Never Trust a Pirate does not include a single iota of historical accuracy, but it sure is a lot of fun. This Regency romance by Valerie Bowman is about spies, a map, derring-do, disguises, how to fix one’s hair in the latest French style, and the importance of knowing how to swim.

This book takes place after The Irresistible Rogue, in which Captain Rafferty Cavendish wooed his wife Daphne while the two of them engaged in a secret mission together. Never Trust a Pirate is about Cade, Rafe’s identical twin brother, and Daphne’s new maid, Danielle.

Rafe thought Cade was dead, but Cade shows up in London, the unrepentant black sheep of the family, many years later. At the start of Never Trust a Pirate, Cade is staying with Rafe and Daphne. Daphne hires a new maid, Danielle. Danielle is French, which Daphne sees as an advantage because French fashions are all the rage. Flirtation ensues.

Meanwhile, the reader is privy to two pieces of information.

One is that just when Cade returned from the presumed dead, a thief/secret agent called “The Black Fox” suddenly resumed activity after a long period of inactivity.

The other thing we know is that Danielle is a good lady’s maid but she’s also good at dressing like a boy, working on ships, and delivering information to the government. This brings the total number of people in the house with serious secrets to four (counting Rafe and Daphne, but not counting the house maid who has a crush on a footman). The book is dominated by two mysteries:

1. Who is the Black Fox?
2. How long will it take for Cade and Danielle, who clearly have the hots for each other, to have crazed sex and then declare their eternal love for one another?

If you are looking for historical accuracy, stop and back away slowly. Don’t look the book in the eye and don’t make any sudden moves. I’m no expert on Regency history, but I’ve dabbled in it, and I’m pretty darn sure that, for instance, a gentleman would not likely spend a day personally escorting a lady’s maid and a housemaid around London in a coach so that they could buy perfume.

I’m also sure that neither of these women would have gotten any time off one week before the household held a ball. When I say “inaccurate” what I mean is “ridiculous.” This book can smell your fear. If you prefer your historical plots to be plausible, then keep your hands in view at all times as you edge towards something, anything, else.

Luckily for me, I enjoy crazysauce Regencies that clearly take place in an alternate universe in which maids get the full day off to buy themselves perfume. It’s only the loose grip on reality that makes the flirtation between Cade and Danielle palatable, since in real life for a maid to be caught in a dalliance with a gentleman would mean her ruination. Cade is said to enjoy having casual sex with willing maids, and the books goes to great lengths to assure the reader that these dalliances are consensual and do not involve negative consequences for anyone concerned. In the kind of alternate universe in which this book takes place (figuratively speaking – it’s not actually speculative fiction), that may well be true. In the real world, it would mark Cade as someone who abuses his power and privilege.

Luckily, in this version of the Regency, Danielle and Cade can flirt without serious consequence and I have to admit that their chemistry is smoking hot. Between the withholding of kisses and the withholding of secrets and the battle of wits and hormones, I really wanted this couple to just rip off each other’s clothes and tell all. I love battle-of-wits stories, and I love smart people, so watching Cade and Danielle carefully barter information was incredibly entertaining. I also loved Danielle’s character development, especially her friendships with the other women of the house and her affection for her mother.

This book has fun plot twists and action scenes mixed with sweet, quiet scenes and scenes of seduction. I don’t want to spoil later developments except to say that they are both ridiculous and incredibly, deeply satisfying. It’s the good kind of ridiculous, one that is fun, not dumb. The book is also funny.

For some readers, the historical implausibility will be a total turn-off. Others will see it as a feature, not a bug. The sheer implausibility of many of the events, and the relative lack of development of Cade’s character in contrast to Danielle’s, means that for me, this book gets a B. For solid, fun, escapist, fantasyland-historical sexy romance, it’s very good.