Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

HaBO: Cracks in the Wall, Possibly Also in the Heroine’s Head

This request comes from Kris, who is looking for a book she read a long time ago: 

 I read this book sometime between 1980 and 1984. Today, it would probably be coded as a Young Adult book. The main character was a teenager whose parents were moving. All I remember about the new place she moved to was the house was older (it may have been inherited by one of her parents), and there was a woods nearby. I also remember a description that involved the teenager noticing the cracks in the paint on the ceiling or the wall. The teenager resented the move away From Everything She Ever Knew and Ever Friend She Ever Had. She hated the new place and felt really isolated. Seems like she had a younger sibling, they were always fighting, and her parents always sided with the Younger Child, as the younger would Could Do No Wrong. When she went exploring in the woods, she carried her sketchpad and drew stuff despite her angst. At some point, she meets a mysterious boy that appears… read more »

HaBO: A Romance Heroine Named Avrielle

Molly writes in with this request - and this one is a challenge. Her subject line: "In competition for the oddest query yet:"

 As my subject line hints, I have a very strange question for you. When/before I was born, my mother had planned to name me Avrielle (or possible Avril, though she always pronounced it more like Avrielle). Ultimately, her mother changed her mind; when I asked about it, my mother said she'd seen it in a book and liked it.

It didn't occur to me until recently that she wasn't a big reader (after I was born, anyway) and that the few books I know of that she read were all romances. Thus, I've concluded that I was probably named after a romance novel heroine (or possibly, author). However, my google-fu has let me down, and my mother passed away a decade ago, so sadly, I can't ask her. I'm not expecting a miracle, here -- I know it's a long shot, but I figured if anyone else might have the answer to my question… read more »

HaBO: Nalini Singh Is Looking for a Book

Nalini Singh wrote to me asking for help finding a book she read a long time ago: 

 I'm pretty sure it's a Western novella that was published some time back. The heroine is the daughter of a rich landowner, and Evil Guy tries to forcibly compromise her at a party so that she'll be forced to marry him. Except she's saved by young Heroic Cowboy, but then there's a problem because Evil Guy *did* manage to ruin her in some fashion, so she has to marry him.

Clearly, she doesn't want to, but if she doesn't marry, then her life will be over.

In steps Heroic Cowboy - who has been in love with her forever - and says he'll marry her instead. He's not rich, but the heroine and her parents both like him better than smarmy Evil Guy, so everyone agrees. Hero and heroine move out to Heroic Cowboy's remote cabin, and the majority of the story takes place there, and from what I recall that story is ADORABLE!

… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: Home Alone Face!

JL is looking for this book, and she remembers the cover most of all:

I actually have a HABO that I've been holding onto for a little while now. I can't remember a ton about the book and have been hoping more would come to me, but I think this might be it! I'm looking for one of the earlier romances I read, which I got from a truly amazing used romance book store my mom used to take me to when I was a tween. I remember shelves that were as tall as I am just filled to bursting with romance paperbacks--if only such a magical place existed today!

Anyway, the book was a Harlequin Regency I'm certain, and I read it in probably the mid 1990s (so the book might have been early to mid 90s?) . I remember the cover illustration was of a woman with black or dark brown hair, and she's making this ridiculous surprised look at the hero (picture the Home Alone kid in the aftershave scene). As for the plot,… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: Gambling With Emerald Earrings

Julia is looking for this book - which sounds very sweeping! 

 Sometime between 1975 and 1979, I read a book set in Wyoming or Colorado, during the Cattlemen/Shepherders War. I believe the characters names were Jason and Kate. I know she had green eyes and that Jason(?) bought her a pair of emerald earrings.

As life would have it, Kate left or got sent away and took up with a gambler named Jacques. Jason(?) gambles with Jacques and loses the emerald earrings.

I remember during the gambling scene, Jacques said he had a mistress with green eyes.

I THINK the cover had a lot of brown in it. I know the book is not a Rosemary Rogers or a Laurie McBain or a Kathleen Woodiwiss.

I surely would love to know if anybody else remembers this book and/or what the heck the name is.

