To celebrate the release of Wicked Delights of a Bridal Bed by Tracy Anne Warren, Avon has come up with an absolutely honking enormo-gigundous awesome contest. Tell us your favorite wedding night story – touching, funny, silly, sexy, bizarre, whatever – in the comments, whether it’s your story or the story of someone you know, and we’ll pick one winner.
What does that winner receive?
A bed.
No, really. A Bed. The winner will receive a $2000.00 US gift certificate to Tempurpedic, for use in buying your own squishy-comfy bed. Wicked delights are optional, but I trust you can work that out on your own.
I will say, I own a memory foam bed of a different brand. I call it “the Huggy Bed.” It’s so freaking comfortable, and I love love love it.
Second prize is a complete set of the Byrons of Braebourne series, thus far: Tempted By His Kiss, Seduced By His Touch, At the Duke’s Pleasure, and Wicked Delights of a Bridal Bed.
The nitty-gritty beddy-details:
– Contest is open to US residents only (I’m sorry, all you awesome people outside the border).
– The comments will close Thursday 2 September at 11:00 pm EDT.
– Winner will be chosen by random drawing using random.org.
– Winner will be announced on Friday 3 September 2010.
– Disclaimer: The prize may be subject to federal and/or state income tax for the winner. Neither I, nor Smart Bitches Trashy Book LLC, make any representation with respect to the tax status of the prize. Participants are encouraged to consult with their accountants or other tax advisors.
– More Disclaimer: I’m not being compensated for this giveaway. (Really, are you kidding? You think if I had a shot at two grand for a memory foam mattress I wouldn’t hit the edge of the internet and keep running with my ill gotten, foamy gains? Bitch, please.) Your mileage may vary. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Avoid publicists armed with minigolf clubs. Do not get in eyes or mouth. For bedroom use only.
What a nice giveaway – and a fun looking book, too!
On our wedding night, we had just said goodbye to the last guest and uttered the words “alone, at last…” when the hotel room phone rang. My new husband answered and immediately assumed a very grave expression. The conversation was short and he uttered only, “I see. Right. Well, keep us posted.” After he hung up, he turned to me and said, “Your mom says you’re not to worry but…”.
Turns out that not long after the reception, my father was taken to a nearby hospital for unspecified pain. “Unspecified” because my mom refused to tell us any more and forbade us from joining the waiting party (which also included my sisters). There were three possible hospitals and she wouldn’t even confirm which one was the right one. Her instructions to us were to that we were to pretend that none of this was happening, relax and enjoy a lovely night together. Er, right. What actually happened is that I fretted and stewed waiting for word and my husband flipped channels between football and Ryder Cup coverage. In the end, my father’s ailment was “just” kidney stones and nothing at all like the dire events my mind had invented. Ebola? The Plague?
While we waited the phone kept ringing, not with dad updates, but rather with news of our friends who had accidentally gone to Canada after the reception (intending to visit Niagara Falls) and had their car impounded at the border, the *other* friends who accidentally gone to Canada and drove the long way around the lake and running out of gas in the middle of nowhere in another country, and the friends who accidentally stole a van on their way to go buy some chicken wings. So, you know, things happen, right?
Oh wah, why only married couples with wedding night stories? What about us singletons? Well, singletons in a long-term committed relationships of five years? I have a funny “getting together” story! And I want a Tempurpedic bed!
P.S. My captcha is “provided22”. I would like to be “provided” a chance (twenty) too!
P.P.S. Okay, for that horrible pun, you can officially exclude me from your contest.
My wedding night was . . . disappointing.
We got back from the reception to our new apartment about ten, which was good, since we were leaving for Stratford, Ontario (from southern Ohio) at 8am the next day. We thought we’d do a little consumatin’, get some sleep, and be on our way. But first, I wanted to get the #&&%* outta my dress, which I’d been wearing for something like 7 hours.
