Welcome to Cover Snark, where we examine some choices made on the covers of romance novels.
Elyse: Oh, ripple effect.
Sarah: What the hell did that nipple DO to him?
RHG: Kidnapped his puppy?
Amanda: “One night changed everything.” New title: One Night with a Nipple.
Sarah: That poor nipple, does it even know what it did?
Amanda: Any Nipple Will Do
I feel like this is a hashtag in the making – #NippleThatTitle
Sarah: A Nipple in Shining Armor
Amanda: Hate to Want Nipples
Sarah: One Night With a Nipple.
After the Nipple.
NIPPLETON’s BATTALION
RHG: It’s Hard Out There For a Nipple.
While the Nipple Was Sleeping
27 Nipples?
LADYNIPPLEE
Sarah: I bet Lady Nipple would be an asset to Nippleton’s Batallion.
RHG: Outnipple! Polnipple!
SOMEONE STOP ME
Sarah: SNORT
From Deborah: He has one large man breast and one small globular man breast, and it looks like he’s being shot through the large one!
RHG: GET A MAMMONGRAM MY DUDE
Sarah: It’s nipplepocalypse.
CarrieS: What Sarah said.
Elyse: Not even sorry for starting this.
From Carole! Thanks, Carole!
RHG: Whyyyyyyyyyyy. Artists. Please notice when this happens. STOP THE TUMORA
Sarah: Shiny nipple. Unintentional dong.
RHG: TUMORS
Sarah: Or maybe it was intentional.
Amanda: I really hope the dragon on that cover is the actual size.
CarrieS: I know we are non-judgey on this site, but please, for the sake of your own safety, please do not ask wolves for blow jobs. I respect your kink, Adrian, but this is not going to end well.
Elyse: Don’t forget the pubic fire.
From Pam G: Please note the nipple issue. (I actually mimed this for our panel attendees.) Add to this the peculiar shape of his torso, his ball position, and, most mind boggling of all, the fact that his body and head sport two entirely different complexions, obvious even in black and white.
Sarah: “Please note the nipple issue.” I am going to need a TPS report on the nipple issue by EOD today.
IT IS NIPPLETACULAR UP IN HERE YOU ALL.
RHG: I feel like he has been doing unbalanced chest presses.
Amanda: His nips look like googly eyes.
Sarah: OMG. PAGING DR NIPS. Emergency consult, Room 4, STAT
CarrieS: WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS HEAD he has clearly been decapitated and then the head stuck back on what is happening here???
Amanda: I did this for all of you.
Sarah: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
OMG. I cannot breathe
CarrieS: NO.
Either Googly Nips is very petite, or that is not a regulation futbol.
I know it’s supposed to be sweat, but the man with the tumor also looks like he’s made out of plastic. “Ken Doll skin” really isn’t a look anyone should be aiming for.
P.S.: The dragon comment immediately brought to mind the “actual size” fear demon in Buffy. Halloween is coming up; it’s a good time to find that episode again.
That wolf is giving the most disgusted side-eye I’ve ever seen. Nothing, but NOTHING, is going on, or going to go on, between Adrian and the wolf.
And the Nipple effect (there is NO other way to read that font) is what happens when you use a fast flow nipple on your 8oz bottle of hard stuff camouflagued as a baby bottle…
When I saw the one with the wolf I immediately got the Law and Order “Dun Dun!” in my head.
Because… you know… Dick Wolf?
I’ll just… see myself out.
Does anyone else see the penis head on Rogue Wolf? I cannot unsee it.
@texasriddler You beat me to it!
@texasriddler: Yup. It’s the first thing that came to mind, and it’s scary!
Adrian: Crouching nipple, unhidden penis.
Defending Hearts: Thanks, Amanda, I think the googly fried eggs are an improvement over the original. There isn’t that sense that those moobs are going in two completely different directions and possibly tearing that torso apart. Also, just want to say that the actual novel is pretty good.
Why, why am I living alone right now? And it’s still too early to call up my best guy friend on the west coast and demand he strip and pose to answer some anatomical questions for science?
1. Other than the hilariously epic font fail, I like the choice of cover art. It’s both different and evocative. Does it say romance? Hey, it say tortured guy, which apparently is enough to get me to read the blurb.
