Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Thibeault: No words needed.
Sarah: I’m not sure what the penis – sorry, problem is here. Looks phallic, I mean, fine to me.
Elyse: It looks like something the cat does in the litter box that leads to an expensive vet visit.
Sarah: After eating the plastic Easter grass, yeah.
From Susie T: 1. At what point does the towel fall off? They keep placing pants and towels so low…
2. There are better ways to paste a hockey stick.
Sarah: I didn’t realize we were at the “cut and paste the hockey stick anywhere it’s fine” phase of hockey romance.
Elyse: It reminds me of Clippy. A hockey stick just pops out of nowhere. Were you trying to write a hockey romance?
From Jen: They look like they are posing for Dancing With the Stars to me. Also I don’t think these two posed together, looks like they were photoshopped beside each other. Just way too much going on with this cover. And is that a motorcycle wheel growing from her? So confused.
Sarah: For ye shall use the cut and the paste, the drop shadow and the outer glow, but most of all the feather and dissolve! How else will people know this book is a motorcycle cat wolf shifter dance off. With people who have blue hair.
Amanda: This feels like an I Spy collage with all the weird little things I keep finding.
From Elizabeth S: OMG – remember that old show with Linda Hamilton (Beauty and the Beast). This cover is like flashback/retro.
Sarah: Please be aware that I am taking this cover snark VERY PERSONALLY.
OMG poor Vincent. That show imprinted on my soul at a young age (I was DISTRAUGHT when Linda Hamilton’s character was killed off, spoilers for a show from 1989)
I can see what this cover is going for, and I am so uncomfortable.
Elyse: He went from the sewer to outer space.
Shana: Tween me would never have predicted Vincent being reincarnated as a lion in space.
I’m glad I had a mug of strong tea in hand for this week’s set. I still can’t believe anyone approved that first cover, unless it was someone trying to sabotage the author’s career. Or an AI gone rogue, and this is their revolt.
I read the title of the second one as “Declaw” so I assumed the “Wild Men” were shifters.
@Sarah a friend and I watched Beauty and the Beast together. I still can’t see Ron Perlman as anyone but Vincent, no matter what he’s starring in.
@Susie T: 1. Body tape. 2. See 1.
@LisaM: Me neither! He’s Vincent, which means that show really made an impact on me. My gosh.
Declan: The body is way too depilated to be a Wild Man! The chin scruff? Way too deliberately styled look-at-me-being-all-careless-about-how-I-look …instead of just shaving, which would be quicker.
@SBSarah, I still have a cassette tape of Ron Perlman reading love poems as Vincent. I no longer have a working tape player, but I will never part with it. Someday I’ll find an old Walkman and fall asleep in bliss.
“She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless clones and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes
Maybe the lady in “shake your sass” is a motorcycle shifter? At least that would be original. Well, unless you’re a tranformers fan. And now that I’ve typed out that title I have a whole other set of questions.
The Vincent cover is nightmare material. We is old.
@DonnaMarie I had it on cassette, and I bought it AGAIN ON CD a few years ago and it lived in my car so when I was stuck in traffic I could listen to the music and the poetry. I LOVED that recording, oh my gosh, I’m so glad I’m not alone.
I LOVED Beauty and the Beast so much when I was a girl. Sigh.
You can tell I was really ready for my lunch break when I opened this because at first I thought that first one was some sort of hoagie with way too much lettuce, and then I looked over to the left…
That poor cougar, getting run over by a sassy Wheelie.
My then roomie and I used to watch that show religiously. Good times. And now he is Hellboy. Sigh.
I’m glad no one here mocked Beauty and the Beast — or my undying love for that show — in my presence. My sister had all the VHS tapes, I should ask her where they are. @EC Spurlock: I heart Hellboy.
Omg I just realized Mr Sass has a tattoo of the wolf on his biceps. And possibly the cougar on his pecs, hard to tell from that angle. This cover really is like I Spy.
Mr. Sass’s face looks pasted on, and oddly pale (pasty?) compared to his torso.
@Darlynne: I would NEVER. I can’t even describe the way that show imprinted on me. After Catherine, I was not ok.
Is that a dick in your salami grinder? Raincoat included?
And C. D. Gorri covers: the gift that keeps on giving.
What is the point of writing a Hockey Romance if you are not going to have the word Puck in your title.
I did NOT KNOW they killed Catherine off! I used to sneak that show when I was younger, and think I only made it the first season. Off to wiki (for as much as I loved that show – and I really loved it, it exists in the pre-internet past that I sometimes forget is connected to now).
OMG. OMG you guys, did you all know this about the TV Show Beauty and the Beast?? How did I not know? (I don’t know how to spoiler tag this, but I’ll put it down a few line. Has anyone watched the show recently? Has it held up? I remember awesome moodiness, and lovely underground shots.
Catherine was murdered, but before then she had Vincent’s baby? What! Wow!
@SBSarah. OMG!!! It was released in CD format? I thought it must be such a niche option that no one would think to re-release it. I’m not thanking you for the Google search I’m going on. I feel my wallet cringing, but the drive home from work will be so calming that my alcohol consumption will go down.
It took me way TOO long to see that cover one is not a scaly poorly shaped hat but rather a snake.
“…Sass”: Her eyes are purple, and her expression suggests she is very intoxicated on something. His wolf tattoo is sadly cartoony, and his tattooed nipple looks like a fragment of charcoal. Which I guess is sexy to someone…
“Shift”: Somehow I keep seeing this as a phallic mutation of one of those tiny flat fancy hats that sit on top of a woman’s head.
Until Kareni’s comment I thought the snake on SHIFT’s cover was just an abstract (and phallic) object.
DECLAN is holding the end of the hockey stick with his extremely muscular toes.
SHAKE: Ancient lore tells us that the moon is held up by a muscular man, who balances on a shapely woman, who sits on a motorcycle, which is parked on a bat-wolf, which sits on a cougar…
DECLAN reminded me of the pole vaulter in the Olympics whose penis got tangled up in the act. You know who/what I mean.
I can’t decide if the woman on Sass is about tweak his nipple or is waiting for some sort of bird shifter to land in her hand for an interspecies threesome. Everything about the cover confuses me.