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Genre: Science Fiction/Fantasy
Space Opera is not a book to read all at once. It is a book to savor. You should read one chapter at a time and bask in the afterglow. I have a chronic illness that causes me to spend a lot of time in the bathroom, so when I say that this was a perfect, incandescent, practically glowing bathroom book, I mean it, unironically, as the highest praise. If it can punctuate the last week I had with moments of glitter, light, and delight, then this book can do anything. But I would no sooner advise you to read it in one go than I’d advise you to chug an entire bottle of straight absinthe. At least, not if you are planning to operate heavy machinery.
The set up for the plot, such as it is, is that after the conclusion of a terrible series of wars, intergalactic species agreed to come together periodically for a musical contest: the Metagalactic Grand Prix. All space-faring species must participate. Since the Wars, the various surviving races have determined that once a species has become space-faring, they must be evaluated for a level of sentience that suggests that they might not be irredeemably awful. The only way to prove this to the intergalactic community is by playing in the Metagalactic Grand Prix and not coming in last:
The only question is this:
Do you have enough empathy and yearning and desperation to connect to others outside yourself and scream into the void in four-part harmony? Enough brainpower and fine motor control and aesthetic ideation to look at feathers and stones and stuff that comes out of a worm’s more unpleasant holes and see gowns, veils, platform heels? Enough sheer style and excess energy to do something that provides no direct, material benefit to your personal survival, that might even mark you out from the pack as shiny, glittery prey, to do it for no other reason than that it rocks?
Are you kind enough, on your little planet, not to shut that rhythm down? Not to crush underfoot the singers of songs and tellers of tales and wearers of silk? Because it’s monsters who do that. Who extinguish art. Who burn books. Who ban music. Who yell at anyone with ears to turn off that racket. Who cannot see outside themselves clearly enough to sing their truth to the heavens. Do you have enough goodness in your world to let the music play?
Do you have soul?
It’s intergalactic Eurovision, you guys! Which means now I know about Eurovision!
Why didn’t anyone tell me about Eurovision before? Have I no friends? If you don’t know about Eurovision, please make haste to YouTube. Eurovision acts thrive on glitz and glamour and ridiculousness.
I’m so happy, you guys. It’s really hard to write to write this review because I have to watch so many videos, you know, for research. I take my job SERIOUSLY, OK? I watched “Rise Like a Phoenix” three times FOR YOU. I watched the Babushkas from Russia because of my WORK ETHIC because that’s the kind of person I am!
Should Earth come in last, humans will be summarily wiped from existence. The stakes are high. To the confusion of everyone, including Decibel Jones, the aliens insist that Decibel Jones and the Absolute Zeroes represent Earth. Decibel Jones and the Absolute Zeros used to be hot shit but now the drummer, Mira, is dead and the keyboardist, Oort, is a single dad living in the suburbs. Decibel Jones himself (the lead singer) spends most of his time passed out. Is all lost? It does not look good for Earth, since not only is the band very much not back together but also, as Decibel puts it:
As far as quality housemates to be found on Planet Earth, it goes: dolphins, elephants, orangutans, octopi, then every single spider, then Joan of Arc, the Dalai Lama, Mr. Rogers, Freddie Mercury, my nan, all the scorpions, German measles, a dented recycling bin, and then maybe some of the rest of us.
There isn’t a lot of plot in this book, which, to be clear, is not a romance. It turns out that assassinating one’s competitors is allowed, so that livens things up. Mostly, it’s a string of wonderful quotes about the music of various species, and about fashion, and family, and friendships made and broken as Decibel and Oort and Oort’s cat go to a distant planet and get ready to rock, so to speak, while they suffer horrifying writer’s block.
This is a love it or hate it book, highly reminiscent of Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) if you put it in a blender with a lot of late 1970’s Rolling Stone Issues and a pinch of LSD and served it in a pint glass with glitter sprinkled all over the top. Either that description intrigues you or the threat of that much whimsy causes you to flee for the hills. It’s really all atmosphere and not that much story – they find out they have to perform, they go to the place, and either they show up at the mega-concert and save Earth or they don’t. I must not say.
