Smart Podcast, Trashy Books, November 3, 2023

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Sarah Wendell: Hello there and welcome to episode number 587 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, with me is Amanda, and it’s time for another Romantic Times Rewind. We are going back to June 2014 to look at the nearly three hundred new books that were reviewed in RT Book Reviews, so you’re going to come on a journey with us through Historical and Contemporary and Thrillers, and we’re going to learn about cattle fraud. It’s going to be really fun.

Also, I want to apologize in advance: neither one of us can say minutia, which is a word I really struggle with, so when we get to that part and I say it wrong like six different ways, I know if you’re like me that’s going to drive you nuts, so I apologize in advance. I have been practicing, but there’s some words that my brain is just like, Yeah, no, we’re not, we’re not doing that.

I want to say thank you to Shannon Stacey and Angela James for providing me the digital copy of this magazine. Y’all have been so generous in sending me Romantic Times, I can go all the way back to like 2001 now? It’s amazing, so thank you so, so much! And a reminder: you can find all of the Romantic Times Rewind content, the show notes, the images, and the podcasts, at rtrewind.com or romantictimesrewind.com, whichever one sticks in your brain better.

A very special hello and thank-you to our Patreon community. If you have supported the show, thank you. You are keeping me going each week; you are making sure every episode has a transcript that is hand-compiled by garlicknitter – hi, garlicknitter! [Hi, Sarah! – gk]. I want to say hello to Carrie A, who recently joined. So many new people have joined the Patreon community, and if you do you get bonus episodes, you get a fabulous Discord where we all hang out and tell bad jokes. It’s lovely! Monthly pledges start at one dollar a month, and it would be awesome to have you join us. Have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches.

And speaking of, I have a compliment this week!

To Megan L: If your personality were a blend of perfume, the description for it would describe top notes of empathy and warmth and a profile that contains elegance and effortless style, and of course it would be a bestseller.

Thank you again to the Patreon community for keeping me going.

Support for this episode comes from Lume Deodorant. It is finally cooling off. I no longer feel like a live in a bowl of soup, but I still love the Toasted Coconut scent of my Lume Deodorant, and we have a special offer just for you. New customers get five dollars of Lume’s Starter Pack with code SARAH30 at lumepodcast.com. That’s L-U-M-E P-O-D-C-A-S-T dot com. Now, I have told you about how much my family likes Lume, and I got the Starter Pack, and ninety percent of it disappeared and I never saw it again, but I did hear back from the teenagers that, Hey, this stuff really works, and it doesn’t smell weird. Which, okay, fair! The nice thing about Lume is that it has a bunch of different scents that you can choose from. I really like the Lavender Sage – it’s not too overpowering – but Lume also offers a Soft Powder scent, Minted Cucumber, or completely unscented, which I know is very appreciated by many people. Lume is formulated and powered by mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts; it’s more like a pre-odorant. And I have seen it recommended on Reddit for different body odor problems that people have, some of which are really debilitating, and people are like, You should try Lume! And I’m like, Oh, I’ve, I’ve heard of that! Lume’s Starter Pack is perfect for new customers: it comes with a solid stick deodorant; cream tube deodorant; two free products of your choice, like a mini body wash and the deodorant wipes; and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get five dollars off a Lume Starter Pack with code SARAH30 at lumepodcast.com. That equates to over forty percent off your Starter Pack when you visit lumepodcast.com and use code SARAH30.

All right, it’s time to go back in time and look at, holy cow, so many books. On with the podcast.

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Sarah: All right, let’s get started. We are looking at –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – June 2014 of RT Book Reviews – Read Smarter! In the next episode is where we will cover the features and all of the advertisements and all the books. In this episode we are going to go through the reviews and talk about the books in each section. And again, at the ban-, at the banner on the bottom of the cover, 295 new books reviewed and rated.

Amanda: So many books.

Sarah: And yet, 295 books were probably published since I hit Record.

Amanda: I know. Ugh.

Sarah: All right, so let’s get started with Historical Romance. This is still, there’s a lot of Historical! Like, Historical is still a big, big genre for this, this issue.

Amanda: I feel like it’s interesting because I would be curious what an issue would look like now? You know what I mean?

Sarah: Oh, that’s such a good question! I had the same, I had the same thought!

Amanda: In terms of breakdown, like, historical is still popular, obviously, but I feel like we are definitely in an age of contemporary romance. I feel like newbies to the genre –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – are picking up contemporaries.

Sarah: You don’t say!

Amanda: I know! I feel like when I go into a bookstore, when I was working in a bookstore, we mostly had contemporaries; that was the bulk of the romance section?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: So, and, like, it would be on the cover! You know Emily Henry would probably get a cover story. Maybe Christina Lauren would get a cover story. I’m trying to think of, like, who would be the, the cover models for these new issues.

Sarah: Ana Huang.

Amanda: Oh yeah! She’s –

Sarah: Bloom Books.

Amanda: – like, huge indie stuff. Bloom Books would be –

Sarah: Bloom Books would be –

Amanda: – would definitely have a few ads in here, that’s for sure.

Sarah: – all up in there, and I still have not found out – although I am thinking I might know who to ask – how, if, if you paid for the placement in the magazine, how much was the cover costing?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: You know?

Amanda: Yeah, I’m curious how they did a cover story. If, like, they decided, Oh, this is the book that’s going to be the cover story? Or if it was like Pay to Play; sort of like, You can be the cover story and, like, promote your, your upcoming release for X amount…

Sarah: Or, or the publisher would broker it.

So what Historical romance do you want to discuss first?

Amanda: So I wanted, I picked two because they’re written by the same person.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: And when I read this I was like, This almost feels exactly the same review, minus a few details. [Laughs] The first one I read, or I’m calling out, is A Dream of Desire by Nina Rowan, and I was just going to talk about this one, but as I continued reading the reviews I was like, Wait a second. So the, the review is:

>> With its Dickensian backdrop, suspense, passion, and edge-of-seat danger, Rowan’s latest is a thought-provoking romance that, romance that forces readers to see the darkness under the glittering world of wealth and title. Strong characters and a top plotline keep readers engrossed as Rowan builds the tension to a perfect pitch before leading Talia and James to the HEA.

So there’s that one. And then –

Sarah: Kind of reads like a press release?

Amanda: [Laughs] And then the second review, which is kind of like right next to this one, is How to School Your Scoundrel –

Sarah: Uh-huh?

Amanda: – by Juliana Gray.

>> It may be that Gray saved the best in her A Princess in Hiding trilogy for last. With its smart, unconventional plot and well developed characters, combined with Gray’s knack for sexual tension, suspense, and a carefully detailed backdrop, this is another captivating novel. There’s also plenty of Gray’s biting repartee and humor as you hold your breath until the deep-sigh ending.

Both reviews use the phrase backdrop –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – suspense is mentioned.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: I was like, these feel like you’re just kind of like using a thesaurus to find different ways –

Sarah: Like there’s a, like there’s a Mad Libs for this review?

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: Smart, unconventional, edge of your seat, danger, thought-provoking – yeah! It, it, it’s very – okay, look, to be fair, to be fair, I can imagine –

Amanda: There are only so many ways you can say a thing.

