anything strange about the hero’s name in this book. The rest of it sounds pretty out there though.
If you’re going to have a one-eyed heroine, why waste the opportunity to explore that aspect more, rather than just make it a characteristic like brown hair or long legs (as seems to be the case here)?
redheadedgirl said on 10.20.11 at 03:32 PM • [link]
Yes, it is a legitimate name, but a white author (she is) writing for English speaking audience naming a character who is a romance hero and who’s only consistent character trait is his prowess in bed (and in the shower and on the deck of his yacht and possibly on the back of an elephant) a name that is also a euphemism, intentional or not, is mock-worthy. There are plenty of other legitimate Indian names that would not have brought on that reaction. We weren’t mocking it because it’s not a legit name.
I will admit I read it as “ram”, not “rahm”, because a) I read in a Minnesota accent and b) I didn’t know it was pronounced differently.
MightyJesse said on 10.20.11 at 03:38 PM • [link]
As a person of mixed ethnicity, I have no problems mocking this use of an ethnic name in a poorly researched book written for an English speaking audience. As snarkhunter stated, I suspect that the author may have been mocking her own name choice as well.
When my brother was born, my mother wanted to give him the fine Japanese name “Hideyus.” My father nixed it because he wasn’t comfortable naming his child “hideous.” My father was AWARE of “audience” as it were, and American pronounciation. My mother was not.
Had my mother written a romance novel with a character named Hideyus, I probably wouldn’t be giggling over the name - even if she was writing a “Beauty and the Beast” spin off, because at least her cultural descriptions and assertions would be accurate beyond her character name. This book is CLEARLY neither a serious work, nor well researched, and thus I am forced to conclude that the author either intended the double entendre OR, was just as clueless about her intended audience as she was about the subject matter that she chose to use as the set for her story.
Meljean said on 10.20.11 at 06:22 PM • [link]
@MightyJesse When my brother was born, my mother wanted to give him the fine Japanese name “Hideyus.†My father nixed it because he wasn’t comfortable naming his child “hideous.†My father was AWARE of “audience†as it were, and American pronounciation. My mother was not.
I would absolutely expect that an American/English-speaking person who ran into the name Hideyus would absolutely do the “Hideous, really?” thing. And honestly, no fault there. After it was clear that Hideyus was a proper name, however, and someone still applied the meaning “hideous” to his name ... that person would be either a kid who doesn’t know any better (I hope we know better) or a dick.
@snarkhunter However, if the author straight-up addresses this—by having the character have his name mocked, and then defending his name—I’d be totally cool with it. B/c then the author is addressing our own racist assumptions about names.
This would be the ideal way of handling it in the text. And in that text, if some character insisted on using the English meaning to mock the hero ... wouldn’t that character be a dick?
That’s what I’m getting at here. It’s one thing to not know and to react to the perceived English meaning. But to know and yet still apply that English meaning? That’s a dick move. Redheadedgirl thought the meaning of the name was the English one (and this is what I originally assumed in my earlier comment when I brought up his name). Okay. But Sarah has said now that she knew it was Ram (Rahm), and yet applied the English meaning anyway. I simply cannot follow that process.
It is NOT the same as Randy or Dick. In Britain or America, “Randy” and “Dick” carry those other meanings already. To varying degrees, sure, depending on location. But the meaning is already there, and making a joke with a name like Randy or Dick is simply peeling away the ‘name’ layer and revealing the ‘other meaning’ layer.
The English word “wang,” however, is not equal to the transliterated surname Wang, and they are not interchangeable. English “wang” = penis. The surname Wang ≠penis. They are not the same word. They are not even close to the same word, because Wang comes from a different language and culture.
With Dick and Randy, the meaning is already there and attached to that word; there’s no need to add more meanings to it to make it humorous. To make the same joke with the surname Wang, you have to add the meaning “penis” to the surname Wang. You have to set wang and Wang equivalent to each other; you have to make them interchangeable. By making that joke, you are saying the surname Wang = penis.
