Dirty quantum mechanics jokes done right

Today’s Questionable Content made me laugh so hard, I’m pretty sure I herniated something—but then, I’m a sucker for stupid quips involving Schrödinger’s cat.

(Any of you who want to write a romance novel with a geek hero and need research on how nerds think and operate, but don’t happen to have live specimens handy, you could do worse than check out the archives of Questionable Content. Also, XKCD.)

Some title ideas for nerd


erotic romance:

The G-String Theory
The Rake’s Superpositioned Eigenstates
Entangled Beast
Collapsing the Virgin Mistress’ Wavefunction
His Supercollider

Unnatural Selection
Descending His Manhood

His Latent Heat

Populating Her Null Set

General Scientific Principles
Shaving with Occam’s Razor
Karl’s Popper

Damn, I can’t believe I’m not coming up with more for chemistry and biology. Updates as they’re warranted, and post your best (for certain values of “best,” anyway) efforts in the comments.

Comments are Closed

  1. Jules Jones says:


    I’m tempted to steal some of those titles…

    security word: perform12—no further comment necessary

  2. Gene Poole wrote Originating the Species…

  3. --E says:

    Avagadro’s Laboratory Adventure—an orgy of 6.02 x 10^23 strippers and the man who loves them.

    Planck’s Constant Love—Energy isn’t the only thing that comes in discrete packets.

    Apparently I’m better at coming up with pun-related plot descriptions than actual titles. This is how you know I’m an actual geek.

  4. plainjane says:

    Weird…this is the 2nd time this week that I’ve run across Schrodinger’s Cat.  First was on the I Can Has Cheezburger site and now here.  My two favorite sites!

  5. EAP says:

    The Billionaire Boss§s Big Bang

    Sweet Savagë Plate Tectonics – Their earth moved, in slooooow time.

    Rotordynamics from the Heart

    The Virgin Sheikh§s Archimedes Screw

    (apologies for wonky punctuation—+čžř/(! Czech keyboards)

  6. Joanna says:

    What about “Dawrin’s Damsel: Ape Misbehavin’”?


  7. Joanna says:

    I meant DARWIN, not Dawrin…stupid keyboard on the stupid ancient computer at school!

  8. KeiraSoleore says:

    Loved, loved those quantum physics comics. What a hoot. And your romantica titles? Har, har, har.

  9. Kay Webb Harrison says:

    Um, there is a book called “Unnatural Selection.” It’s a mystery by Aaron Elkins, part of his Gideon Oliver, the Bone Doctor, series.

  10. Becca says:

    Have you seen LOLTheorists?


    make sure you page through the archives: some of the best ones are hidden on interior pages.

  11. Sara says:

    Well, there’s this nerdy, NERDY Biochem joke: If I were and enzyme, I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes

    Cell Bio: Is that an actin filiment in your cytosol, or are you just happy to see me? 

    Math: I wish I was your derivitive, so I could lie tangent to your curves

    Organic Chem: Allosteric inhibitors do it from behind

    Annnd… that’s all I can remember right now. As for titles, they would take more work for me to think of right now, and I need to go study pharmacology!

    A *great* nerd comic: http://www.phdcomics.com

  12. Teddy Pig says:

    Confessions of a Möbius Stripease

  13. Vienna Mars says:

    I’m an astronomy buff, so…

    Hydrogen-alpha Males
    Aureola Borealis
    Oh Be A Fine Girl, Kiss Me (this one just writes itself!)
    A Degenerate Matter
    Gravitons of Fun
    The Duke’s Excited State

  14. Ann Bruce says:

    Hey, come there’s nothing about slave and master servers?  How about the dongles?  C’mon, people!

  15. memorycharm says:

    Don’t forget astronomy!  His Very Large Array

  16. Yvonne says:

    Oh Becca! LOLTheorists!
    Sparkles, balloons and stars, you made my sad day better!


  17. Guppy06 says:

    You mean nobody’s mentioned “quantum tunneling” yet?

  18. chur says:

    Well, these actually are titles from my Chemistry textbooks and my friends and I always thought themn naughty:

    Heat and Mass Transfer
    Mecanica de fluidos (sounds better in Spanish)
    can’t remember the others right now, I’ll consult with my pals…


  19. Jenny says:

    Oh. My. Word.

    I am very glad I wasn’t drinking anything, because it would have come OUT MY NOSE.

    Now I’m trying desperately to come up with my own…

    There are always the standard “do it” jokes:

    Physicists do it a quantum at a time.
    Physicists do it at the speed of light.
    Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes.
    Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results.
    Quantum physicists can either know how fast they do it, or where they do it, but not both.
    Particle physicists do it energetically.
    Particle physicists to it with charm.
    Aerodynamicists do it in drag.
    Astrophysicists do it with a Big Bang.
    Astronomers do it all night.
    Astronomers do it in clusters.
    Astronomers do it on mountain tops.
    Astronomers do it with white dwarfs and red giants.

    I’ll add:
    Medical physicists do it in fractions.
    Medical physicists do it on the table.
    Medical physicists do it with doctors, nurses, therapists, dosimetrists…

    (Word ver: for68 – so close, yet so far!)

  20. Jenny says:

    Oops, that was just supposed to be the URL to the comic.  Weird.

    It’s from http://www.angryflower.com/

  21. Wry Hag says:

    * Foucault’s Swingin’ Pendulum
    * Tomita and the Testicle Accelerator (I think this is manga yaoi BDSM, but don’t quote me on that.)

  22. Sally says:

    A few chemistry (more specifically, spectroscopy) titles:

    -Stimulated Emissions

    -In Her Excited State

    -Vibrational Relaxation

    You missed a major source for research into nerds: http://www.phdcomics.com
    This qualifies as the lifeline of dejected graduate students everywhere.

    Although XKCD comic # 289 does qualify as the best comic on nerd romance I’ve ever seen…

  23. Sally says:

    Oops; I see that Sara had already given the phdcomics link-sorry! 

    BTW, Catherine Asaro, who is trained in chemical physics and writes SF/romance, has a whole bunch of chemistry terms woven into “Quantum Rose”.  And she provides a commentary at the end to explain them.  I wasn’t personally thrilled with how it worked out in that book, but it was an interesting effort.

  24. Sally says:


    Electric Attraction

    Bound States (Love in the Potential Well)

    Charged Interactions

    Rainbows and Glory: A Rotational Romance

    Hot Fusion

    Hmmm.  Better go now; I’m enjoying this far too much…

  25. Sally says:

    Erk; I can’t help myself.

    His Dominant Genes

    Flash Point: Their explosive chemistry

    Triple Point (menage a trois)

    State of Confinement (The lover in the box problem)

    Top and Bottom: A quarky romance

  26. The Sexual Lives of Savages. Oh, wait. That’s already taken.

  27. Manon says:

    Nobody’s mentioned combustion yet?

    Wikipedia lists a whole series: Complete Combustion, Turbulent Combustion, Smoldering Combustion…

  28. Charis says:

    For math: Taylor Expanded

  29. How about for linguistics? Afterall, we are all ‘cunning linguists’… har har

    Voicing her Fricatives
    Grimes’ Lay

    And… drum rol…

    Sin Tactics

  30. And one more because I can’t help myself…

    His Underlying Form

Comments are closed.

By posting a comment, you consent to have your personally identifiable information collected and used in accordance with our privacy policy.

↑ Back to Top