Sarah: I, yes, and also, I can imagine running out of things to say about historical romances? Because we’re writing, especially at this time, we’re writing about such a narrow period of time, and there’s going to be a lot of – I mean, the reason why you read historical is to re-enter that fantasy world that you know so well with lots of different authors operating in that same world? Like, I can, I can understand running out of things to say about historical romances when you’re reviewing this many of them. Also, did you know Juliana Gray is the pseudonym of Beatriz Williams?

Amanda: No!

Sarah: Yeah, Juliana Gray was her historical romance –

Amanda: No!

Sarah: – pseudonym. She is – and that’s, that’s public. I’m not saying, like, I’m not talking out of school here; Juliana Gray is the pseudonym of New York Times bestselling author Beatriz Williams, author of The Wicked City, Along the Infinite Sea, A Hundred Summers.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Those are very similar, though.

So my pick for this month is the –

Amanda: I had a feeling you’d pick this one, ‘cause –

Sarah: – The Virgin of Clan Sinclair! Last month we had The Witch of Clan Sinclair, but she wasn’t actually a witch; she was like a feminist activist, which, okay. This, this year is The Virgin of Clan Sinclair, and that title seems to be accurate in that there are virgins.

Amanda: [Laughs]…

Sarah: But I just want to explain to you what’s happening? Okay. This is the review; it’s a, it’s a four-and-a-half star Top Pick:

>> Each Sinclair novel is more delightful than the last. With this clever, sexy, fun, and fast read, Ranney will make readers smile, laugh, sigh, and just revel in her storytelling.

So here’s the, here’s the, here’s the summary, and I’m not making this up. This, this sounds absolutely incredible. I’m, okay, E-L-L-I-C-E; I’m guessing that’s Ellice [Eh-lees].

Amanda: I’m guessing too.

Sarah: Okay.

>> Ellice Traylor is the image of a quiet, refined young lady, but her imagination is wild. Ellice is stunned when a man who closely resembles the hero of her book, Ross Forster, Earl of Gladsden, walks into her life. Ellice stows away in his carriage, hoping to reach Edinburgh and get her book published. Ross discovers her manuscript under the seat –

Bad hiding place.

>> – realizing that if Ellice ever publishes it, people will believe he is her hero, and his political career will be ruined! He’ll do anything to stop her, but he doesn’t plan on being caught in a compromising situation and having to marry her! Ellice must convince Ross her book is nothing more than a delicious dream, but she’s about to discover that real life can be better than fiction.

So what we’re talking about here is some fanfic. [Laughs]

Amanda: I mean, even unintentional fanfic – like, there are some books that we, we’ve read or seen that, that are clearly, Oh, this author was envisioning this celebrity when they were writing this. That is obvious.

Sarah: …so much. Yes.

Amanda: But this woman has never met this man before.

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: And it’s just pure coincidence that the attributes that she’s given to her fictional hero match –

Sarah: This guy.

Amanda: Like, I wonder how vague the description was, or if, like, she, like, he, if she describes a weird birthmark that he also has.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: But, like, if she’s just describing him as a hunky dude with, like, brown hair –

Sarah: And okay, think about how similar all of the romance heroes are in historicals. The muscle-y thighs, the small waist, the tight jacket, the hair – it’s usually a little bit too long for fashion. No one’s walking around with that Brutus cut that was so popular. Like – [laughs] – she, she can just be describing a historical romance hero, and this guy’s like, Wait a minute, that’s me. Yes, you and every other hero.

Amanda: Wow, you’re full of yourself.

Sarah: Yeah. [Laughs]

Amanda: But also, I – weirdly, I was thinking about this. So we had a Rec League go up today, on the 19th –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – about body diversity in heroes –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – because someone was like, They’re always ripped. They always have like an eight-pack or a twelve-pack.

Sarah: It’s true!

Amanda: And I’m like, Yeah! Even in historical romances, there are rippling abs, and I’m thinking, Okay, I can understand how people today have rippling abs, ‘cause they spend so much time in the gym. They, they know the science of, like, bulking up or cutting or whatever, but if you’re a historical romance hero, what are you doing to get those abs?

Sarah: [Snorts]

Amanda: What are the historical romance exercises? Are you just born that – like, how are historical heroes getting shredded?

Sarah: [Laughs] Well, a lot of them in the books –

Amanda: That’s what I want to know.

Sarah: A lot of them are, in the books, are, are boxing with Gentleman Jackson? Like, it’s, it’s one of those terms that gets dropped like Almack’s and Gunter’s and ices and whatever. But I just imagine them bench pressing their horse. [Laughs] Like, Come here, Thor, and then they just start bench pressing the horse?

Amanda: I guess, ‘cause I’m just like, what are they doing?

Sarah: I know; it’s silly.

Amanda: ‘Cause they, like, go to gambling halls or whatever, and, you know, live a life of luxury for the most part or, like, counting, doing the taxes of the land that they own.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: But, like, what are they doing?

Sarah: Counting money like Scrooge McDuck makes you wealthy and ripped.

Amanda: By lifting gold bars or whatever.

Sarah: [Snorts]

Amanda: Like, just doing biceps curls. [Laughs]

Sarah: All right, let’s move on to Mainstream Fiction. Which, I would just like to point out, I’ve looked at a lot of the covers, and the cover trend in Mainstream Fiction, if you’re curious, is that no one uses capital letters. There are no capital letters on the covers –

Amanda: I know.

Sarah: – it is all lower case, so this is the period of lower case Mainstream Fiction for women, pastel colors, that kind of thing. So –

Amanda: Beaches.

Sarah: Beaches, hats.

Amanda: Lots of beaches.

Sarah: Feet. God, so many feet.

Amanda: Lots of feet. Yeah.

Sarah: What is with the feet, people?

Amanda: I don’t know.

Sarah: Anyway. Moving on from our foot fetish.

Amanda: [Laughs] So this issue has way more two-stars than that previous one.

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: I think our previous one only had like one or two.

Sarah: Or two.

Amanda: This one has a, quite a bit.

Sarah: We have no one-stars; we have not encountered a one-star, and I don’t know –

Amanda: No.

Sarah: – if they would even exist in this era of the magazine, but so many twos!

Amanda: But this is a, this one, I believe, is the first two-star I noticed in the issue, and it’s for the book Nantucket Sisters by Nancy Thayer. I’ve never read a Nancy Thayer book, but her covers are something that I recognize, ‘cause then it’s, again, lots of beaches and feet.

Sarah: And lower-case letters. [Laughs]

Amanda: And I – and lower-case letters – and I can pretty much look at it and be like, This one might not be for me. I’m not like a “mainstream fiction reader” in general. The review reads:

>> Thayer’s novel is difficult to get through because it suffers from a large amount of telling the reader what is happening rather than showing through action and dialogue. Much of the tale takes place “off set,” which makes the pacing very slow and not very exciting. Some coincidences also seem very convenient. Romance lovers will enjoy the heartwarming conclusion to the love stories.

What a weird little tack-on sentence that was. [Laughs]

Sarah: So this book is boring, but you’ll like the HEA!

Amanda: I guess! Yeah, this book is boring, nothing really happens on the page, things seem too convenient, but it’s a heartwarming conclusion. What? [Laughs] We don’t understand this grading rubric, but I’m curious if you always have to have something nice to say in the review, or if it has to, like, end on a positive note.

