For all of you unaffiliated Jews out there reading the Smart Bitches, I’d like to invite you to join my synagogue, here in Jersey. Sure, it might be a commute to High Holiday services next month if you’re, say, in Kansas, but it’ll be worth it.
Because I just got an email from the synagogue office advertising the “FIRST ANNUAL HONEY POT FUNDRAISER!”
Now, in all seriousness, they’re sending out pots of honey and bags of apples for Rosh Hashanah, because those are the traditional foods of the Jewish New Year (along with round foods, like round bread and, in my case, cupcakes).
But in the mind of a Smart Bitch, I start thinking of erupting man volcanoes, salmon headed upstream, and pendulous orbs ejaculating hallelujahs, particularly when I read this phrase: “You can wish your friends, family and the entire community a Sweet New Year by sending them a honey pot!”
The men will be thrilled.