Romantic Times Rewind: April 2005 Ads & Features

In this week’s podcast episode, .

Special and massive thanks to Kay Layton Sisk for sending me this issue!

You can also find all the RTRW content at our category page for Romantic Times Rewind. 

And, most importantly, if you want to listen and follow along with this entry, we have more detail in the audio, but you can click play and listen and read and absorb all the visual goodness:

Cover time!

This is the cover of this month’s issue, featuring the original cover of Brenda Jackson’s novel Unfinished Business.

Not a bad cover, and I like the use of the left sidebar to show so much of the content. The covers for Jackson’s novels have undergone a lot of changes. Here are the old and new covers side by side:

The older cover looks dated in terms of the colors, but, as Amanda points out, the covers are communicating different things.

The first ad on the inside cover: Ellora’s Cavemen, and their serious expressions about headgear.

Amanda had a Jafar’s Staff toy growing up, which now sells for hundreds on eBay. 

I also noticed the references to Borders and Waldenbooks – ah, memories. Do you remember the big, big Borders, or, if you didn’t have a mega-Borders,  the route you’d take around the mall that included the bookstore?

Next up: These Covers. 

We have some QUESTIONS from this ad:

1. Rapture’s Etesian: Are They Doing It?

It looks like they’re doing it. The AI people. Definitely AI Coitus.

2. A Hero’s Kiss: What’s With That Hair?

Are those AI generated people, and if not, what is happening with his hair? How many wigs is that?!

And…lastly.

3. Never Send a Dog to do a Woman’s Job by Shelley Munro:

First, if you told me that was an illustrated cover on a new book, I’d believe you. Secondly, that is a very shapely person right there. Very.

A lot of the issue is in black and white on newsprint paper, and the covers are often MORE disturbing if we find them in color. For example: Masks by ML Rhodes.

It’s pretty creepy in black and white. But wow, is it even MORESO in color:

Was he wearing that mask for the photo or was it added on?

And does that style of mask have a name?

More importantly, do I want to know the name if there is one? Probably not.

There was also an ad for The Erotic Adventures of Ulysses: The Lotus Eaters by Lady Isabeau

Big Sword!

But to my shock and delight, there is one color image of this cover remaining in the searchable internet. And I have it, because we snarked this cover in APRIL 2005! Aw, back when we were a baby website!

Wow. That is a big sword.

The letter from the editor is where I learn of something truly, incredibly amazing that I missed:

If you can’t read the text:

On March 14 at 10 pM (ET), friends and the RT BOOKclub staff will gather ’round the telly for the first televised version of the Mr. Romance Cover Model Pageant, produced by the Oxygen Channel, and we hope you will throw a party too! You’ll recognize many familiar faces, beginning with cover model Cindy Guyer, who is co-host for the six-episode reality TV show, and the “King  of Covers” himself, Fabio.

RT BOOKclub fans in the L.A. area participated in several shows, and judges for the final elimination round included myself, plus Heather Graham, Harlequin publicity manager Marleah Stout and two former Mr. Romance winners, John DeSalvo and Tony Ranaudo. Comedian Fred Willard and Gene Simmons (of KISS fame) lent glamour to the final episode. The winner will receive $50,000 in cash and appear on a Harlequin novel. Be sure to check local listings for show times in vour area and cheer on your favorites!

FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS! Fred Willard and Gene Simmons lent glamour! I’m bereft that I missed this.

I found a clip, and it’s incredible:

There’s a full page ad for the program later in the magazine, so buckle up.

The letters to the editor in the mailbag are a TREASURE TROVE.

First: BUMMED BY BIGGER BOOKS! 

If you can’t read the text:

I own a new and used bookstore and have been getting RT since its first issue.
It’s one of the most valuable tools for my store. Your reviews and ratings are what I use to place my monthly book orders and what I use for my personal reading list.
Your articles keep me up to date with all the news in the publishing world and let me pass information on to my customers that affects their reading and book buving.
In the March issue (#253), RT states that Simon & Schuster and Penguin are going to be releasing a larger–and more expensive- mass-market book in the near future. Can you tell me what imprints belong to these two companies?