Sarah: I honestly don’t know. I mean, I – oh, I’m, I’m so sorry; somebody said this to me, and I don’t remember if it was on social media or if it was in the comments or it was email. I’m so sorry, I don’t remember where this person said this to me. I don’t like it when I can’t site my sources; it makes me feel bad. But they had to maintain a relationship with publishers; like, they had to maintain a working relationship, because they would also want the author to do a feature, and they, and if it was a big-name author and they didn’t like the book, well, if the book, if that author is on the cover, they, it’s hard to give a negative review inside. Like, there’s, there’s a, a certain amount of tension there that I can, I can understand.

So the one I wanted to call attention to is a three-star review, but there’s a lot of three-stars in Mainstream Fiction. Like, everybody was bored by this month’s books. Save the Date by Mary Kay Andrews: a purple cover with lower-case letters, of course, and then strings of lights and lanterns hanging from the top, and –

Amanda: That’s a Mary Kay Andrews book. I feel like Mary Kay Andrews when I think of lower-case –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – font. That’s –

Sarah: I also realize that I thought Mary Kay Andrews and Nancy Thayer were the same person?

Amanda: They might be! Have we seen them in the same room together?

Sarah: Here’s the review for Save the Date, three stars. And this is, this features words that I have trouble saying, so I beg your pardon in advance.

>> Readers who love weddings will swoon over Andrews’ latest book filled with flowery nuptial minutia. Large chunks of the book are funny, witty, tender, and compelling, but equally large swathes include storylines that peter out, unbelievable coincidences, and a hero who’s too nice. Save this one for a date with a warm day and a comfy lounge chair.

Amanda: So you can fall asleep.

Sarah: What does that mean?

Amanda: [Laughs] So you can be lulled into boredom and eventually a nap. That’s what I –

Sarah: See, it’s so weird to me looking at it structurally? Like, one of the things that happens when I’m editing a review is that I will sometimes have to tell the reviewer, Okay, look, if I color code these paragraphs and all of the green paragraphs, there’s like six green paragraphs of positive commentary and then like one and a half comment-, one and a half of red that’s your negative commentary, and the grade is a C-, that doesn’t match. Like, those need to match up. And so this is three stars?

Readers who love weddings will swoon; chunks of the book are funny, witty, and tender; chunks are petering out; unbelievable coincidences, and a hero who’s too nice. Save this one for a date with a warm day and a comfy lounge chair.

[Sputters] …still like, Nonono! You want to read it! You’re going to read this! Get your chair! Like, this is so confusing to me.

There’s another three-star review on this page by another author who I mix up with the first one. So we have Mary Kay Andrews, Nancy Thayer –

Amanda: Mary Alice Monroe. [Laughs]

Sarah: – and Mary Alice Monroe! I am doomed to tell any of these apart; it will not happen. As soon as I scroll past this, that is all one person in my brain. But –

Amanda: There’s – [laughs] –

Sarah: There, the first line of the Mary Alice Monroe review for The Summer Wind, which is also three stars:

>> The second book in this trilogy is pleasant.

Amanda: Gross; hate it.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: But, like, this reminds me of that SNL sketch where it’s a game show and you have to guess if the picture is Dylan McDermott or –

Sarah: Dylan McDermot Mulroney! Yes!

Amanda: – Dermot Mulroney, yeah! [Laughs] And, like, no one can figure it out.

Sarah: Nope! Not a clue!

Amanda: And then I think they throw a wild card in there, and it’s David Duchovny?

[Laughter]

Amanda: That’s what it reminds me of.

Sarah: Seriously, Mary Alice Monroe, Mary Kay Andrews, and Nancy Thayer are all releasing books in the same month. That is just going to be a big ol’ women’s fiction pastelapalooza!

Amanda: Yep.

Sarah: All right. Shall we move onto Teen Scene?

Amanda: Yeah! This one – so in the magazine, most of the sections have a rating preview that just, like, the quick and dirty, Here are the titles, here’s the grade –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – and you don’t even have to read the review? But I didn’t see one for Teen Scene.

Sarah: No.

Amanda: They don’t have a review chart or preview chart.

Sarah: I’m wondering if there’s just so many books because there’s no space.

Amanda: Well –

Sarah: Or do they add it when they need the, the fill-in?

Amanda: – I’m, well, I’m spoiling this, because in the Romantic Suspense section, Romantic Suspense only had five reviews, and that one still got a rating preview chart.

Sarah: Weirrrd!

Amanda: This one has way more reviews but didn’t get a preview chart.

Sarah: Huh! I wonder. So what book are you looking at?

Amanda: Rumor Central by Rhonda Tate Billingsley? Fifty-four.

Sarah: No, it’s ReShonda, ReShonda Tate Billingsley.

Amanda: Oh, ReShonda. I wrote it down: ReShonda Tate –

Sarah: That might have been autocorrect.

Amanda: Yes. The, the review – and this one got four stars, and it says:

>> These frenemies are bringing mucho drama –

Sarah: Oh no.

Amanda: >> – as a kidnapping, rumors, and more make this a spring break trip to remember. Always entertaining, Billingsley once again tells a drama-filled tale that’s sure to entertain.

Sarah: Wait, I’m sorry. Wait. >> Always entertaining…sure to entertain.

Amanda: And drama-filled and mucho drama.

Sarah: Mucho drama? Really?

Amanda: Mucho drama.

Sarah: Ohhh.

Amanda: To make it worse, it’s set in Cancun.

Sarah: Oh! Okay, so my pick is also on the same page. Mine is a two-star review – dun-dun-duh! – for a book called The Dark World by Cara Lynn Shultz. So this is the review:

>> Shultz’s newest novel leaves much to be desired.

Ouch.

>> In a genre where demons are quite commonplace, Shultz does little to set her story apart. Paige and her romantic interest Logan also feel like unfortunate stereotypes.

Stick a pin in that.

>> Though not entirely without its charms, The Dark World is not a memorable read.

So that is like, if you were going to tell me that was a one-star review, I would believe it. That is, whoo, harsh.

Amanda: But there’s still something positive.

Sarah: Just –

Amanda: >> Though not entirely without its charms…

Sarah: Just a little bit – Okay, here’s – yeah. The first thing I thought before I read the summary was Stereotypes of what? Paige and Logan feel like unfortunate stereotypes. Stereotypes of what? Who? What is the problem? This is, this is the same reaction I have when someone says something is problematic? Okay, do you mean that it is racist and colonialist, or do you mean that it has a bad smell? Like, what are you trying to say here?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – stereotypes of what? Like, you, if you’re going to knock something for being stereotypical, are we talking racism? Are, are we, are we talking like she’s like every other paranormal teen heroine? Like, what’s the deal?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Do we, do we find out? No, we do not.

>> Paige Kelly has always been a little abnormal. Her best friend’s been dead since the 1950s, after all. But nothing prepares her for being attacked by a fire demon in detention. Suddenly Paige is in training with a warlock, learning to defend herself against sinister forces, and if she makes one wrong move, she will find herself in the Dark World, the very place from which her enemies have come.

Do-do-doo!

Amanda: I mean, if anyone can handle a fire demon showing up in detention, my money’s on a teenage girl.

Sarah: Are you kidding? It’s like the opening of every new incarnation of Power Rangers. There’s always a moment whenever, whatever the alien creatures are who are assembling this earthly team, they always say something about how teenagers have limitless energy and don’t need a lot of sleep; we have to get some teenagers.

Amanda: Yep.

