A Real Alpha Male

On this blog entry are two voicemail messages left by a guy who is apparently an absolute legend in his own mind. You can also download an MP3 of the voicemail duo of power right here.  (Right click please. Esosoft’s happy server thanks you).

Romance writers, take note. Hero material. Or, anti hero. Or something.

Comments are Closed

  1. Casi Nerina says:

    Wow.  He’s … just… wow.  I don’t even know what to say to that.  How does he manage to stay upright with an ego like that?

  2. Tina C. says:

    Wow!  I guess we know why he’s “single.  Completely single.”

  3. Terry Odell says:

    You could NOT write this in a book.

  4. MB (Leah) says:

    Oh yeah, someone’s got issues and it isn’t the woman. Wow. What a control freak! Thanks for a good laugh and making me feel grateful that I’m not out there looking.

  5. Lynz says:

    That area code is from Toronto.

    I live in Toronto.


    I wonder if the business card she handed him was for herself, because she’s a psychiatrist? That would make a lot of sense.

  6. um…. wow.  Yeah, he sounds like a complete catch.  The question is… what sort of catch, is he?

  7. Tiffany Clare says:

    HAHA, Lynz, I was just going to write that! The dude is in TO! I know lots of ppl in film here, too! LOL No Dimitri’s though. (or is that Thank God…?) he needs a white jacket with extended arms and buckles!

  8. Aemelia says:

    Hi-freakin=larious!!!  I spewed my coffee on my screen.  Wow, am I glad NOT to be single!!! LOL

    *spam filter: make32, Will he make 32 more calls

  9. Elizabeth Wadsworth says:

    Hero material?  Don’t think so.  Serial killer/crazy stalker/whackjob ex?  Definitely.

  10. LiJuun says:

    I’m sorry, but a girl doesn’t give a guy her number to get rid of him.  Of course, that’s her story now, but during the course of the initial conversation, she liked him enough to give him her number.

    I’d really like to be as shocked as everyone else*, but my ex said some very similar things after I broke up with him.  Any woman who didn’t want him was “defective” and “emotionally unstable” (even though he was the one who had a nervous breakdown and could barely function for weeks after I broke up with him – he lost his dang job and moved back in with the ‘rents).  My point is that guys like this can seem pretty normal at first.  They don’t always show their crazy card this soon.  Thank goodness this guy did, but there are thousands more just like him that can keep a cap on the cuckoo longer than a day.  Beware.

    Wow, did I just ramble on for five minute?  I am such a downer today.  Going back into lurker mode now.

    *Not that my jaw wasn’t hanging open like a freakin’ barn door in hay season.

  11. Carrie Lofty says:


    I would actually be very scared.

  12. Lori says:

    Oh that was one of the most enjoyable moments I’ve had in ages. Absolutely freaking hilarious.

    Absolutely the best catch in the ocean. Funny how he’s so amazingly single. (Although the best best best moment was him telling her that her friends were jealous because he approached her and not them.)

  13. Dee Carney says:

    O. M. G.

    I’m sure she was “taken aback” by his approach. Great googlymoogly that was just CREEPY.

    I haven’t laughed so hard in ages. My eyes are watering!!

    captcha: likely35 (if she doesn’t call you in 35 years, it’s likely she don’t wantcha dude.)

  14. Kim says:

    A little farther down in the comments it’s revealed that the voicemails are viral marketing tool for a Bruno-esque movie. I almost wish it was a real douche leaving messages now. I hate marketers. Definitely never seeing that movie.

  15. Peyton says:

    Sadly this guy is real. http://www.dimitrithelover.com/

  16. DS says:

    He has a wikipedia page which has been around for a while—http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_N._Sears  I cl.icked on the link above and didn’t get any further than the “Warning”.

  17. ev says:

    OMG I DIDN”T click out after warning. Holy fucknuts. I hope this whole this is a joke, cause otherwise, this guy is a time bomb just waiting to go off….

  18. Real Man says:


    I’m a member of the “Toronto Real Men”, the world’s only anti-metrosexual organization, run by “Dimitri The Lover”, aka “The Prophet”. In the same way that John Connor fights the machines for survival of humanity in “The Terminator”, The Prophet has dedicated his life to fight “Metrosexuality” for the survival of masculinity. He is a modern-day Rasputin … a real-life Tyler Durden.

    Here is the web site for the “Toronto Real Men”: http://torontorealmen.com … if you go to the section in the menu on the left titled “Meeting Announcements”, then click on “August”, you will understand everything he is trying to do. Also, if you click on the link on the left titled “Media Centre”, there’s both a radio interview and an appearance in a documentary so you can hear The Prophet speak.

    Also, everyone knows that women in Toronto are stuck up and play games. Here is how The Prophet deals with a single woman that likes him but still refuses to cough up her number … he hands her this flyer: http://pics.livejournal.com/suspiciouslump/pic/00001pse

    Here is a link to some animations that have been banned by YouTube but give you a great indication of The Prophet’s philosophy: http://dimitrithelover.com/animation.html … the “Crucifixion of Dimitri” represents how he has suffered for all men.

