Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From MegCat: I didn’t know “Liar, liar, pants on fire” was quite this literal.
Sarah: Poor person. EVERYONE can see when an air biscuit hath been floated.
Poor Emma, engulfed in fart.
Elyse: Okay but where is his head?
Sarah: The helmet is cropped in such a way that it looks like he’s wearing a big Daft Punk mask?
Amanda: It’s 10 o’ clock. Do you know where your Emmas are? Everyone please check on your local Emmas!
From Carole: Trope combo of emerging man-titty and dragon OMG gold lame glitter bomb?
Thought those were his pitiful crooked wings at first, instead of them belonging to the cadaverous dragon. Can’t wait to see the comments on this one.
Sarah: I thought those were his wings, too! And I want to get this person some Eucerin immediately.
Lara: I think Zendaya wore that outfit to the Dune 2 press call.
Amanda: What are the “dragon rules”?
Sarah: “NO moisturizer EVER” is probably in the top 3, which is a shame.
From Leslie: Talk about B-rated horror movie villains along with B-rated photoshop. Did they shop at “The Cod Piece Emporium?”
Sarah: Do I want to visit Cod Piece Emporium to see how many I can identify from looking at decades of romance covers? Yes. Yes, I do.
Also, the top right green dude – does that look like Taylor Lautner (Twilight variety)?
Lara: He’s giving major Jacob from twilight vibes, if Jacob were an alien from Ancient Rome.
Jazzlet: I have concerns what is going on with his enormous upper arms and shoulders yet slim, almost tiny wrists?
Who does the white gloved hand holding his right wrist belong to?
How is her head connected to that body?
I am disturbed by all of these questions.
Elyse: What the actual fuck is happening to this woman?
Sarah: I think Calgon is taking her away
Tara: Is she alive?
Maya: It’s a historical m/f/disembodied gloved hand plus also, somehow, dragons.
I would totally believe that the Duke a Day cover was for a book with an ancient Egyptian setting. Embalmer #1 is joking around with the corpse they are supposed to be processing. Embalmer #2, who is feeling fancy today and wearing white satin gloves, is trying to get him back to work. They need to stop goofing off and get all that white fabric properly wound up to make the dead girl into a mummy.
Haven’t we done Legion before? I remember the glitter. And is his naked moob bigger than the other one?
Engulfing Emma: I hope y’all appreciate that this is in fact a series, Men on Fire. No credit to the cover designer for utterly failing on Contrast and Accessibility. Does that mean we have a past of Annihilating Anna, Burning Betty, Cauterizing Catherine and Demolishing Diana, while looking forward to a future of Flaming Franny, Gaslighting Grace and so on?
Legion: Sorry, I got nothing. Series title duly noted, though.
Rescued Monster Mercenaries: Well, I guess it’s a change from the usual small-furry-animal rescues. Oops, no, my bad. Rescued by her et cetera. I guess one woman’s monster is another woman’s My Hero. But plural? That implies she keeps a band of them on staff for the times she needs to be rescued. Just what line of work is she in, that this is a routine occurrence for which one needs to be prepared? And–any accountants out there?–is Monster Mercenaries a recognized line item for tax purposes?
A Duke a Day et cetera: Wasn’t there once an SBTB review that got sidetracked onto the issue of just how implausibly many young Dukes there are, populating Romancelandia? If Dukes in Danger is the series title, I do hope someone is looking into the more serious question of why so many Dukes seem to die when their heirs are under 30, and why–this being the case–they don’t make a greater effort to get those heirs safely married beforehand.
@Louise: And–any accountants out there?–is Monster Mercenaries a recognized line item for tax purposes? Waves hand: Outside consultants – general and admin expenses. Just make sure you issue a 1099 at the end of the year.
I initially, somehow, read “A Duke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away” as “A Doctor a Day Keeps the Apple Away” and became intensely confused about why anyone would want to keep apples away and why a doctor romance had a clearly Regency romance cover.
So I was already completely discombobulated before I saw the female model’s anatomy. Judging by it, however, I think she may have had one too many dukes and may now be in urgent need of the attendance of a doctor, if only these dukes would just leave.
That Duke is in danger of strangling that poor woman. The white swoosh is like a cartoony motion line for her white glove.
And who hired the monsters as mercenaries? Couldn’t they get normal ones? Or do these guys work cheaper? Obvs they have no dry cleaning bills.
Seeing the “A Duke a Day etc” cover again, having mercifully forgotten all about it and about sending it in, I am convinced that MelMc is on the right track. The female head does not belong to the shroud and whatever it covers, but nor do the upper arms belong to the forearms of the supposed duke. Someone is getting over the trauma of dealing with the remains from some awful accident by messing around with the few bits of the bodies to be recovered.
I am clearly in somewhat of a macabre mood as I took both the white wispy stuff wafting around Emma’s engulfer, and the creeping gold encrustation crawling across Legion to be especially severe fungal infections.
On a more positive note, at least the Monster Mercenries know to keep well hydrated.
I have a book hangover this morning and a cold with the blurry watery eyesight so I read that first one as being “Engulfing Enema.”
Took me a while to realise that the last one is “Rescued by her Monster Mercenaries” not “Rescued Monster Mercenaries”.
I am deeply disappointed to learn the last one is “Rescued by her Monster Mercenaries” not “Rescued Monster Mercenaries”. I would read the second title!