Sarah: If you’re going to battle the Dark World and you’re going to be training as a demon in detention, you’ve got to get a teenager, ‘cause I’m not doing that.

Amanda: Well, like, I was, I was once a teenage girl, and you couldn’t tell me shit, and if you told me that, Hey, watch out; a fire demon’s going to show up at detention, I’d be like, So what? So I have to do weightlifting on my period –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I can handle this. Like –

Sarah: And besides, you grew up in Florida. Fire demon is like the third-least-interesting thing that happened that day.

Amanda: [Laughs] I know! Do we have a pelican riding a gator? No? Then I’m not worried. Like –

Sarah: Is there a lizard in the bathtub? No? Fire demon in detention is like, Whatevs. Deeply unimpressed.

So the two-star reviews really don’t explain very much.

Amanda: No!

Sarah: They really don’t.

Amanda: I mean, it’s, I’m guessing they’re, like, limited by space?

Sarah: Yeah. So Science Fiction and Fantasy: tell me what’s your pick.

Amanda: Called Crown of Renewal by Elizabeth Moon, and I’ll explain why. But afterwards I was like, James Davis Nicoll, who is the reviewer for this one, I was like, You’re a mad lad! for this one.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: You’re, you’re mad for this! So the review reads:

>> Although Moon warns the reader not to dive into this series with the fifth book, the work does stand on its own, and while Crown of Renewal, Crown of Renewal may be the final book in this particular series, there’s clearly still room in its world for more stories. The fifth and final novel in the Paladin’s Legacy series, this work resolves longstanding issues in a suitably dramatic manner that should satisfy readers new to the series and those who have followed it from the beginning.

I’m sorry; you are advising people that it is okay to read the fifth and final book of a series when you just mentioned that it resolves longstanding issues.

Sarah: In a suitably dramatic manner. [Laughs] Amanda has her head in her hands. She cannot, she cannot process this, this advice.

Amanda: The author herself apparently states in the book, Do not start here.

Sarah: [Laughs] Well –

Amanda: And he’s like, No, it’s fine! Trust me! Okay! [Laughs]

Sarah: Okay! All right.

This section also has a two-star review, which I am going to talk about. This is the Memory of Water by Emmi Itäranta, and I might be saying that wrong because the A has double dots.

Amanda: An umlaut.

Sarah: It has an umlaut. Thank you; that’s what that’s called. I was going to say, That’s not a tilde; that has another name.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> Memory of Water has a strong potential, thanks, thanks to a great backstory and wonderful worldbuilding, but ultimately it’s missing too many pieces to be even remotely satisfying. At one point the lead, Noria, listens to a secret recording so important that the rest of the book hinges on it, yet the reader is not privy to a single word.

That, by the way, is one of the few times I’ve seen specific criticism in a review.

>> Further, when Noria finally takes action three-quarters of the way through the book, it’s essentially a nonstarter and the book ends. A short epilogue is not enough to fill out the threadbare plot. Overall, it reads like an introduction to a continuing series, except it’s just one novel.

Here’s the summary – and this is 2014, by the way:

>> Climate change has finally covered most of the world in seawater, and the military controls what freshwater is left, killing anyone accused of committing a “water crime.” Tea master’s daughter Noria knows of a hidden spring. When villagers discover her secret, it becomes harder to keep it and herself safe from the powers that be.

Amanda: What’s a water crime?

Sarah: Using water without permission, I’m guessing?

Amanda: I guess!

Sarah: So the thing is, this review and this summary have made me more curious about the book. Like, Oh, wait, hold on. Waters is a crime and you’re a tea master’s daughter and – interesting. So there –

Amanda: And you need water for tea?

Sarah: Yeah, exactly. I also love reading this section because I always find books to tell Adam about? Like, this is the section where last time I found Sparrow Hill Road, which I’m still thinking about and thinking about, like, listening to the sequel? Spoiler: I didn’t really find anything that I wanted to read in this issue, but I found things for my husband to read, and if we have another shutdown I know what he’ll be doing.

Mystery and Thriller.

Amanda: Yeah! So this is another book that has like three stars, and I’m like, How?

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: How does it have three stars? It’s called Without You by Saskia Sarginson? And the review is:

>> Sarginson’s latest is an extremely well written but emotionally distant affair. The reader never truly engages with any of the characters except for Faith, the sister of the supposedly drowned Eva.

Sarah: Spoiler alert!

Amanda: >> Her faith –

Sarah: My God! [Laughs]

Amanda: I know.

>> Her faith keeps her believing –

Sarah: [Boom-tish!]

Amanda: >> – that her sibling is still alive and helps with the narrative that jumps too much in both time and viewpoint. It takes a few lines of text before it becomes clear who is narrating the scene. The prose sings, but it’s too bad the rest of the book does not resonate.

Three stars!

Sarah: This is one of those reviews where the text and the star rating don’t really match?

Amanda: Because at the top, in the key that they have, three stars is Enjoyable – A Pleasant Read.

Sarah: That doesn’t even match their own rubric as published! I paid really close attention to this section because I’m always, I’m, I’m really curious how, in this one review section for Mysteries and Thrillers, their, in Mystery, Suspense, and Thriller reviews, the title has little descriptors above it so you know if it, what it is, so, for example, there’s Mystery, Amateur Sleuth, Series; Thriller, Psychological; Suspense. So they’re trying to put a lot of slightly different genres in one place, which, which is a weird cohesion, so it’s, I mean, it’s not surprising that the rubric doesn’t fit everything?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But also, Yikes. So there’s a book on page 64 where there was one word that made me go, Oh, well, that’s not for me, and that word is gut-wrenching.

Amanda: No, thank you!

Sarah: I am not reading a book that is gut-wrenching. I know that gut-wrenching as a genre has its fans.

The book I do want to talk about is on page 66, and it is called Deadly Décor – dun-dun-duh!

Amanda: Is it a cozy? They love a, a, love an alliteration.

Sarah: Oh yeah! It is a Mystery, Amateur Sleuth, am- – I can’t say the word sleuth – Amateur Sleuth, Series. Nuptial minutia with sleuth.

Amanda: [Laughs] Nuptial minutia.

Sarah: Four stars. This is by Karen Rose Smith.

>> The second entry in this entertaining series takes readers on a great ride. The storyline is enjoyable, and when the truth is revealed, readers will be surprised by the killer’s motive. The zany, complex characters will hold readers’ interest.

Amanda: A nothingburger, this review is. [Laughs]

Sarah: That is the most nothingburger; that is a burger made of Styrofoam peanuts. Like, what in the hell.

Amanda: We’re chomping on air. [Laughs] There’s nothing happening.

Sarah: So, okay, so you, you, you hear that, and it’s like, Okay, whatever, you know. It, it, this, it’s, this is like that review earlier that was like, This book was pleasant. M’kay. So this is a four-star review. Four stars: Compelling – Page-turner. That is not the same –

Amanda: Yeah, nothing about this seems like –

Sarah: Compelling or –

Amanda: – Wow –

Sarah: – or turning?

Amanda: – I’m going to blow through this.

Sarah: Yeah. So here’s the, here’s the summary, and it’s kind of wild:

>> Decorator and home-stager Caprice De Luca’s sister Bella and her husband Joe have hit a rough patch with the announcement of Bella’s unexpected pregnancy. Doubting her marriage, Bella seeks out a former boyfriend, painter Bob Preston. Caprice finds herself knee-deep in another murder when Bob’s body is found. Caprice must find the real killer before it’s too late for Bella and her husband.

