B-
Genre: Science Fiction/Fantasy
Dinosaur Lords has medieval knights riding dinosaurs into battle. Your decision to read the book will inevitably be based not on this or any other review but on precisely how excited you feel by the phrase “medieval knights ride dinosaurs into battle.” Seriously, either you are rolling your eyes to the heavens like “Lord, what will these wacky people do next” or you’ve stopped reading and are madly one-clicking at Amazon or wherever you do your clicking. Godspeed, my fellow clickers. Godspeed.
I had high expectations of this book but they were also very simple expectations. I wanted to see knights ride into battle on dinosaurs. These expectations were met, frequently. These are graphic, violent battles and horses, dinosaurs, and people die horrible bloody deaths, so, trigger warning for violence towards people and animals. I enjoyed reading about how different dinosaurs are used in different ways, and how this involves various strategies. It’s not all Tyrannosaurus Rex all the time. Triceratopses (yes, I goggled the plural) carry “wicker fighting castles full of archers”. Hadrosaurs will stomp the shit out of anyone, but they are most feared for their “terrible, inaudible battle cry, pitched too low for the human ear to hear, but potentially as damaging as a body blow from a battering ram.” A knight’s worst fear is that he be trapped beneath his fallen dinosaur mount and slowly be crushed to death by his own dinosaur and his own armor.
As far as plot goes, there are three main storylines. The whole thing takes place on a planet which is specified as not Earth, but which is geographically and culturally analogous to the Middle Ages on Earth and seems to have been colonized long ago by humans who brought the “five friends” (horses, goats, dogs, cats, and ferrets).
The first storyline concerns Karyl Bogomirskiy, a warrior nobleman who rises from the dead (there’s magic in this book just in case we find the dinosaurs dull) and joins forces with Rob Korrigan, a Dinosaur Master, to help a group of pacifists build an army to protect their region. Meanwhile, in a country that seems based on Aztec and Mayan cultures, Princess Melodía is frustrated because she is neither taken seriously as a politician nor allowed to ride into battle with her love, Jaume. Jaume, The Count of Flowers, is sent by Melodía’s father to start a bunch of fights that he thinks will be disastrous for his Empire and the world at large. Elyse and I both liked that the biggest center of power seems located in a land analogous to South America instead of Europe. It adds yet another level of interest and amazing imagery to the story.
My problem with the book was that I wasn’t invested in the characters and I didn’t understand why I should care about any of the outcomes. Groups would ride into battle and I had only the most vague sense of why they were riding into battle and why I should care who won or even who lived. The most relatable character is Rob, who brings an everyman perspective to the story. Karyl is mysterious, Melodía is, frankly, pretty bratty, and Jaume seems to drift from lover to lover, battle to battle.
This is the first book in a new series and I assume that the characters will develop in later installments. Melodía, who longs for adventure and respect, certainly seems poised to grow up and I expect great things from her eventually. But taking this book as a single entity, there’s barely any character development and no one to attach to or relate to. Similarly, there’s politics galore but I never understood why I should care about it. The bad guys are plotting against Melodía’s father, the Emperor. So what? He seems like a shitty Emperor. And the conspirators seem like shitty people too. I don’t care who wins if my choice is shitty or shitty.
I want to give full disclosure here and say that this is a fairly complex book, and I read it during a time when I was truly incapable on focusing on anything longer than a comic strip. This means that some of my complaints about not understanding what was happening and why may have been my fault and not the fault of the author. I do think that my failure to engage with any of the characters would have been true under any circumstance. This is simply not a character-based book. Characters exist so that they can do stuff – scheme, train armies, fight, have sex, scheme. Also rape, be raped, or react to the rapes of others. Much time is passed in one of these three fashions, to a degree that I thought was cliché and unnecessary. There is minimal romance.
If you want to read this, it will have to be because you dig medieval politics, gritty Game of Thrones-style fantasy, and knights on dinosaurs. When it comes to these three things, particularly the latter two, the book excels, but warning that the emphasis here is on “grit”.
