Elyse and I had to jointly review Burnout because we had so much to say about it. This book is nonfiction about the science behind stress, what it is, and how we deal (or don’t deal) with it effectively. Between the science and the practical applications, it’s incredibly informative, useful, soothing, and empowering.

Sarah: Burnout seared my brain with essential information about how my brain and body work, and what specific things I can do to care for myself.

I loved it. I read it early to prep for the podcast interview, and I highlighted SO MUCH text. I’m thinking I should order it in bulk to give to every person I know who is struggling with stress, a list of people which seems to only increase.

I haven’t stopped talking about this book and thinking about it, either.

Among my favorite parts:

“The world has turned wellness into yet another goal people should strive for.”

Yes, holy crap, yes.

“Emotions are tunnels…. Exhaustion is when you get stuck in an emotion, and your body is stuck in the middle of a stress cycle.”

“What am I doing when I feel most powerfully that I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing?”

I also liked the idea of a “default mode,” which all the productivity experts everywhere neglect to mention, because I’m always supposed to be hustling and working and and grinding and striving or whatever else verb is in style right now.

Learning to appreciate my “default mode” as a restorative essential made me a LOT kinder to myself, and also helped me a LOT when I taught the idea to my sons, as it inspired them to think about what activities are included in their “default modes.”

The thing I appreciate most is the hefty amount of work this book does to reframe how I experience and conceive of stress, exhaustion, and wellness.

Much like after I listened to Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, after I finished Burnout, I felt like I “got” it. I understood better how my body and emotions work, how they all fit together, and how I can care for my brain and my physical body in a way that’s most effective and personalized for me. I mentioned this in the podcast interview, but after learning that I had PCOS, I had to learn how to care for my body in a way that would allow it to function better, and would make room for me to feel better. That meant a lot of changes and trial and error, but it worked out, for the most part. With Burnout, I have that same feeling of, “Okay, this is how my brain works scientifically speaking, and this is how I personally experience stress cycles, so here are the methods through which I can best take care of the human home I live within.”

By far the most beneficial result of reading Burnout is that I am measurably kinder to myself, and to my brain. I do not have to be Productive All the Time. I can allow my brain to go into default mode and grow all the gosh darn green beans Stardew Valley can hold. I can look at what makes me feel happy, what makes me feel the most vibrant version of myself, and do more of that, for myself, not for a profit or to scale or grind. I’ve given myself what I think of as “fun tech” weekends where I use technology in all the fun ways I enjoy, but not in ways that are work-related or potentially stressful.

The long term benefit of reading Burnout for me is in the noticeable improvement in how I feel in my own head, and about myself.

So, what’d you think of the book? Are you buying it for everyone you know? What parts were your favorites?

Elyse: So I read this book at the exact right time for me. I am looking at two family surgeries, back-to-back, one of which is going to require me to be a caretaker, plus managing my day job and my side hustle. I felt so overwhelmed just thinking about the next few months that I would get teary-eyed.

Like Sarah, this book really helped me reframe how my brain is working. Understanding what is happening to me physiologically when I’m stressed out, exhausted, or burning out is a powerful thing. When I’m having feelings that are unpleasant (like anxiety, emotional exhaustion), it helps me process them by understanding what’s going on physiologically. What is the biological purpose of this thing I’m feeling? This book lays that out in regards to burnout in a really great way.

I also appreciate that while the authors call out exercise as a means of combating stress, they give alternatives for people who can’t or just don’t want to exercise. Sometimes my fibro means going for a walk just is not an option. And they don’t shame people who just hate working out!

I found the section on maladaptive strategies very helpful. I’m definitely one of those people who suppress my stress, which as the authors point out, prevents me from really dealing with my stress which is not good. I also loved this part:

“Standing our ground is important in principle and can be effective when we’re not overwhelmed, but not when we’re stressed out and out of control. When you’re still fighting even while you’re overwhelmed, it’s less a valiant struggle and more that you have your back to the wall and are surrounded on all sides. Ask for help instead.”

In my mind, I’ll reframe dealing with stressful situations as “being tough” or “fighting” when in reality I’m just avoiding the feelings of vulnerability and barfy-ness that come from acknowledging I need help and asking for it. I’ve seen the toll that kind of stress management can take on my body, and the way the authors explain it makes perfect sense. You’re not in battle. You’re back is against the wall. Call for your Crows (thanks Shelly Laurenston).

I also liked the fact that this book acknowledges that for women burnout is partly due to the to the fact that “the game is rigged.” I don’t think I’ve read any other book on the subject that flat out calls the patriarchy a contributing, unavoidable factor in burnout.

Sarah: I kind of want a big honking tattoo that says, “THE GAME IS RIGGED.”

Elyse: Same. I’ve caught myself chanting that under my breath at work when the dudes need me to do all the emotional labor.

Sarah: Have you noticed any differences in your behavior patterns since you’ve read it?

Elyse: It’s been about a week, so I haven’t had much time to start reassessing my relationship with stress, but I have started using their advice around exercise and affection in ending the stress cycle. One thing I need to remind myself of is processing stress versus the stressor because there are certain situations (like my mom’s upcoming surgery) that I really can’t control. The stressor is going to be there and I need to work on processing my stress instead–and that doesn’t mean suppressing it which has been my go-to and ineffective technique in the past.

I’ve highlighted a bunch of passages in this book and I think I’m going to need to keep returning to them when I feel burnout encroaching, and remind myself of the techniques they offer to help manage stress. It’s certainly a book I’ll be revisiting.

Sarah: I completely agree about re-reading it. I might make it an annual re-read just because I’m going to pick up something else when I look again, just as I did revisiting it for this review.

Our TL;DR: get yourself a copy, because it will help you be careful and caring of yourself in ways that are vital and important, because you are vital and important.