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Hi y’all – you did a wonderful post a while back on fat-positive historical romances, and generally y’all are super cool about calling out fatphobia where you see it. The book I’m looking for may not exist, but if it does, I thought you’d know. (I’m a librarian and I’m coming up empty, so I’m turning to the experts!)
I’m looking for books for *partners* of depressed fat femmes. Sort of what Dirty Laundry did for ADHD, but for body dysmorphia. “How to support your loved one through this crap” and “how to understand that there is no ‘cure’ for body image issues” might come easier through a book than through my explaining.
Lara: I don’t know if this book exists, but I want to read it.
Shana: Hmmm, so At First Spite by Olivia Dade has a fat femme with depression, whose partner is really supportive. However, while she has serious self-esteem issues they’re not really about her weight. Her depression, however, does not get magically solved by love.
Sarah: I was wondering if that would fit and I was chasing my tail about it
Shana: Yes, it sounds like the requester might be looking for a heroine whose depression is secondary to body dysmorphia. I’m not sure!
Mesmerising Muse by Adelina Taneva ( A ) has a fat heroine who has significant body image issues. It’s a dual POV so we see how much she struggles with her body dysmorphia while at the same time, the hero loves her body and is trying to figure out how to support her. The heroine is in therapy throughout the book. I don’t remember her diagnosis, but it sounded maybe more anxiety than depression. She makes significant improvements in her self esteem over the book, but it’s still a work in progress at the end of the book. I have admit that I skimmed some of the book because it was too angsty for me, but it sounds like it might be close to meeting this request.
The heroine has PCOS too.
Taken to Kor by Elizabeth Stephens is a dark sci-fi romance with a fat heroine who has significant self-esteem issues and body hatred. She’s disabled and has a limb difference. Deena is depressed, but that’s partly situational—she’s being held against her will by her grandmother at the start of the book. The hero is an alien whose pirate ship she stows away on. He’s very helpful, but not in a condescending way. I recall her dysmorphia lasting long into the book, but she might land in a more healed place at the end than would work for this request. The plot is kind of bonkers, as one would expect once space pirates are involved.
So, I just realized the requester meant Dirty Laundry the nonfiction book, not Dirty Laundry the m/m romance with mental health rep. How embarrassing.
For nonfiction, I recommend Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them) by Hanne Blank. ( A | BN | K | AB ) With the caveat that while it definitely covers dating, I don’t remember how much it focuses mental health.
Loving Someone with an Eating Disorder: Understanding, Supporting and Connecting with Your Partner by Dana Harron. ( A | BN | K | AB ) I’ve seen this book frequently recommended but haven’t read it myself.
Caleb Luna is an academic who writes a lot about fatness and the politics of desire. His book Body Sovereignty is out of print, but he has a handful of journal articles and a book of poetry called Revenge Body.
Weightless: Making Space for My Resilient Body and Soul by Evette Dionne is not explicitly written for allies/partners, but it does a great job of describing how it feels to experience fatphobia and weaves in the author’s personal stories alongside big picture analysis.
And last, I think we’ve talked before about the women’s fiction/contemporary romance One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London. It delves deep into the heroine’s internalized fatphobia and does a great job of showing how someone can be very body positive but still struggle with self-esteem and dysmorphia for many years. It also shows all the external negative messaging around fatphobia. The book doesn’t focus on her partner’s feelings, but I think it might still be helpful.
Amanda: THANK YOU, SHANA!
Do you have any titles you’d like to recommend? Leave them in the comments!
This is a great question! I’m gonna read the comments with interest.
Hm, what about The Body Is Not an Apology, by Sonia Renee Taylor? It shows how systems of oppression — racism, capitalism, fatphobia — all designed to make us hate ourselves, are connected. The writing is beautiful.
I gotta say I have some issues with One to Watch, especially as the news has gotten louder about abusive conditions for contestants of reality shows (withholding food and sleep, plying them with alcohol, encouraging mental health crises) and the lawsuits and attempts at unionizing by former contestants. You can Google — Emily Nussbaum has written about the issue in The New Yorker and in her new book Cue the Sun, about the history of reality TV. I get that One to Watch is a sunny, wish-fulfillment fictional depiction, but I couldn’t put aside my discomfort with the setting.
Hi all – I’m the OP, and you people are *awesome.* Thank you so, so much. Four new-to-me reads are on their way!
And the fact that there’s an m/m romance by the same title as the nonfiction book I was using for reference cracks me up. Added to my holds list. 😉
(By the way, if you’re in California, may I recommend Link+ very strongly? If your library doesn’t have what you’re looking for, they can borrow it from almost any other library in the state. Three of my holds are coming from other systems with no need for me to drive all over the state. Win!)
(also this post keeps throwing me off because my real-person name is Amanda. Way to make me look super badass, SBTB!) <3
No book suggestions that fit the bill, but thought of some shows that may just click (somewhat…) – The Mindy Project. And Howl’s Moving Castle
It’s been a while since I read it, so I’m not sure how closely the plot hews to the request, but HATE F@#K by Ainsley Booth has a curvy heroine and a bodyguard hero who loves her. There’s a wonderful scene where the hero brings the heroine some ice cream when she’s having a rough period; and another where he puts a beat down on the villain who refers to the heroine as “fat”. I really enjoyed it several years ago when I read it. Fingers crossed that it’s aged well.