C
Genre: Contemporary Romance, Romance
Theme: Taboo Relationship/Forbidden Romance, Workplace
Archetype: Single Parent/Guardian
Today, we have a guest review from Milly! At first, she was really enjoying The Sexy One, until she got to one particular character’s portrayal.
I know many of us will downgrade a romance for often pitting two women against each other for unnecessary or superficial reasons. At the end of the review, Milly calls for some recommendations, so maybe we can help her out!
Milly describes herself as a book loving, arts appreciating, cooking crazy, language/history nerd all the while questing for beachy serenity and who thinks the best words ever written are “And they lived happily ever after.”
So this is going to be long…I apologize in advance but I had to share ‘cuz I know you ladies get it.
So I just finished Lauren Blakely’s The Sexy One – the story was everything I was looking for… light, humorous, sweet, not angsty, well developed. In other words a solid B+/A- read for me but something kept nagging at me about this book.
The set up is this: Prior to the start of the book, the hero, a divorced dad, hires the heroine as his daughter’s nanny. They are connecting really well and the two of them develop feelings for each other. The opening of the book begins with each of them individually trying to come to terms & dealing with the fact that these feelings aren’t appropriate. Forbidden love is a bit of a catnip for me so again everything was set up great!
The main characters were well developed, had a great network of people in their lives, and very good at what they did for a living. The character & plot arcs were real, the H/h didn’t just fall into bed with one another and the child in the book wasn’t a plot moppet but a fully fleshed out character. Most importantly, the hero never once forgot he had a daughter and she was always at the front of his mind as he juggled business, friends, schedules, a burgeoning relationship and his ex-wife. A total win for me!
Which brings me to what really bothered me – the portrayal of the ex-wife.
The author did a great job of fleshing out each and every character in the book but she resorted to clichés in dealing with the ex-wife. The hero acknowledges he was a workaholic during his marriage and probably neglected her thus accepting some culpability in their relationship’s demise. He also resolves to that he and his ex-wife deal with each other civilly for the sake of their child. So far so good right? Real life right? Here’s where it went south for me.
The catalyst for their divorce was her affair with a co-worker – ok I get that. Then it gets worse. The ex-wife is portrayed as difficult and selfish and less than a concerned mother even though the hero doesn’t doubt her love for their daughter. She gave up full custody of their daughter because of her demanding career. She returns her daughter early on her weekends. She is portrayed as selfish for putting her career first while the hero scales back. She also baits the hero and the only way they can have a civil conversation is because the hero refuses to take said bait. Basically the ex-wife is portrayed as a horrible person and the reason for the divorce.
Why oh why must the ex-wife be vilified for the hero to be heroic?! Full disclosure here – I am an ex-wife. My ex-husband and I are divorced for a reason… our own mutual incompatibility in the long run, our own mutual failures. But, and this is a big but, we are effective parents who can actually talk to one another about our child. And guess what, I can even talk to his current wife about my son – we have a great working relationship. We won’t ever be best of buddies but we make this aspect of our lives work and work well. I know for a fact we aren’t unique in this – I see it all around me.
I can’t tell you how many people have asked me over the years, “You can actually talk to him?” or even better yet, “How can you say you like her.” Ummm, because she wasn’t the reason why my marriage broke up and because my son is happy at their place and at mine – it’s called parenting & being a grown up.
Sorry I rant.
The ex-spouse is rarely entirely evil – why can’t we get past certain stereotypes?
In this story the ex wasn’t even necessary to move the romance along. She’d attempt to set up barriers, and the characters surmounted those barriers in a reasonable adult manner. The forbidden love trope was more than enough. This portrayal of the ex-wife really dropped the story down to a C for me because of the ex-wife portrayal. The romance itself a solid B+.
So do you guys know of any books at all where the ex-spouse or deceased spouse is actually a good person? I can only think of a Julia Quinn in the historical side where the heroine’s first marriage was a good one.
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Fast Connection by Santino Hassell and Megan Erickson – it’s an m/m with two bisexual heroes that I really enjoyed. One has an ex-wife with whom he has a great relationship.
I quite liked The Sexy One but I do agree that the drama with the ex was unnecessary, there was sufficient conflict without it.
Jo Beverley’s ‘An Arranged Marriage’ is problematic in other ways, but the hero’s mistress (and the woman who taught him everything he knows) is a terrific character. She befriends his new wife, and shows up in other books as a voice of insight and compassion – I’m only sorry that she never got a novel all to herself.
That stinks. Usually I love forbidden romance tropes. To bad this one didn’t work out like it should have
In Loretta Chase’s Lord Perfect, the heroine’s first marriage had its problems, but they loved each other and had satisfying sex, which was particularly refreshing after too many baggage-laden widows elsewhere.
