Is it just me or has it felt like ages since the last Cover Snark? Or maybe January is just dragging too much for me to keep track of anything.
Amanda: Man, there is a lot going on here.
Also…the profile reminds me of Keanu.
Elyse: I’m gonna pass on the haggis.
Redheadedgirl: I’m gonna try haggis and report back.
Sarah: Their nipples are about to kiss too!
From Carole: Something doesn’t look right…is her shoulder dislocated? If she is that bendy, she must be one of the life sized rubbery plastic dolls??
Amanda: We’re definitely getting a hint of butt crack in that Jacobs cover.
Please don’t tell me low rise jeans are coming back.
Sarah: I keep finding faces in his back. Pursed lips, Mr Yuck…I have to look away now. All of them are staring at me.
From Laura: A holiday series for fans of shifters and mail order brides! Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and here is a Cover Snark candidate for any upcoming Halloween season.
Amanda: I would not be shirtless or naked next to any sort of predator.
Elyse: There is way too much going on here
Sarah: That jaguar’s expression matches mine.
Amanda: The jaguar is unimpressed.
Redheadedgirl: Someone needs to Coco Chanel that cover – before you send it out to print, take something off
Or five.
Sarah: But if there aren’t candles AND a jack o lantern AND a jaguar, AND rectus abdominis muscles AND nipples AND a full moon, how will people understand what’s going on in this book?
Amanda: Poll time – do you see a vagina or balls?
Elyse: Balls
Redheadedgirl: Saggy ass
Sarah: That dog is a good dog. I stand by that declaration. Also balls.
CarrieS: Balls
I’m sorry guys – I’m letting you down. This installation of Cover Snark has broken me. All I have is a very confused facial expression.
A weird fleshy bow.
Also balls.
Saggy balls? Also why does the dog look like he’s coming off a five day bender?
Definitely balls.
@Gigi because he is. He is about to tell all about his boy behavior. Did you not read the title? Also I see both balls and vagina
My husband says: “A…butt?”
Dammit Kylo Ren, weren’t the high-waisted pants bad enough? Did you have to go for the kilt? Did you think Rey would find that sexier?
I do not know how Mr Lusty can find her face in all that hair whipping around. He’s just going to get a mouthful of hair. Or maybe that’s her avoidance technique, she sure looks like she’s going to extremes to avoid that kiss.
And that dog has gills. Must be a special breed of — water spaniel? Water retriever? How is he surviving out of the water? Is that why he has that expression? Is he drowning in air? So many questions…
lol love the comments
the chest is a little too golden, too
This comment sequence is what took me out!
“Sarah: That jaguar’s expression matches mine.
Amanda: The jaguar is unimpressed.
Redheadedgirl: Someone needs to Coco Chanel that cover – before you send it out to print, take something off
Or five.”
I snorted so loud my husband asked me what was so funny. Great job, ladies!
Vagina and saggy abs.
They are nose kissing a well as nipple kissing.
I like haggis, it’s like a particularly tasty sausage …
On the Jacobs cover – is he sitting on a pile of books? That doesn’t seem stable, OR good for the books. And why are they also trapped in the lettering for the title? And I really think if it’s that windy and stormy outside (look at the sky and the waves!), maybe they should be headed for shelter, instead of practicing wrestling make-out moves?
Balls. Maybe saggy abs?
Also, I like haggis. We don’t get it down in England very often (only on Burrrrrns night – when you have to read poetry by Robert Burns).
Is the Kilty guy wearing a kilt? It looks more like plaid boxers to me.
Also, #2 looks like he’s carrying around an armful of mannequin parts. Age has caught up with me (or maybe I’ve just suppressed the memory) but wasn’t there a movie version of Pygmalion involving a department store mannequin? Played by Vanna White?
And is the Bad Dog (balls, btw) background the text of the Declaration of Independence?
God, I hate these “cutsey” titles! Kilty as Charged? Bletch!
