Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Susan: WHAT are they looking at??? Is it… is it… his PEEN?????
Sarah: “You dropped your puck.”
Whatever it is they’re both looking at it.
Tara: The guy on the left looks like he’s about to say “I’ve told you already. I am not a doctor.”
Sneezy: “Okay, but, does it look like I need to go see one? Do you think the colour’s weird?”
Tara: Or, “Nice Line… Mate.” (I’ll see myself out.)
From Mickie: So many questions! Most of which I don’t want to type out.
Sarah: AGAIN with the staring.
Elyse: We sulfur dip cats who have ringworm.
Maybe give that a go.
Sarah: That must smell amazing.
Elyse: Like Satan’s butthole.
Susan: It looks like he’s being Thanos snapped in the middle of a tragic glitter accident.
Sneezy: “Take… the glitter! Not… MEEEEEE!!!!”
From Lils: Wardrobe choices? Giant shoulder wrap – check. Leather strap – why?
Sarah: The armor decisions are baffling.
Claudia: I can’t decide if that’s a mullet. Perhaps not in the strictest sense.
Lara: I want those to be shiny satin pants…
Tara: Lara, I read that way too quickly and thought you said you wanted to BE the shiny satin pants.
Sneezy: That elbow strap is making my eczema prone skin snarl
All the straps are, actually.
And his face is creepy.
Susan: Oh, I get it! The face is one of those identikit things where you swap out strips of the face.
Forehead and chin are one face, and he’s wearing someone else’s over the top.
Susan: Speaking of faces being pasted on.
Amanda: I’d expect more urgency with the entire library being on fire and also nothing is to scale here!
Sarah: My eyeballs and my brain are SO confused right now. Glued on faces, enormous fiddle, and again, if the library is on fire, maybe don’t stand around partially disrobed?
Sneezy: I’ve heard of librarians and archivists throwing as many things as they can out a window before yeeting themselves during a fire. Imagine being one such hero and coming across these chuckle fucks.
The guy from the Legion book looks like the chicken thighs I’ve just seasoned with turmeric powder right before I toss them in to the air fryer
Aside from the other mind boggling things going on with him, I’m slightly obsessed with the weird hand of the elvin prince, the one that’s on his hip. It looks more like a foot? Is that normal for his folk? Or is that what happens when you don’t wear protective cover? In which case, please just cover up.
Didn’t we just do glitter dude? Or was that another book in the same series? Also, dude on the right in the first one has no chin. And is really oddly shaped overall.
Someone once asked Victor Borge what the difference was between a violin and a viola. His response was that the viola burns longer.
Are we entirely confident that the guy on the right in LINE MATES and the guy on the cover of LEGION aren’t the same model in the same “oiled up, look down” pose? Perhaps on LINE MATES he’s saying, “Well dude, this has been fun but I gotta run—I’m late for my ten o’clock glitter bombing.”
I think the guy on the cover of Legion has just done crafts with a bunch of five year olds. He’s looking glum because he’s wondering how to get the damn glitter off himself, the table, the floor, his sandwich, and everything he touches for the next month.
Is there a reason it’s spelled Elvin in the title rather than Elven?
I keep expecting Elvis.
What is that thing growing out of Legion dude’s back between his wings? Is that supposed to be a sword hilt or part of a dragon or…? Or wait, are those not his wings? Is all of that a dragon creature? I’m so confused.
Is the Talix heroine’s hair gluing her to the dude’s chin??
Totally jealous Elvin has bigger ta-tas than I do.
@Elham
Maybe he isn’t an elf. Elvin is just his name and they call him “Elvin Prince” to distinguish him from the other princes.
🙂
Is that his cock ring on the cover of Linemates?
Maybe it’s just me, but at first glance, I thought the guy on the Legion cover was coated in bees. Might almost be better than glitter, to be fair.
We all know how devoted I am to series titles–or random blurbs that could be mistaken for series titles–so the Bitches will forgive me for not making it past “First time gay hockey romance”.
First time for whom? The author, mistakenly thinking that nobody has ever thought of an M/M hockey-themed story before? One or both of Our Heroes, realizing well into adulthood that there’s something Very Special about sharing a locker room with a group of well-oiled men in various states of undress? The audience, treated to a show they were in no way expecting?
I do, however, wish that Fiddle and Fire had dropped a hint about its series. Is it the menage à trois in assorted settings? Or is it alphabetic, continuing with Guitar and Gaslight, Harmonica and Hurricane and so on until we get to Zither and . . . uh . . .
and Zephyr!
Why are the two Linemates such radically different colors? The one guy looks relatively normal and the other looks like he’s been dyed yellow.
LEGION is the number of that cover’s problems. I once had a Renfaire wizard douse me in glitter like that; I can’t even remember how many showers I had to take to get it all out.
Elvin Prince must be his name, and no part of this Frankenstein came from the same person as any other. That head does not go with that body, and I suspect that right arm came from someone else entirely.
At least one of the guys in Fiddle and Fire has to be Satan. Maybe it’s a retelling of The Devil Went Down to Georgia where the devil and Johnny arrange a compromise.
All those buckles on Elvin’s weird chest strap are gonna chafe so much! Though I have to say, I think it’s the first time I have seen a male cover model without an aggressive six (or even eight!) pack. Elvin apparently only works his pecs at the gym, totally skipping ab day!
Linemates: Peek-a-boo
Legion: That’s now how you’re supposed to apply gold foil
Bound: Polly Pockets gone wrong
Fiddle: guess they were photoshopping at Arms’r’Us and for other parts.
Is left-side Linemate wearing some kind of truss? His lower abdomen is weirdly smooth, like a Ken doll.
LINEMATES: Dude, I knew there were side effects to all the steroids we took to help develop our unnatural abs, but nobody said it’s shrink this much!
Chuckle fucks. Heh, made my whole day. Can’t wait to find ways to start adding to everyday conversation.
@ECSpurlock – a teacher friend once described glitter as ‘craft herpes’
I thought to myself, huh, Legion dude looked so calm about being swarmed by bees, and then I realized it wasn’t bees…
…Have we seen Legion before? I seem to recall a dragon shifter romance with a man covered in deeply uncomfortable scales on the front cover. There couldn’t be two … could there?
Also, the image of a librarian running to the library to save the precious books from being consumed by the flames and encountering the cover of Fiddle and Fire made me giggle-snort, so thank you, Sneezy!