There’s the Good Widow/er trope, where s/he’s single because s/he’s hung up on losing the perfect wife/husband too early but learns to open their heart to welcome someone new – although sometimes that’s converted to an evil ex story. The Next Always by Nora Roberts fits this, and there’s any number of old-school harlequins/etc. with the lonely (rich) widower and the nanny.
Fast Women by Jennifer Crusie- the hero is still in sort of a passive relationship with his ex wife at the beginning of the book (they are sleeping together) but she decides they need to stop, and he meets the heroine. But he and the ex wife have a great friendship, and coparent their teenage daughter together, and even the heroine and the ex wife get along. The heroine doesn’t get along with her ex husband, but there is at least one positive ex relationship shown!
I feel like there’s maybe another Jennifer Crusie novel with a positive ex wife portrayal, but I’m blanking. I also feel like there might be a Susan elizabeth Phillips or a Rachel gibson book that fits. But I can’t think of a specific title.
There was a book series I loved that started out really strong but devolved into cheap drama to pad itself out. The heroine gets involved with a much older man who has an ex-wife he is still friendly with… they have an adult child and a business together, and have known each other for decades even though the marriage itself was very short. Anyway, when she meets Heroine in the second book, Ex-Wife is awkward as you’d expect someone to be unexpectedly meeting their ex’s much younger new beau (it’s like a fifteen to twenty year age gap I think), but both women handle it like adults and are politely friendly to one another.
Fast forward to the third and fourth book, however, and suddenly Ex-Wife morphs into this petty, snide, catty manipulator so bizarrely you get whiplash, because it makes no sense. Up til then she’s been mature and nice, and she has zero interest in getting back together with the Hero. But because the third and fourth books need a big drama hook, suddenly she’s deliberately trying to break him and the Heroine up, spreading rumours, being nasty, and the Heroine even overhears her gloating over her big master plan to break them up basically just to prove she can in a public restroom.
The series has a lot of other great female characters, but this was so clearly a grab to manufacture a cheap dramatic hook I hated it. It even kind of happens again with a couple the Hero is friends with… initially, they break up because they decide they want different things out of life and it’s very emotional and sad but adult and reasonable. Then when the husband from that couple gets HIS own spin-off book, suddenly HIS ex-wife is just this cruel woman who broke his heart and is just awful and horrible and he’s so sensitive and wounded. All so his new love interest can start his poor, busted heart beating again and to underscore how much more lovely and perfect she is compared to the ex. It’s such lazy storytelling, and it frustrates me because the author is better than that.
(The series is, incidentally, The Boss by Abigail Barnette, and the spin-off is the First Time duo.)
Another recommendation for Fast Connection by Hassell and Erickson. That book does double duty in having a huge redeeming arc of the younger hero, who was a real jackass in the first book. I was surprised to like him as much as I did.
The other book I can think of that has a positively portrayed ex-wife is Playing With Fire by Kate Meader. The hero is the mayor, and we find that his publicist is his ex-wife (I think this was supposed to be a surprise but I figured it out very quickly). She actually has a helping hand in getting the H and h back together after their split, if I recall correctly.
Kristen Ashley’s Walk through Fire, IIRC. Both Hero and Ex-wife read daughter the riot act when she’s rude to the Heroine.
In Jennifer Ashley’s The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie, Beth, the heroine, had had a much loved husband who died.
I’m going to give a complicated recommendation where many aspects of this type of relationship are explored. Melina Marchetta’s The Piper’s Son.
The book is actually a dual narrative between 22 yo Tom and his 40ish Aunt Georgie. The story is largely about how the two of them are coping 2 years after the death of Tom’s uncle (Georgie’s younger brother Joe) and how it broke the family apart.
Part of Georgie’s journey is the fact that she’s pregnant by an ex-boyfriend of hers (when they were in their twenties they were very much in love and lived together for a number of years until they ‘take a break’ and he ends up getting another woman pregnant). So he has a son – and Georgie struggles a lot with how she should feel about it – and now they are having a baby together but aren’t even really together-together (they are having sex, but emotionally there are all these barriers because they have hurt each other a lot in the past).
And Marchetta actually explores a lot of how Georgie (and her friends) feel about the other woman and what it means that they are in a four way parenting situation. It’s just one part of an excellent book, but I like that it doesn’t take the easy road about it.
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There are also a couple of Kristan Higgins that might fit the bill. I think The Next Best Thing (the protagonist eventually gets together with her brother in law and I’m pretty sure his ex is one of the heroine’s best friends)
Her Best Worst Mistake by Sarah Mayberry also kind of fits the bill.
There is a bit of the ex-dynamic in Bittersweet by Sarina Bowen. And in The Understatement of the Year (Rikker’s ex is still a big part of his life and he goes into detail as to why).
The new Archie reboot gets at the exes dynamics a fair bit too (and is most excellent)
Maybe Sonli Dev’s a bit in Change of Heart.
