We’ve got some Cover Snark for ya!
From Heather: Why is he staring at his crotch while the planet’s heat ray is broiling his butt?
Sarah: I thought that said ‘Amway.’
Amanda: He looks ashamed.
Sarah: “I never should have joined Amway. I have many many regrets.”
Tara: Maybe he didn’t hit his Amway targets this month…
Sarah: So the meteor targets his backside? Way harsh.
Elyse: He’s looking sadly at one nipple
Tara: But Sarah, targets are important. How else will the Amway empire grow?
Holy shit, I also just saw “Menin Warriors” and my brain said “we don’t need Meninist warriors” and I’ve never been so relieved to realize I was wrong
Sneezy: The purple makes him look like he was made from play doh
It’s also possible the meteor is his shit, bouncing around the universe, and he’s actually the perpetrator of flaming gas
Shana: I saw Mein Warriors instead of “Menin Warriors” and just like that, space Nazis.
Susan: I have Questions about this title.
Elyse: No.
Carrie: I have questions but I REALLY do not want answers.
Amanda: The excessive love spans 20 volumes.
Sarah: Yeah.
Sneezy: Enjoy your kinks, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of excessive love being sane, safe, or consensual. (Also, if there are 20 volumes, I need most of it to be a daddy dom crackfic.)
Catherine: Yikes.That title gives you to wonder. Can we hope that this is not what it looks like and is just about a girl breaking free of her overprotective father? Please?
Susan: I think this man’s face is pasted on.
EllenM: lol and it looks like Nicholas Hoult’s face.
Sneezy: Wasn’t there a sailor moon episode where the villainess could swap whatever head she wants with which ever body, including her own? I could have gotten the anime wrong, all I remember was the confrontation scene where she took off her own head, holding it aloft, as she continued to talk.
EllenM: I don’t remember this but it sounds VERY plausible for Sailor Moon.
Tara: His jawline does seem awfully tiny for that neck.
Catherine: At least the sword isn’t at all phallic…
From Becky: I’m not sure what I love more, the image of a dude licking a woman who seems as aware of him as a department store mannequin, or the literal objectification of women in the tagline: “I licked it, so it’s mine.” Anyway, it’s a great cover!
Elyse: She seems really little compared to him.
Tara: What is his other arm on or in?
Sneezy: I hope she gave his head a good crack with her elbow.
Catherine: I licked it so it’s mine????
Sneezy: “No, I am not yours. Next time you say that, I’ll yank your dick off.”
Lara: What he’s doing… it looks more like drooling than licking…
Tara: Maybe sleeping?
AJ: My ex tried that line on me once. Note the relevant words “ex” and “ONCE.”
Catherine: So creepy. (Both the cover and AJ’s ex)
She looks weirdly like a mannequin, too. Why is he licking a mannequin? Is this a RealDoll thing?
Susan: I am uncomfortable with how tiny she looks
Amanda: Sir, this is a Macy’s
Sneezy: “Mine now. Me lick. You lick Macy.”
Shana: First, is he a gladiator? Do they lick things? I have only vague recollections of the Russell Crowe movie.
Second, is he wrapped in a toilet seat cover?
That President Daddy title is..so incredibly off-putting. I’m wondering about the rest of the book because a quick search shows that this (book and series) was published with AI translation. Just goes to show that translating is a skill and a lot gets lost if done wrongly or by use of AI/Google translate etc.
And on the subject of off-putting titles…”I licked it,so it’s mine”?
That is just disgusting.
That President Daddy book. Was that tagline translated by AI? I cannot for the life of me parse it
Amnay = Barney.
President daddy *hork*
Given that the current president of the US has publicly mentioned how hot he finds his own daughter, that cover squigs me out for a variety of reasons. Also, the US’s current Secretary of Education comes from the family that derived all its wealth from the original multi-level marketing scheme…Amway. I’m sure she could be replaced by a purple alien and no one Involved in public education would notice the difference, unless it’s for the better.
The “I licked it” guy is on a ton of covers that all appear to have been taken at the same photo shoot (this is the first—and hopefully the last—cover where his tongue is visible). He’s actually quite good-looking (cf., Nicolina Martin’s CAPO), but what always gets me is the multitude of necklaces he’s wearing. I’m sure I had the faux puka shell one back in the 1970s—from the Sarah Coventry Nature Collection.
The purple guy on the first cover is giving me some serious “Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” vibes. Maybe he works at a space candy factory with unsafe labor practices and turned purple in an industrial accident.
I know this is like the least weird thing about the “Marked” cover, but…is her swimsuit ripped on the right side? There’s a split in the fabric that doesn’t show up on the left side and seems completely random.
Has anyone read the first one? Is it actually written in pig Latin, as the title suggests?
The Inscription cover looks like a Catholic school girl rather than a highlander to me. Something about the outfit and the hair…
I think the thing around the Marked guy’s arm is an inexplicably billowing white button-down shirt. She can’t be a mannequin– notice how his fingers are indenting her thigh (ouch)– but perhaps she’s an inflatable doll? She definitely seems stiff and lifeless, probably a mercy, given the title.