Readers will be surprised by the killer’s motive. The zany, complex characters hold interest. It’s a great ride. What?! [Laughs] That’s a wild one, right? Like, that’s just –

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: So then the, houses, the person is a house-stager and a decorator and, like, okay. This is one of those things where I’m just like, You have no business investigating murder; what are you doing?

Amanda: [Laughs] This is not your wheel house! Stop touching a dead body!

Sarah: So there you go: big nothingburgers. Let’s move onto Inspirational.

Amanda: So. Inspirational, I think, so far has been my favorite category –

Sarah: Really? Why?

Amanda: – and I don’t, I don’t read inspirational –

Sarah: No!

Amanda: – at all. But the last one we did, I think the inspirational I picked was When Love Stirs or something like that? Where it was also –

Sarah: With the great hat!

Amanda: Yeah, the great hat and the what, it’s historical, which was surprising, and she wants to make hospital food more nutritious?

Sarah: Yeah, she’s a dietitian!

Amanda: Yeah! So I found another weird – [laughs] –

Sarah: I can’t wait; tell me everything.

Amanda: – in Inspirational. So I’m going to read the review, and then I need to read the summary. This is a historical inspirational called Full Steam Ahead by Karen Witemeyer, and it’s four-and-a-half stars.

>> Witemeyer’s latest is Full Steam Ahead good. Readers will appreciate the research the author has done to give her story depth and give her characters added dimension. They will also enjoy the solid storyline, mystery elements, and humorous moment-, humorous moments. Christian fiction fans, look no further: Witemeyer does an excellent job showcasing the characters’ growth in their faith and how forgiving oneself is paramount to one’s personal relationship with the Lord.

Okay. And then I’m like, Why is it called Full Steam Ahead? Are there trains? What’s going on? So then I needed to read the summary.

Sarah: This, oh my God. [Laughs] Oh my God!

Amanda: >> Ever since a boiler exploded aboard the Louisiana, Darius Thornton has been trying to find a way to prevent another deadly disaster. Nicole Renard’s father is deathly ill, so she leaves home in search of a husband, an heir for their father’s shipping business. Nicole finds herself taking a secretarial position for a reclusive scientist obsessed with boilers.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: >> As Nicole and Darius grow closer, will she be able to tell him the truth about why she left home?

[Laughter]

Sarah: I’m crying! Oh my goodness. If – [laughs] – reclusive scientist obsessed with boilers!

Amanda: And I believe the cover has them getting close next to a boiler? If you can remember the cover?

Sarah: Oh yeah. I, I, if you scroll up it’s in the ad above this page. I have this marked for the, for the ads discussion, because the expression on her face is amazing? And he’s –

Amanda: Yep. He’s literally blowing hot steam at her, by the way, in this cover.

Sarah: Yeah, well, he’s obsessed with boilers! [Laughs]

Amanda: Hot, boiling steam.

Sarah: Oh my God! Oh my God!

Amanda: So, yeah, the, the Inspirational category so far has been my absolute bonkers favorite.

Sarah: [Laughs] Obsessed with boilers!

Amanda: He’s obsessed with boilers! It’s kind of like the even more niche, like, model train fanatic, right? [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh my God! Not just the train, just the boiler.

Amanda: ‘Cause it’s very specific!

Sarah: It’s just the, he’s obsessed with boilers. Okay, I’m going to have to pull myself together!

[Laughter]

Sarah: I keep trying to be like, Okay, let’s move on! And then I just – [laughs more] –

Amanda: Yep!

Sarah: Obsessed with boilers! All right, hang on; let me just write that down. That’s the title of this episode!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Obsessed –

Amanda: Obsessed with Boilers.

Sarah: – with Boilers. Well, we did Say Yes to the Dress; now we’re Obsessed with Boilers. Oh my God. Okay.

My, my pick is on page 76, and it is A Woman of Fortune, and this is one where, where you look at the cover? All of a sudden you’re like, Wait, I don’t understand what we’re talking about here.

Amanda: [Snorts]

Sarah: It’s this woman from the back with – okay, I’m just going to call them Instagram waves? You know the –

Amanda: Sure!

Sarah: – wavy, blonde hair that everyone has on Instagram? That’s her hair, and she’s facing away, and she’s got this beautiful, red, draped dress with, like, diagonal seams, so it flows around her. Her hand is reaching back; she’s got a really expensive diamond bracelet on. She’s holding, I don’t know if that’s her shoes or if that’s the dress; I don’t know. But she’s facing away, and it’s kind of breezy. Like, you could put her on a beach, and I’d be like, Story checks out, but she’s looking out –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – over a brick road with lots of lamps and flowers, and then like a, a ranch gate at the end. And in, in the corner it says A Texas Gold Novel. I would have thought that this was about like weddings and shoes. But that is not what this is about. A Woman of Fortune is mainstream inspirational. It gets four stars. It is by Kellie Coates Gilbert. Here we go with some absolutely scintillating review writing:

>> Claire is a strong female lead.

Wow, don’t you want to continue?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> It’s refreshing that she does not buckle under the immense pressure she is facing, and the human quality of her struggle is relatable to readers. Though this story is a work of fiction, it feels as if it could be based on real life. This tale of family and faith brings to light what truly matters in life and the desperate struggle to hold onto it.

So this is the summary:

>> Claire Massey’s life is as close to perfect as it gets with a loving family, immense wealth, and friends by her side. When her husband is charged with cattle fraud, her –

Amanda: What is that?

Sarah: I don’t know! [Laughs] Look, you had a guy –

Amanda: Like, yeah –

Sarah: – [laughs] – who’s obsessed with boilers; I got cattle fraud!

Amanda: I just picture, like, he’s got a herd of cattle, but they’re not all cattle? Like –

Sarah: …wearing costumes?

Amanda: – Oh yeah! He’s, yeah, he’s got, like, goats out there. He’s like, No! That’s just a tiny cow!

Sarah: Yeah, just put a costume on it! No one’ll tell the difference! So:

>> When her husband is charged with cattle fraud, her idyllic life quickly crashes down around her. As she fights to keep her family together amidst lawyers, media attention, and angry citizens, Claire questions whether she can handle it all.

Amanda: Look, unless you signed a prenup, divorce him, take half, and you’re good.

Sarah: Yeah! If he’s committing cattle fraud and you don’t know about it, he’s obviously set you up to be, to, to have to deal with it and hasn’t really been honest with you. And again, what the f- – okay, I’m going to google it. Cattle fraud.

Amanda: Yeah, what is that?

Sarah: The first result is ghost cattle.

Amanda: Ooh, I’m interested!

Sarah: So, so cattle fraud is also known as ghost cattle fraud, and it refers to a specific scheme perpetrated by Cody Easterday, a rancher in Mesa, Washington, to charge Tyson Foods for more than two hundred thousand cattle that did not exist. From 2016 until 2020, when Tyson discovered the missing cattle, Easterday submitted invoices totaling more than two hundred million dollars.

Amanda: So you’re saying, oh, you, like, this company has access to my cattle, which is like two hundred –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – but he actually did not have two hundred cattle.

