Caption That Cover: Holiday Edition

So many people have written to me asking about the Dreamspinner ad running in our ad column. Some are dying to talk about it, some are asking me to create a thread just to discuss it, and some are absolutely turned off. What, a man with his pants down wearing some mistletoe around another area that may in fact be well hung is worth talking about?

You bet your sweet bippy. So with the generosity of Elizabeth, head of Dreamspinner, who sent me a big ol’ high res version of the cover so you can appreciate the pants mistletoe’d man in all his splendor, we have: Holiday Caption That Cover!

Leave your caption in the comments, and on Christmas Day, I’ll pick a winner. Said winner will receive a $50 gift certificate to the bookstore of their choice. Comments will close at midnight on Christmas Eve, Eastern Standard Time – I hear Santa needs to borrow those tightie whities for a trip round the world, you know?


Mad props and full credit for the image go to Paul Richmond, the artist who created this holiday wonderpiece. And oh, what a wonder it is. You ready? Come out with your pants down!

Comments are Closed

  1. Larn says:

    “Sam unwrapped his Christmas package early this year.”

    Too on point?

  2. Ruzz02a says:

    Was that kiss under the mistletoe or kiss the mistletoe undies?

  3. Jessica says:

    “My, my, aren’t those prickly briefs.”

  4. micki says:

    May as well go retro with this, because 80 percent of you are probably thinking it, anyway (-:.

    “Is that a candy cane in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?”

  5. JaniceG says:

    “Looks like Santa might be coming early this year”

  6. Glynis says:

    “But it’s smiling at me!”

    (With thanks to “A Christmas Story”.)

  7. kimsmith says:

    “Holy holly!  I’ll deck your halls, baby!”

    (P.S.  Isn’t that holly with the red spots?)

  8. Alex Ward says:

    Oh, Holy night!

  9. Tez Miller says:

    “Reindeer antlers and baubles make for great


    undie fillers.”

  10. Wilma Howe-Bennett says:

    “Gosh, that’s cute – but *I* wanted pink Teddy bears!”

  11. Marg says:

    “You want me to kiss under THAT mistletoe”

  12. SusiB says:

    Upon entering the room, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration representative screamed at the sight of the man climbing the ladder with his pants around his ankles – but then he grinned, admitting that the holly-patterned briefs were much too pretty to be hidden.

  13. LadyRhian says:

    “Ooh! You got me a hard lollipop to suck on!” (or off). 😉

    Spamword: Natural63- Okay, he’s big, but he’s not *that* big.

  14. 17catherines says:

    “Holly berry-spangled homoerotic subtext, Batman!”

    “A visitation from the spirit of Christmas yet to come”

    “Was Bernard really interested in him?  The dropped trousers, the well-hung mistletoe, the sidelong looks were all suggestive, but Ben still wasn’t sure.  Perhaps that really was a candle tucked into his red-trimmed, seasonal, yet strangely seductive underwear…”

    Oh god, and now I have Christmas carols to ill effect:

    “Doff we now our gay apparel, fa la la, la la la, ooh, la la!”

    “The holly bares a prickle, as sharp as any thorn…”

    “O come, all ye faithful…” (I’m very, very sorry, truly I am)

    Also, with apologies to Walter de la Mare (and I know this is too long for a caption, but I can’t resist:

    Sitting under the mistletoe
    (Pale-green, fairy mistletoe),
    One last candle burning low,
    All the sleepy dancers gone,
    Just one candle burning on,
    Shadows lurking everywhere:
    Some one came, and kissed me *there*.

    (actually, my real problem here is that so *many* Christmas carols have verses that are downright filthy if you are in the wrong frame of mind, and I have been singing Christmas carols every day for the last week…

  15. Noelinya says:

    Why settling for the lips when one can kiss a holly’s stick ?

  16. Mala says:

    Maybe it’s because I’m a klutz, but all I keep thinking is, “With his pants trapping his legs like that, he is SO going to fall off that ladder.”

    Have to go for the obvious: “Don we now our gay apparel.”

    “I saw Daddy kissing Santa’s drawers underneath the mistletoe last night.”

    “Talk about making the Yuletide gay.”

  17. Edie says:

    “Dude I’d be blushing too if I was wearing those undies”
    “Well, It’s under the Mistletoe tradition says…”

  18. Yet another embarrassing laundry day moment.

  19. Emilia says:

    Is that a partrige in your pear tree?

  20. Carolyn says:

    Wowza!!!  Christmas came early!!

  21. SheaLuna says:

    “Eat your heart out, Marky-Mark.”

  22. joannef says:

    “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, except in my pants……….

  23. SheaLuna says:

    BTW… Just wanted to let Sharon Kendrick know that “Mr Beau Dangles” nearly made me shower my screen with latte.

    (You’d think I’d have learned by now…)

  24. Alex Ward says:

    Now *that* is a present I really want to unwrap, thought Bernard (loving 17catherines contribution)

  25. SB Sarah says:

    You know what would be awesome? If the artwork included a fireplace, because then we could have had a replay of “Chest, Nuts, Roasting on an Open Fire.”.

  26. Brett G says:

    It’s gonna be a hard candy Christmas!

  27. Tammy says:

    “Do I have a package for YOU.”

  28. Tammy says:

    Alternatively: “Is that big package for me?”

  29. Chris says:

    “Kiss me underwear the mistletoe, you fool!”

  30. Sewicked says:

    Josh wondered if he was being too subtle or if Dan would get the hint.

    (really, nothing I can come up with [eep, pun unintended] can match Mr. Beau Dangles)

  31. “Don we now our gay apparel.”

    I love it, Mala, simple and seasonal.

    Wait wait wait—this is an ADVENT CALENDAR? I need some time to rethink my caption…back later.

  32. Rae says:

    In a new twist on the Star Wars Christmas Special, he cried “That’s no moon!”

    (sorry….my brain is gone)

  33. Mama Nice says:

    Not my caption – but did anyone else notice this is an advent calendar? Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

    Ok, on to the captions!

    “Looking over his shoulder, Craig couldn’t contain his glee. This year, it looked like being naughty was going to pay off big time.”

    “Frank knew his horrible habit of forgetting to do up his fly was going to bite him in the ass one day…”

    “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth so I can nip those undies off and wish you Merry Christmas!”

    “It says here in this book you’re supposed to kiss the first thing you see hung under the mistletoe…oh. Oooh.”

    And the one so wrong, you know it’s right:
    “Rudolph, with your cock so bright…won’t you guide my lay tonight?”

  34. Nadia says:

    “Thank you, Santa!”

    “On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…One Giaaaant Boner!”

    And, it must be said….

    “You’ll shoot your eye out!”

  35. Lisa J says:

    There was mistletoe, holly (underwear), and well…that’s how our new Holiday tradition was started.

  36. AndieG says:

    “Wow, the Holly and the Ivy really *are* full grown!”

    “Steve always loved it when Mark showed off his Christmas balls under the mistletoe.”

    “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid…”  Or “Be careful, Rick…You’ll shoot my eye out!”  (With a nod to A Christmas Story)

    “How does he always know what I want for Christmas?”

    Spamword member 57…nuff said!

  37. AndieG says:

    “Come, Frank told me, Pah rum pah YUM YUM!”

  38. Amanda says:

    “Now there’s some berries that are safe to eat.”

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