Who was waiting for us? My MIL, sister-in-law, and aunt-in-law, who insisted we open all our presents and list them in case “something happened” while we were away. I couldn’t get out of my dress because they wanted to take pictures of me opening the gifts for some reason they never fully explained—-I have never seen those pictures.
They finally left about 1am. My husband and I looked at each other. I yanked off my &*$%$ dress with his fumble-fingered help, we fell onto the mattress . . . and fell asleep by mutual agreement.
So the commsumatin’ was delayed until the next night. On the other hand, we did survive the overtired, grumpy, ticked-off journey to our B&B and we’re still married after 17 years, so no permanent damage was done!
Our wedding night was not so thrilling 😉 The hotel room my parents had gotten for us was unfortunately/had been a smoking room at one point. Nothing like the smell of stale cigarettes covered by horrible air freshener to really set the mood huh? But our tent at the beach on the honeymoon two days later was fantastico 🙂
Captcha is “going69” goodness!
Well, on my mom’s side of the family, they started a tradition to seriously prank every new couple getting married. Some of it was fairly innocent- spelling out HELP on the bottom of the groom’s shoes so the congregation could see it when the couple were knelling or filling the hotel room with balloons so that no one could get in without loud popping. However, the wedding night pranks started to escalate as the victimized couples started getting involved in the planning.
One uncle had his car filled to the brim with rice (instead of having it thrown at the couple) so that the getaway was ruined. Seven years later, when he went to sell the car, rice still came blowing out of the vents when you turned the air on.
Another aunt and uncle, the last of my mom’s siblings to get married, refused to disclose the location of their hotel after the reception and had their car chased around the Chicago suburbs, culminating in a crash in a ditch.
I’d like to say that ended the pranks, but they did continue on with the next generation, just back at the mild stage. Mostly this has resulted in extreme paranoia with couples using decoy rooms, decoy hotels, or expressly telling the hotel that no one should have access to hotel room but the bride and groom and then hiding the car keys inside.
Ironically enough, my captcha is hotel24…
I don’t think very many people get to actually consummate the marriage on their actual wedding night.
After our reception let out at 4 pm, we had a three hour drive to a small town in Amish country in eastern Ohio for our long weekend of a honeymoon before I had to start grad school the next week. Except that we were delayed getting on the road until closer to to 7 because we had to go back to my sister in law’s place, get out of the wedding dress and into a sari, and do some kind of ceremony with flower garlands and a Hindu priest that we didn’t get to do the day before when we were at the temple (my husband’s family is Hindu and there was apparently an issue getting the specific flowers necessary across the border from Ontario in a relative’s car). So after that, we drove the three hours to our honeymoon hotel along little back roads with nary a fast food joint in sight and arrived in Wilmot, OH at approximately 9:50 pm. Neither of us had gotten anything to eat at our reception, what with all the being sociable and polite to the various and sundry relatives, and neither of us had eaten breakfast either (assuming that we’d get to eat at the noon reception). So we asked at the desk if there was anyplace with food available and he directed us to the local pizza joint that closed at 10 pm. So we called and begged for a pizza, which we got around 11 pm. And then we scarfed down pizza and promptly fell asleep. Consummating the marriage was postponed until the next morning when we were feeling less hungry and more rested.
And for a bonus story—apparently my parents also had an interesting wedding night. I guess that after their reception, they went back to their tiny apartment, looking forward to some consummation of their own, only to be surprised by a few friends waiting for them with cards and beer. So they all played cards until the wee hours, my dad got drunk, and Mom had to hold his head for the puking (and she couldn’t even drink, as she was pregnant with me at the time), so it was a miserable night all around.
And the only person I know who did actually get down to business on their wedding night/day is my cousin. They left the party to have a time out at their house, and broke the bed. When they came back, W (her husband) was apparently very proud of himself, and a little drunk, because he then proceeded to tell anyone who would listen about his manly, bed breaking prowess.
By the time we left the reception and went up to our hotel room, it was 2 am. After an exhausting week of entertaining out of town guests, my new husband and I immediately fell asleep because we had to be up at 6 am to catch our flight to the Tropics. Our official wedding night happened about 48 hours later!