I said above that using the English meaning of “ram” to find humor in Ram made me uncomfortable, and I was thinking in terms of privileging English meanings over cultural meaning for the sake of humor. But I’m realizing now that if it’s done deliberately, with full knowledge (or lack of care) about what the original meaning for each word/name is, and no thought to the effect of adding another meaning to a real culturally-appropriate name (not some made-up romance name like Devil or Vishous) that pushes me beyond discomfort. That’s horrifying to me.
I’m also not at all sure how author intention has anything to do with this. I’m talking about how this humor is used in a review, where the name Ram is made equivalent to an English word that suggests “shoving a penis into a vagina” (because we all know that’s where the humor is coming from—the suggestion inherent in the English word ‘ram’). If the character was an English character with a name Ram, hell yeah. Open season.
But this person is very explicitly not an English character, and his name is not, either. We can’t know the amount of research the author did. We can’t know her intention, anymore than we knew Heyer’s intention when she was writing about a moneylender. So what if the book is good or bad? Some people think Heyer is trash, too. That doesn’t mean her portrayal isn’t offensive, or that it doesn’t matter. The way humor is used in a review matters, too. It matters when a name is deliberately stripped of its original meaning in one language and culture, and a meaning from another language and culture is slapped on top of it, because it transforms the name itself. That goes beyond a review. That goes beyond a book, good or bad.
TL;DR version: Even if there’s a similar-looking or -sounding word in English, applying the English meaning to a foreign word is just not cool.
redheadedgirl said on 10.20.11 at 06:27 PM • [link]
Not the meaning, the pronunciation.
teshara said on 10.20.11 at 07:56 PM • [link]
Erm… it’s nice to know everyone is so sensitive and all, but I almost married a man whos last name was Schmuck.
It’s a muddled up name that went from Hebrew and through Germany. It means jeweler.
Now that you know the meaning would you be willing to take that name? (Because, trust me your job opportunities aren’t going to be the same. Really.)
Not to mention all the ‘Sa-heed’s that are spelled Shithead. I love that name, but oh Lordy…
Also, Focker is a real last name, but when the movies carrying the same name came out they were blocked for obscenity. Those aren’t the same words, but oh, yea. Yes they are. They had to provide legal proof that the name existed. (And flipping open the phone book didn’t count. They had to research for historical proof.)
English is a tricky language that takes no prisoners. Think before you write.
Courtney Milan said on 10.20.11 at 08:36 PM • [link]
I hesitate to weigh in. I’m going to have to second Meljean here. I thought parts of the review were funny as hell, but some of the way that the country name “Ramprakesh” and Ram’s name himself were discussed made me really uncomfortable.
The only reason “Rammalammadingdong” is a funny substitute for “Ramprakesh” is that both are long words with lots of syllables which do not often occur in our language.
This is a sore spot for me because I have childhood memories of being at school, and going up to a group of kids and having them say, “Oh, now Courtney’s here, we’re going to have to speak Chinese,” and then having them all spit out a bunch of garbage syllables, and laugh hysterically at each other until I went away. (For full disclosure, and those who are wondering, my mother is Chinese.)
So from my experience, casually equating a bunch of foreign sounding syllables with equivalent gobbledygook feels like a kind of attack.
I know that wasn’t the intent here at all. I’m not trying to accuse anyone here of racism—I know that’s the furthest thing from anyone’s mind—but I want you to know that this kind of thing can still hurt, regardless of your intent.
Please keep in mind that there are people who systematically try to devalue, exclude, and discourage minorities from funny-sounding countries with funny-sounding names and funny-sounding languages by mocking their culture, their language, and their names, and making them feel ashamed of those same things.
I know you aren’t trying to do that. I know that you were trying to be funny. But that particular part of the review wasn’t funny for me. It reminded me of a time when everyone laughed at me because of something I couldn’t control, and made me feel ashamed because my mom was Chinese.
Thanks for listening.
Ann Aguirre said on 10.20.11 at 08:47 PM • [link]
I co-sign everything Meljean & Courtney have said here.