@Merle: Presumably from the same photo shoot:
https://www.amazon.com/Pretty-Hostage-Julia-Sykes-ebook/dp/B07Z2T25HQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=julia+sykes+pretty+hostage&qid=1593444365&sr=8-3
You can see the black top the female model is wearing and that white thing (a shirt? a sheet? a tablecloth?) the guy is “wearing.“
@Grace I was trying to figure that out too… but so I’m thinking it’s actually a body suit (because apparently those are a Thing again?) she’s pulling up on and then panties underneath… at any moment the snaps are gonna unsnap and the body suit is gonna hit that guy in the eye…
Let me offer you an option for PRESIDENT’S DADDY…:
CEO has a one night stand with a female stranger he thinks is someone else, results in pregnancy, they end up falling for each other.
(That’s my story and I’m going lalalalala at all other descriptions)
#3: What’s up with the shirt? it’s waaaaay out of universe regarding everything else. It’s like wherever the face came from, it invoked a shirt out of modesty.
#4: I totally read that tagline as “I liked it, so it’s mine.” And that would explain SO much….
The Inscription may be the most boring cover I have ever seen.
Maybe I need new glasses, but at first I read the first cover line as “Men in Warriors”.
For the last one I saw “I lifted it” (well, she does seem to be hovering above him), then “I linked it” and then “I liked it” because my brain just could not handle the licking. Any way, just ew.
Mr Inscription looks totally zombified. Maybe that’s what the Inscription does when you read it?
@EC, maybe he’s trying to read the text on the cover below him and he has to stare really hard to figure it out.
Merle, I thought it was pig Latin, too.
For a second my brain turned “Meninist warriors” into “Mennonite warriors” and things got even weirder.
I saw “licked it” and was grateful that, at least, he hadn’t peed on it to claim it as his own.
Todd, my husband was complaining about IT at work and said the guy [did some computer term thing that means taking over computer remotely] and I heard “peed on it,” and I was hoping it was a metaphor for staking his territory.
Everytime I see some cover snark, I’m laughing so hard that I have to pee.
Amnay: Is that pig Latin for “Nam”? Was he exposed to Agent Purple?
President Daddy’s Excessive Love: We’ve all seen T-shirts with improbable Japlish text, but I didn’t realize they had expanded to books.
The Inscription: So that’s what Conchita Wurst looks like in a kilt.
I Licked It, So It’s Mine: It is not often a Cover Snark fills me with curiosity about the book–quite the reverse, in general–but here I have to make an exception, if only in the category of wtf?
The switching head thing was the evil queen in “Return to Oz”! She turned all the girls to stone and kept their heads and switched them out depending on her mood. It was very weird to watch in elementary school at the end of the year.
I had to look up President Daddy because I needed to know.
here’s the blurb (spoilers ahead).
.
.
.
ONE NIGHT MISTAKE ACHIEVED THE WHOLE LIFE HAPPINESS.
She was framed by her step mother to spend a whole night with one mysterious man. Eventually she was forced to escaped to another country far away. Five years later, she came back with a pair of beautiful dragon and phoenix babies. However, at the day she came back, she messed up a proud and handsome CEO. What’s even more shock is that her son looks exactly like that CEO! These cute babies’ pictures went popular on the internet.So at someday , the CEO stepped into her way…..
Volume 1 is only $0.99. It might be worth it, just for the crazysauce.
I can’t stop staring at the weird shape on purple man’s torso, like there’s something just under his skin. Is it a baby dragon emerging from an egg? The starship Enterprise?
@BoredCrow Purple man looks like he has a hand under his skin instead of ribs… But I’m tired and might be seeing things.
@BoredCrow & @denise …can’t unsee… Enterprise, ha! Egg, yeah that could be… a hand? Also possible! Seriously, what *is* that??
While the cover for The Inscription isn’t great, I read the book years ago with the lovely original cover and loved, loved the book. Still have it signed by the author – one of my very few keeper books.
The Inscription had all this blank space upper right where you’d think they would put the title instead of over his body, where it’s harder to read. They should be at least a tag line (not involving licking) or something because the stormy clouds are not that interesting and copy was clearly meant for that space.
The sequel to Wizard of Oz has a villain that swaps her heads with whichever one feels prettiest today. It was suppppppper creepy as a child.
Now that someone’s said it, I can undersee that Purple Dude is the same colour as Barney. And Barney isn’t even a thing in Australia. Also, I thought that Rayann Marse & Sov Jay were the Menin Warriors.
Magna squicks me out for no reason I’ve been able to articulate until President Daddy.
The Inscription dude is wearing a shirt with his kilt and sword. This excited me greatly.
And the licking thing reminds me of my dad. He likes to take his Mars Bar out of its wrapper, lick it all over, and then offer you a bite. It’s very effective on small grandchildren, lol. I’ve never known him to lick a woman, however.
Ok but can we discuss what looks like a…hand on the inside appearing under the purple dude’s left boob? Is an alien situation imminent? Is that what he’s looking at?
The first guy’s muscles seem as though they were painted on.
In defense of “President Daddy” (‘s possible linguistic and cultural translation issues), it’s not like The Billionaire Sheikh’s Secret Virgin Stable Baby Surprise makes sense.
I must have spent too much time reading manga, I barely batted an eye at President Daddy. And it gives me hope that one day I’ll be able to produce my very own masterpiece, President Princess!