My husband and I were married on a Thursday, but we weren’t leaving on our honeymoon until the day after that (Friday). Since we were already living together before our wedding, our wedding night consisted of us going home and packing for our trip the next day. My husband insisted on waiting to have our “marital relations” until the next night, so our first time together as a married couple would be somewhere special and romantic. It still makes my heart skip a beat when I think of that!
Oh this is a great giveaway!
My entry, without adornment:
A first cousin broke her husband’s ribs (yes, more than one) during their wedding night. What she says is that she turned around, asleep, and hit him in the perfectly wrong spot with her elbow.
He doesn’t say anything at all 😀
My husband had a Z-28 Camaro at the time and it was his baby. He didn’t want anyone to mess with it so he hid it until after the ceremony. I was a little disappointed because I really wanted the whole “Just Married” thing written on the windows. So he stopped at a store on our way out of town, bought some shoe polish and wrote it across the back glass. I was a happy camper and we went on to our honeymoon destination.
The next morning when we were leaving the hotel we walked down to the parking lot and someone had written below “Just Married” with “and f__king”. I was mortified at the time. Now it’s just funny ‘cause it was true.
Dude, I want that bed.
Hubby and I got married at my parents’ gorgeous little farm. Because we were out in the country, we had lots of drunk people staying the night, including us. (We would leave for our honeymoon the next day.) Our bridal suite was a room my parents had set up in the basement, away from everyone. That’s also where we’d put the wedding gifts. So in the middle of the night, when the whole house was quiet and we had enjoyed an initial round of marital sexxorin, new hubby and I opened all our presents by ourselves. By candlelight. Nekkid.
After our evening wedding, we headed back to our house to finish packing to leave for our honeymoon. My in-laws showed up to drop off some gifts. My father-in-law realized I had a flat tire on my piece of crap car (which we weren’t even driving) and insisted that he and my new husband change it before we left. So here it is 9:00 on my wedding night and we are entertaining my in-laws. Fun times I tell you!
At my wedding reception, my father decided that everyone was having such a good time that he paid for an extra hour of drinking/dancing/general merriment. While this was generous it resulted in not leaving for our hotel until about 1:30-2:00 in the morning. I had been up since the wee hours of the previous morning, as had my new husband and we were both exhausted. After fumbling my way out of my wedding dress, I proceeded to try and take my hair out of the updo it was in for the wedding. I had fairly short hair at the time and my hairstylist had used a small hairpiece to create said updo. When the multitude of pins and the hairpiece was removed, my own hair was sitcking straight up in the air as if I were the bride of Frankenstein, not the bride of Nick, held completely immobile due to the copiuos amounts of hairspray used to hold everything in place for 20+ hours. I debated about showering for a brief moment, then decided it wasn’t going to happen – I was practically falling asleep on my feet – so after -an apology to my husband for my finger-in-the-light-socket look, we went to sleep. I rectified the horrible hair the next morning, much to my husbands’ relief, I’m sure!
My story is about a cousin’s wedding night.
Let me start by satying my Mom is one of nine kids (can we say “Catholic”), three girls and six boys. This leads to some interesting and fun times.
Anyway, back to the story…my cousin and his new bride held there wedding reception in a very small Minnesota town where they were living. The town is so small when the bathrooms at the hall were too busy guests could walk the three blocks to the newlyweds’ apartment and use their bathroom.
Knowing the apartment was open, my uncles and a group of my cousins went to the apartment and “decorated”. They put saran wrap across the toilet bowl, vaseline on the toilet seat, rice in the bed, they brought alarm clocks and set them to go off in different parts of the house every 20 minutes or so.
Needless to say, my cousin’s new bride was thrilled to be part of our family.
I didn’t have any major catastrophes on my wedding night, but a few funny things happened.