SB Sarah said on 10.20.11 at 09:01 PM • [link]
@MelJean @Courtney:
I’ve offended you, and I apologize.
In the book, there are some explanations of clothing, names for articles of dress, and some instruction as to custom and protocol.
The hero’s name is not explained. Without that textual explanation, there’s ample room to both misread (or mispronounce) and interpret incorrectly the potential additional meanings for that name. As snarkhunter mentioned, I also at one point thought the author was also making his name into something of a pun with multiple meanings.
Regardless, I am sorry that I offended you. Not my intention at all, and thank you both for explaining.
Sunita said on 10.20.11 at 09:04 PM • [link]
Yes, this, exactly. This is about the humor in the review. And like Meljean, I’m baffled by Sarah’s response that she knew the pronunciation was different but still thought it was mockable. The reason Ram is not transliterated on the page as Rahm (or something equivalent) is because unlike Chinese, there is no standard form of transliteration. But that flat “a” sound is never there because it doesn’t exist in the language.
So if you *know* how it’s pronounced, what makes it so funny? There are at least three commenters on this board who didn’t get it *because* they knew how it was pronounced and so didn’t make the connection with the verb “to ram.” And if it had been spelled “Rahm” throughout the book, would you have made the same connection?
You are assuming that all English speakers are ignorant of the pronunciation and the different meaning. That is not uniformly true even on this board, and there is a vast English-speaking and reading population that instinctively “hears” and processes the word differently, depending on the context to tell them which is appropriate.
And what Courtney Milan said about the place-name stuff. First “Ramakesh or Rammalammadingdong or something,” then two more “Rammalammadingdong"s and finally a “RampraRomperRoom.” By contrast, Monte Carlo was spelled correctly throughout. What makes Ramprakesh inherently mockable and Monte Carlo immune? It sounds as if stupid OTT behavior was occurring in both places.
MightyJesse said on 10.20.11 at 09:12 PM • [link]
The OTHER reason why they’re funny is because they don’t exist in ANY language in the context in which they’re used. “Ramprakesh” is a really real name in some countries. But it is NOT the name of a country in any language. She chose to model her fake country after South East Asia. South East Asia is no joke, but her research sure is. The Fremen of Dune are modeled after Bedouin culture, but you don’t see very many people mocking them, because Herbert did EXTENSIVE research and put sufficient distance and creative effort between them and the people of earth to give them credibility. Whereas this author did not.
I have also been hurt by the behaviors that you described, but I still found this funny - mostly because I frame it in terms of science fiction. Neither the country nor the characters here are anything but a figment of the author’s imagination. Had she put all this on another planet with fewer names/places/syllables lifted from the common lexicon, it would be just as improbable, but less insulting to the people living in the places that pretended to represent - however I don’t find the reviewers amusement at her abject lack of appropriate research at all insulting or lacking in sensitivity in this instance. I am MORE offended by the author’s careless representations of Monaco, racing, elephants, South East Asian naming conventions, and people with disabilities, than I am with the reviewers pointing out her failures in all of these categories - whatever short hand they chose to use.
Courtney Milan said on 10.20.11 at 09:12 PM • [link]
I’m not offended. I know that’s not how you intended it at all.
I just wanted to let you know why the humor didn’t work for me. My first reaction was just to walk away—but I knew that if I explained to you why it made me want to walk away, you’d listen.
One of the biggest things I like about the Bitchery is precisely that—that this is one of the few websites that doesn’t turn into an echochamber of “me toos!” I know that we can disagree (civilly!) and explain what we mean and people will listen. We might not always agree, but we’ll listen.
There are very few places, anywhere, where I would actually be able to post what I did and have a productive discussion about it.
MightyJesse said on 10.20.11 at 09:22 PM • [link]
PS - Courtney
I’m not saying that your internal flinch isn’t warranted. I’m attempting to explain why, with similar background, I did not have a flinch on the review side as much as I had a scowl and mental hives from the reviewed book.
I did find the review funny, thus proving how fickle an audience can be - even if they are known.