    Finally, here is The Prophet’s main web site: http://dimitrithelover.com

    We heard at the last meeting that his Hollywood film (the one that the producers of Borat and Bruno created) is completed and should be released in the next few months. Then the world will know the truth about what The Prophet is doing to rid the world of feminism once and for all.  Oh, and the voicemails are just viral marketing for the film.



  19. Elyssa Papa says:

    What a loser. Sheesh.

  20. Tina C. says:

    I’m a member of the “Toronto Real Men”

    That’s rather like tofu joining a club called “Toronto Real Meat”.  If it was already meat, it wouldn’t need a label for others to realize it.

  21. ev says:

    dear J-
    go away.
    thank you

  22. ghn says:

    Dear J
    I thought those attitudes didn’t exist outside romance novels of a certain kind. The kind where the Hero – among other things – rapes the heroine, but that is all right, since he is THE HERO and he _really_ loves her.

    The Ladies of the bitchery certainly have better taste. Any woman with functioning brain would.

  23. azteclady says:

    Posturing, it’s sooooo attractive!

    … in a five year old.

    Color me totally unimpressed.

  24. Tammy says:


    You’d have to take your hand off it first.  That doesn’t seem likely to happen.

  25. Lostshadows says:

    He is a modern-day Rasputin … a real-life Tyler Durden.

    Um…is that supposed to be a pair of complementary comparisons?

    single95- yeah, that’s how long this guy will be single

  26. nekobawt says:

    i keep thinking he said “i have no trouble beating women.”

    srsly glad i don’t live in toronto. or go to bars.

  27. I think it’s cute viral marketing, myself.

  28. SB Sarah says:

    You’d have to take your hand off it first.

    Laughing hurts. Yet I do it anyway at that one. OW.

  29. DS says:

    I must have missed something—when did the tacky books about How to Pick Up Women become a movement?

  30. molly_rose says:

    “he offers them as a community service to horny Toronto men that want to learn the secret to quickly seducing cold, uptight, sexually repressed local sl*ts”

    I put the “*” in, but really? this is just gross. I was laughing so hard when I first heard the messages, but the thing is, DON’T click on the site. It loses it taste real fast.

  31. Quizzabella says:

    “he offers them as a community service to horny Toronto men that want to learn the secret to quickly seducing cold, uptight, sexually repressed local sl*ts”
    Is it a dart gun?
    How can you be sexually repressed and a sl*t?

  32. Real Woman says:

    Dimitri The Lover and a very attractive lesbian that he identified as his High Priestess, approached me about a week ago while I was walking along Bloor Street in Toronto.  They asked me to join “The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts”.  I am still mulling over the invitation since he was quite charming and sexy, and she was stunning, though the whole premise of the “religion” makes it obvious that it is purely a sex cult;

    The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts is based on the belief that one day The Prophet pelvic-thrusted a slut so hard that his cock entered a time warp, went back in time over 2000 years, appeared as an apparition to the Virgin Mary, and impregnated her.  Since Jesus is therefore The Prophet’s son, and Jesus is considered the son of God, ipso facto, The Prophet is a Greek God.  We call this event the “Ejaculate Conception”. 

    During religious ceremonies The Prophet ejaculates into our High Priestess several times, then she sits upon a throne, and sluts take turns kneeling before her and consuming his seminal sacrament out of her vaginal chalice.

    Anyway, I figured you’d all get a total kick out of that!!

  33. cate says:

    What a TWAT (can’t be bothered with an exclaimation mark.. he’s a plonker )

  34. molly_rose says:

    “Ejaculate Conception”
    OMG! this is really too much…
    I’m speechless. 
    Although, if any writer could pull off a plot about Time-Warp Fucking, I guess that could turn into the next major paranormal scene.

  35. Flo says:

    Worship the cock… I … *looks harder*

    Hang on just let me….

    Maybe if you move a little to the right, yes, yes!  Now arch your back and bend your knees a bit…


    I think I see it!  Now I can worship yay!

  36. Kaetrin says:

    Well, you know what they say – if you’ve got it flaunt it.

    (I can only add that if he flaunts it at you – RUN!)

  37. Anonymous says:

    His real name is James N. Sears and, unsurprisingly, he is a sex offender. You can read more here:


  38. Sirhotspur says:

    This guy does a funny “Dimitri the Stud” impression/lipsync


  39. O ho ho! says:

    It is extremely funny to see all you gals falling all over yourselves like this.

    He who laffs last certainly laffs the hardest.

    Gotta love it.

  40. Jeff says:

    As other posters have noted, this is most likely a viral marketing thing done for a parody of all those pickup and “how to deal with women” sites out there.
    Some of those sites actually do pass on some good information to men about how to approach women.
    It’s funny/sad that a lot of women take this seriously, it speaks about how many lame guys are out there.
    On the other hand, I can’t help wondering how well most of the women posters who think Dimitri is a piece of work would react to a post with real life recordings of some of the craziness that women do with men.
    Cuz some ladies do…
    No gender has a franchise on cheesy clueless and revolting behavior towards the other gender. Women give as well as get in that area.

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