Cover Snark: That’s No Moon!

Happy Monday! I think we all need some Cover Snark right about now, don’t you?

Jade by Norah Hess. A shirtless man and a woman whose dress is falling off are embracing. There is a very large horse head hovering above them.

From Meg: “Solid cover snark contender:”

RHG: WOW

Sarah: That horse has Seen Things.

RHG: Thank god for KU.

Sarah: Lord above. or, Horse above.

Amanda: I never thought a horse could look so disappointed and ashamed.

 

Hunted by the Stag King by Tallia Ravejoy. A naked woman whose bits are hidden by branches. Some photoshopping has removed a leg and half her face. Behind her is a shadowy man with antlers and a sunburn.

Sarah: So he’s horny.

Amanda: She’s missing half her body and the stag king is severely sunburned and missing a face.

Also…this is currently shelved as BUSINESS on Goodreads.

RHG: Also she’s gonna get splinters in her boobs.

Carrie: Honey if you walk around the woods like that you are gonna get poison ivy something fierce

RHG: Also ticks.

Carrie: The stag king seems to be flayed alive. BORED NOW.

Also mosquito bites.

RHG: Chiggers.

Carrie: This is a matter of strategy, not body shaming. The forest is a terrible place for nudity.

RHG: Yup.

Carrie: But points for that very strategic branch.

 

Alien Savior by Sadie Carter. A headless, shirtless dude in space. Where his junk should be is a black, electrified hole. Stay away.

Sarah: A gift to us from Reader Qualisign.

Amanda: That looks like a space butthole.

Carrie: His belly button is a space portal.

RHG: His nipples look like eyes.

Sarah: A boner so big it split a planet? That’s a little bit of wishful thinking, right?

Maybe that’s supposed to be a moon?

THAT IS NO MOON. IT’S A SPACE BONER.

Elyse: Quick, where’s the exhaust vent leading to the reactor core!?

 

Returned by Samantha Stone. Whoa buddy. There's a ballerina looking sad. There's a wolf and a full moon hovering in the sky. And there's a dude with a possible mullet, sticking his hand down his pants.

From Carole: So he’s sort of in BLISSssss mode – whatever do you think he’s doing???

Sarah: I think that poor lady and the wolf are entirely superfluous to this moment.

Elyse: I think the “tear drop” in the corner tells us everything we need to know

RHG: That is the look of a man who has taken the greatest piss of his life.

Elyse: Like when you’ve been in the car forever and you have to pee so bad your lower back hurts

RHG: Yup.

There is a line in The Tokaido Road where the heroine has disguised herself as a dude, and in order to buy herself a few minutes to scope the area for her escape, she fakes peeing with a wine skin.

And she is described as “having the expression of a man who has discovered yet again that pissing was a soul-satisfying act.”

Carrie: She looks a bit left out.

Amanda: This book apparently has everything. Ballerinas. Wolves. “Watersports.”

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    M & M says:

    cover one:

    Horny Hero: come on, babe. No one is watching, just lift up your skirt..

    Heroine: I can’t…the horse is watching!

    Horny Hero: Hey! Pegasus! Shut your eyes for like two minutes…No, make it three. Thanks, buddy!

    Horse: F*** my life!

    Cover 4:

    Hero: Hey, wanna see a fierce creature? It’s in my pants! *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*

    Heroine and wolf simultaneously: F*** my life!

  2. 2
    Jillian Boyd says:

    That is one giant horse right there.

  3. 3
    LauraL says:

    Giant horse and elfin folk. Sarah is right, that horse has Seen Things.

    The ballerina and the wolf look a bit disappointed in the Returned cover boy’s manners. What will he do next? Forget to wash his hands?

  4. 4
    Ju says:

    That branch covering her breasts seems to be slightly possessive? I shall not let thee look at these nipples!

  5. 5
    Mary says:

    Yep, yep, confirmation that reverse-centaurs are not sexy.

  6. 6
    MissB2U says:

    Chiggers. I’ll admit it, that one did me in!

  7. 7
    Rebecca says:

    Most professional ballerinas nowadays are flexible enough that their knees are on the floor when they cross their legs. The way the girl in the picture is holding her ankles with her knees so high suggests she’s desperately trying to avoid a spreading pool of liquid of some sort. Perhaps the bliss of peeing has made him careless about aim?

    I am intrigued about which one of them cloud-wolf is interested in though.

  8. 8

    Is it wrong that I found the dude’s mega-brow one of the more bothersome things on that last cover?
    Also, despite the post-jizz/piss/take your pick-bliss face, I’m thinking cro-magnon brow boy is naked and well, he’s just trying to keep the boys warm, ya know?

  9. 9
    EC Spurlock says:

    That is one hell of a big horse. Are they in Troy?

    Alas, the Alien Savior made the mistake of flushing the starship toilet while he was still sitting on it and promptly got sucked into the Black Hole of Waste. Clearly he does not have Jizz Bliss.

    And if Ms Ballerina purchased that guy with certain expectations, I’d return him too. “Excuse me, I’d like to exchange this please? It’s not working the way it says on the box…”

  10. 10
    Christine says:

    Yes, my first thought about the last cover was that he clearly doesn’t need either the wolf or the girl, and they’re pretty embarrassed at his behavior. “Seriously, dude, we can’t take you anywhere. Put it away!”

  11. 11
    Gloriamarie says:

    #1: Why aren’t they scared of the gigantic horse?

    #2: Does anyone else think her belly button is impossibly high and that she then only has one leg like a Monopod from Voyage of the Dawn Treader?

    #3: Which one is the wolf? I’m thinking it’s the woman because she and the wolf seem to have the same expression of revulsion at the man.

  12. 12

    I’m inclined to think the Alien Savior one shows the pupil of a giant space eyeball.

    Also, as for Returned – the woman is thinking “Hmm…how much will the spy agency give me if I use this dude’s love of golden showers for blackmail?”

  13. 13
    Abbey (aelily) says:

    What is going on with the left side of the Stag King cover? She’s wearing a bracelet of leaves, which she is holding strategically in front what part of him? And then where is the other half of her pelvis? Does the Stag King’s branch hand covering her breasts make half of her body transparent? What kind of power is that? Seems to have very limited uses.

  14. 14
    Louise says:

    Is it just me or … do those look like giant horsey-sized teardrops running down his muzzle in cover #1?

    Cast your vote! Is the horse male or female? I think it’s male. And I think it’s the woman’s horse, and he/she/it is jealous.

  15. 15
    Cristie says:

    Umm there’s something peeking out of the hole on that Alien Savior cover.

  16. 16
    Darlynne says:

    That poor horse. I’m calling the Humane Society as soon as I stop typing. My congressman will appreciate having my red hot focus diverted away from him for those few minutes.

  17. 17

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