Courtney Milan said on 10.20.11 at 09:28 PM • [link]
@MightyJesse
NO. EVERYONE MUST FLINCH IN THE SAME WAY AS I DO, AT THE SAME TIME.
Next flinch scheduled for 3:35 EST. Set your clocks.
SB Sarah said on 10.20.11 at 09:32 PM • [link]
CRAP. WHAT TIME ZONE AM I IN RIGHT NOW? I think Eastern. Yes.
Sunita: I honestly did not sit at my desk and think that applying the English meaning to a name that was not English was going for extra more layers of funny. Your and MelJeans comments were the confirmation that my original reading of the name as “Rahm” was right - I had no idea if I was right. It was not my intention to stumble into being a douche, but it appears I did. I apologize.
OK. Flinch alarm is SET.
redheadedgirl said on 10.20.11 at 09:44 PM • [link]
SHIT I MISSED THE FLINCH
When is the next one?
Sunita said on 10.20.11 at 09:53 PM • [link]
@Sarah: I know that, and had our comments not crossposted I would have worded mine differently after reading yours. I appreciate it, thanks.
I am old, and the statute of limitations for flinching has thankfully expired for me. I can now hear the term “Indian elephant” and not flash back to my first few years here. Although it was more weird than wounding; I was about 4’9” and maybe 70 lbs. dripping wet. I’d *seen* elephants, even ridden one (with jewels!). I knew I didn’t look like one. And if they’d really wanted to be mean they would have called me a cow, anyway (those being the two bits of info they knew about India).
SB Sarah said on 10.20.11 at 10:16 PM • [link]
Dude. I’ve met you - you are so not old. :)
MightyJesse said on 10.20.11 at 10:27 PM • [link]
That’s OK, RHG… My flinch caused me to hit “GIVE AS GIFT” instead of “MINE, ALL MINE. DO EET NOW!” on Unclaimed at Amazon. Happy Birthday.
tigerbaby said on 10.20.11 at 10:55 PM • [link]
Not to belabour a point but I would like to point out that the Chinese last name Wang is not pronounced the way you think it is. It’s actually Wong or Huang depending on what part of the country you are from.
tigerbaby said on 10.20.11 at 10:58 PM • [link]
I meant to say it’s pronounced “wong”
snarkhunter said on 10.20.11 at 11:33 PM • [link]
I actually know how Wang is pronounced, but I do not read aloud or listen to e-books. So I was think of books as a primarily visual medium, and referring entirely to the way it looks on the page. Left unaddressed in a silly, stereotypical, badly written novel that appropriates cultural stereotypes left and right? Wang is a bad choice for the transliteration of a character’s family name. Not because it’s a funny name, but because in a textual medium written for a given audience, it has problematic connotations—a problem that could be fixed with mentioning the pronunciation or simply tranliterating it “Wong,” “Huang,” or (depending on where the character is from, obviously) “Hwang.”
(I had no idea Randy meant anything other than a name—specifically, the name of my godfather—until I was in my 20s. Maybe the slang meaning is more common in areas than others?)
Danielle said on 10.21.11 at 12:23 AM • [link]
.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Caracas as a surname is probably not that farfetched. As it happens, I know a South American whose middle name it is. I have the impression that the etymology of the word is uncertain, sometimes attributed (as this man’s parents do) to a tribe who lived in the area when the conquistadors arrived and built the city that is now the Venezuelan capital, and sometimes to a plant of the region.
Virginia Llorca said on 10.21.11 at 12:42 AM • [link]
WAAAY too much ink for something that bad. Certainly not worth the time to read such an extra long review. Bet it sold like crazy. Ah, me. . .
Deb Kinnard said on 10.21.11 at 03:56 AM • [link]
Does anyone find it funny that this F+ rated book has now garnered more comments than the great A rated ones?
And being on Central time, I too missed the Flinch-In.
Myth979 said on 10.21.11 at 04:10 AM • [link]
As someone with a blind eye, I can safely say that driving race cars is a bad idea. A really bad idea. And I’ve been blind in that eye since birth - she’s had, what, a couple of years to get used to the depth perception thing? HAH. I still have problems with distance.
