Via somewhat circuitous means, I discovered Weeping Cock (subtitle: “The Velvet-Sheathed Steel That Proclaimed Him Male”). That’s right, kids: a Livejournal community devoted to the joy of bad sex scenes. This community is worth a look for many things and many reasons, but if you don’t do anything else, you have to check out the interests listed on their profile.
Boiling cumsauce.
Brobdingnagian manstick.
Mad butt-monkey sex.
Man butter. (MAN BUTTER. For baking love muffins?)
Purple-headed womb ferret. (Better than womb-bound salmon?)
SUCCULENT PILLAR OF FLESHY STEEL.
The womb ferret- Little known 2nd cousin to the Black-footed ferret.
oh come on! Brobdingnagian manstick is just pretentious. i feel like a total purple headed womb ferret-head for getting the reference.
Man Butter. Is this significantly different from Boy Butter? Inquiring minds want to know.
I’m glad I was able to bring these two communities together.
You left off my personal favorite tag, however:
“That’s Just Unsanitary!”
Dan: Holy crap, I haven’t even bothered to look at the tags page yet.
*runs off to ogle*
I am ashamed to admit that I have read waaaay too many manga stories where the “bottom” has man butter (or is it boy butter? *g*) coming out of his ass and it ain’t semen.
There should be a name for self-lubricating asses. I’m not clever enough to come up with anything, but I’m open to suggestions! 😀
Oh, thank you, thank you, SB’s! I can’t wait to delve further (!) into this site. I just get all gleeful when I discover interesting as well as amusing reading material for my late-night WWW rambles.
This is my new favorite thing. They could have such a fundraiser if they made these into shirts….
Note to self: do not be eating breakfast while reading Smart Bitches, especially while naked (I don’t want people to find my dead, naked body from choking on a raisin)
I think the funniest thing about those interests is that they’re all hyper linked-which means more than one person shares those interests.
Though the community’s a little much for me, I do skim it from time to time.
Womb ferrets. Oh my god. I die.
Also, from my position happily ensconced in the Harry Potter fandom, I have to say that that would make *excellent* Draco badfic …
I swear to you, mouse, I’ve read Draco fic like that…
Hahahaha! Gotta agree with Mouse and Phoebe. If Draco were an Animangus (sorry if I spelled that wrong!)…
Ah, Harry/Draco…my official OTP for the Harry Potter fandom. ;D
I’m so pleased two of my favourite blogs can be brought together in the name of bad sex scenes everywhere.
Tadpole yogurt.
These many, many bad euphemisms remind me of an English class I took on old Norse/Anglo kennings.
My Prof: “Heather of the heath-fish, anyone? Anyone? Come on! Heather of the heath-fish!”
Anyone? Anyone?
By the way, from what I can gather, a heath-fish is a tadpole or a serpent. Not sure which. Or a fish & chips shop in Edinburgh.
The penis kennings, especially anything to do with small, furry animals + wombs, make me not like cocks. Much.
I can’t believe it’s not man butter.
Hehehe!!!
A small sample of the “prose” to be found there:
Illya tightened his legs around Napoleon’s waist and began to undulate his hips, causing a delicious fractioning of their cocks.
Best.Misuse.Of.A.Word.EVER!
‘He set down his book, put his dentures in his pocket’????
EWWWWWWWWW!!!
I’ve been reading weeping cock, and I tell you, the brain-bleach has never been more needed. There is an absolutely atrocious Harry/Hagrid fic that includes Harry drinking the sweat from Hagrid’s armpit. (EUGH!) And a mentioned Hagrid/Dobby fic (I cannot help but think of Dobby exploding once Hagrid is inside due to the, um, relative sizes.
Brain Bleach! STAT!
Spamword: wish35. I wish I had never read some of the entries on WeepingCock.