Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Syntha: I suppose it’s not awful, but there’s definitely too much going on.
Amanda: That man is on too many covers
Shana: THIS dude, again?
Sarah: He went to the carnival! He needed a selfie.
Shana: Does he hate crystal balls and carny fun? Smile for your selfie, carnival goer, you look angry!
Sneezy: But Shana! How will we know he’s Broody McBrooderson then?
Shana: This cover is so silly I might actually read it.
Tara: OMG, please report back. This cover alone is a rich text.
Elyse: She looks like her Diva Cup got stuck and she’s trying to get it out.
Carrie: Me trying to poop with IBS-C.
Sarah: I can hear my yoga app now. Bound ankle pose. Seated star pose. Bend forward. Feel your lower back release. Ignore the wolf man behind you. Breathe in.
Sneezy: Imagine if this was an actual yoga class though. The teacher just keeps going, and the entire class is screaming and demanding to know why there’s a wolf man in the studio.
From Pam G: Ya know, it would have been so very easy to let your eyes just skate by this mostly monochromatic cover until someone decided to obliterate this guy’s head with the author’s name in a giant font, I mean–all abs, all the time, amirite? And if you failed to get the message, you have all the standing stones(?) rising through the golden mist. Objectification: it’s not just for wimmens anymore!
Sarah: Again, with the “do I see a face in this person’s abs?” quiz.
Tara: I feel like I can’t even snark this one because I’m just seeing all the usability issues that weren’t taken into account with the text.
Sarah: Such as?
Tara: There’s not enough contrast for any of it, so it’s going to be a lot harder for anyone with visual impairments to read. The “Clan Ross of the Hebrides” is by far the worst, because it’s too close to the colours around it. The white text wouldn’t be so bad, except that by putting it over his face, the whole area is too cluttered for the eyes to take it in easily.
Sarah: I didn’t even SEE the hebrides part!
Amanda: Is a “hebride” just a groom? I feel like this is the equivalent to adding “FOR MEN” and changing the color palette to slate gray for skincare items.
Carrie: Why do so many people think armpits are sexy?
Sarah: LOL Another reader has sent me this same cover!
From Lils: He looks like he’s taking off an invisible shirt. Plus, someone’s hands are fused to his sides? And what’s up with his sword?
Sarah: ANOTHER reader sent this cover!
From Elizabeth S: There are demons trapped by his six pack (8pack?). Facing towards his belly button. And pokey nipple. Somehow bad 80’s design style but worse.
Elyse: He looks like he’s trying to scratch between his shoulder blades.
Sneezy: Omg Tara, so much of what you said. Plus with the author’s name in such a stark white, it makes the title feel even more muted and indistinguishable. Also the dude looks like he’s trying to win the Darwin award.
From Cory: This is a prime example of “never judge a book by its cover”, but if I wasn’t already invested in the series and saw this cover, I’d avoid this book like the plague.
To be clear, this book is actually very good.
The cover is atrocious. On the bright side it’s what the characters look like (a jackalope monster man and a femme twink with fading blue hair in a wheelchair). On the downside?
It might be the most painfully horrible book cover I’ve seen.
Sarah: Blink. blink blink.
Are his ears growing out of his trapezius?
Claudia: Something is going on with the blue-hair person’s head too.
Tara: Blink. Blink. Blink. is right.
Then it made me think of that Seinfeld bit about calling ugly babies “breathtaking”. This certainly is that, too.
Carrie: She had me at “jackalope” and sealed the deal with “wheelchair.”
Sneezy: It’s like being haunted by the Ghost of 3D Renderings Past.
I must have at least ten books on my kindle with the CROW’S FATE guy on the cover. I literally said to myself, “Oh, it’s blondie again”—and then I read your comments, lol. On the other hand, while I haven’t read this one, I’ve read a couple of Kim Fielding books, and they were good m/m historical-with-paranormal-elements. Never judge a book, etc.
Of all the things wrong with these covers (what is the person with blue hair holding on their shoulder…?), the thing that’s bugging me most is the alignment of the title on CROW’S FATE. Was centering it just not possible?? It looks like it was done in Word with some wonky setting.
Whatever the Crow’s Fate is, it has made this guy really grumpy. Avoid the carnival, it sucks.
Maybe this is the Goddess yoga pose? Wolf guy doesn’t look very impressed; he looks like he walked into the women’s restroom. “Oops, my mistake”.
I legit read this as “The Ligh”.
