Elyse emailed us the following cover while she was out book hunting:
Elyse: First of all, the dude in front has a look on his face like the other guy farted. Second, WHAT IS IN THE FRYING PAN?! Are those sausages? Fries? Little fiery carrots?
RedHeadedGirl: Is he frying tiny penises?
Amanda: Seconding the tiny penises. Is it a romantic suspense where the killer goes all Hannibal, but takes penises and cooks them for his guests? Playing it off like a bunch of Vienna sausages?
Elyse: Tiny Cthulhu calamari?
Carrie: Ahem. As your resident Lovecraft expert, allow me to assist. The objects in the frying pan are clearly the mouth fringes of Cthulhu.
I'm attaching a photo of dear daughter's Cthulhu hand puppet (nickname: Lou) for reference.
Here is a handy description of Cthulhu, from Lovecraft himself:
“A monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind.”
So yes – it's a frying pan full of feelers. It will all end in tears and the end of humanity. Clearly the guy with the pan is a determined acolyte, steeled to the atrocious to come, while behind him is his innocent, unknowing, soon to be sacrificed, victim.
Sarah: Dude sure has a very serious expression on his face. Do you need intense gaze while sautéing Cthulhu?
Carrie: The end of the world is a serious business, Sarah.
And then there was this cover:
Elyse: I think you see dragons like that when you're on ecstasy but I'm not sure.
RedHeadedGirl: Is Blacklight Dragon also a sign of the apocalypse?
Carrie: Yes, but of a different kind. Blacklight dragon represents a state in which the drug and pleasure addicted decadent humans will become blind to reality. The matrix will overcome their minds and they will dance endlessly even into death, unaware that they dance on ruins.
Elyse: Whoooooaaaa
Sarah: Because DRAGONS! (I love dragons.)
Amanda: All right…please tell me you guys have seen the dragon sex toys. They even come with a character backstory.
Carrie: Noooooo…I have mixed feeling about whether I want to see the dragon sex toys….
Amanda: I'll link you to the Jezebel article. It's still NSFW though. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Carrie: I was hoping for something more dragony. I mean, that's just a brightly colored penis.
Amanda: They have some more on the site, I believe. I think they also produce “themed” fleshlights for men (cyborg, alien, zombie – yes, zombie).
RedHeadedGirl: NO. NO ZOMBIE DICK.
NO.
Carrie: NO.
RedHeadedGirl: NO.
Sarah: Rigor is a beautiful thing, RHG!
RedHeadedGirl: IT IS NOT THE RIGOR I AM OBJECTING TO SARAH.
Carrie: It's the rot that I object to.
RedHeadedGirl: IT IS THE MORTIS PART.
Sarah: But with zombies, it'll fall off. You can take it with you, like a souvenir!
RedHeadedGirl: YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOUR CAUSE
IT SEEMS LIKE A FINE ROUTE TO A YEAST INFECTION.
Amanda: You could make a necklace out of them. Or keep them on a utility belt.
Carrie: It will dissolve in your hand. Zombies are actively rotting. There is slime.
Sarah: I think this would make a great Etsy store. Zombie rot peen dildoes.
Elyse: I'm torn betweenWTF and wanting to buy one for all my friends for Christmas just to see their faces. Prolly the big green Orc one. Maybe buy it for a bracelet holder?
I just read the part where you can buy fake dragon ejaculate for your toy. Someone there's a guy with a PHD who has been reduced to making hypoallergenic dragon spunk. And he cries himself to sleep every night.
So, what do you think he's cooking? And where do you buy your dragons?
“Someone there’s a guy with a PHD who has been reduced to making hypoallergenic dragon spunk”
OMG, I can barely hold it together at the office! How can I explain my colleagues that I’m laughing over dragon spunk?
That first cover… is that the Tony Stark/Steve Rogers slashfic that Loki wrote in the first issue of “Agent of Asgard?”
(If you haven’t read that comic—which is awesome by the way—at the end of the first issue, Thor talks about Loki “slashing” the Internet when he clearly means “hacking”. Loki cops to hacking… as well as doing the “other thing” too. So yes, Loki canonically writes slashfic.)
I’m cry-laughing all over my ipad! Souvenirs like that could really liven up any Halloween party!
I love everyone in this bar
I refuse to turn into one of those people who are all MY BOOK, LET ME SHOW YOU IT, but I absolutely totally did once write something with Zombie Penis in it (briefly).