Sarah: Yes. And he entered into a feeding agreement with Tyson in 2010, and under the terms of the agreement Tyson would pay the costs of obtaining and caring for between 145,000 and 180,000 cattle annually and then pay Easterday the market value of the cattle minus the amount already paid plus four percent interest on those amounts when they went to slaughter. Easterday Ranches at that time produced two percent of Tyson’s cattle, so basically he was billing them for cows that didn’t exist. They were ghost cows.

Amanda: Yeah, ‘cause Tyson probably didn’t have the land, so he’s like –

Sarah: No!

Amanda: – We’ll just, you know, have you take care of the cows. We’ll pay for the care, but you take care of them. Yeah.

Sarah: But here’s the thing though; this is what’s wild: this, if I, if I google cattle fraud, the result I get is ghost cattle fraud, and these stories are from 2022. So what was the big cattle fraud story in 2014 that might have inspired this?

Amanda: I don’t know. I’m not up-to-date on any cattle news. Or –

Sarah: I know nothing about cattle fraud. All right, so let me look at cattle fraud, what do you want to say 20- –

Amanda: 2014?

Sarah: 2013.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: All right, so there’s a link from the Department of Justice and the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the IRS, and then:

>> Cattle Fraud is increasingly large source of illicit funds, much of which is subsequently laundered through financial institutions.

So not only is it fake cows, but it’s money laundering.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: Okay, so I get it. Still, if your husband is out there committing federal crimes, then you, you, you gotta divorce him, ‘cause he’s, he’s making his problems your problems. I think it is so wild, by the way, that the entire premise of this book, the entire premise of this book is for you to feel bad for this woman who is extremely rich and then is having her wealthy lifestyle compromised by her husband’s actions.

Amanda: Her husband’s cattle fraud!

Sarah: Cattle fraud! Lawyers, media, and citizens. Her life is perfect, and her husband fucked it up.

Amanda: How dare he.

Sarah: Leave that man; take his money.

Moving on to Romantic Suspense.

Amanda: As we mentioned, there’s only five here.

Sarah: There’s five!

Amanda: So there weren’t a lot to choose from to talk about.

Sarah: Yeah. This was a tough one, and I, I have a question about your pick, so share what your pick is. I got some questions.

Amanda: The XYZ Affair by Mary Billiter? That’s my pick.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: In my mention, one of my notes was like some minor, possibly minor slut-shaming in the review. It’s four stars and Hot.

>> This is a captivating mystery with some absorbing family dynamics that will keep the reader involved until the very end. Though it’s not difficult to understand the heroine’s lack of successful relationships, it’s a bit more challenging to empathize with her amazingly fast hookup with the hero.

What? And so, like, she doesn’t have successful relationships, but you don’t want to empathize that she hasn’t been able to find a successful relationship because she’s hooking up with the hero.

Sarah: Very quickly.

Amanda: Look, as someone who has done a fair share of hooking up, those two are not mutually exclusive.

Sarah: Nope.

Amanda: There are some people that, like, you know, you have really good sexual chemistry with, but you’re like, I don’t want a relationship with this person.

Sarah: No, I just want to hook up with them!

Amanda: I just want to hook up with them! So I was like, Hmm! I don’t love that review.

Sarah: No. No, and I also have questions about the cover: what is she, what is happening? So it’s this weird almost, like, weird abstract layers with a, a big –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – sort of sideways V, where the top and the bottom are blue with some texture, and then the, the middle section is brown. There’s a class ring in the –

Amanda: It’s got this, like, marbling effect.

Sarah: It’s got, like, marble or something, but she looks like she’s wrapped in, like, you know the, the brown, the light brown tarps that people wear when they’re hunting and it’s dead woods? Like, it’s all brown?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Brown camo? She looks like she’s wrapped in a brown camouflage blanket and, like, right up to her chin. Like, it’s just this head floating in this weird –

Amanda: It is very weird cover design.

Sarah: – weird brown marble. And she’s a dirty, dirty whore. She’s not, actually.

Amanda: How dare she.

Sarah: This was, this was a challenging one because there’s, there’s no books? My pick is Against the Wild by Kat Martin, which got three stars, and it is Hot.

Amanda: Hot.

Sarah: >> In her latest, Martin’s efficient style of storytelling artfully mixes romance and suspense. Her characters are sympathetic and appealing, and the attraction between Lane and Dylan is fiery hot. Though the plot is interesting, the slight lack of depth in a few of the characters takes the shine off an otherwise enjoyable read.

What is a slight lack of depth in other characters? What does that mean? What –

Amanda: In, like, side characters? Do they need to be deep? I don’t know!

Sarah: I mean, if she’s got an efficient style of storytelling, then she’s going to be a very fast storyteller, so I’m not expecting, if that’s the kind of book I’m reading, I’m not expecting the side characters to have lots and lots of, lots and lots of depth.

Also, I will, of course, be talking about this cover, because that is the most phallic plane I have ever seen. It’s an extremely phallic airplane, that book.

Amanda: Yeah, and it’s, it’s, where it’s placed is pretty –

Sarah: Yeah, it’s very specific; we know what it meant, what it, what it means.

Amanda: We know what you’re doing here.

Sarah: Yeah, we can, we, we, we see what you’ve put down, and we are not picking it up.

Shall we move on to Contemporary, because there are a few?

Amanda: Yes, Contemporary.

Sarah: But none with two stars! There’s so many reviews, and they are all –

Amanda: Nooo!

Sarah: – once again, we have that compressed rubric. We have three, four, four-and-a-half, four-and-a-half TP.

Amanda: I can’t get over TP.

Sarah: TP! All right.

Amanda: So, so I picked a review for What a Woman Needs by Judi Fennell, which got four stars.

>> Fennell’s latest is a romantic story of widow Beth and the second Manley brother, Bryan. The engaging, descriptive writing will draw the reader in, and Fennell’s knack for believable dialogue will keep them hooked. Smooth pacing and an amusing plot make this modern-day maid –

As in M-A-I-D.

>> – maid-to-order romance worth the read.

I just want to point out that the hero is a movie star named Bryan Manley.

Sarah: [Snorts]

Amanda: What a name! And the, the woman is a widowed single mother of five children, which –

Sarah: Working as a maid for his sister’s cleaning service.

Amanda: Bryan Manley, though!

Sarah: Manley.

Amanda: I can’t get over it!

Sarah: [Laughs] So mine is on page 82. My pick is – [sighs] – okay, I love this. This is a four-and-a-half-star Top Pick Gold, which gets flagged in the review summary as four-and-a-half G, so it’s not four-and-a-half TP, it’s four-and-a-half Gs. So we’ve got four-and-a-half Gs for The Troublemaker Next Door by Marie Harte, four-and-a-half star Scorcher, Top Pick Gold. Which, again, I don’t understand the difference between Top Pick and Top Pick Gold, but okay. This review has everything:

>> Strong, sweaty, and lusty sex scenes are critical in a romance novel.

Are they, though? Anyway.

>> But they’re not enough to sustain an entire story. Thankfully, Harte also includes an amazing storyline filled with strong-willed characters in a reluctant love affair, but back to the love scenes: they will make readers sweat.

Ugh.

>> And Harte does an awesome job of visually painting the picture of the two lead characters. Readers will get caught up in this story and feel like they have a front row seat to all the antics.

Okay, so it’s going to make you – there’s a lot of sweating in this review. [Laughs]

Amanda: I don’t want to sweat!