As it happens, I loved the book and would gleefully quote it all day. It made me feel happy and bubbly. It celebrated art of all kinds, even (possibly especially) shitty art. It made me feel hopeful and it made me laugh, and I love the message with which it begins and ends:
Life is beautiful and life is stupid. As long as you keep that in mind, and never give more weight to one than the other, the history of the galaxy, the history of a planet, the history of a person is a simple tune with lyrics flashed on-screen and a helpful, friendly bouncing disco ball of glittering, occasionally peaceful light to help you follow along. Cue the music. Cue the dancers. Cue tomorrow.
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I’ve been putting off reading this since, based on the description, I wasn’t sure if I’d love it or hate it. Hitchhiker’s Guide (and Monty Python) humor works best with me in smaller-sized doses.
Eurovision, though? We might never have had ABBA without Eurovision. Gasp! Eurovision is a perpetual gift. Preferably with Graham Norton’s commentary. Or, sometimes, skip the performances and just enjoy the snarktastic commentary. There may not be actual blood shed, but the political maneuverings and verbal sniping are both serious and priceless.
Maybe I need to go ahead and stick my toe in for a bit of cheering up.
Living in Europe I don’t know life without Eurovision as it’s just always been there in all its glitzy glory. I’ve introduced the show to several people from outside Europe (and Australia, but let’s not open that can if worms) and it’s so funny to see their reactions.
Eurovision parties are the best, especially when there’s a mix of nationalities present.
It’s a love it or hate it event and since I’m clearly on the love side of things I’m definitely going to give this book a try because Eurovision in Space sounds fantastically wonderful.
@Susan: yes, Graham Norton commentary is The Best!
The whimsy is a bit much at first but so worth sticking with it. Excellent review Carrie!
I don’t get it — whatever planet comes in last is wiped out of existence? Someone always has to come in last — that doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy to live. If Queen and Bowie are up against each other, one wins and one loses — does that mean one is evil? I wouldn’t be able to tolerate this book because the premise is so screamingly wrongheaded. It’s like the preposterous forced ranking where the bottom performers at a workplace are fired each year, even if they are perfect for their jobs. Even thinking about this is getting me all worked up with fury!
@HeatherT: the penalty for coming in last applies only to new applicants. Most of the participants are established planets; they will not be wiped out just for losing the competition.
I loved this. It was hilarious in spots and, actually, rather touching in others. But it needs to be taken in small doses.
Also – the Babushkas (from 2012) came in SECOND. They used their winnings for a church reconstruction project.
Thank you for the clarification S, but I still wouldn’t be able to enjoy this book. I’ve been angry all morning just thinking about the review! The fact that the newbie is new makes it all the more unfair.
Yeah, that makes sense, HeatherT! Either it strikes you the right way or it doesn’t, and the latter is a totally reasonable reaction.
Babushkas made my day! Singing dancing happy grannies! The world needs that kind of energy and joy.
You had me at intergalactic Eurovision.
This reminds me SO strongly of Walter Jon Williams’ “Drake Maijstraal” series. In that series, Earth is also part of an intergalactic federation. They are also not the dominant species. And in the third book, there is an intergalactic Elvis impersonator contest. (Elvis impersonators are viewed as Earth’s one great contribution to galactic culture.) HeatherT, you might enjoy this more because it hits similar themes but there’s less death involved.
If that piques anyone’s interest, a little more info: in this universe there is a career called Allowed Burglary. You’re only allowed to steal from people who can afford it, and you need to not be caught and also to keep the object for a certain amount of time in order to “win.” Allowed Burglars are celebrities. The hero of the series is excellent at the job. He’s got an assistant/butler in the Jeeves/Alfred mold, and a legally dead father who annoys him from beyond the grave. It’s loaded with capers and hijinks. It reminded me a lot of the Jeeves and Wooster books, the difference being that the Bertie analogue is actually competent.