I wore one of those stick on bras underneath my wedding dress. My mom used eyeliner to trace where the bra should go before we pulled off the adhesive strips and stuck it on. When I was changing into my wedding night negligee, I could NOT get that eyeliner off for anything, so Hubby got a good laugh out of my boobs with black circles drawn around them.
Hubby and I were both virgins on our wedding night, and after we finished doing the deed, and were laying there panting, Hubby said “Holy cow! Now I know why people want to do this all the time!”
I woke up at about 2am sobbing hysterically and scared Hubby to death. He thought I was having second thoughts. In reality, it was just all the stress of the past few weeks catching up with me. I know he thought I was a complete lunatic. He kept asking me “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” and I kept saying “I don’t know. Just hold me!” Poor thing just cuddled up next to his brand-new hysterical wife and went back to sleep.
All in all my wedding night was fairly uneventful, but some sweet memories.
We got married on March 31st on Long Island and I, being a bit of a bridezilla, insisted that I was going to be married outside, on the water, in the gazebo. My soon to be husband direly predicted that the weather would not be conducive. I won on that score – the morning dawned beautifully, sun rose high in the sky and the pictures were gorgeous. As it was a 2nd time a round for both of us, after the reception we took my teenage kids back to my mothers to stay with, and started our honeymoon journey.
I had once dreamed of a fanciful romantic honeymoon, instead our journey from Long Island to Pennsylvania was detoured up to Albany to drop my stepson off because his mother insisted we couldn’t put him on a plane, train or in a car with my cousin who lives 15 minutes from him. No, he had to be dropped off by his father. Fine. Throw in road construction and it took us 10 hours to get to our honeymoon destination.
My aunt has a friend who works at an inn away from the tourist area of the Poconos – advertised as a couples retreat – maybe because I’m a city girl but I felt like I’d stepped into a horror movie set. See Texas Chain Saw Masacre? Deliverance? Yeah and as a special consideration to my aunt they gave us the remote Cabin in the Woods treatment. Because it was now like 5 am we had no choice but to check in and of course immediately passed out from the exhaustion of a wedding followed by a marathon road trip.
We woke up in time for dinner – a special romantic dinner in the main house – alone… dining room from 100 people and no one there. Entertainment Nightly? Except in the off season and we were in the off season. Cell phone service to check in on the kids? Had to drive up a mountain. Sex? Ok I’m adventurous but the animal sounds coming from OUTSIDE our window kept interfering with my mood and of course his mood.
We waffled about checking out and seeking a real romantic hotel but stayed out of respect for my aunt. A local liquor store provided us a few bottles of wine and some DVD’s and we settled in with our new wildlife friends on a rustic if not romantic honeymoon – totally alone in a horror movie inn.
Our wedding night was bittersweet. We had a lovely beach front room reserved and did get to stay in it. But the whole day was a bit of a blur because after a late night celebrating with out of state family of the groom, we received a call that my mother had passed away after a prolonged illness that stopped her from attending the wedding. She had visited with most of our family at the nursing home that day, and seemed no worse, so the news was a shock to me. After finding my family to share the bad news and long debate between my fiancee and I, we decided to go ahead with the wedding that evening. It was a long, sad, busy day but both our families and friends were there to help. Postponing the wedding would not have made the memory better, and most of the out of state families probably would not have been able to return at a later date. We did postpone our honeymoon trip. So our wedding day was a lot of “laughter through tears” as the quote from Steel Magnolias goes. We got married on a dinner boat so I threw my flower into the water in memory of Mama. She was not a boat lover, lol so we continue to put flowers on her grave each year. And as the years passed the memory got sweeter. As my father told us the year before he passed, no more sad anniversaries for you two! We will celebrate our 15th anniversary next month. One big lesson we learned that day was make sure to tell people you love, I love you. And we do, every day.
Thanks for the contest! We really need a new mattress for my hubby’s bad back and temporpedic are out of our reach.