I am trying to figure out which authors will be published at this new price because I am already getting complaints from my customers about it.

No one is happy about the price change, and my customers are already stating that they will not pay $10 for a paperback.

First, we have bad news about book prices from the future.

Second, this was, I’m pretty sure, the book size I called “The Venti.” I saw them in the Stop’n Shop and wrote about them in June 2006!

Remember those? I see them every so often, and they were not popular at the time, that is for sure.

RT responded (in the image below):

You’re not alone in your dislike of the new larger-sized mass-markets and their correspondingly larger prices.

We’ve heard complaints from many other readers about this development in the industry.
Some publishers have hinted that they may publish titles in both the more expensive and cheaper formats, or reprint titles in the cheaper format after a certain period of time (much as they do with hardcover to paperback reprints).

The best way to show publishers what you really want is to vote with your wallet.

Again, we have bad news from the future about paperback prices, y’all. Sorry.

There’s also a letter about authors with Star Wars collections!

Madeline Baker wrote:

Wow, I thought I was the only romance writer with a room dedicated to Star Wars collectibles. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’ve been collecting since the first movie came out and continue to do so.

My husband doesn’t understand my obsession–for it truly is an obsession, but what a fun one!

I wish I had the shelves shown in the pictures accompanying the Suzanne Enoch article in your March issue. I’d like to say that Star Wars is my only obsession, but I also collect Beauty and the Beast, Phantom of the Opera and a smattering of The Lord of the Rings memorabilia. And Suzanne, am I mistaken, or did I spot an Aragorn figure in amongst the Star Wars goodies?
Madeline Baker, author
via e-mail

We’re thrilled you enjoyed seeing the photos of Suzanne Enoch’s fabulous Star Wars collection but did you notice something strange on the first page? Unfortunately; a printing error caused the opening photo on that spread to be replicated by the one below it, so the same image was printed twice. Above is the photo that should have run.

And Madeline, in answer to your question about Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, Enoch admits to another little obsession. “That was definitely Aragorn–my addiction bas broadened to cover The Lord of the Rings too. In fact, I have enough LoTR stuff to cover a whole other article!”

Amanda and I both want to listen to Madeline Baker and Suzanne Enoch talking about their Star Wars collectibles. That’s so neat.

The cover feature of Brenda Jackson featured the news that she went on a 10th Anniversary Cruise with her fans. More cruises!

There was also this adorable bit of info:

I hope Brenda Jackson still has that license plate.

The middle of the magazine is all about YA and Teen Readers. It’s a massive section, all in full color, too. Our favorite parts:

Look at the bottom there — Lindsay Lohan was going to be in a Gossip Girl movie written by Amy Sherman-Palladino? Whoa!

List of Names! Very Little Context! Check out these Quality Authors!

This ad led us down a very, very wild rabbit hole:

Richard III: White Boar is fiction based on psychic readings. I’m wondering if colored-pencil-style illustrations will be the next ‘new’ trend in cover art?

And now: PAGE FIFTY. 

We spent a lot of time looking at the strange assembly of model contestants.

Like why does the one in the middle look so…suspicious of us? And Mr. Iliac Crest is ready to show you all his treasures.

And then this poor person who has to lean over because they’re clearly taller than everyone else.

Amanda asked if maybe they got a deal on a group spray tan and I think she’s right and they did.

Amanda flagged this ad:

Pretty weird, like this guy is flashing this couple in the middle of their walk? Then we found it IN COLOR.

I appreciate the use of texture to create the suggestion of fur. But the painted on wife beater is INCREDIBLE. You’ll be seeing that style on runways this fall.

There was a recipe in this episode! A recipe with A LOT OF MEAT IN IT.