I hope this doesn’t count as a thread hijacking! It’s one of those beloved old series that I wish more people had read.
I instabought this book when it came out based on the description alone because damn, I love Eurovision. The voice is so important part of Valente’s books and it sadly just didn’t click for me. So I didn’t finish. But I could give this book a second chance.
If you want to see a whacky fairly recent Eurovision winning song, check out Lordi’s Hard Rock Hallelujah. It’s heavy rock with monster masks. The first time Finland has ever won the contest.
I’m gonna read this so – it sounds like so much fun!
I really wanted to love this book and I was so excited to read it because I love SF and I love Eurovision and… well, I don’t know if the last 90% of it was any good because I DNF’d at about 10%. Nothing happened. No characters, no dialogue, no plot. Just a lot of clever witticisms about art. I can be patient with a slow starter, but this sapped it all out of me. A great idea… shame about the book.
I was reading the whole thing on the “wearers of silk” and was totally thinking Eurovision and then it actually came up!
Oh Carrie, you totally should watch the “Love Love Peace Peace” song Sweden made the last time they hosted. “Dancing lasha Tumbai” was another WTF act that reached number two. And then there’s “It’s my life” from Cezar (Romania, 2013 I think) which is the act two friends declared “too gay” after they’d complained Magic Mike had too little skin.
Yes, I adore it, the more over the top the better, and I rather prefer when Russia and Ukraine duke it out on the ESC stage instead of invading/resisting. Though, one of these days, Spain might hit the Top Ten (They’ve sent good songs, but nobody votes for them)
And yes, I will totally read the hell out of this book. If it turns out I don’t like it, I’ll end up writing my own version of ESC: Space Edition!
I get Russia, Romania, and Spain participating in Eurovision.
Um… why is Australia in there? Did the continent move when I wasn’t looking?
Australia is there because we are FAAAAABULOUS. ANd blame the lovely Catherine Heloise for introducing us to it.
More seriously, “A common misconception is that Eurovision participants have to be from Europe. However, that’s not true, any full EBU member is eligible for participation.Furthermore, associate members are eligible for participation since Eurovision 2017, as long as the Eurovision Reference Group approves it (on a case by case basis). As of 2019, Australia is the only associate member to have participated. ”
Oh yes. And the Russian Grannies wus ROBBED!
There is a YouTube video of the top 10 Eurovision WTF acts (including the heavy metal winners from Finland). The Babushkas are there as well.
Eurovision is just inexplicable. And if eyebrows are raised at Australia’s participation, what about 2019 host country Israel? Not generally accepted as continental Europe but that’s Eurovision logic for you.
Eurovision is just inexplicable.
I adore the fact that Eurovision winners who are remembered outside their home country for longer than a week after the contest … can be counted on the thumbs of one hand.
Yes, hello, late to the party. But do yourself a favor and listen to the audiobook (if you’re an audiobook person) because it is GLORIOUS. It is narrated by Heath Miller, aka Mr Valente, and words fail me. So good!
ALSO DID YOU KNOW THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL?!?! Called Space Oddity, out spring 2021. *waits*
I have this book and have not read it yet because I actually have about 60 books I haven’t read yet. But as it happens I am so deep in writing that I can’t focus on anybody else’s plot so this might be the perfect thing for me. The quotes above certainly work.
I’ve started this and am reading it slowly. But if you haven’t seen it, you need to check out Cesar from Romania, It’s My Life. The operatic dubstep countertenor Transylvanian vampire with nude bodysuit dancers, pyrotechnics, billowing parachute material and wind machines, key changes and a rising stage (covered by his magnificent vampire cape). That is what Eurovision is all about. The world was ROBBED because he didn’t win – we could have had the following year set in a Transylvanian castle dammit.
Eurovision parties are an Australian tradition, I’m hosting it this year. We also have a Facebook snark group which is most awesome.