Mine is more of a morning after story. When we left the reception we found that my husbands college buddies had kindly decorated our car with all sorts of facinating lewd messages- including the always tasteful “dirt the bagel” comment one friend was known for. We arrived late in the dark at our hotel, exhausted and not paying much attention to our surroundings. The next morning we came out and ground to an immediate halt as we discovered that the parking lot was snugged right up to a Cracker Barrel. On Sunday morning. Yes, picture that long porch and eveyr single one of those rockers filled with assorted curious folks who followed our every move as we repacked the car and slunk our way out of the parking lot. We actually only had a quick getaway and for some odd reason decided to go to King’s Island (like Six Flags) and ended up finishing off our wedding cake in the King’s Island parking lot 🙂 Happily, that was 18 1/2 yrs ago!
and92 – and yes, it was actually in 1992!
A bed of sand, or the most uncomfortable honeymoon ever. While my now husband and I were getting married (more years ago than I want to remember), somebody removed my purse (and the honeymoon cash) from our car parked in front of the church. Of course we did not discover this until we left the reception. We did not want to return to the reception and bum money from relatives, we had no credit cards (both of us still students at Old Dominion University), the banks were closed (Saturday), this was before ATMs (it was that long ago), and between us we had 25 dollars and a full tank of gas.
We drove down the coast to Cape Hatteras and spent the night on the beach! (Memorable, but a tad uncomfortable)
Ah, my wedding night. The first time I’d ever…
…drank champagne in a hot tub. Big mistake. I got dizzy from lack of food and zero tolerance of alcohol (boy, was I an innocent).
My poor, brand-new DH, who’d waited TWO YEARS to sleep with me, had to wait a couple more hours while the world stopped pitching and I stopped heaving. Lucky for me, he had lots of patience which came in handy when I lost the rest of my innocence. Now after 17 years of marriage, I am nicely corrupted. 😉
One of my good friends had her zipper bust on her dress while she was getting ready. The seamstress sewed her into it for the ceremony and reception. Come the wedding night, the seamstress was gone. Her husband had to cut her out of her dress. I believe her exact quote was “The next thing I knew, we were both wearing nothing but our brand new wedding rings. And it was Awesome.”
I always thought that was a very romance novel sort of wedding night, but alas, they did not live HAE.
When my Sister in Law and her Husband got married, someone pulled the fire alarm in the hotel, so at about midnight, all the guests including the happy couple had to troup out to the parking lot and wait for the fire department to clear the biulding. I can’t help but wonder if the person who pulled the alarm knew what they were interupting 🙂
Oh, Lord, me please. I’m still sleeping on a $25 air mattress in my new grad school apartment while I save up for a bed.
Story? Well, I’m not married, so how about my parents? Their friends pooled resources to buy them a bed when they got married, and they even personally delivered it to the tiny two-room house my dad *built himself*. And they short-sheeted it, and made sure the bed in their honeymoon suite was short-sheeted too.
Not the most scandalous story, but it’s true, and goddammit I need a mattress. Hope this qualifies.
I don’t know if this counts…but here it goes anyway.
When my parents got married, my father, sweet man that he is, took over planning their honeymoon and would not let my mom even know where they were going (beyond that they would be in France for a week). He wanted to surprise her.
Alright, fast forward five years.
For their anniversary my father surprised my mom by arranging for them to spend the weekend at the b&b the had their wedding night at.
They show up, and they don’t really remember the place, but its been five years and they got in late so they aren’t worried. They immediately tell everyone at the dinner table their cute story and everyone ohhs and ahhs and asks questions, like which room did they stay in etc…
Anyway, in the middle of the night, they realize that they aren’t at the same b&b. In fact, they aren’t even in the same state! My dad had written down the names of b&b’s he had been considering five years ago and accidentally took them to the wrong one!
So the next morning they have to tell everyone at breakfast that they are in the wrong place, and the owner laughs and says to my sweet father, “You must have given her one hell of a wedding night that she didn’t even remember what *state* she was in!”