I know that’s very small text so here is the recipe:

DANTE’S TASTE-OF-HEAVEN
TORTELLINI TEMPTATION
2 tb. unsalted butter
2 oz. minced ground pork
2 oz. minced ground turkey
2 oz. finely chopped sausage
2 oz. minced mortadella
1 c. grated Parmigiano Reggiano
1 pinch grated nutmeg
1 1b. fresh pasta dough, made with your own two hands

Salt and pepper to faste

In a large skillet, heat the butter over medium heat, watching it melt while you’re thinking of the beautiful woman you want to impress. Add the meats and sauté until cooked thoroughly. Remove from heat, add the remaining filling ingredients, choosing only the best quality for her. If needed, dice additionally in a food processor so everything is even and beautiful. Set aside.

On a lightly floured surface, roll out the pasta dough (or use a pasta machine) to a thickness of us inch. Drop ½ teaspoon of filling along the length of the dough, about two inches apart. Then carefully cut the dough into squares with a pastry wheel.

With a pastry brush or your finger dipped in water, moisten the dough around the filling. Don’t overdo this because you want it to be a perfect tortellini cirde. Fold the squares into triangles and press the dough to mold around the filling.

Shape into the sexy curves of a belly button with your pinkie, pressing the ends together very well–you don’t want this to come undone; much better for her to do that when she eats this delight.

Allow tortellini to rest on a floured tea towel for at least an hour while you cook up something else with the pretty lady at your table.

Later, boil in salted water, being careful not to crowd the tortellini.

Serve with a meat sauce and a good red wine. Cap the meal with a kiss and a promise of more dessert to come.

“Shape into the sexy curves of a belly button with your pinky.”

Then we spotted this ad and the cover in color is something.

Gimp Masks!

At the bottom of the ad, this part made me extremely nostalgic:

Formats available: html, pdf, Rocketreader, Reb1 100, Reb 200, Hiebook, Mobipocket, Palmpilot, MSReader, Franklin, and pocketpc.

Remember writing your credit card number on a post card and dropping it in the mail?

A year for $54 via first class mail!

Then there was a whole separate ad for the Mr. Romance Pageant, which is run by the magazine and has nothing to do with the TV show, so: more chests!

Ed Scott, bottom right, totally just put the wrench down while fishing his daughter’s hair tie out of the bathroom sink so he could pose for this picture, which I imagine was submitted by his other daughter because her dad is the greatest.

Were you at this Mr Romance at RT 2005?

Then, the back cover. PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME YOU HEARD THESE.

Romance Sound Track CDs!

I’m SO BUMMED I cannot find any trace of these on Al Gore’s internet.

Now, instead of simply reading your next romance novel… you’ll be able to “feel” every word like never before. Each one of the Romance SoundTracks provides you with a full hour of beautifully orchestrated selections – custom written and produced to enhance your romance reading experience. Whether at home or away, slip one of the Romance SoundTracks” into your CD player and settle in with a favorite novel for one of the most emotion-filled reading experiences you’ve ever imagined!

Value-priced at only $9.99 each, you can begin building a library of Romance SoundTracks” that will become a companion to all of your favorite styles of romance reading. You can currently choose from Bliss (Contemporary Romance), Edge of Midnight (Romantic Suspense), Emerald Passion (Celtic Romance), and Somewhere in Venice (Exotic Locale Romance). Additional titles are scheduled for release over the next several weeks including Historical-Regency Romance, Paranormal Romance, Inspirational Romance, Western Romance and many more.

Order today and take your romance reading enjoyment to a whole new level of feeling.

I love listening to music while I read (Brain.fm and lo-fi hip hop videos on YouTube are my favorites) but I had NO IDEA there were romance soundtrack CDs. And the titles and terms are generic enough that I can’t find them. Other search results get in the way of my quest! I wish I could find one and hear the whole CD.

Thanks for joining us in April 2005!

Did you listen to Romance Soundtracks on CD?! Did you watch Mr. Romance on TV?  Do you remember any of these books? 

A reminder: if you join the Patreon, you’ll get access to the entire issue as a PDF.

See you next month, when we head way, WAY back in time to May 1994.