It’s a Cruel Summer indeed–The Bachelorette is back.
I clear my mind between seasons and, honestly, if my life depended on it right now I could not tell you who the last Bachelor was despite having watched the entire season. I do vaguely remember this season’s Bachelorette, Charity, sometime around when they all had Covid. I think.
Pudding, my cranky seventeen-year-old Siamese says she can’t even bring herself to look.
Charity, who is 27, tells us she’s been “waiting my entire life” to find true love.
We cut to product placement for cosmetics while Charity gets ready for the parade of limos.
Aaron, who has not actually met Charity, says that he likes that she’s “emotional aware.”
Xavier is a knitter, which according to Pudding makes him “the least objectionable” contestant.
They don’t let the contestants have books, TV or movies or their phones. I wonder if they can bring their knitting, though?
Chris is the world record holder for the highest standing jump.
One of the guys mutters, “That guy is doing backflips and I’m in HR.”
One of the guys is named Spencer and his introduction to Charity is really, really awkward and tell if it’s real or part of his act or what. I feel like it’s a schtick and it makes me uncomfortable.
Michael is a yacht captain and now Pudding is pissed at me that she doesn’t have a yacht. She deserves one, frankly.
So then the host, Jesse, tells Charity that the next limo has a person she already has a history with riding in it.
Charity starts to freak out.
The limo door opens and… it’s her brother.
He puts on a terrible wig and poses as a bartender so he can spy on the guys.
Pudding: His fake mustache looks like something I threw up last week.
Nehemiah, in his awful disguise, listens to yacht captain Michael saying he doesn’t go for “the petite type” (which I would say Charity is).
Then they all convene in the living area, and Chris just does this random high jump like an over-caffeinated toddler. Aaron S says, “Mating season is on a full display here on Animal Planet.”
Imagine just fucking high jumping every time you need attention. Middle of a meeting BAM on top of the filing cabinet! It’s so weird and attention seeking and I hate it.
Spencer pulls Charity aside to tell her he has a son. He’s still clearly deeply uncomfortable and now I don’t think it’s an act. I think he’s incredibly anxious.
Brayden, who looks like Dollar Store Johnny Galecki, tells Charity about how awful his last relationship was and they kiss. Then he goes to the bar to brag about it.
So then Nehemiah announces he’s in fact Charity’s brother.
No one cares.
He goes and talks to his sister. He compliments Aaron B, but says he’s not a huge fan of Aaron S. I had forgotten both of them already. He calls Brayden arrogant.
Charity asks to talk to Brayden and says Nehemiah told him he was overconfident about getting the First Impression Rose. He says he wasn’t trying to be cocky, but felt like they had a real connection.
Charity surprises everyone by giving him the First Impression Rose.
Then it’s time for The Dreaded Rose Ceremony.
Chris, Joe, Khalid, Peter, Nick and Taylor all go home.
Are you watching this season?
I am not watching this season but I depend upon your recaps to give me conversational fodder with my young coworkers. Pudding is precious and I’m glad the knitter didn’t get cut at the first round.
Aww man I was hoping the undercover brother would stay in character longer. Not that I’m watching, I’m just here for the snark and Pudding pics. She absolutely deserves a yacht.
From your last recap I recall the bachelor being called zach and he had less personality than a cardboard cut out.
Lady Pudding totally deserves a yacht.
Speaking of reality TV dating shows, I wanted to recommend The One by Julia Argy! It’s a romance novel set on a fake reality TV dating show! I thought the writing was a little detached from the main character, but otherwise really enjoyed the book.
Ok, another barf inducing season begins. I don’t watch, I only read the recaps, which I look forward to. First, Lady Pudding does so deserve a yacht. Second, “Aaron S says, “Mating season is on a full display here on Animal Planet.”” I like him already. Third, I’m really here for the snort laughs, “dollar store Johnny Galecki”. HA! Finally, they missed a really good bet by outing the brother. I would have tuned in just for a convo between him and our bachelorette at the end of every show.
Everything I know about this show is from the recaps here.
All I remember from last season is I think the bachelor showered a LOT.
Maybe knit a Yacht for Lady Pudding? Ravelry seems to offer only a tea cosy, but they do have patterns for adorable cat couches (as well as tiaras).
Might even help watching the show more bearable. I look forward to your summeries and Pudding!
The ‘mating season’ comment makes me like Aaron S.
That Xavier the Knitter made it through makes me happy. This means there is still the possibility for him to stab one of his fellow contestants with a needle when the inevitable arguments happen.
They missed a bet in outing the brother. That could have had loads of fun times for a couple of episodes. Of course, that would also mean having a bartender on duty when they don’t do that most of the time, which might have looked suspicious. Of course, it could have also caused upset because the dudes would be pointing fingers at one another for spilling the beans about their tacky comments to Charity. Which would provide a further opportunity for Xavier to stab someone with his knitting needles.
Lady Pudding deserves everything.
I’m 100% here for Pudding. Give her some love for me.
I feel like “highest standing jump” is not something we need a world record _for_…Evidently Charity agrees.
(One of my cats is on cage rest for six weeks and she too would like a yacht, wants to know if Pudding is willing to share?)
Lady Pudding deserves whatever she wants. However, the issue with a yacht is that you need large amounts of water. But I saw a video of someone who made a pirate ship for their cat and it rides around in it on top of a Roomba. That – a pirate ship on dry land – sounds more like a Lady Pudding thing.