It’s rare that I can sum up my thoughts on a book by quoting a book blurb, but here’s my chance! The cover proudly bears a blurb from George R.R. Martin that says, “It’s a cross between Jurassic Park and Game of Thrones.” This is pretty accurate, with the caveat that the characters aren’t as interesting or memorable as the characters in Game of Thrones (or, for that matter, Jurassic Park). Also, as brutal as Dinosaur Lord is, no one’s killed any puppies (yet). It’s gritty, but not as dark. There’s very little romance – it’s only relevant to the interests of the Bitchery because, and I can’t stress this enough, THERE ARE KNIGHTS RIDING DINOSAURS INTO BATTLE. I’d think that would be relevant to the interests of anyone, really.
Warning: The book has potential to bring out the inner nerd. Redheadedgirl and I felt that the plural of “triceratops” needed jazzing up so here are some suggestions we’d like to submit:
Triceratopesesez
Triceratoppers
Sixceratops
Three-Horned Stompy Toesies
Tricerateese
A Stomp of Triceratops
A Stab of Tricerotop
Triceratops Cubed
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Thanks!
Of course it is Sixceratops. Many thanks for the review — adore the concept, can’t get passed “Melodia”
I stopped reading the second you mentioned Hadrosaurs and immediately one clicked my way into buying this, because my husband will LOVE it.
Thank you for the review! I’m happy I put myself on the wait list at the library now instead of just giving into the one click buy impulse.
Cannot get past not passed. good lord it must be Monday
My husband brought this on release day due to the knights-on-dinosaurs factor, and read it in three days. His verdict is about the same as yours–decent story, less decent characterization, but plenty of knights on dinosaurs and accompanying battles. He also said to me at least twice “This man should *not* be allowed to write women”, so I anticipate wincing through a few scenes. It’s on my TBR list, but significantly below the latest Ilona Andrews, Nalini Singh, and Tessa Dare.
“I don’t care who wins if my choices are shitty and shitty” This is exactly how I feel about politics. I would have said adding dinosaurs into the mix would fix everything, and I’m disheartened to learn that is not the case.
This is fiction, I console myself. I can still mentally enliven the debates by fantasies of rampaging triceratoppers.
By fantasies, let’s be clear, I’m not thinking Dino erotica…although, actually…good to remember that however horrifying things are, they can always be worse.
After reading the words “Triceratops Cubed” I keep thinking there should be a dinosaur cookbook as an attachment to this book.
I checked this out from the library based on the whole knights-on-dinosaurs thing but couldn’t get past the opening pages. Flipped to the end to see if that would grip me enough to make trying the middle worth it went, wait what? And returned it to the library.
This was on my wish list because I’m not buying the ebook for $12.99. I’m thinking I might be better off checking the library (although I’d bet money that my library won’t have it).
Hexatops, tricerastop, TT3, triceratopi, triceratopae, a heave of triceratopses, a triangulation of triceratopses, a trick of triceratopses (golly, dino nomenclature = really good time!)
Sounds like I’d normally be interested in borrowing this at the library. But with a 4 year old and an infant at home, I have pretty much given up on trying to read any epic SF/F until my maternity leave is over and I have lunch hours to myself again. Even from some of my autobuy authors. Someday…
I did already have this on my to-read list, and now I’m glad that it was on the “get this from the library” list! Because shit, yes, knights on dinosaurs… but I can only take so much grit, and I’m leery of spending much money for much grit.
Normally I’d snap it up because dinosaurs! but the ebook is three dollars MORE than the mass market paperback so no. I’m not buying this any time soon.
Good review…wish you had indicated if anyone was eaten by their own trusty mount.
I can not let knights on dinosaurs go by without giving an epic shoutout to Naomi Novik’s Temeraire, which is Horatio Hornblower but with dragons and social justice and absolutely precious bromances between dragons and their military men.
I asked the head of collections at my public library about getting this (teasing mostly–another library in our consortium has it so I’ll get it that way) and she came back with:
Napoleonic Soldiers on Dinosaurs http://www.amazon.com/Battlesaurus-Rampage-Waterloo-Brian-Falkner/dp/0374300755
I may have a new favorite genre.
I could take your review a lot more seriously if you noticed that Neuvoropa is Europe, with Angleterre being England, Spana = Spain, etc. It’s pretty clearly what would happen if the Holy Roman Empire had conquered all of Western Europe.