When I get email with cover snark submissions, it is a glorious, fantastic day. Because I can share! Ready?
This cover was sent to me by Julie, who says, “Whoa! the size of that guy’s head is bizarre.”
Sarah: WHAT IS HAPPENING. Why does the side of his head extend for miles and miles?! Is he the moon? Shouldn’t you run into an ear somewhere? Eventually?
Elyse: That is… no.
Elyse: Also, are those abandoned railroad tracks in the background?
Amanda: That… that looks like Val Kilmer.
Carrie: OMG Amanda you are right – but why is his face all sandy??
Amanda: I had such a crush on Real Genius-era Val Kilmer.
RedHeadedGirl: That is the correct era of Val Kilmer to crush on. This is not that era.
Amanda: It looks like her head is connected to the body on the cover and the man is really, really tiny.
RedHeadedGirl: Ohhhhh noooooooo
Carrie: It’s like a misogynist nightmare of a suffocating woman.
Elyse: It reminds me of when you’d pop the head off of Barbie and it never went back on right.
This cover was sent to us by Nina, who said, “This book cover deserves to be a part of the next Covers Gone Wild! It looks like this poor woman is nursing a giant man-baby.”
Sarah: I don’t think breast is best in this case.
Amanda: She is not having it.
RedHeadedGirl: Who thought that was a good idea?
Carrie: When Barbie goes bad. she is SO over nursing grown men. I predict murder by the end of the book.
Sarah: Wait, is her hand fused to her elbow? Why is her shoulder a slope up to her ear? I… I need to lie down now.
Sarah: The cover is already pretty special, with the flat eyed stare and all, but the description makes it EVEN MORE GOODER:
He’s a not-so-charming prince . . .
Prince Pedro Tomas “P.T.” de la Ferrama is the owner of a high-end shoe company that promises comfort in addition to fashion. But when Cynthia “the Shark” Sullivan, a hot-shot Wall Street trader, claims his shoes gave her a corn that caused her to lose her job, P.T. must do some serious damage control using his royal charisma—a strategy that’s never failed him. But the leggy strawberry blonde is immune to his charms, much to his frustration. For all he can think about is getting tangled in the sheets with her.
She’s a Wall Street Cinderella . . .
Cynthia never settles for less than the best. So when
her luxury-brand shoes don’t live up to the company’s guarantee of quality, she vows to make them pay. But when she meets P.T., she doesn’t count on being insanely attracted to him. She can’t afford any distractions if she hopes to take his company to the cleaners. But the more she gets to know this unlikely prince, the more she finds herself wishing he’ll place a glass slipper on her foot—and make her his princess.
HE GAVE HER CORNS. HIS SHOES GAVE HER CORNS.
Has there ever been a better conflict for a hero and heroine? I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. I mean, how could this get any better, right? I didn’t think Sandra Hill could top vampire viking angel Navy SEALs, but I was wrong. So, so wrong.
But I couldn’t stop looking at the cover. That guy looks…familiar. So I did a reverse image search:
Sarah: It’s like Romper Room!
“I see Jake Gyllenhaal, and A Jonas and An Other Jonas, and That Guy from Entourage…”
RedHeadedGirl: Is that John Stamos?
Sarah: “And I see John Stamos and Christian Bale and possibly a Backstreet Boy…”
Elyse: Who the hell is that in the bottom right?
RedHeadedGirl: That’s a Backstreet Boy. Or maybe an NSync?
Crying laughing at Love Me Tender snark. Corns. Is there a toe sucking scene? Yes I’ll buy the book to find out. It’s the funniest romance novel STD ever.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around how getting a corn lost her her job. Either she worked for the worst business ever or there’s some weird chain of slapstick worthy events that were set off by her foot problems.
As well as the tiny head issue on the second one, I’d say, based on his expression, he really wants this photo shoot to be over.
The thumbnail of that first one totally made me think of Mike Nelson from MST3K. Or else Rutger Hauer?
Love Me Tender just did me in. It’s early and I wasn’t reading too closely so I thought it was a joke at first — the fact that it’s the ACTUAL DESCRIPTION on the book just makes it that much better, pfft!
“…when you’d pop the head off of Barbie and it never went back on right.” ***snort-laughs coffee into lungs*** And then…. the cornucopia of mullet goodness. Morning made!
Ahhhhh, cover snark. It got me here all those years ago, and it never fails to make. my. day.