3. Put “External obliques bodybuilding” into google images. I found one which almost could have been used as the ab model for this, but I refuse to link to anything that includes “no homo” in the title. (BTW, the world of bodybuilding is very strange, but sometimes entertaining – and it’s a decent way to teach external musculo-skeletal anatomy, so we sometimes use it in anatomy lectures.)
4. …and this is what tempts me to command all of the men in my life to strip and pose. (Okay, in some cases that would be sexual harassment. My labmates are exempt, especially the Ginger Unicorn.)
So, people with boobfat or developed mammary glands are going to have some of this effect, because their nipples are resting on a pillow of flesh and can move freely when the skin is stretched by shoulder movement.*
Aside from our cover model’s other anatomical irregularities (ergh!)… I think we are meant to assume he is possessed of well developed pecs rather than boobfat. I think that pecs are mostly going to stay with the ribs when the shoulder is lifted, and the nipple is going to be far less likely to shift in position – but while I have substantial pecs, I do not have guy nipples. It also strikes me that while this guy has lifted his arm, he hasn’t really lifted his shoulder or stretched his arm up all that much, which would most increase the chance of nipple-liftage.
Hm… (goes back to the body builders) Then again, for a counter example, there is this: https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-de0c417216eee23e1e328ed77238d602.webp
* Of course, the same boob fat and mammary glands make boobs likely to be mismatched and irregular.
I think the One Night That Changed Everything in The Nipple Effect changed his hair. He has the look of a man the morning after who is really, really regretting his haircut of the night before. Perhaps he only agreed to the cut because the stylist had big boobs with prominent nipples: was that the Nipple Effect?
I think it’s supposed to be sexy how Adrian is pulling his pants down a little, but it really looks more like a “does this mole look weird?” move.
The Nipple Effect evidently caused a freakin’ tidal wave that not only soaked him but slammed him into the wall. He still looks rather dazed.
Meanwhile #2 should be titled The World is my Nipple.
That wolf is looking askance at the size of Adrian’s Unintentional Peen and thinking better of this assignation. The dragon is already fleeing in terror.
Amanda, god bless your crafting skills. It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office right now because I am laughing so hard all the guys would have wanted to know what was going on and I would be in big trouble.
So did they do a really bad blue ombré on that last one, or did the printer run out of color ink, or did they actually get one unfortunate cover model to pose for the body and Photoshop a new head on (badly and without regard to that whole ‘skintone’ thing) as well as… whatever was done to that nipple?
Well, now that I know it was the ripple effect, not the nipple effect …. He is recovering in the office gym shower after a night of drinking his Grandpa’s Ripple wine. Do they even make that stuff anymore?
I am concerned about the breast health of the Rogue Wolf cover dude. If there isn’t something growing in him, those tiny war planes are gonna get him!
The wolf on the Adrian cover is thinking “If I look in the distance, maybe he won’t ask me to help him wax.” Adrian had already asked the fleeing dragon for help. I don’t want to know how much Adrian spends on his manly beauty, BTW.
The googly eyes are exactly what that Defending Hearts cover needed.
BAD Amanda! Bad! No biscuits for you!
I thought at first that Adrian was holding a second, tiny, flame-breathing dragon in front of his hip, which seemed like a bad idea. I couldn’t figure out why everyone was referring to only one dragon. But I guess that’s supposed to be his pants, or a towel around his waist?
Thank you. I needed this. And I can think of a few other people who need it and are going to get it as well, whether they want it or not.
The Nipple Effect evidently caused a freakin’ tidal wave that not only soaked him but slammed him into the wall.
Yes, even if there hadn’t been that regrettable Font Malfunction, we’d be snarking it on the grounds of “That was no ripple, that was a tsunami!”
I cannot unsee this now. But Rogue Wolf has a giant penis head as his chest.
Right when I got to the googly eyes and almost spit my coffee all over my computer screen, up popped a gmail notification with a NaNoWriMo email: “Live your best writing life!”
Oh I am, NaNoWriMo. I AM.
The Nipple Effect: may cause drowsiness. Consult cleavage before applying.