Us Smarty Bitchypants have come up with an invaluable tool for all romance novel authors, everywhere: A Romance Novel Title Generator!
Yes, now you no longer have to lay awake nights trying to come up with that perfect title for your work-in-progress! This generator with its own patented Bitchenatin'® Technology takes all the stress and anguish out of coming up with a snappy title and leaves you more time to decide whether your hero's eyes are “gunmetal” or “polished flint.” Go ahead, give it a whirl! If you don't like the title you first come up with, click on the button again to come up with another one. Rest assured we have ALL sub-genres covered, from paranormals to Westerns to European historicals of all sorts. And after you generate that title, you can enter in another Smart Bitch contest–this one requiring more than your page-refreshing skillz.
Your next bestseller should be titled:
Contest Details
- First, keep clickin' that button until you get a title you really, really like.
- Write a wildly romantic paragraph of no more than 200 words containing ALL the words in the title you just generated. All submissions must be headed by the randomly-generated title; those without will be disqualified.
- Post the title and the paragraph in the Comments, or e-mail the entry to either candy @ smartbitchestrashybooks.com or sarah @ smartbitchestrashybooks.com. Entries must be received before 10 p.m. PDT this Saturday (April 16, 2005).
- On 10 a.m.(ish) PDT Sunday, April 17, 2005, an entry containing ALL valid contest submissions will be posted. Read through those entries, and then e-mail us your votes. Yes, the winner of this contest will be democratically-chosen. One vote per person. Comments will be disabled because we want to keep the results a surprise, plus ballot-box stuffing is a lot easier via Comments. Not that we expect a whole lot of cheating or anything.
- You have until midnight PDT on Monday (April 18, 2005) to vote. Votes received after that time will not be accepted.
- The winner will be announced on Tuesday morning, April 19 2005.
- Prize will be a $10 Amazon.com gift certificate AND one of our custom pseudo-aristocratic Smart Bitch titles. Look: a title AND money!
So what are you waiting for? Generate that title and submit your entries, bitches!
bbbbwwwwaaaaahhhhhhhh
The Pulsing Nipple coming to a book store near you soon!
hhhheeeeeeeee
Even though I got such gems as “Pleasantly Deranged Rake” and “Well-Endowed Member” and “Moist Boss” and “Astonishingly Hirsute Marquess”—well, there’s something downright mesmerizing about “Quivering Winter” so I may (only maybe) have to write something.
But maybe I’ll chuck it all and make up my own titles, because now I keep thinking of them. (The Parsimonious Pirate, for instance)
I am a big fan of The Humid Viking.
Think his hair gets frizzy?
One I got was this nice tongue twister: The Chronologically-Confounded Chartered Accounant.
I’m partial to The Alarmingly Virile Radio Talk-Show Host myself. Unfortunately, that brings to mind Bill O’Reilly and his dildos, which isn’t wildly romantic so much as wildly asstastic (in more ways than one, hur hur hur).
Hmmmm. Bill O’Reilly and His Dildos would make a great band name. I picture them being a cover band, maybe for an old-school surf outfit like Dick Dale and His Del-Tones.
Gad, forget the contest (no offense, Bitches). It’s worth it just to keep clinking and getting all of those options.
Manfully hairy thighs? Oh the poor sweet heroine and that horomone imbalance. hehehe
How was I supposed to concentrate on work today, when my brain was let loose on inspirational titles like The Foppish Solider, The Pulsing Spaceship Commander and the Pleasantly Deranged Earl? Much more fun than preparing teaching materials for university courses.
Thanks for a good laugh. I may even come up with 200 words. If I can decide. Hey, do we get extra points for including more than one title???
Y’know, I realized we didn’t really specify “only one entry per person.” So if the muse bids you to write about foppish soldiers and spaceship commanders who pulse, go right ahead.
[internal monologue] – Ha! Now’s my chance to show my true abilities. Love’s Hulking Manhood will be a triumph! A success! A fu—ing GREAT READ! I’ll be lauded as the next greatest romance novelist of the century. People will ADORE ME! – It’s about friggin’ time – [end internal monologue].
At 29, Maddie was still a virgin. Not for lack of trying, but because she had…The Astonishingly Hirsute Nipple! No matter that her other turgid nipple was perfect in it’s turgidness, grown men would run screaming in terror from her highly hairy breast. Her only hope for popping her cherry before she turned 30 was…The Moist Master. His steamy breath and gifted hand would soon have her nipple shaven bare to his gaze. But has The Moist Master met his match? Will Maddie and her Nipple ever be free of the yoke of chastity?
Obviously, you get what you pay for.
The Endearingly Chubby Stallion
The moon hung forlorn in the sky as Orgasmina removed her light chemise. It had been three nights since she’d seen Rutt, and she was starting to question if that kiss meant anything to him. Orgasmina’s bosom heaved as she sighed once again into the night air wafting from the open window. Oh Rutt! If only you’d come to me now!
Just then, Orgasmina heard a sound behind her. She turned, and there, leaning in the doorway of her bedroom was Rutt, smiling that mischievous smile she’d come to love. Orgasmina quickly grabbed her thin chemise and held it over her bare chest.
“Rutt, how dare you!â€
Rutt’s smile deepened. “Oh I dare,†he whispered menacingly. Rutt charged forward like a stallion, sweeping Orgasmina from her feet and placing her roughly on the bed.