I love me some bad photoshopping… but we haven’t had any Old Skool snark for a while. How about some rainbow-farting rearing horses, windblown gauzy fabric, poisonous blue eyeshadow?
It breaks my heart to criticise anything containing the words “Romance. Suspense. Haggis.” (Eat your heart out, Arson Murder and Jaywalking.) If only those three words had been the actual title.
@Gigi
why does the dog look like he’s coming off a five day bender?
Because it’s a basset hound. They can’t help it. Now, if the cover had managed to portray a border collie looking like he’s coming off a five-day bender … then I’d be impressed.
@ Sandra I had to google that film, because I thought I remembered it. Not Vanna White, but everything else was right.
“Mannequin is a 1987 American romantic comedy . . . a modern re-telling of the Pygmalion myth, tells about a chronically underemployed artist named Jonathan Switcher (played by Andrew McCarthy) who gets a job as a department-store window dresser and falls in love with a mannequin (played by Kim Cattrall)—the attraction being that she comes to life on occasion, but only for him.”
I love clever titles that use a play on words, so “Kilty as Charged” is good for me. But then, I read a lot of cozy mysteries as well as romance, and that sort of thing is common in those titles. I also just like words being used in interesting ways.
#1 Her boobs have a chest-repelling force field.
#2 Between the face full of whipping hair and the belt of dangling books, he can’t be very comfortable.
#3 The ravens add that finishing touch.
#4 If he’s a bad dog, why the halo?
The girl on the Kilty as Charged cover is smirking like all her confence call daydreams came true. Hey, the guy with the Scottish accent looks like Keanu, has a six-pack, and wears a kilt. I never fantasize about guys I can’t see who have accents. Nope, not me.
Louise beat me to a comment about basset hounds always looking like they’re coming off a bender! I’m thinking the designer was going for a drunken, vaguely suggestive look for that poor pup.
You’ve got a jaguar. I’m assuming the pumpkin head is the Halloween bride. So what’s with the naked dude?
Or is this a really, really weird threesome?
The tagline of “Romance, suspense, haggis” cracked me up. In part because I’m a Red Dwarf fan, and anytime anyone says the word “haggis” I picture Rimmer saying “4,681 irradiated haggis” over and over.
Kilty –
Whoa. Cover artists have got to be tailor-making this stuff for Cover Snark. Meta.
More Than Windburn –
Nice try bringing ‘sexy back’. Personally fail the Rorsacht test , but still, the likeness is way too strong between the shadowed craggy back and the storm clouds.
Jaguar’s Halloween Bride –
Is the author’s name a sanitised pun? “ LOL. I. Kid”
And that is NOT what Linus meant by ‘most sincere pumpkin patch’. More like the nightmares I got off that Sleepy Hollow cartoon.
Bad Dog –
By ‘courteous mouser’?
Is that a purported autobiography of a dog ghostwritten by a cat? Well, that would explain why the dog is ‘bad’.
Mannequin still stands as one of the worst movies I personally have ever seen. Horrendous!
Some cover designer has learned how to photoshop textures into text – badly. Hence Plaid Kilty and whatever busy nonsense is going on in More Than Lust. Yeah, it’s a lot more. But you can’t tell what. Inspired by the Marvel movies credits were you?
Also that second cover promises Courthouse Connections (complete with tiny scales of justice) but is clearly showing a third-rate waterfront Marriott or something instead.
The bendy people on More Than Lust look like Sims. The little green diamonds above their heads must have been cut off by the editor.
Guys, KILTY AS CHARGED. Romance, suspense, haggis. That is brilliant. This whole cover was masterfully planned by a genius. I want to buy the book immediately, but I’m also afraid to *read* the book in fear of it not meeting the utter brilliance of the cover.
Haggis is an intestinal dish, right? As in bowls of steaming viscera? Was it the cover artist’s intention to come up with something sexy here? Because I’m so grossed out right now, I’d rather look at the subliminal dog balls and saggy ass.