Sarah: Everything is sweaty in this review, but my favorite is the first line of the summary?

>> Maddie is on a rampage against all men, and for a legitimate reason.

Meanwhile, we’ve got sweatiness. I’m just, no. There’s, there’s, no.

Amanda: No, thank you!

Sarah: No! I don’t need to be thinking about other sweaty readers. I don’t want to think about myself. I don’t like sweating, and I don’t want to think about –

Amanda: No.

Sarah: – other people being sweaty. I – what are you supposed to do? Like, go up to somebody on the subway and be like – [gasps] – That’s the sweaty book! Are you sweating? [Laughs]

Amanda: I have a dear friend who’s from LA, and I love her so much, but we’re two very different people? She loves being outside, and in her words thinks sweat is an aesthetic? And –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – I am the opposite. And we –

Sarah: I am not – no.

Amanda: – we’re very good friends because we both respect and recognize our sheer differences in, when it comes to being outside and being sweaty. She lives in Arizona now, so. [Laughs]

Sarah: So for Paranormal Romance, we have a bunch of two-star reviews.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: But I actually want to talk about one of the 4.5 star Top Picks. It is Air Bound by Christine Feehan, four and a half stars, Hot, and the only thing I just need everyone to know is that this book is called Air Bound; and the heroine is a kidnapped air, air elemental; and her name is Airiana, spelled –

Amanda: Awful!

Sarah: – A-I-R-I-A-N-A, Airiana.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: That’s all I needed to tell you. Like, I don’t need to say anything else about the book. It’s Airiana.

Amanda: So I breezed – no pun intended – past this section, because it blends right into Urban Fantasy?

Sarah: It does.

Amanda: So I didn’t pick one until just now.

Sarah: Dun-dun-duh!

Amanda: But in the spirit of also weird names, I want to point out Kiss of Wrath by Sandra Hill, which is the Viking vampire angel series, if you want…

Sarah: Oh, Sandra Hill, Viking vampire angel Navy SEALs! Yes!

Amanda: >> So Hill has written another winner featuring her Viking vampire angels in her fourth in the passion-driven Deadly Angels series. Two of the most unlikely characters, Mordr –

Mordr? –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: >> – and Miranda are thrown together, and the result is laugh-out humor and unrivaled sex appeal.

Look –

Sarah: Ahhh!

Amanda: – one does not simply walk into Mordr –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – is all I’m going to say.

Sarah: No, and he’s a Viking berserker bent on vengeance. He was given this – oh no. He was – I didn’t know this is what they’re called. [Laughs] Oh my God!

Amanda: They’re called vangels! Viking vampire angels!

Sarah: Because they’re Viking vampire angels, they’re called – shouldn’t it be vvangels? Shouldn’t there be two Vs?

Amanda: Vvangels!

Sarah: Vv-, like the Vvish?

Amanda: Vvish!

Sarah: Oh my God…

Amanda: I don’t know, but –

Sarah: Vangel!

Amanda: – that Mordr and Miranda, can you imagine going to that wedding?

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Like, you’re cordially invited to the flowery nuptial minutiae of Mordr and Miranda?

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: It feels like my mouth is full of marbles every time I say his name.

Sarah: Vangel. Is it [vane-, vane-gel] or [van-gel] or [vi-van-] – what, what –

Amanda: Yeah, like, does –

Sarah: Van?

Amanda: – he do the, the A of the angel or the A of the vampire?

Sarah: And I guess it’s better that it’s not Viking so it’d be [vin-gel] or [vin-gle]. Oh –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I love thinking vampire Navy SEALs; I love it so much! Viking vampire angel Navy SEALs. A-mazing.

I also want to point out, by the way, that this is the same month that the Nalini Singh Shield of Winter came out, and it was a four-and-a-half star Top Pick.

Amanda: Of course it was!

Sarah: It’s a good series. It’s a very good series.

Shall we move on to Urban Fantasy?

Amanda: Yeah! So I picked a book called White Heart of Justice?

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: Yeah, by Jill Archer.

>> Archer’s Noon Onyx series continues to be an original and compelling tale of what happens after Lucifer’s army triumphs at Armageddon and a new demon-based society is formed.

Sarah: Huh.

Amanda: >> Already an oddity because she has waning magic rather than the usual feminine waxing magic, Noon Onyx is determined to control her own future, but the cost could be higher than she suspects. Kudos to Archer for creating such a compelling heroine and mythos.

A couple questions: what’s a demon-based society look like? Is it better than our own?

Sarah: Do they show up, do they do detention? ‘Cause we already had a book about a demon in detention.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Where are they showing up?

Amanda: Maybe – I know this is probably phases of the moon, but the phrase “waxing magic” just made me laugh very hard. Feminine waxing magic. So it’s like, you know, do you have the power to do a Brazilian without it hurting, or –

Sarah: [Laughs] I would really love that magic. Also, I just want to say, if you look at the next book, Property of a Lady Faire with an E on the end?

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: If you look at this summary:

>> Life as a Drood isn’t ever easy –

Amanda: Eddie Drood.

Sarah: >> – especially for Eddie Drood!

[Laughs]

Amanda: [Groans, laughs]

Sarah: Okay, Eddie Drood.

All right, I am going to page 106 to talk about a, a particular book, but I also want to pull your attention to A Shiver of Light, four stars, by Laurell K. Hamilton. It’s a Merry Gentry book! I think this is the last one! And it was four years –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – since the series came out. That series was just, wow, so much fucking!

Amanda: I was on board that series. My mom was a huge Laurell K. Hamilton fan, and that’s actually how I started reading romance was Laurell K. Hamilton and –

Sarah: Merry Gentry?

Amanda: Yeah, Merry Gentry! Which is a wild series to start with when you’re like fifteen years old, and –

Sarah: Ohhh yes. Oh yes.

Amanda: And I was on board for a while, and then I’m like, Okay, I think I’m good now.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Same with the Anita Blake series.

Sarah: Oh yeah!

Amanda: That’s how I felt; I was like, Okay, I’m good now!

Sarah: One of our commenters like ten years ago, maybe more, said that Anita Blake just became a glistening orifice.

Amanda: Yeah! I, look, I, I prefer sex scenes in my romances, but I do have a limit, and I definitely found that limit reading the Merry Gentry series. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah! And I feel like she was writing poly romances –

Sarah: Oh.

Amanda: – like, before they became a thing, if you like?

Sarah: Yep. Oh yeah.

Amanda: Which, good for her? I love a Why choose when you can have all of it? But wow.

Sarah: Mm.

Amanda: Merry Gentry takes me back and also, that was a lot of sex.

Sarah: Oh yeah, and she’s having triplets in this book.

Amanda: Mazel tov for your triplets.

Sarah: Yeah. Mazel tov for your triplets.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: The review I want to talk about is a two-star review for The Given by Vicki Peterson, or Petterson. And this is the review:

>> The Given has some admirable qualities, but ultimately it’s just an okay read. The main problem is that the high number of villains are all interconnected in different ways, creating a web of characters that are hard to remember and keep straight. As such, when the mystery at the heart of the series is finally solved it still remains somewhat unclear. Further, while the protagonists are well developed, the motivations of the meddling heavenly beings are more nebulous. Overall, Petterson’s latest is just a little too murky to be enjoyable.