Never gamble with a guy named Jacques when the prize is earrings. Do you recognize this book? 

S-HaBO-Day: He Ran Her Over, Then Married Her

Catherine is looking for a book she read years ago - and I want to know where this cart full of books is, because I have a few dozen to donate! 

 I got the first romance novel I ever read from the hospital library cart when I was 8 or 9 and hospitalized for asthma for a couple of days. It was some 70s type book, probably a Harlequin or a Silhouette, with a dark-haired woman in a filmy white nightgown standing on the cover with the hero.

The plot involved the rich hero nearly running her down with his car, deciding to "apologize" by marrying her on his deathbed so she can inherit his money, and then inexplicably recovering.

Why he didn't just tell his lawyers to cut her a nice check for her inconvenience I have no idea. Maybe he didn't have a lawyer.

The hero's glamorous ex girlfriend was lurking around a bit and I don't think there was much sex, if there was any at all.

… read more »

HaBO: A Long Ago Romance With a Wicked Chandelier

This request comes from Sharon, who is searching for a romance she read awhile ago: 

I am looking for the first "grown up" historical romance I read. I have Googled the crap out of this multiple times, but, alas, I have come up empty. So I thought I would turn to my wonderful fellow romance readers and see if someone happens to recognize this.

I am a little fuzzy on the details, and some of the things I remember don't exactly make sense. But I'm just going to throw it all out there and cross my fingers! I read this book in one afternoon in a hospital waiting room back in 2005, but it was definitely outdated at the time. I would guess it was published sometime in the 1990s. Anyway, here are the things I remember:

- It was definitely set somewhere in Great Britain, probably England.

- The hero was named Jasper (or something similar that started with a J). He was all tall, dark, and smolderingly intimidating and taciturn.

… read more »

HaBO: Kate Noble is Searching for a Romance Novel

Author Kate Noble wrote in with this HaBO request, hoping the Bitchery can identify a book she's been searching for: 

So – On occasion over the years I have toyed with trying to find that very first romance novel I ever read, which subsequently warped me into the mangled voracious romance reader/writer you see before you today. Alas, I have never succeeded, and thus I turn to you, my fellow voracious-types, to see if this is crowd-sourceable.

Warning: This is a while ago. Over 20 years ago, in fact. God, I’m old. The summer I was 12 or 13, (so, 1991-ish) my cousin Megan came to visit us, and she brought with her a romance novel – her worldiness a product of her 9 months advantage in age. I took it from her, and didn’t give it back. It was Regency era and shorter – category length, and the couple did nothing more than kiss (hey, I was 12, after all).

The cover had a dark haired young woman in a light blue dress… read more »

HaBO: Bees and the Family Jewels

This request comes from Aurora, who remembers a few things about a book, and these things are all... well, just read on: 

On the library shelves between Judith Krantz and Anne McCaffrey lies a historical romance set in Scotland. The hero and heroine were childhood enemies of a fierce and devilish nature, so horrible that the youthful feud culminated in her tying a jar of bees? wasps? to his family jewels (which supposedly results in his sterility, but I think he does end up having a baby with the heroine.)

The heroine comes back to the homeplace and of course they fall in angsty soulmate love. There was a lurid inside cover, but I can't for the life of me recall their names or anything else...

Please help!

Wow. She'd have to do some serious groveling for that one. Anyone recall this book? 

HaBO: More Dragons, This Time Statues!

This request comes from Liz, who is looking for a book she read a long, long time ago: 

I've been looking for a book that I loaned to a friend in high school (about 10 years ago) and I haven't had any luck finding it. I remember the cover was golden and I think there was a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge and the statue of a dragon as well.

I don't remember any of the character's names, although I think one might have been Paige (but that could just be the fact that the plot involves magical objects and takes place in San Francisco, so it could be memories of Charmed influencing me). The plot involved a stolen dragon statue that curses its owners. I believe the hero's grandmother takes the statue, which she found after her husband's death, to the heroine's family antique business to be appraised and it gets stolen from the vault.

