Cover Snark: Another Day, Another Shifter Cover

Welcome back to Cover Snark!

Bearly Dated by Eliza Gayle. A big grizzly bear in the background looks longingly at the shirtless, bearded man in the foreground.

From Jen: I’m guessing he’s a bear shifter but these covers make it appear the romance is between the guy and the bear. And this bear looks unhappy with the guy.

Sarah: The bear totally saw a suspicious text message come in, and is very upset. Poor bear.

Tara: Maybe the bear’s just not that into him?

Sarah: Well they bearly dated so maybe you’re right!

Lara: That bear is thinking, ‘this clown’s version of tidying up after supper is to just put the whole pan of leftovers in the fridge. Fuck Tupperware’

Sneezy: My grandma had I think three full sized fridges and maybe a freezer, and she had never done that. Which is to say, if the bear tells on him to my grandma…

Rapture by L.V. Lane. A faceless, shirtless man with some silver armor just on one shoulder and a red cape wrapped around his neck, being blown over his other shoulder.

Elyse: It’s a bib-cape

Also something behind him is on fire.

Amanda: I’m getting barber cape vibes for sure.

Sarah: This season’s collection from Completely Impractical Armour Atelier is really something. His nipples look disappointed.

Tara: Do you think he’s shaved so clean because it makes him more aerodynamic in battle?

Once Upon a Blade by Demelza Carlton. Wow this cover model has seen some things. His eyes are WIDE OPEN. He is also shirtless. He's standing to the side but twisting to the side, making his waist look impossibly small.

From Bransler on the SBTB Patreon Discord: For your Cover Snark consideration

Elyse: Time to stop corset training my dude.

Shana: That hair looks like a cheap Halloween wig

Maya: And it looks like they put the wig on backwards

Tara: How does that teeny tiny waist hold up that big ol’ torso?

Amanda: Definitely some structural integrity issues.

Sarah: Something something more impossible beauty and body expectations mutter mutter growl.

Daddy Wolf's Fake Marriage by Serena Meadows. A white wolf howls amidst a teal forest. A shirtless man with a wolf tattoo on his pec stands in the foreground. He has cowboy hat photoshopped onto his head and it looks about two sizes too small.

From Karen: While it’s not awful-awful, I cringe and/or laugh every time I see that too-small hat perched on the model’s head.

Sarah: My kids had Toy Story dress up costumes and I would swear that’s Woody’s hat.

Karen follows up: It turns out it’s part of a series and they all suffer from hat fails.

Daddy Wolf's Second Chance. A howling wolf in a purple, glittery forest. There is another man with a wolf chest tattoo, wearing a tiny, photoshopped hat.

Daddy Wolf's Forbidden Date by Serena Meadows. A howling wolf in a gold, glittery forest. There is another man with a wolf chest tattoo, wearing a tiny, photoshopped hat.

Sarah: Is the too-small hat meant to…suggest something about his size?

Carrie: I have a Woody from Toy Story toy and take it from me, no power on this earth will make that hat stay on.

Amanda: I’m sad the hat doesn’t stay on during the shift.

Comments are Closed

  1. Silver James says:

    There is not enough coffee in the world, especially to stumble across this first thing on a Monday morning.

    That bear is like, “Dude! Seriously?!?!”

    Pouty lips are pouting because this guy didn’t get cast in “Zoolander.”

    The “blade” cover is why AI is so suspect. Just sayin’…

    As for the last three…bad Photoshop is bad. Even a noob like me knows there’s a way to resize elements in the layers. What has been seen cannot be unseen and the wolves are singing the song of their people in despair of their human halves.

  2. MelMc says:

    I’m gonna just pretend that they bought the hats while in wolf form and that is why they are too small. I shall concentrate on the image of fluffy wolves in tiny hats and not whatever is going on with these totally suspect guys.

  3. Zuzus says:

    The “Once Upon a Blade” person seems to have one manly pec and one pert female breast. Combined with the tiny waist, it’s like they’re made out of spare parts.

  4. Joy says:

    What is with the hairless chests? Do YOU find it particularly sexy? I don’t. I either wonder what skin condition results in NO HAIR or what they could be doing if they didn’t spend time plucking each hair away.

  5. Sandra says:

    Please tell me that’s not Elon Musk’s chin in the second one.

  6. LT says:

    Did no one else almost do a spit take that the model in Daddy Wolf’s Fake Marriage is a ringer for Antoni from Queer Eye? That made it all the more disconcerting to me.
    Also, the eyes on the Once Upon a Blade guy are screaming “Save me!” We can only guess it’s to be saved from the tiny torso bad wig situation.

  7. Kara says:

    Blade looks like it’s Tobey Maguire inspired, but not in a good way.

  8. Star says:

    The Blade guy’s face reminds me of someone famous that I would absolutely not associate with romance novels, but I can’t figure out whom. Help! I want to say a comedian?

    The hats, my God, the hats.

  9. Todd says:

    Mot only are the hats too small, but they seem to have a border around them, setting them off from the rest of the cover.

    Some people should have their Photoshop license revoked.

  10. EC Spurlock says:

    With all the smoke floating around Mr Rapture looks like he is emerging from a witch’s cauldron. And his cape is on sideways. Unless he just poked his head through her living room curtains when he popped out of the pot.

    And to judge by his expression Mr Blade has been holding his breath way too long for that cover photo.

  11. Kris says:

    Daddy’s wolf fake marriage guy either has a massive melon or he bought the hat in the kiddie section at Walmart.
    Actually all the hats are too small or odd looking.

  12. Jazzlet says:

    That bear has clearly Had It Up To Here with the guy’s messing around.

    I wondered if the Rapture guy with the Musk pout was upset at his totally inadequate armour and being caught with his bib on.

    Daddy Wolf’s Fake Marriage and Forbidden Doctor guys both need to work on their right arms, they look distinctly scrawny in comparison to the right arms.

  13. PamG says:

    re: Blade guy
    His waist ain’t tiny; his ass went up in flames! That explains his expression too.

  14. Barbara says:

    Does the book explain why his nipples are pointing in different directions (Once Upon a Blade)

  15. Penny says:

    I snort laughed at bearly dated… Bear deserves better than Tupperware-hating guy!

  16. Todd says:

    I saw a video of black bears chowing down on windfall apples. They seemed to really enjoy them. The downside – windfalls tend to ferment so locals would end up with a number of tipsy bears wandering the forest.

  17. Jaws says:

    Blade guy really is spare parts. Those are glass eyes (to match the cheap Halloween wig worn backwards and ass gone up in flames?).

    Or maybe he’s grown-up Chucky.

  18. TMary says:

    @Zuzus: I didn’t even notice that at first, but now I can’t unsee it! XD

    Also, how did the Photoshop on the Daddy Wolves’ tiny hats keep getting worse?

  19. denise says:

    I love how these seemed to be placed in order of the least to worst offense. ‘Cause we know they’re all a hot mess.

  20. Susan T says:

    Yes, Blade guy has a tiny waist, but notice also that his pants are WAY too big in the waist. They don’t even actually touch his body, I don’t think. They have to be awfully stiff to stay up like that. And I would imagine he would keep losing things down there—kinda like the space in the car between the seat and center console. Lotsa Cheerios and French fries.

  21. OuchOuchOuch says:

    The “Once Upon a Blade Guy” is a dead ringer for the drag queen Farrah Moan.

  22. Taylor says:

    Blade has Deschanel eyes!!!

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