Though the pirate eyepatch is always fun to wear.
Maria said on 10.21.11 at 04:21 AM • [link]
Wow ladies!! I guess I should say you’re welcome! I can’t believe that clueing you into this clown car resulted in this! Love the review, love everyone’s comments. I really love the Presents short romances, my Grandma collected them and I read tons of her old books as a teen. When they’re done well (Lynne Graham is pretty consistent, Lucy Monroe, Michelle Reid I like as well) they are light, fun and indulgent escapism. I am disturbed by the occasional books that come out from them that have such glaring inconsistencies, nobody reads these before publishing?? For years I have toyed with the idea of writing/submitting something to them, maybe I should, I can’t possibly be worse than this!
Virginia Llorca said on 10.21.11 at 04:35 AM • [link]
At the dawn of the electronic age of word processing and electronic type setting we worked on dedicated computers that were called “word processors” and the best one’s available at that time (maybe the only one’s) were made by Wang. I still get the business if I mention I learned word processing on a Wang.
Sophie Brown said on 10.21.11 at 08:55 AM • [link]
Okay. I knocked over my drink. Spit soda all over the table and had my roommates come rushing in to see if I was dying from my hysterical snort/laugh/coughing…can’t breathe…omg. So they had to see for themselves and the WTF spread…like clotted cream.
Wow. One of the best reviews ever.
EbonyMcKenna said on 10.21.11 at 01:53 PM • [link]
I’ve gone right off clotted cream now.
Jess - Taking It One Book at a Time said on 10.21.11 at 08:41 PM • [link]
BAHAHAHAHAHA! Seriously THEE best book review I have ever read! This just turned my shitty Friday upside down…but don’t worry I wasn’t standing under it, so I’m not covered in shit
Jrant said on 10.21.11 at 08:57 PM • [link]
From Rei:
This is the best thing I’ve heard all week. Thank you.
Erika / Badass said on 10.21.11 at 09:28 PM • [link]
O.M.G This post is made of awesome.
Thank you for the laughs, and for taking one for the team :lol:
Erika
Michelle said on 10.21.11 at 09:47 PM • [link]
Well, that review was fairly hilarious. I almost want to download the Kindle sample just to see some of it for myself.
I also think it’s awesome to see people having a civil disagreement on the Internet. I spend a lot of time on some other forums where that simply isn’t the case. Some posters may attempt to disagree politely and explain their cases, but 90% of them just devolve into insults and name-calling. So it was really cool to read through the comments and see thoughtful arguments from both sides.
Short version: You guys rock.
kkw said on 10.21.11 at 09:54 PM • [link]
But can we all agree that Epluribus Kitchen is a funny name? http://www.futilitycloset.com/2011/10/18/roll-call-5/
Finding humor in names is juvenile, but I don’t think that makes it inherently mean-spirited. I sure hope not. I think it’s hilarious when people fall over. It’s not mature of me, or kind, in fact it’s patently insensitive, but even as I’m really worried about someone who’s falling my brain is always going to register it as funny as it’s happening.
Umberto Eco has a great essay about how our first reactions are almost always the same as everyone else’s, which becomes tedious if you’re the one introducing people to a new concept. There’s something about how everyone he met always makes 1 of 2 jokes about his name, and for the longest time he thought that by a strange coincidence he only ever met stupid people.
I have a friend who is really short and every time I see her my first thought is ‘you’re so tiny’ which I obviously don’t say because it’s unimportant, she knows already and it’s rude to make personal comments. But I’m pretty sure if anyone ever did a roast of her, there would be a lot of jokes about her being small, because humour often comes from the obvious thing, and even more the conjunction of the obvious with the unexpected. Knowing how the name Ram is properly pronounced made the jokes funnier to me for precisely that reason.
Lu said on 10.22.11 at 03:55 AM • [link]
I’ve flipped through this book at Meijers! I admit, I also concluded that it was full of a staggering amount of ‘whaaaa??? no way…. no, seriously, WTF?!?’