The hero is a P.I., and he decides to look for the statue himself. Of course, the… read more »

HaBO: Dragon Eggs!

Jessica has a HaBO request, and it involves dragons. And necklaces! 

OK. I am trying to find this book that I remember very specific details about things that really don't impact the plot. As you do. I know this is a historical "paranormal" romance. I want to say it was around the regency period in England but I'm not entirely sure. All I remember is that the hero gives the heroine a pet dragon egg that she stays up for days waiting for it to hatch in the fireplace (as you do) and that it comes out white like an opal.

This pet dragon then stays wrapped around the heroine's neck like a fancy warm necklace and I think saves her from some baddies who were after her (because why not, let's just throw some suspense in with the dragons and the magic). This book is bugging me know and every time I try and Google it I get medieval romances with some dragon warrior. I'm hoping you might remember this book.

Do you remember that… read more »

HaBO: It’s All About the Beads, Yo

This email comes from a reader who is searching for...some memorable reading. 

When I was in high school, I read a bunch of insane romances from one author (I think), all acquired from the library. I wasn't a romance reader at the time and actually didn't know that was what I was reading, since they were all hardcover and I assumed romances were all mass market size. Dumb! Anyway, I'd love to reread some of these so I can see if they're all as crazy as I remember them. This is my memory of the one I remember most vividly: It was medieval-set and the heroine was the daughter of a soldier, maybe some higher up in the chain of command. She's still a teen but ends up sleeping with one of her dad's fellow soldiers, and she then runs away in horror/shame/stupidity for some reason. (The dad might have also died in a huge battle around the same time, amplifying the emotion of the moment.) It turns out she's pregnant and she ends up having a son with a… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: Falling of the Roof for Love

Bex has been hunting for this book for a long time: 

A friend of mine recommended you as I am trying to track down a romance novel I read many years ago. I THINK it was published by Mills and Boom, but I can't be at all sure.

Here's what I remember: Teacher (I think) swears off men for...reasons, accepts temporary placement in...Alaska? I think?

Ends up living next door to sexy, enigmatic neighbour. Tries to fix her own roof with like...a wooden spoon and a plastic bag. Sexy neighbour helps.

I think teacher falls off the roof at some point. It snows a lot?

Teacher gets lost in woods!

Sexy neighbour uses all his dogs to find her!

Saves her from hypothermia in his hot tub!

Bonking!

I think he turns out to be a single dad? She goes home and he like turns up dramatically on… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: Tiny Tidy Tina is Memorable

Aynde is looking for a book that sounds very memorable and very Google-able, but alas, she can't recall the title and I can't find it on Google: 

I'm trying to find a title to a YA book and thought I could plead with you to ask your readers if they know it. Eons ago (1987/88) I checked out a book from my schools library. I remember the heroine was the class clown and had a jock boyfriend. She takes a drama class where she is paired with a quiet and serious young man, our hero, to do a scene from Romeo and Juliet (of course!). I remember the teacher of the class was an actress at one time and had featured in a commercial where she had to skip around a toilet bowl and sing "I'm Tiny Tidy Tina and I love a Tidy Toilet". Sadly, this is what I remember most about the book. *laugh* I was telling a friend about it and darn if I can't remember the title or author of the book. It seems all I… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: Gotta Love a Hair-Brave Hero

Prachi writes in with this request for a Mills & Boon she read over 10 years ago: 

I was looking for a book - I guess published somewhere between 2002-2005, It's a Mills and Boon sensual romance (equivalent of Harlequin Desire or Blaze line I think) It's set in a small town. The heroine is apparently a 'bad girl' with a bad marriage and a mad ex husband behind her. The hero is a cop, running for sheriff. Heroine's best friend is hero's sister and she apparently fixed them up when they both were out of town to the same place for their respective work. She set them up int he same hotel where things happened but may or may not have gotten fully hot and steamy.

Anyhow - She has a hair salon and someone is intend on sabotaging it - turns out to be her ex husband. Surprise surprise. Drama ensues. She doesn't think she's good enough for him because of her reputation. Even her own mum shuns her. So in a grand gesture… read more »