You Sexy Thing involves characters, settings, themes and tropes that are pure catnip for me. One of these themes is cooking. I have therefore translated the book into a recipe so as best to convey its nature.

Before we begin the recipe, here’s a quick overview. You Sexy Thing is the space opera tale of a group of both military veterans and civilians who run a restaurant on a space station and who find themselves, for plot reasons, in a bio-ship (named You Sexy Thing) that is auto-programmed to take them to a prison planet for theft (so much plot, you guys). The group, along with a princess who is delivered to them in stasis in a mysterious crate for unknown reasons, finds themselves trying to avoid prison and pirates.

Meanwhile, the group’s leader, Niko, struggles with her desperation to finally rescue a long lost love from a sadistic pirate, and the princess, Atlanta, is woken from stasis and struggles to determine why she was sent to this group in the first place and how life functions beyond the sheltered palace of her upbringing. It’s difficult to sum up without major spoilers because just when you think you know what the story is about it becomes a different story altogether. You just have to trust the ride.

Ingredients:

1. A military leader with a mysterious past
2. A haunted gourmet restaurant on a space station
3. A chef with four arms
4. A receptionist with tentacles
5. An assistant chef who is a chimpanzee
6. A pastry chef who is, apparently, more or less a swan
7. Twin playful but deadly “magic-resistant were-lions”
8. An unreliable reptilian prophet
9. Inter-galactic politics
10. A food critic
11. A bio-ship who enjoys experiencing and cataloging new emotions
12. A lost princess
13. Pirates
14. Tragic romance
15. Found family
16. humor, angst, action, bonding
17. Sequel-bait

TW: torture (but not sexual violence), loss of a close family member

Instructions:

Assume that Ingredients #1- 8 are already mixed. Begin cooking on low heat. Abruptly throw in Ingredients #9 – 12, raise heat briefly, return to low while elements mingle, and then raise heat again. Some ingredients may transform considerably during the process. Remove from oven.

Set aside ample time to complete the following, as you will want uninterrupted time to complete the steps:

While still hot, add Ingredients #13 – 14 and blend at varying speeds. Due to heat of ingredients during this stage unpredictable explosions of varying lengths may occur. Season with “dread threaded through with an ugly anticipation.”

Remove from blender and set on stovetop. Stir constantly, while adding tears of grief, regret, and victory.

Add a generous dollop of found family and garnish with equal servings of humor, angst, action, and bonding. As a final touch, add a pinch of sequel-bait. Enjoy.

Metaphor-Free Results:

This book consists of several very different plotlines that work together surprisingly well. Each bit adds to the richness of the next, but they are a little disjointed because as soon as you get used to one kind of story you suddenly find yourself in another. The characters are not terribly complex, but they are engaging and fun to follow and all of them get a moment to shine although some are more central characters than others.

There is loss and grief in this story, too. One loss is resolved too easily, while another seems to exist for no reason other than to upset me. I felt that this death was far too horrible, and its consequences far too sad, for a book that was otherwise a fun story with enough angst to be interesting and not so much angst as to be depressing. The one time I thought the book faltered tonally was in this character’s demise.

While all the plot threads are at least somewhat wrapped up, the story is clearly primed for a sequel. This leaves the ending a little bit fuzzy and weirdly paced. Thankfully it doesn’t end on a full cliffhanger.

For the most part, I adored this book, although the above-mentioned death left a bitter aftertaste. This book combines a lot of dialogue with action and intrigue, and left me invested, curious, and interested at all turns. I have so many questions about what is going to happen with all these people!!

I recommend this for fans of Farscape, Firefly, complicated relationships,and cooking shows. If found family and food are your thing, you will like this book, although please be aware that the lighthearted tone takes a temporary swivel into scary and sad when the pirates get involved. The worst part about the book is that I want so badly to know what happens next.