I couldn’t figure out what exactly the woman was supposed to DO - other than pine for The Guy that she’s had lots of Hott Sexxors with. (and the Hott Sexxors scenes really seemed closer to tepid to me.)
I was rather fuzzy about his depiction as well - besides his ObviouslyNotEnglish?American/FrenchName and occasional Costuming, I didn’t really get a sense of him as NotAmerican/AngloEuropean. This bothered me briefly - if you’re claiming this guy is a maharajah, shouldn’t he feel like a different literary flavor than ye GenericRomanceAlphaMale? (oh, that’s why he’s got the fancy wardrobe, the background elephants (and why are there elephants? Oh, an anvil-sized reminder that we are Not In America/England/Europe anymore.) Except that he didn’t react in a way that made him feel believably different. (No, I have no idea how a real maharaja should act - but I’m pretty sure that it isn’t just like the NASCAR inspired heroes, or the NewYorkSuper-StockBrokerMillionaires havign affairs in the boardrooms with their secretary/rival’s daughter/old flame, or the generic BritishTitled(Lord/Count/Duke/Whatever).)
I have no idea why there was the heirloom lute with SupriseAddedWeddingRing except as another anvil-sized reminder that ThisIsNotAmerica/England.
I couldn’t figure out why THIS woman got him any more hot&bothered; that the unspecified previous women that this Man’oExperience (because he’s an alpha male - they seem to be required to have had multiple previous affairs of no emotional benefit), or just what his appeal to her was other than his required ManlyGoodLooks and teh HottSexxors that they’d been having previously. (oh, and he’s rich. I guess that’s got appeal).
At first, I puzzled over it and flipped back to earlier sections - nope, didn’t help - didn’t retain - it all slipped into a confused Whaaaaat??!? before I concluded - you know, there are times when it’s not worth the headache.
I am deeply, deeply relieved to know that I am not alone in thinking Whaaaaaa? um, that still makes no sense…
verification word body68 - yes, they had 68 reasons to stay together - they were apparently all sexual encounters or body parts.
Susan said on 10.22.11 at 04:12 AM • [link]
@Virginia Llorca—I, too, used to work on a Wang (which everyone pronounced as wang). And I loved it. I also used the Lanier and the (hideous) Four-Phase. And, before graduating to dot-matrix printers, I used daisy-wheel printers. I think I’ll go take my Geritol now.
Not to throw fuel on the fire, but I knew Ram was a legitimate name and also how to correctly pronounce it (admittedly from A Little Princess’s Ram Dass), but I still found the review funny because I believed the author intentionally selected the name knowing it would likely be be mispronounced and misconstrued. I felt as if the reviewers were calling out the author for her selection based on the obvious connotations it would elicit rather than mocking the actual name. OK, ‘nuf said.
But I have to admit that I don’t have a taste for these Harlequin romances in general. As someone else pointed out, many of them historically relied on the fair-complected woman/swarthy man theme. I remember reading those books involving the virgin English rose secretary and the overbearing Greek tycoon/Italian industrialist/(noble) Spanish millionaire/Middle Eastern sheik in my youth and can’t believe they’re still being churned out. Just ugh.
erinf1 said on 10.22.11 at 05:21 AM • [link]
@KKW - EXACTLY! I totally agree w/ everything you said. As a short, Korean woman you can guess what is the first things most people say about me. Add to that my name is Erin b/c I’m adopted and well… let’s just say that the obvious has been noted time and time again. I’ve learned not to take offense (but that has taken a lot of time and maturity!) b/c often people are nervous and blurt out the first thing they think. I’ve learned to be gentle and to poke fun at myself and simply… *to not care* Making them feel bad by pointing out their rudeness doesn’t make me any better.
I, also, appreciate the ability on this site to have civil disagreements and debates and to have everyone be able to state their opinions without turning into a flame war. However, can I point something out? as a minority, nonwhite spectator?
PC is sometimes as bad as the perceived racism. I appreciate that we want to make the board even all across and make everyone equal and fair, but that’s not life. And constantly pointing out *everything* that can be perceived as racist, even if the intention isn’t there, is as uncomfortable as an actual racist comment. It’s spotlighting that “we” are different, you are saying let us “defend” you! Whether we need it or not.