The night of our wedding my husband and I were spending in a little bed and breakfast near the town I grew up in. We couldn’t afford a honeymoon, but we could do that.
After opening all of our envelopes (did I mention we were broke) and giggling a lot about having actual cash dollars, we started to … canoodle … when I heard voices, familiar voices, outside. Voices that were doing that drunken thing where you think you are whispering but you are actually being louder than if you were talking in your normal voices.
I popped my head out of the window to see my two oldest friends (both guys), one of my bridesmaids, and one of the friends girlfriend all trying to figure out how to break into our car. It seems that one of them had left a wallet in there, and they decided with all of the logic of drunken 20 year olds, that breaking in would be much smarter than 1.) trying to call us, 2.) waiting until the morning, or 3.) sleeping it off. The one sober person in the group had apparently found the whole thing too hilarious to try and stop the rest of them.
I got rid of them just as lights started going on in the surrounding houses and police would have been called.
Sigh.
Well, the hotel we were booked to stay at gave away the wedding parties rooms due to local flooding in the area and let’s just say there ending up being 8 of us in the same Honeymoon Suite!
What an awesome contest! My sister & brother-in-law have a Tempurpedic, and she says he tells it he loves it every night. Apparently it’s made a huge difference to his bad back.
Wedding night vignettes: The reception venue sent a big basket of food back with us to the hotel, but no silverware, so we ate with our hands & drank champagne out of the hotel glasses.
So, I had a fancy updo for my wedding. While we ate, I pulled bobbypins out of my hair, amassing quite a stack. My hairdresser asked how long it took to get them out—it was about 45 minutes. She said she always wanted to ask a bride that, but I was the first one she asked. I had to take a shower, because the pins and the product left me with a bride of frankenstein look, not just a bride.
My sister-in-law went to the same stylist before her wedding. Remembering about the bobby pins, she and her husband bet on how many pins she’d pull out of her hair, winner getting a forfeit. (She won!)
My sister
We got married in Vegas . . .don’t ask. But the wedding night . . .WOW (just wait). We ended the reception, such as it was, and decided “Hey why not go to The Strip and look around?” (Let me be clear here it was the new Darling Hubby who said this). So we get a cab and tell him to take us to The Strip . . .which apparently to him was “Drop us off on the dark, scary, unused except for what is legal in Nevada part of The Strip”. So we walk . . .and walk . . .and walk. DH sees a “neat” souvenir shop and proceeds to spend all but $5 on “WE JUST GOT MARRIED” stuff (ok so at this point maybe I helped but that’s not how I remember it now). We then continue our walk until we see one of the many hotels with a ROLLER COASTER . . .so we decide “Why not we just got married. Why not take another punge” DH again. So we wait in line . . .and wait . . .and wait. The ride was ok but quit and back onto The Strip. (You see where this is going don’t you 🙂 Walking and walking. Caesars Palace. Walking and walking. I’ll try to make a LONG story short (TOO LATE) but we ended up at our hotel at 2 AM after finally decideding to stop walking (DH it’s so good I love you still). Ate breakfast in the hotel and fell into bed without any of that fun wedding stuff to be had.
@JJ – I have to say I’m with you! I’m not in a relationship but I’d love to have a new mattress! But I guess sharing one’s bed with a 7 pound dog that is a total bed hog (seriously, it’s a queen size bed, she gets 3/4ths of it, I get 1/4) doesn’t count.
I asked my mom once about her wedding night. She was a divorcée with three boys, dad was a virgin who never even had a girlfriend before. She said after he was done he said, “That’s it? Why do people make such a big fuss about it?”
Yep, apparently dad wasn’t too impressed with sex. It’s surprising I was conceived at all.
Ahh.. our wedding night. lol
Hubbs and I had been together for 6 years before we got married and had been engaged for about 2. We keep putting off getting married (I couldn’t decide on ANYTHING). So time kept passing us by, but I guess fate decided to step in and take a hand of things. Because the next thing I knew, I was preggers!! My job at the time didn’t offer health insurance and I made to much to qualify for state care. Hubbs was about to go out of town for work for a week, so we went to the court house to get it married before he left. However, when we got to the court house, we had missed to cut off time to sign up for marriages that day and had to come back the next day!!! So we got married on our lunch break and hubbs was out of town before I even got of work.