Two of a Kind by Yona Zeldis McDonough is about two widowers coming together and trying to blend their lives and families. I like it a lot but I never see people talking about this one.
I’ll stop rambling now
“Overruled”!by Emma Chase had a non-married couple raising a daughter together, very amicably. The ex was great. I had more issue with the current lover of the H traveling with him to win back the ex (really?),
I’m using a different display name for this comment, so it can’t get back to me.
First, I want to start by saying that when an author presents an ex as evil, it makes me wonder if she/he thought the hero/heroine was not sympathetic enough without having to throw the ex under the bus. To me it signals either a lack of development of the main characters or that the main characters are so bad that they need someone else to make them look better.
Anyway, I came to the second part of my conclusion based on real things that happened within my own family (which is why I’m using a different name). About 20 years ago, my uncle got involved with a woman and to pretty much everyone around them, they were the most dysfunctional couple going. Separately, they were decent enough people, but together, they were just awful human beings. Eventually, they had a kid and things got slightly better for a while. Then, red signs started popping up like the robot from Lost in Space, screaming “Danger, Will Robinson!” She’d show up with bruises on her face and he’d have scratches on his arms and face. His work equipment was trashed. Their house looked like an episode of Hoarders threw up in it. We all knew it was only a matter of time before the entire relationship imploded around them and my cousin. It was like watching a train wreck. Cut to two years later, they’ve broken up and the ex is getting married. All of a sudden there was a huge narrative shift within the family (none of us kids bought into it, but all the adults would spout the same nonsense daily). Despite knowing what my uncle was like when he was with this woman, they acted like he’d been a saint and that she was a psychopath, who wanted his money (he had none, so this made zero sense) and tanked the relationship when she found someone with deeper pockets. Because my family went nuts, the ex did too. She made accusations about the entire family, none of which were true from what I’d seen, but thinking of it from her perspective, I understand why she reacted the way she did. I really feel like they all did things to protect themselves, but none of them knew how to do it in a way that wasn’t harmful to the other people. It sucks because my cousin is now 17 and has grown up in this toxic environment where one parent spews hatred on the other with her in the middle of the whole thing. It got to the point where she chose sides and unfortunately we don’t get to see her. The thing is that the environment she was in turned her into someone she never should have been. She has absorbed her parents’ toxic relationship and used it to form her entire personality. I absolutely blame her parents for everything this girl does because she learned it from them and it totally screwed her up.
Sadly, it still goes on over a decade since the break up. Neither of them are happy people and they blame the other for anything that happens to them.
@Dora –
I read your first paragraph and thought “ahh, she must be talking about The Boss!” I felt the same way. I haven’t been able to finish the series because I went looking for spoilers about the last one (I saw a trigger warning and had to find out more before I could decide whether to read it or not)… yeah, I can’t read that right now. I did buy First Time instead though, so thanks for the heads up about that one.
It’s YA and written in the early eighties but I always thought The Changeover by Margaret Mahy had a really sympathetic portrayal of the main character Laura’s parents.
The book makes it clear that her parent’s split caused genuine pain to Laura and that her dad is a little distant and sometimes forgetful when it comes to things like child support but he also loves Laura and her younger brother and will drop everything for them if they really need it.
Laura’s mum is an amazing character, genuine and sympathetic but not perfect. It’s not often that parents in YA have such 3 dimensional characters.
In Shameless (historical by Anne Stuart) Melisande is a young widow whose much older husband left her wealthy. She also loved him like crazy and he loved her too. That marriage is treated with respect and longing, not like she was a trophy wife he didn’t really care about or something. Good aspect of an otherwise hot mess of a book…my least favorite of the Rohan series honestly.
In “Mrs. Drew Plays Her Hand,” one of Carla Kelly’s traditional Regencies, the heroine is a young widow with two children. The story begins about six months after the death of her late husband, who was a vicar. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’d be a good person, but in this case, he was. He died after a long illness, and both she and the children loved him very much. Mrs. Drew enters into a marriage of convenience with the hero in order to protect her children, but it’s clear that even when she finds happiness with the hero, she will remember her first husband fondly.
I think the Rachel Gibson I was trying to think of is either The Trouble With Valentine’s Day, See Jane Score, or Not Another Bad Date. I could be misremembering, it has been a while since I’ve read them.
What great recommendations you all have! Thank you! I truly do dislike it when another person/character is shown negatively as a way to bring up a main character’s positive profile. In this book it was so unnecessary as the hero was great all on his own.
A Secret Affair by Mary Balogh has a widow loved her first husband for spoilery reasons. Part of the plotline was the discovering the truth about her relationship.
I don’t have any recommendations, but just had to say I loathe the evil ex trope. It’s so tiresome at this point!
I am really struggling to think of a book that treats the ex well! TV is often much better at this – Nate and Maggie on Leverage are a lovely example.