Thanks to the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, Texans can have their sex toys back. Hooray!
So – a Smart Bitch Contest ahoy! Name that Texas Vibrator! (Doesn’t that sound almost like a Harlequin Presents title?)
Post your entry in the comments. Vote for your favorite, again, in the comments.
Winner shall receive: An Actual Vibrator!
Thanks to Teddy Pig, I have hidden in my china cabinet (no, that’s not a euphemism) a genuine, bonafide adorably pink Hello Kitty “personal massager.”
Whosoever posts the best name for a Texas Vibrator as voted on by the Bitchery shall win their very own “personal massager” – and you can interpret the terms “Texas” and “Vibrator” however you want. If you mention biscuit-lovin’ cowboys, more power to you – hmmmm hah!
I will ship just about anywhere, except the Mir space station (sorry, floating folks), so get creative, no matter where you’re located. Entries and voting begin now, and comments and voting will close tomorrow at 8am Eastern time.
Ready, set, go!
The Texas Long Horn
Because EVERYTHING’S bigger in Texas!!
The Yellin’ Rose… with optional Buckin’ Bronco attachment!
Aw, heck with it. I’ll just post up what popped into my head first…
“Thuh Texas Tornado” – sure does twirl things up some! N’ can be a real devil for busting up m’home, when the husband finds it.
Meh, maybe not?
My second thought was based on general red-nekkidness,
“The Good Ol’ Boy”
Tah, ladies! Looking forward to some hilarity! Bring it on!
Cuz I love me some westerns, I’m going with:
The Ride ‘Em Cowgirl
YeeHaw!
The Tumbleweed Tangler
So help me gawd, I just couldn’t think of anything else after it popped into my head. Angels ‘o mercy, don’t smote me now.
“The Buckaroo”
“The Stampeder”
I’m not so great on the names, but I came up with a couple of catchphrases I liked:
“This will make you forget the Alamo!”
“For the nights when you’re a Lone Star!”
The Texas Poker: You can hold her and squeeze her and call her your own.
Since it’s the official Texas Stone as voted by the Legislature in 1969…
The Texas Petrified Palmwood.
I thought of this one first:
“The Strapping Texan”
It has interesting associations.
Then up popped this one:
“The Turgid Texan”
I guess I like alliteration.
“I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults.” – Molly Ivins
Between the Palmwood and “For the nights when you’re a Lone Star!” I’m going to have abs of steel from all my laughing.
“Top Drive Drillin’ Rig—Buck Up and Strike Yourself a Wildcat Gusher!”
Southern Comfort?
The Lone Pussy—Take her on for the ride of your life!
(okay, so I suck at these things—sue me!)
spamfoiler: try92—no, not even 92 tries would improve my efforts.
Let’s just call it, “The Alamo…for a night you’ll never forget!”
“Top Drive Drillin’ Rig—Buck Up and Strike Yourself a Wildcat Gusher!â€
can’t…
breathe…
laughing…
Figure I try though I am not all that familiar with Texas lol
For shits and giggles:
Big Booty Thumper
also….
Starry Bullrider (couldn’t resist)
and….
Buckin’ Harder Vib
Also as a oxymoron,
Little Riding Bull Vibrator (what? Size doesn’t really matter much as long as you get off…)
Okay I’ll stop.
Cheers!
The Yee Hah Hoo Hah Happy Hoedown Handheld
The Wild Buck-her-Roo
The Sweet Little Fill-ee
The Big As Tex-ass anal vibe
Wow…this is fun. I’ll keep thinking….
The Whistlin’ Dixie – Because you know you love life south of the Mason-Dixon!
The Texas Blue Bullet?
No, wait!
The Bronco Buzz-ter!
“Saddle up for the ride of your life – and try to last eight seconds!”
(Okay, maybe not.)
Don’t Sex With Texas
The Best Bull
The Brahma Bull
Supper Before Grace
The Big Dog (as in, “Running with the big dogs”)
The Yippie-Kay-Yay
How about the “No Delay” Sorry, couldn’t resist political humor.
Ride n fly?
Longhorn-y personal massager?
ROFL – Hard to think when you’re laughing this hard…
How about:
Big Tex
The Lone Ranger
Cowboy UP
The Wild Wild Western
LMAO – This is fun
The Saddle Horn…just get a grip and ride it out!
It will be hard to top the Long Horn but here goes:
The Amar-dildo
The CowPoke
🙂
The Long, Tall Texan—for the woman who likes her biscuits buttered.
How about the Rooter Tooter? On second thought, that sounds like something you’d clean your drain with…
The Full Metal Jacket – For both steers and queers!
(I’ve been trying like hell to make something work with “The Yellow Rose of Texas” but I just can’t do it. So I hand it off to better minds than me.)
So far I’ve got:
The Texarkana Tickler
The Jackrabbit
The Panhandler
And my personal favorite,
The Prairie Home Companion
Cowboy UP—love it! I don’t have any Texas-oriented suggestions, but when I saw the prize all I could think of was Hello Clitty…
How about:
‘The Best Little Dildo in Texas’
Naturally only sold at ‘The Best little Whore House in Texas’.
No? ok, let me see…how about naming it after an actual city in Texas somthing like:
Enis, the Penis
Your ‘personal massager’ for a realistic feel of Texas.
ok – that is all I got.
Do I want to know why Teddy Pig had a Hello Kitty vibrator and why he sent it to you?
There’s something so…wrong and yet so cute about that vibrator.
The Everything’s Bigger in Texas Extra Longhorn
Ok, wait…how did I miss that first comment up there?
It feels like such a Monday to me 🙁
The BlueBonnet Buzzer (lupine-shaped for her pleasure!).
The Pink Dome, in honor of our state capital building.
To accompany the above-mentioned Long Horn, the Twelfth Man vibrator, in maroon of course.
The Molly Ivins Memorial Vibrator.
(I want to make a joke about the Wild De-Flower Center, but the ghost of Lady Bird Johnson is going to kick my butt just for thinking that.)
Let’s see…
Bum Steer Anal Vibe (we have The Bum Steer awards here in Texas for football)
The Rattler
The Blue Bonnet cock ring
The Bush Whacker personal shaver
The Down South Padre
Dr. Pecker (since Texas is the birthplace of Dr. Pepper)
The Big Tex (after Big Tex himself, of course)
The Blue Bullet
All I can think of is Texas Red chili, which actually makes me kind of…uncomfortable to think about in conjunction with delicate lady bits! I do like the oil well ideas, though, so I’ll have to come up with something…..
Actually, you could just call it The Texas Pumpjack (a type of oil rig.) That sounds vaguely appropriate. Drive the piston pump into the borehole. Heh, heh, heh.
Ok, that was lame. I’ll go away and think some more.
Oh man, oil talk made me think of
The Big Rig
LMAO at the names coming up here
😉
You guys are making me snort-laugh!
And DianeN: Hello Clitty? What are you trying to do to me?
“Roughneck Roundup”
“Texas Red Hot”
In honor of JFK, may I suggest:
The Magic Bullet
When you no longer have a dancing partner to do the “Boot Scoot Boogie” you need to check out the “Butt Scooch Buddy.”