We’ve now been married for 4 years and the date we got married on has became a big thing for us. We had planned on being married on the 3rd, but got married on the 4th. We now have two girls and both of them on born on 4ths!!
The Twilight wedding night story cannot be rivaled in terms of sheer horror. Who doesn’t love waking up covered in bruises with a broken headboard and a shower of feathers because your sparklepire husband made you pass out during sexytime? Obviously the man I marry must be willing to spackle himself in body glitter and recreate, hotel damage bills being of no consequence. I really hope he then withholds sex from me for the rest of our honeymoon. That’s a healthy relationship!
Ohhhh fabarooni comp! My hubby has an awful bad back with all the commuting he has to do these days. He’ll love me even more with this prize. Maybe with the runner up prize too. nothing like fab romance novels to spice up time spent between the sheets.
My wedding night story:
I waited twelve years for my wedding night. Am I a patient person? Definitely not!
I’d been living with the father of my gorgeous kids, with absolutely no intention of ever getting married. We didn’t need to. We loved each other. Had kids together. Had a house together. Traveled the world together. For all intense purposes, we were married.
But finally, the old piece of paper that confirms you love each other was needed for us to stay together. As Brits in a foreign country, on temporary visas, there are certain rules you have to abide by. Now, don’t get me wrong. I could have stayed single. But it would have meant me having to return to the UK As my now hubby had a longer visa as it was with his work that we are here. So, instead of departing, we chose to make our love legal.
When our friends from Australia came for a visit, I got the wedding day of my teenager dreams. Vegas, red dress, night of gambling! Yeah. I never was a white wedding kinda girl. But I think you’ve already figured that out, right?
And as for what happened on my wedding night, well, that, consider the bedroom door closing. That sort of stuff is private, my dears. This isn’t a HQ novel ? for all to read.
Well, my wedding night could have been fodder for a talk show. We had just gotten to the hotel room after the reception, and were ready to relax and have some fun. Just in the midst of a, uh, sensitive moment, Hubby’s phone rings. He reaches over and hits ignore. Things come to their natural conclusion, and we laid around, and then the phone rang again. And Again, and Again. Finally, DH checked the voicemail to make sure everything was ok. Well, it turns out that my slightly intoxicated MIL and SIL had gotten into a fight and MIL want to drive home to VA that night. SIL took her keys away, so MIL called Hubby (insert eye roll here). So, then SIL tried to take her phone away and it turned into a Jerry Springer chick fight
.
Well, at least the night started on a good note 😉
My honeymoon was 1 night at a villa/hotel/thingee owned by Babyland General (I.e. Cabbage Patch Kids inventor Xavier Roberts.) We couldn’t afford anything more/better. The villa had a bedroom and living room with a fireplace. It was June. No fire. After about an hour (heh) we ran out of things to do. (We lived together for a year so this wasn’t our first time to town. So to speak.)
No TV. It was raining so no walks. Nothing. We stared at each other & talked about the wedding for half an hour before giving up, jumping in our car & driving to join our family for dessert.
My mama and daddy’s honeymoon was apparently just as boring. They went to a lodge in the mountains. She said there was nothing to do there. The place was packed with senior citizens. She spent her honeymoon sitting in the lobby playing gin with the 70 and over crowd.
My husband & I saved an entire year for a re-do honeymoon. We went to Hawaii. We had SO MUCH FUN! We shopped, swam, strolled the beaches, hiked, went to luau’s, and spent some romantic evenings in our hotel room. Wish we could have afforded that on our wedding night.
How do you not leave a comment on a contest for a bed?
Our wedding was blissful, despite the wrong flowers arriving, my paralyzing fear of speaking in public (ahem, all fixed now), and the broken cake knife. Some things you just can’t plan for.