Now, that’s actually a fair critical review! I understand –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – the problem here!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I get it!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Shall we talk about Series? I’m wondering if I might need to divide these –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – review episodes up, ‘cause there’s just so many reviews. There’s just so –

Amanda: There’s so many.

Sarah: – much to talk about. These are some long-ass episodes. Maybe people like the long episodes! If you like them long or you’d prefer two, let us know.

Amanda: So this is the Series one. I picked The Texan’s Baby by Donna Alward, which is then followed by The SEAL’s Baby in reviews by –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – Laura Marie Altom, which I thought was funny.

Sarah: Baby for Keeps. Yep, random baby.

Amanda: >> When a one-night stand results in pregnancy, Lizzie Baron knows she must tell the father before anyone else, but Chris Miller is not the rodeo competitor she believed him to be. He’s an engineer.

[Laughs]

Sarah: Oh no!

Amanda: Boo, he’s an engineer! [Laughs]

>> When she takes over running Baron Energies after her father is injured, she can’t help feeling a bit guilty yet pleased that Chris has accepted a promotion and will be living closer to her. Unfortunately, it ties Chris to a job and a future that he’s growing unhappy with. It’s a pleasure to see the mature way these two accept an accident that results in a miracle.

Sarah: Oh, calm down.

Amanda: >> This story will leave readers eager to see what’s next for the Texas rodeo Baron. So –

Sarah: But there’s no Texas rodeo Barons! He’s an engineer! We just went over that!

Amanda: He’s an engineer at, apparently the company that she’s now running, Baron Energies!

Sarah: Surprise! He’s a nerd! [Laughs]

Amanda: But – I know! I was like, Boo, he’s a nerd!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Aw, man! My pick is on page 116: Burning Desire by Kayla Perrin. This is just, like, this is just so many romance heroes in one guy. This is the first line:

>> Fire Department Captain Mason Foley left a lucrative career as an NBA player to dedicate his life to helping others.

Amanda: Nice!

Sarah: What, in what world does an NBA player not become a Fire Department Captain?

Shall we move on to Erotica?

Amanda: Oh my gosh, yes!

Sarah: So many two-star reviews. Also, this is the month that Sweet Filthy Boy came out, and it gets a four-and-a-half star Top Pick!

Amanda: Loved this book, loved this series!

Sarah: Is it erotic? Is it New Adult? Let’s call it both. This actually says Erotic Romance, New Adult – Sweet Filthy Boy, Christina Lauren.

Amanda: Yes, I definitely think it, it’s probably like a little too spicy to put in the Teen Scene category –

Sarah: Little bit.

Amanda: – with some other New Adults –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – for sure.

Sarah: My pick is on page 122. There is a duology, and the duology has Megan Hart and Sarah Morgan in it. I would not put those two tastes together. Because Megan Hart –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – writes angsty, emotional –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – erotic romance, and Sarah Morgan writes very emotionally sweet romances. Now, these are both from Cosmo’s Red-Hot Reads, so they were both part of that program. Basically, what happened was Cosmopolitan and Harlequin decided to team up and do these Cosmo Red-Hot Reads, which would be novellas, and some of them would be excerpted in the magazine, and they would get, like, their own little branding, and Cosmo and Harlequin were both super excited about it.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But this is a duology starring two authors who I would never have put together. Like, not ever once in my life.

Amanda: So I picked a two-star, yeah, a two-star read called Substitute, and also a little slut-shame-y again?

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: Billed as erotic romance, it says:

>> High on sex and low on romance. Alexia is supposed to be falling her boss, but she nearly, nearly sleeps with others “saving” full intercourse for the man of her dreams. With no depth to the characters and no real connection between the main couple, the book drags even with lurid sex scenes. Purple prose and awkward descriptions further undermine what could have been a fun romp through the overblown sport celebrity lifestyle.

Look, I’m sorry; if you’re reading erotica, I don’t know, like, the whole Oh, she nearly sleeps with others, but she’s supposed to be falling for her boss: you can do both.

Sarah: Yeah, the slut-shaming –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – is very strange, isn’t it?

Amanda: Yeah, and this is erotic romance! I feel like with this sort of genre, yes, you want the romance to still be there, but I fully expect there to be mostly sex compared to the romance.

Sarah: Wooow.

Amanda: I feel like this was a poor setting of expectations, personally.

Sarah: Oh, I agree. Like, if someone’s writing a book that is being sold as erotica – now, it is tagged as Erotic Romance – but, like, it, it, just, you’re going to, the, the, you’re going to expect fucking! Like lots of fucking.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, I get it.

You know, it’s weird: all of these reviews, there weren’t really any books where I was like, Ooh, I want to read that!

Amanda: No! I mean, I might look at the one you mentioned, Sarah Beth Durst, ‘cause it does sound a little creepy? Which is good?

Sarah: Were you going to, you’re not going to read about the guy obsessed with boilers?

Amanda: No, it’s inspirational. Like, the second mention of God or Jesus, and I’m out, like, unfortunately.

Sarah: Depending on the –

Amanda: I do not read that.

Sarah: – historical context, I can sometimes get through them, or I can sort of see the, Oh yeah, I see what you’re doing there.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Okay, Aslan, moving on. Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But I, there weren’t a lot here that I was like, Ooh! I can’t wait to, I can’t wait to read this. The ads, on the other hand, there are some ads in this book, in this mag-, in this issue.

Amanda: For sure.

Sarah: There are some ads. So shall we come back in two weeks –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and talk about the ads and the features?

Amanda: Yeah!

[music]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Thank you, as always, to Amanda for going on this strange journey with me where we’re apparently obsessed with boilers. Thank you again to Shannon Stacey and Angela James for sending me this PDF of this issue of Romantic Times Book Reviews. And thank you most of all for listening and for leaving reviews.

I had complained a little – okay, a lot – that all of my reviews on Apple had disappeared, and suddenly I have some more. Thank you so, so much for that! Reviews make a massive difference in podcasts. I don’t know if you’ve noticed; there are a lot of podcasts.

I also want to thank all of the reviewers in our RT Book Reviews whose reviews we talked about today, and their names are – drum roll, please – [verbal and desk drum roll] –

Kathe Robin, MH Morrison, Melissa Parcel, Leslie Frohberg, Meghan Watts, James Davis Nicoll – you mad lad – Leah Hansen, Susanna Balch, Sarah Frobisher, Terri Dukes, Jill M. Smith, Leah Hansen, Susan Mobley, and Cyndy Aleo.

I don’t want to discuss the reviews without giving credit to the people who wrote them, right? Right, obviously.

And as always, I end with an absolutely dreadful joke. This joke comes from Bull in the Discord. You might have seen this one if you hang out with us. This might be the kind that you have to read to really get, but I’m going to go for it anyway.

How do necromancers feel about skeleton puns?

Give up? How do necromancers feel about skeleton puns?

Most of them think they’re humerus.

Get it? Humerus, like the bone? The bone that’s – wait, is it in your arm? Where is your humerus bone? Your humerus bone is your, it’s the one that runs from your shoulder and scapula to the elbow. So that is your humerus pun bone. [Laughs] Thank you, Bull! And thank you, Google, for reminding me where the humerus is.

On behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend, and we will see you back here next week. 

Smart Podcast, Trashy Books is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find outstanding podcasts to subscribe to at frolic.media/podcasts.

[Laughs] Humerus.

[end of awesome music]