OMG. Too funny. Photoshop run amuck.
But the Sandra Hill description takes the cake. A corn made her lose her job as a hot-shot Wall street trader??? I’m almost (but not quite) tempted to read this to find out how…
My mind’s going to a weird place here, but the “Love Me Tender” guy reminds me a lot of Jack from Power Rangers SPD. (One of my favorite characters, by the way. His ending on the show is basically “Screw this Power Rangers shit, I’m going to go help my smoking hot and incredibly rich blonde girlfriend run a homeless shelter” and never looked back. I admire his honesty.)
What strikes me is how petulant most of the models look. They are NOT people I would like to meet, let alone fantasize about.
I have read Love Me Tender but it was a REALLY long time ago and had a different cover. I think the guy on the other cover was hotter or at least less clothed. Can’t remember much of the story but I think it was classic Sandra Hill.
This is more fun than actually reading the books!
The original cover for Love me Tender looks like straight-up historical romance to me–
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Me-Tender-Leisure-Romance/dp/0843944579/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1429110653&sr=8-2&keywords=love+me+tender+sandra+hill
Dude has kind of a swept-back pageboy instead of a mullet. It makes sense to me that it’s a reissue because I remember that wacky contemporaries were a hallmark of the 90s.
Love me Tender and Darkness Unleashed really make the case for covers featuring headless, shirtless dudes on them!
love John Stamos…
The guy on the End of Eternity cover is going to give me nightmares.
If the Darkness has been Unleashed, why are the lights still on? And thank you for putting Elvis’s Love Me Tender in my ear on a continuous loop!
Even though I’m blind I love these posts, especially the photo descriptions. I seriously didn’t get into romances till I loft my sight in 07… What does that say?
I read love me tender a long time ago. I love her titles….
@Llaph:
I’m so glad the descriptions are at least somewhat helpful and entertaining. There are a number of alt tags where I say, “Ok, people with screen readers, you are seriously not going to believe this description.” Sometimes they are IMPOSSIBLE to describe!
@Sarah:
That’s one of the best parts. Lol it may be weird, but I love and appreciate the fact that time is taken to do that. In my experience a lot of sites don’t take the time, I feel all special and stuff.
I feel bad for the gal on the Wish Upon a Duke Cover. She wished for a Duke and got a man with a nursing fetish.
The guy on the End of Eternity cover doesn’t want us to judge his love for his long necked large headed lady.
on the first one, why is there a section of stubble right in the middle of his cheek, even highlighted!, that looks like it’s PS clone tool? were they trying to airbrush a mole out o the way?? (also, why does the stubble go ALL THE WAY to his eyebrow, like not even where you’d expect sideburn stubble to be)
anyway, i’m highly tempted to buy a copy of LOVE ME TENDER. does anyone know if it’s as screwball as the cover copy suggests?? (i can’t help it, but the “PT” name only makes me think of circuses…….)
I just keep seeing Jonathan Rhys Meyers with a mullet.
Why is no one else as freaked out by Prince Pedro’s mullet as I am. And the magnificent party in the back part is either a badly-drawn crimped mane or those are tiny white guy dreads + a mullet.
Cammy–I actually see that as a ponytail not a mullet. Obviously we can’t see the back of his head but to me it looks like he has it pulled it back into a pony and then the hair is so thick and straight it shows on either side of his head. But hey, that’s just what I’m imagining bc the mullet would scare me too!
The first on looks like a guy morphing into the moon. Being a huge fan of Face Off with the season finale last night, this looks like a creature from that show
@Keri:
It’s Sandra Hill so, yes. The question is, is it the right level for you. Lol
It’s a re-telling of Cinderella and the fairy godmother is actually a godfather who really likes Elvis, Elmer Presley…. It has been a while, but I remember it being pretty wtf worthy and will admit it could’ve been a bit too wacky for me.
@Llaph:
I’m the one writing the alt-tags, so it makes me really happy to know you enjoy them!
@Llaph:
I’ve always been intrigued by Sandra Hill’s book synopses, but never quite felt the compulsion to buy one. That this one has corns as a plot device is enough to make me think I have to try her stuff finally! I do really enjoy the very WTF/wacky stuff, so I think you’ve sold me on trying one of her books out.
The first guy looks like he smelled a fart
I totally see Michael from the TV series (1997-2001) La Femme Nikita! Seriously! It’s him!