“Rutt! Let me go!â€
“Never, my endearingly chubby filly! You are mine!â€
Orgasmina stopped struggling, and a thunderous cloud passed over her face. “Endearingly chubby? Who are YOU calling endearingly chubby?â€
Rutt’s smile disappeared, and his face took on a look of helpless confusion. “Uh. . . well, I was just . . .â€
“I don’t give a shit what you were uh doing! No one calls me chubby in my own friggin’ bedroom! Especially you, Mr. I-Could-Stand-To-Lose-About-30-Pounds!â€
“Mina, wait! I . . .†Rutt’s voice trailed off, but he knew by her frigid glare he’d been defeated. With his shoulders hunched and his double chin tucked, he shuffled out of the door, leaving his darling Mina to her 10 cats who watched the scene with smug pleasure.
[Ok, it’s more than 200 words, but as an artist, I refuse to compromise my art with editorial slicing! If it disqualifies me, then so be it. They’ll say I died for my art! How romantic!]
The Salacious Janitor
He was always giving her the eye as she walked out of the door of her office in a thigh-high miniskirt and five-inch heels. He’d always be there, covered in filth and up to his armpits in a pile of trash in the Dumpster, perhaps with a condom wrapper stuck to his head, and staring. At first she thought he was a random homeless bum, until one day she saw a naked woman sneaking out of the Dumpster with a radiant smile on her face and and yet another sticky condom on her ass.
What WAS going on in that Dumpster? One day, she had to find out. When everyone had left the building for lunch, she snaked one long, slim leg, than the other, into the bin. And there the janitor was, with the zipper of his ragged gray coveralls open almost to his crotch, sweaty, stinky, and lustfully gazing at her bulging breasts. “It took you long enough,†he smirked. And within ten seconds they had run slowly over the piles of papers and discarded lunches and were groping each other on top of yesterday’s cafeteria lasagna.
“My god, you are salacious!â€
She left smiling, yet smelly.
I got a janitor too! Maybe they’ll be the new SEALs, who knows? [laughs]. Here’s my entry:
The Sinful Janitor
Fall into…
Their first meeting was by cheer accident. When Dora Kemp sliped on the wet tiles of her office hallway, she thought she had a concussion. She had been working late again researching iridescent glitter online for her scrapbook guru boss. Exhaustion. How else to explain how the pine-scented new janitor’s arms could feel so buff ? How could such an ackward encouter in an empty building suddenly seem like an invitation to more…
…The Vapors of Love
He thought the strong chlorine-based desinfectant he used in the ladies bathroom were the cause of the overwhelming feelings that came over Chuck Delore when this overweight and overdressed angel fell into his waiting arms. But while he gazed into her slightly unfocused eyes, her halting breaths loud in the quiet of the night, the undercover cop/custodian knew somehow that harsh chemicals alone could never ever make him feel so…sinful.
Nicole—your entry doesn’t qualify because it isn’t headed by the title! I know, what a technicality. I’m the one who came up with it too; I was afraid that it wouldn’t be immediately obvious from reading the paragraph what the title was. Anyway, if you want to, there’s still plenty of time to submit another entry, or shit, even the same one with the title on top.
THE HUMID PIRATE
“Ahoy, me sultry and dewy maiden! My mind is foggy and vaporous from my desire for you—-or the dank grog, mayhap. Aye, come close and let me lay my clammy hands upon your diaphoretic breasts. The constant dripping, dripping, dripping of this drizzly and rainy voyage has chilled my bones. Allow me to set aside this damp and foul parrot so I may bury myself in your steamy and moist port of call. The muggy, sweltering depths of your wettish womanhood warm me, wrapping my throbbing, sudorific manhood in sticky, soggy embraces. Arrgh, sweet and vaporific wench, how your misty thighs welcome my watery release! Now, bring your humid pirate lover more grog! Avast!”
The Astonishingly Hirsute Nipple
meets The Moist Master
At 29, Maddie was still a virgin. Not for lack of trying, but because she had…The Astonishingly Hirsute Nipple! No matter that her other turgid nipple was perfect in it’s turgidness, grown men would run screaming in terror from her highly hairy breast. Her only hope for popping her cherry before she turned 30 was…The Moist Master. His steamy breath and gifted hand would soon have her nipple shaven bare to his gaze. But has The Moist Master met his match? Will Maddie and her Nipple ever be free of the yoke of chastity?
lol there you go.
THE SPASTIC NUBBIN
One Woman…
An innocent caught on the brink of womanhood, Vyrginne St. Sultry is determined to find the no good men who shot her pa. If only she could ignore the wild fluttering between her thighs everytime she came across that no-good scoundrel Randy McRockhard…
One Man…
Randy McRockhard is a man in charge of his own destiny. A big fan of saloon girls and whores, he is shocked to find himself wildly attracted to Vyrginne—and her strangely fluttering groin…
And The Spastic Nubbin…
Unable to deal with her vibrating privates on her own, Vyrginne turns to Randy, the one man she thinks she can trust. The one man who can help her reveal the secret of…THE SPASTIC NUBBIN.
And because I got 2 fabulous titles, here’s the second entry, LOL.
THE LINGUISTICALLY-GIFTED SHAPE-SHIFTER
Yesterday…
Rowena LaFarge was a moderately content accountant with endearingly chubby thighs, and a non-existent social life. One trip to a graveyard on the night of the full moon has changed all of that—throwing her anal-retentive life into a whirlwind of wild desire…
Today…
Wolfe Wintergreen is an alpha in the prime of his life. A lone wolf with a penchant for travel, Wolfe is happy with his job as a translator at the U.N., that is, until he meets the delectable Rowena under the light of a full moon…
Tomorrow…
Caught up in the blazing rapture of their erotic lust, Wolfe is waiting for the right time to tell Rowena that he and his “wolf-hound” Fluffy, are one and the same. That he is not just linguistically-gifted, but THE LINGUISTICALLY-GIFTED SHAPE-SHIFTER. If only he could get to her before the assassins did…