Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Lisa: I feel bad nominating this cover for Cover Snark because the artwork is actually pretty good. There are no disembodied heads, intimidating nipples or concerning skin conditions. But! Why that font? Ever since I spotted it, I keep reading it as “Mated to Meh.” I cannot let that go.
Elyse: Mek is the sound I’m making looking at the cover.
Sarah: This sounds like a reddit post: “AITA for thinking my spouse is Meh?”
When Bad Fonts Happen to Otherwise Solid Covers
Elyse: Mek is like that sound cats make when they chatter at birds
Mek-mek-mek-mek-mek
Tara: Wait, that’s a K?!
Sarah: Apparently?
From Carole: Another OMG OMG what is he doing to that Bear.
Sarah: is he a member of a motorcycle gang, and are they the Very Vascular Bear Bikers, aka the VVBB?
Kiki: “Damn, that bear looks SEXY!”—this guy, probably
Sarah: Imagine the pick up lines for men trying to pick up bears – like, actual bears.
Sneezy: “Excuse me, are you a priest? Because I want to bear myself to you.”
From Elizabeth: The cover is weird, but the title is bonkers – Alien Knight Teddy Bear Troubles – WTF.
Sarah: I just hear Freud’s voice: “Tell me about your troubles, Mr. Knight Teddy Bear. Is it about your mother?”
Elyse: His tattoo looks like a shitty car decal.
Sneezy: Or cosplay paint he’s worn for so long it somehow got colonized by several generations of mold instead of flaking off.
From Shannon: It’s like Harry and the Hendersons‘ arctic cousin on the cover.
Sarah: It really is, but is he wearing an apron? Do I see a hint of furry flank?
Dear god I just said furry flank. Please excuse me.
Kiki: Based on this cover I have to assume the love story is between that snowman and the yeti, yes?
Sarah: One can only hope – but if the yeti is holding a frying pan, does that mean he’s cooking hot food for a snowman? That won’t end well?
Tara: Or is the snowman a sidekick?
Amanda: I love the modesty shorts that have been photoshopped on.
Alien Knight has blue nose bleed.
Are we not going to discuss the random frying pan the yeti is holding while out in the snowy wilderness?
Also there’s no sting/tie to his apron. Or his modesty shorts are backless and Mr. Yeti is sporting a coat rack down there.
On Alien Teddy bear whatever cover he’s trying to get intimate and she’s looking concerned at her hand touching his blue infection. “Is this contagious? Should I disinfect?” Better yet, maybe the blue stuff IS the Alien Knight and it’s trying to change hosts and that is why she looks so concerned about touching it. “Noooo! I don’t want to be a blue vinyl knight.”
I know “earth shattering”has on occasion been used as a description for good sex, but I never knew it was a real possibility as on Mated to the Meh(k) and Alien Teddy Bear Knight, I think both coouple should take cover before they get hurt by all that flying debris.
And what is that darkness to the left of the snowperson? A top hat? A cloud of impending doom?
The MC bear shifter guy has such a deep vertical indent in his abs that I can only see him as some sort of biker-shaped piggy bank.
It looks like the wild yeti is coming to kick some butt with that frying pan! And is the snowperson tipping their giant bowler hat? It looks like there is a twig arm with a sleeve cuff (?) on the edge of the picture?
What about the two very different hands that supposedly belong to the same woman on Alien Knight?
Second cover: flushed all over, wrinkled brow…that guy looks constipated. Which is definitely not sexy.
Last one: Is that yeti threatening me with a frying pan??
As I was scrolling down, I burst out laughing at my first glimpse of the My Date is a Wild Yeti cover. Hairy person. Floating shorts. A … bug zapper? Oh, of course. A frying pan.
Yeti looks like a bad mascot costume with a velcroed-on covering.
But the snowman’s expression and doffing his hat is so…”I know this cover is ridiculous. Save me.”
Glow-in-the-dark stamp-on tat. lol
not touching the phallic bear.
I saw meh before I read the captions.
They didn’t make the yeti super sexy. I’m … relieved, I think?
Hands in photos and drawings often look weird if you study them, but I suspect the alien knight actually has some weird multi-legged alien thing crawling on his shoulder. Wearing, for some reason, what looks like a wedding ring. You could argue that it’s on the wrong hand for a wedding ring, but how do we know what weird multi-legged alien things consider the proper appendage for rings?
“Mated to the Claws”: unless that’s the only 3 foot long adult grizzly in existence, it’s a good safe distance from the bozo, based on the proportions.
“Alien teddy bear…”: I think she’s trying to get the decal to stay on his chest long enough to finish the photo shoot. Also, the hand on his shoulder looks like an attempt to draw a hand by someone whose only mental picture for “hand” is one of those Buddha hand citrons.
“wild yeti”: I’m not seeing the appeal of a grumpy old fuzzball wearing a Victorian mourning apron (best guess), waving a frying pan and probably about to yell “Get off of my lawn”.
“Wild yeti” seems to imply the existence of domestic yetis. But honestly the frying pan and apron seem much more domestic than wild to me, so I think this yeti’s date (the snowman?) may be confused about the level of wildness here.
I’m trying to work out who has the weirdest expression: the Yeti or the snowman? Snowman is definitely more appealing, though!