Our Caption Cover Contest is back! And with it comes a giveaway, per usual!
This cover comes from Carole. Can we just say that Carole is amazing? She has a desktop folder filled with Cover Snark images and frequently shares her spoils with us. Thanks, Carole!
Now there is a lot going on here! The crotch volcano, the super long nipple, etc.
Here are the rules for captioning that cover:
Comment below with your caption! Feel free to caption the cover however you want! Have a great tagline? Lay it on us! Want to give us some insight into the cover model’s thoughts? Fantastic! Next to each comment is a heart symbol. The Bitchery can use those to vote their favorites, or you can comment on which caption should be best in show. A winner will randomly be selected at the end of the contest!
The best captioner will receive a $10 bookstore credit to a book retailer of their choosing.
Standard disclaimers apply: We are not being compensated for this giveaway. Void where prohibited. Open to international residents where permitted by applicable law. Must be over 18. I feel like we should stress keeping one’s clothing on during any hot or sparking junk explosions. It’s like cooking bacon on the stove without proper attire. And remember, only you can prevent crotch fires. Comments will close Friday September 21, 2018 around noon ET, and a winner will be announced shortly thereafter.
Good luck!
Winner update: Big congratulations to Deianira! The winning caption is:
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
All of your comments were wonderful! And keep watch for future caption contests!
“I feel a fire in my loins… No, really.”
He should get that checked. Also, is it just me, or does it look like the gryphon is recoiling in horror?
Is that a volcano in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
“I shift, I burn; I’m part phoenix.”
Sex on fire.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Yes, I’m hotter than you can possibly know.
Noble Gryffin casts the dreaded curse Crotch Ablaze on the mansplainer.
Sh*t! That little volcano! I’ve had jock itch worse than that.
Oh! Now I understand all those comparisons to iron rods….
Gryf serenades his junk:
I am the god of HELL FIRE
and I bid you
to BURN!
Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes… Wait! Hang on a second . That’s my c**k!
Using the volcano to warm the lube will cause “Hot Rod Syndrome.”
“Could you re-read the instructions on that lube? I know it said ‘special sensation for him,’ but this doesn’t seem right…”
There’s gotta be a cream for that!
Chad had a habit of reading terrible porn, one that led him to taking the phrase “his cock erupted” far too literally.
Out of the Dragon’s claws!
His sperm are like those pine trees were the cones won’t open until after a forest fire. He has to stick his junk in a volcano or they just won’t swim and dude needs an heir!
I want to know how long he has to let it cool down before he uses it, though!
Hot to trot! One night with him, and you’ll never be cold in bed again. You will be enveloped in his warmth and radiate in the afterglow.
Too cheesy?
** this is not an entry **
actually surprised that my office’s firewall (NO PUN INTENDED) let this through. LMAO @ the things people put on covers.
The grill is ready, where are the hot dogs.
I’ve got a Golden penis…
Helsinki. December 2018.
Having given his all to earn his spot at the Karaoke World Championships in Helsinki, Griffin prepared to take to the stage knowing he was going to have to give the performance of a lifetime. But this was Helsinki. In December. Performing shirtless was going to be a problem. Or was it?
His rendition of Kings of Leon’s “Sex on Fire” would soon become the stuff of legends.
When Apollo spotted the errant volcano, he told Poseidon to put a plug in it. However, Poseidon misunderstood.
Tagline: The burning in his loins had reached volcanic proportions.
Also..At first I thought the little griffon in the corner was a “real” griffon and it was shooting the fire at his manly bits in an effort to…I don’t know what it was in order to do… I got lost at tiny griffon breathing fire on his crotch and my brain stopped.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!
“Normally a shot and a round of antibiotics would clear things up nicely but this is a very rare strain…this treatment may seem extreme but yours is the most severe case I’ve ever seen.”
“This was a job only a were-bear could handle. He was AFIRE for SMOKEY.”
“She was wet for him. There was an unfortunate amount of steam.”
Wait, no. The last one should read:
“She was wet for him. A STEAMY romance!”
When the burning starts before the sex is over, you know that he’s the one.
Asbestos was less popular than ever. She sat, every day, wondering when she might meet her soulmate. Then one day, she met Griffin. Is she the only girl strong enough to survive his fire?
When Erik said he wanted to be the hottest man alive, having a crotch on fire and legs morphing into an active volcano was not exactly what he was hoping for…
With a tip of the hat to Bob Seger:
“he’s got the fire down below…”
Grif hadn’t realized what the set designer meant when describing what he planned for his Eurovision performance.
If Tim didn’t get a gryphon it soon, he’d really have cause four alarms! He only hoped that, now that he understood why his father’s nickname was ‘Fire Crotch’, his mother’s nickname would provide the key to controlling the situation. She was of course known as “Water Nipples”.
Okay, since no one else said it (aging myself here)
He truly was a hunka hunka burning love
Up until Rhys the Gryphon Grifter, she’d always believed great balls of fire were figurative.
His barber is forever grateful the carpet doesn’t match the drapes.
Don’t look! You’ll go blind. You don’t stare st the sun, do you?!?
He thought she had set his heart aflame, but he was very very wrong…
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns
The ring of fire
The ring of fire