I predict antler guy is going break one in the doorway of that little cabin. Also, is he wearing a really hairy shirt? With matching gloves? He’d better have other redeeming qualities. I was promised “Lassos and Lace”!
Did our wheelchair heroine run over the jackalope? Because his leg appears to be stuck inside her wheelchair. He seems very calm about it, but maybe he’s gone into shock. I propose that the dragon circling behind his ear is the local air ambulance to take him to the hospital.
Is that Chris Stapleton in those Monster pants?
@FashionablyEvil yes! Thomas Kinkade-y background? Can live with it. Tonally different surround? Don’t hate it. Multiple cover guy? Well, I can see why he would be. Badly aligned text… WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THIS? MY EYES! MY EYES! CRIMES AGAINST TYPOGRAPHY! Etc, etc.
The Hebrides are part of Scotland (islands off the west coast of mainland). But that does make for a fun pun!
FashionablyEvil, I think blue hair is holding the jackalope’s other hand/paw against his shoulder but it seems to bear no resemblance in size or shape to the visible one so I’m not 100% sure
I’ve read two of the ‘Carnival of Mysteries’ books so far and would agree that the covers are not a big draw, but at least they’re a little bit different from the usual dark & gloomy portentous paranormal covers? And I’ll read anything by Kim Fielding, so this one’s on my wishlist. 😉
@FashionablyEvil:
the thing that’s bugging me most is the alignment of the title on CROW’S FATE
They set it in a single line, “Crow’s Fate” with nonbreaking space, then put in a hard line break and forgot to delete the space, which counts as a character for centering purposes.
Well, if someone has a better explanation I’m all ears. Much like some of the cover models.
But I agree with the submitter that Lassos and Lace is the most heartbreaking, because you can see the germ of a good picture hidden behind the inept photoshopping.
Anyone else notice that the right side of ab dudes chest is slightly transparent and you can see the sword behind his chest?!?!? Not great photoshop there.
Along with everything else on The Lion cover, I’d like to point out the deliberate placement of the O in the title. No subtle x marks the spot for this cover.
I’m having trouble with the Goddess of Beast title; it’s syntactically jarring? Like, should it be Goddess of Beasts or Goddess of the Beast? As it stands it’s too grammatically incorrect for my editor brain.
Also I would not think a jackalope would be that heavy-set; I’d expect him to be wiry and agile. I thought that fuzzy guy was some weird species of yeti. But then wheelchair guy looks like he’s made of plastic, so…
Crow’s Fate–I need sunglasses just to look at it.
Goddess of Beast–is she giving birth to something?
The Lion–is he pulling Excalibur out of is body? That shadow under his pit seems to match the sword. Perhaps bad photoshopping.
Lassoes and Lace–I see neither lassoes nor lace. I see Grizzly Adams and the Little House on the Prairie house.
Finally! I’ve been needing an example of “why pretty fonts can be too pretty for readability” and “check color contrast in your work, please” that I could show to fourth grade students.
(There was a pirate cover with five fonts and badly photoshopped head that was featured in this section that I’ve been trying to find but:
So many covers
Looking at this while I’m working gets weird.
The lion on the cover of “The Lion” is very distracting to me. I know it’s not supposed to be attached to the sword, but it’s perfectly positioned to make me think that it’s some sort of ornamental mace-head attached to the end of his sword. So he can use his sword as a club. Which, to be fair, does look more like what he’s planning on doing with it, based on that pose.
Aaaaaaand “Lassos and Lace” enters my list for Top Ten Best Worst Covers Featured on Cover Snark. This is what the phrase “I can’t even” was invented for.
…I don’t suppose anyone happens to know the name of the model on “Crow’s Fate”, do they? Only he would make pretty good character reference for a character of mine. He has the right scowl.
When I think of Crows I don’t picture grumpy blondes with scruff and blue eyes, but maybe that’s just my bias. Maybe that’s the mystery, how did he end up on the wrong cover!
I was trying to figure out what “I Peach” had to do with the title Goddess of the Beast when I figured out it’s the author’s name and probably is “J Peach” not I.
I’m no sword expert but I’m pretty sure that’s not the best way to try and strike your enemies unless the enemy is sneaking up on you to tickle you to death.
I can’t help but feel like the heads are on the wrong bodies for the last one, maybe if the blue-haired one was on the jackalope’s body and vice versa, it would be mildly less horrifying….or it could make it even worse!