Jan Oda sent me this cover, and all the possible jokes ran to the front of my brain and pushed each other like the doors just opened at Target and everything was 65% off.I'm not sure if there's been a better candidate for “Caption That Cover” – well, of course there have, but not this week!
I mean, from jokes about munching carpet to whether the rug matches the drapes to what REALLY goes on in NJ, there's no shortage (heh) of opportunities here. So here we go! It's Caption That Cover time!
Leave your caption in the comments, and I'll pick the best one. The champion captioner will win a $25 gift certificate to the bookstore of his or her choosing.
Standard disclaimers apply. I'm not being compensated for this giveaway. Void where prohibited. Open to those 18 years of age and older. Slippery When Wet. You Give Love a Bad Name. Janie, Don't Take Your Love to Town. We Gotta Get out of This Place.
You've got 24 hours – and feel free to use that “like” button to signal which comments you think ought to win.
Ready, set, caption that giant rug!
“Dude, why are you wiping off your spooge with my PRICELESS TWELFTH CENTURY TAPESTRY?!”
No caption here but oddly this is the second cover I’ve seen this week from EC where there’s been some sort of phallus-like object very near to the cover models crotch area. And both are HUGE.
Here’s the link to the second, and I kid you not, it’s an honest to goodness log. Yes, I giggled when I typed that.
http://www.jasminejade.com/p-9…
wait what do you mean “self adhesive”?
From Steppenwolf,
Well, you don’t know what
We can find
Why don’t you come with me little girl
On a magic carpet ride
“When an ordinary gym sock won’t do…”
“Since you’ve come home early, now you know the real reason why my favorite album is “Tapestry” by Carole King”
hmmm….. As a hobby weaver, I’ve all sorts of ideas that only I would find funny. Also, wouldn’t using that carpet to clean up after sex be a bit scratchy?
After unintentionally weaving his pubic hair into the carpet, Lloyd decided that weaving in the buff was a bad idea.
/aside: what is the dude doing in the shadows up there?
I think Beau Brummel would recommend a Mathematical or Waterfall.
From a distance it looked a lot like this cane my husband got a few years back:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Cane-m…
After Cleopatra smuggled herself into his palace rolled in a carpet, Antony wanted to return the favor. Unfortunately the rug he chose wasn’t quite large enough…
How do you tie the damn kilt on?!
or
After being injured during a terrible misunderstanding with his tattoo artist, Byron liked to drape himself with matching scarves waiting for the right man to uncover the root of his problems.
Mom was getting increasingly suspicious of all the dirty socks….
I ALWAYS wear fruit of the loom.
Uh, maybe it’s my crappy screen, but what I see is … a nekkid man playing air guitar with a tattooed alligator.
Okay, one more (and it’s all Maya’s fault—see comment 29)
It’s 42 and a towel, not 8 and a rug
You can leave you rug on…
(Apologies to Randy Newman)
Roll back the rug
Pile driver
May I warp your weft?
Yes, Madam; this is top quality shag…
At Randy’s Rug Emporium, we’re all about the warp!
“When I told you to mount the tapestry… this isn’t what I meant.”
“It’s a well hung tapestry.”
Forget tapestry…tap this!
Lay down the tapestry and get laid! Sheer genius!
With a groan, Biff stared at the boy he’d been dreaming about since that crazy game of touch football senior year. “I said Turkish baths, Rafe, not Turkish rugs!”
“Wow! That’s totally not what I expected. When you said you were wearing a rug, I was picturing a toupee.”
He realized too late that the lady of the tapestry wasn’t interested in him, that was just a moth hole.
“I know a tapestry paper towel is a bit much, but we’re hoping to compete with Quilted Northern.”
“Crewel Passion”
For most of his life, Harold thought his luxurious, multicolored pubic hair was something to be ashamed of. Certainly it had stunted his love life, as he allowed no woman to see his disfigurement. Finally, he could stand it no more – he went in search of a prostitute to slake his thirsts, damn the consequences! Who could have known she was also a knitter of extraordinary talent?…
I’ll take a yard. Oh, and I’ll have some of the fabric, too.
6’3’‘, 185 lbs, 14 inches, 1000 thread count.
I was trying to come up with something about the Bayeux Tapestry and unicorns but the joke potential is too high for my meager talents!
I wonder if I could try this folding technique on those damned fitted sheets?
I hooted so loud at this one, it scared the cats!
What he had done to the carpet redefined the term “doggie style.”
or
Kitten finally found the purr-fect scratching post.
“I said I wanted a shag rug, not a shagged rug!”
You see an alligator, I saw the disembodied limbs of a tattooed woman.
So pretty! I really must stop buying my towel racks at IKEA.
I thought it was a tortoise or something reptilian as well.
That rug really pulled the room together.
OMG! the person who chose the cover was really really drunk at the time. He seems to be petting the rug or something else? mmm……. ROFL
Marcus was renowned the world over for his beautiful hand reproduction of Medieval tapestries. Many coveted his secrets and begged for apprenticeship, but Marcus would only say that his secret lay in the way he loved every single tapestry.