You don’t have to prove that you aren’t racist, I believe that of everyone until they prove me wrong. Yes, if someone says something innocently and doesn’t know, pointing it out is ok privately (don’t get me started on the “oriental” debate”) But not publicly. In public is putting a spotlight where it doesn’t have to be and making someone feel unnecessarily bad. I feel the same way about people making short jokes or constantly ragging on me for being short. It’s the same thing to me.
That’s just my thoughts and don’t get me wrong! I do appreciate the debate and the candor and that everyone is rushing to apologize. But, the apology, like this review, should be subjective. If they offend individuals, then their apology should be individual and personal. It doesn’t need to be public. The intent wasn’t there, this is a commentary and review and this is why we are here. The ladies didn’t mean any real bias and they didn’t ping my radar and I appreciate their wanting to pacify.
Thanks for making me laugh, making me think and making me appreciate :)
Merry said on 10.22.11 at 07:18 AM • [link]
... and in today’s poll, a large number of voters have indicated that they would like to vote for ErinF1 if ever there were a country devoted to common sense and common courtesy…
Kim said on 10.22.11 at 12:52 PM • [link]
I’ve enjoyed the debate here (at least until it became repetitive) but I’d also like to second everything Erin said.
Lisa Hendrix said on 10.22.11 at 02:55 PM • [link]
Great debate, great resolution between adults.
But I have to chime in that “randy” isn’t just modern slang. It’s a fine old word that’s been around for centuries. According to Oxford American:
anymommy said on 10.22.11 at 11:22 PM • [link]
This is the funniest thing I have read on the internet in forever. Thank you for this site ... it’s a favorite.
DianeN said on 10.23.11 at 04:15 AM • [link]
It occurs to me that if this book hadn’t been chock full of mockable insanity (how full does a chock get, anyway?) the reviewers would never have even thought to make jokes about Ram’s name. I think sometimes we find things funny that would ordinarily make us cringe in embarrassment or shock or guilt because of the sheer ridiculousness of the context. There’s an entire movie genre built around this idea—the American Pie series, any number of Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler flicks, The Hangover, etc. etc. etc.
Lily White LeFevre said on 10.23.11 at 06:34 AM • [link]
1. I feel so much better.
2. On the cross-cultural barrier of names thing. There was a documented case where a diplomat was rejected for placement in…Saudi Arabia? a few months back for having a name that meant, no joke, the equivalent of “Biggus Dickus” in Arabic.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/08/akbar-zib-pakistani-diplo_n_451640.html
Name mocking. It’s not just a Western issue…
Cathy B said on 10.23.11 at 10:37 PM • [link]
corkscrew duck weenus
= orange juice through nose OW
Junne said on 10.25.11 at 11:29 PM • [link]
OK, I began reading that one but the writing didn’t make any sense. Like I was reading sentences that had no link with each other. It drove me crazy, but I must say, I was a little guilty because I forgot one major rule about HPs: never pick anything recently written by Sara Craven, Susan Stephens or Anne Mather ( although they do have good older books - at least for Anne Mather). I mean, no offense, someone must like this stuff because they keep getting books published but the WTF ratio is just too high.
cocktailhour said on 10.26.11 at 08:55 PM • [link]
I confess, I am addicted to the Harlequin Presents line. I like Mediterranean alpha males who are billionaires. I looked forward to an Indian-ish book (I just hoped they wouldn’t mention the Kama Sutra, as seems to occur in any romance novel with an Indian location). But this review pretty much sums up my thoughts. One eyed? hot pants? the rally race that wasn’t? And y’all did not mention that part that was by far the most confusing to me: heroine and hero were friends as kids. He moved away or something when she was SIXTEEN. he is close to 10 years older and nothing ever happened between them. they were purely friends. yet because he moved away, she went crazy with the loss of the love of her life and did dangerous things (like rally car driving). In addition, he secretly knew he loved her and bought her a dress at age 16 as a going away present. it made no sense.
to chime in my two cents on the word debate, Ram is a common name in India, but a romance author (or editor) who doesn’t see the pun in English, writing for an English audience, is just stupid. (although as a reader I didn’t see it until this review.) there are plenty of other common Indian names without a similar connotation in English. I definitely assume it was done deliberately. I also wasn’t offended by the Indian puns in this review, but I am annoyed when words in other languages are made fun of generally. somehow here it seemed ok. /personal opinions, may not apply to others.