Someone please buy the fake dragon ejaculate and post pictures? (Uh, not THOSE kind of pictures.)
They look more like slightly skeletal fingers to me. Whatever they are, I think that’s probably some sort of sauce, not flame, coming off of them.
I refuse to even speculate what sauce you’d sauté fingers/penises/Cthulhu in, because it is way too early in the morning for a San. roll.
As for where I buy my dragons; pretty much anywhere that sells them, but I only buy complete dragons.
Is it just me or does the guy on the first cover look as if he is missing the lower half of his left arm?
@Vicki: Not just you….
The guy frying whatever is going have big problems with grease splatter to that naked chest or other parts. I am thinking it isn’t only his chest that is naked. 😉 The title should be more like “A Recipe for Disaster”.
In that article on Jezebel: Varka added, “We hear people like to hit each other with the dragon dildos”. Blink. Okay. Because when ask why you have a giant dragon dildo, the response would be to get into dragon dildo smacking fights with it. Sure. Collect the whole set! Throw a dragon dildo smacking fight party! Try explaining THAT black eye.
I am never surprised by what I learn here
I am laughing so hard at Zombie Peen I am choking on my squash.
@ Cate M, yes, you WOULD only have Zombie Peen briefly, by definition.
On the other hand (the one still attached) I have a friend who is a medical worker who wants to know how vampires can possibly get it up since no heartbeat=no blood circulation=no erection. I guess we’re overthinking?
“RedHeadedGirl: IT IS NOT THE RIGOR I AM OBJECTING TO SARAH.”
LOL
Mentioning zombie peen always reminds me of a scene in one of my favorite book (death rejoices by A. J. Aalto ) where Marnie has to get some car keys from a zombie and he is missing the lower half of his beaver suit after death… You would have to get a back story for that part…
Did he hear me, or notice? I froze in place, mouthed wordlessly over and over a desperate mantra: If I giggle at zombie wiener, I will reveal my position. If I giggle at zombie wiener, Iwill reveal my position.
I think the guy is frying up a batch of peppers and I hope he is careful with that oil! There is a variety of bright green peppers from Hungary that look like an alien penis or arthritic witch finger, depending on if there are children in the room. Our Community Supported Agriculture farmers are pepperheads and we have been getting some strange looking peppers in our share along with the usual striped tomatoes and purple potatoes.
@EC Spurock
Exactly! I had this same thought way back when Buffy was on TV between vampire sexy times and all the poisoning going on. I just figured it was a rules of that particular universe sort of thing… Until the college Thanksgiving episode where Spike complains about his circulation being cut off and it is CLEARLY pointed out that he has no circulation and is just being whiny. And yes I’ve brought up this point to other people… Strange looks, I gets them.
It’s right there with “If zombies eat brains, but destroying the brain ‘kills’ them, how are zombies reproducing?” Think about it.
I’m with @Vicki and think the guy on the first cover is missing part of his left arm. First thing that I noticed.
@EC Spurlock – The whole circulation/erection question was actually handled well by L. K. Hamilton in the Anita Blake series (if you can get that far in the series). Anita likes playing with Jean Claude before he drinks blood and becomes erect.
In fact, when Richard finally agrees to sexytimes with Anita and Jean Claude, he (Richard) thinks he is denying JC by not letting him bite anyone as they get started. BUT (har har) Anita lurvs to stuff all of JC’s non erect junk in her mouth while it is soft and squishy.
@Chris Z
I think that’s the first time I’ve seen the word “squishy” referring to something in the Anita Blake universe. I’m so happy right now, like, inexplicably high levels of happy.
The second guy must have some serious B.O. with an open-mouthed dragon coming out of his pit.
I just had to explain to my cubicle mates why I was laughing so hard… But that’s for the laugh RGH: IT SEEMS LIKE A FINE ROUTE TO A YEAST INFECTION.
*giggle*
@SB Sarah
Back atcha! I think that is the first time I’ve seen the word “happy” in reference to any of the books after 9ish. 🙂
I don’t want to harsh anyone’s gross-out, but I think it’s just stir-fry in the saute pan. Like stout green beans and a few poblano peppers with stems attached.
That, or tiny Ken dolls going at it as ocean breakers wash over them on the beach in a kind of reverse From Here to Eternity.
Laughing like a loon, wow my side hurts.