Frankly, I don’t know how anyone has the energy to get busy on their wedding night! Between the dancing and the socializing, by the time our reception shut down (and it was only somewhere between 11 and midnight), all I wanted to do was go home, unload the 20 pounds of dress, fall into bed and die. And that’s what we did.
But the first-day-married morning sex was awesome. 😉
To liven up my uncle’s Catholic wedding rehearsal, my uncle and his brother (who aren’t twins, but look very similar) switched sweaters and places partway through. Everybody in the wedding party immediately noticed, but the priest had no idea. (Presumably, he attributed the undercurrent of grins and furtive looks as general wedding excitement.)
The rehearsal went smoothly until the last line. The priest said, “You may kiss the bride,” and the bride turned around and declared, “I’m not kissing him, he’s married!” You should have seen the priest’s face!
Our wedding night started with a window-rattling clap of thunder as the pastor proclaimed “Husband and Wife”. The guests dissolved into giggles, totally confusing my husband and me as we hadn’t noticed a thing!
Our wedding was very DIY, so after the guests left, we and the wedding party stayed and cleaned up. While we cleaned and packed cars, someone crept into the YMCA and stole a computer from one of the offices! We called the police, then jumped in cars and drove around campus hoping to spot the guy we’d seen lurking earlier.
No luck.
Hours later, we returned home to my by-then fairly drunk extended family and opened presents, since we were leaving for a cross country bike tour the next day. (“Where were you?” Cleaning, chasing crooks… The usual) Finally, we got to our hotel at around 1 in the morning. Waiting in the lobby, me in my homemade dress and flower crown, my husband in his two dollar suit, I felt like we were two kids running around holding hands and playing dress up.
We were no strangers to each others’ beds and we had to get up at 7:30 the next morning to finish packing and catch a flight. Even so, we still made some time for fun before crashing 🙂
My brother joined us on our wedding night.
He showed up at our hotel and begged the guy at reception to tell him our room number. The poor guy finally called us (fortunately we were asleep by this point) and I could hear Rob begging in the background. I asked him to put Rob on the phone, and my brother slurred, “Doooood, how much money you guys got? Mom and Dad left me, and I need to get a taxi.”
I gave him our room number and then hoisted up my strapless wedding gown – the only decent thing I could wear without unpacking my bags.
When Rob got to the room, he swayed in the doorway and said, “Dude” (we’re from San Diego, so this is a common greeting) “I can’t believe I’m interrupting your wedding night.”
“That makes three of us, Rob.”
Holding my dress up with one hand, I counted the bits of change my husband had randomly carried to the wedding (he’s British and had about $12 in change in his pockets for some reason. He’s not too good at identifying the values of American coins). All the while Rob rambled on about the perverted things he wanted to do to my maid of honor.
My husband finally gave Rob his ATM card and PIN and told him to go away.
We found out the next day that Rob took some money out and kept the party going. He ran into my maid of honor and her brother, and they dropped him at a friend’s house. A friend who wasn’t home. So Rob tried to walk ten miles to my parents’ house. He called Mom at 3am, saying, “Dude, Mom, can you come pick me up? Where am I? Uh, in a field somewhere.”
She left him there until morning.
He got married last year and hubbs and I debated what to do. In the end, we made Rob paranoid and decided that was enough. Basically, I wanted to prove to Rob – yet again – that I’m classier than he is, but it’s an act of kindness I’ve often regretted over the last year.
A new mattress would help me feel like I at least got something back.
My Mom’s best friend’s daughter (she’s 5 years older than me and my best and oldest friend) decided that she did not approve of my parent’s marriage and hid under their wedding bed.
She loves both my parents madly but for some reason didn’t think that they “should be sleeping in the same bed” at all.
Luckily, at 3, she wasn’t that great a hider and they saw he feet under the bed.
Apparently they had to promise her that she could sleep with them the next night to get her to leave.