NH said on 10.27.11 at 09:54 AM • [link]
could NOT stop laughing. best review of the worst (?) book ever. new to your site. #love it. wow, i tweet even when i’m not on twitter.
hollowayliteraryagency.com
@ hollowaylit
Red Tash said on 11.05.11 at 01:13 PM • [link]
Okay, that settles it. Maybe I will write a romance, after all. Why the hell NOT? Might as well shoot for comedy gold, and if it falls short, maybe someone will take it at face value and enjoy it. I hate romance, love your blog. Would *never* send you my book, for fear of being ripped to shreds (and mine’s a 5-star, but still…). God bless those who do! It’s impossible not to laugh at this review!
Leogirl said on 11.16.11 at 05:26 AM • [link]
Was Ram in Twilight as well - seeing as he was all ‘Sparkly’?
ChicBookLover said on 11.17.11 at 04:47 PM • [link]
I couldn’t stop laughing!
LOVED this tag review <3
Since everyone’s sharing their op,here’s my thoughts: I honestly don’t think that there was much reason to go all ” !!! ” regards to the name.. Yeah,it wasn’t delibrate ,we all know that, and it was never meant EVER to be racist .. But disregarding all that,so what if the name’s meaning was made fun of?It’s a NAME.NOT A PERSON.
If one laughs at a guy named Ram,one is 100% a dick.Cause he’s a real person with feelings.If one laughs at a book character,whose name(when obv: taken out of context/pronounciation changed) becomes very funny,why not? Seriously? I don’t get the point of ‘soothing wounded feelings’ when noones been hurt for real.Its not like we went ahead and said ‘oo Indian names are funny’ :l
also,i didn’t know Wang was pronounced Wong.i did pronounce it as ‘wang’.so just because YOU knew wang isnt pronounced so,how can you say that dick and wang are different?they’re just the same for people like me.
So next time if I make a joke about a NON-EXISTANT character named Wang,i’ve done the equivalent of killing a fluffy little kitten?
Madhu said on 11.17.11 at 09:39 PM • [link]
LOLarious review. I want to read this.
As much as the bejeweled elephants have caused considerable mirth, this is the ONLY realistic part of this entire novel. Rajas did commission jeweled blankets for their elephants, and there were jewels on the elephants headpieces. The mahout would also paint the elephant’s trunk with vine-like designs.
It’s probably a total coincidence that the author got that detail right, though.
Virginia Llorca said on 11.17.11 at 10:42 PM • [link]
Speaking only with reference to the computers they made with which I worked, none of the techs or service people or salesmen ever said WONG. And they had a huge office building near the highway and everyone called it that WANG building At another position in another electronics firm where I was employed, I asked a Japanese guy who worked for Toshiba, was it pronounced toe Sheeba or TOE shibba. ( My husband who had been stationed in Japan insisted it was TOE shibba.) And he said well actually, neither, it is pronounced TOE shibba and I couldn’t hear the difference. They were wonderful. They brought me gifts. Say g’nite to this thread, Gracie.
Framboise said on 12.26.11 at 06:29 PM • [link]
I’ve been pondering the eyepatch. Sort of “Phantom of the Oprah”
Afton Lynne said on 01.07.12 at 06:00 PM • [link]
Thank you for the lulz.
I almost want to buy this book so I can compare it to all future books I dislike just to remember what happens when characters and plot never meet…
Katie said on 01.08.12 at 03:51 PM • [link]
I love that the amazon review now states that this book is so hot that scenes seem to be “right out of the karma sumatra”.
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