Sarah: Is she conscious? Dead? Wearing an ill-fitting prom dress? Is he preparing to drain her into that prominently placed urn?
But wow, that may be a Latino vampire. There is a shortage of minority vampire heroes out there. But this one? He looks so confused I’m not sure he knows what he’s doing. He’s got the costume, and the teeth, and the cape – can’t forget the cape. But his expression – check out the close up of the art – he looks befuddled, like someone gave him the costume but didn’t tell him what to do.
Candy: Homeboy doesn’t look like he’s ready to take a bite out of that neck so much as drool on it. Seriously. This is one vampire whose dentist overdid it with the novocaine at his last root canal.
(C’mon. All those centuries of drinking nothing but blood. Those teeth have to be ghastly.)
Sarah: Here’s my Night Game: sneak up behind this guy and topple him over with one well-placed push to the shoulder blade. Because he is WAY too top-heavy to be real! Seriously, his chest is almost twice as wide as his waistline.
Candy: Because of the way the cover is framed, I TOTALLY thought the chick’s arm was the guy’s at first, and I thought “EEK! GIMP ARM!”
But now I think “EEK! HEADLESS WOMAN!” Because seriously, look at the angle of the arm, and project the height of her shoulder, neck and head. We should see SOME part of her peeping up ‘twixt the shoulders of Gorilla-Boy there, even if it’s just the winsome wisps of feathered bangs. But we don’t. Maybe she’s severely hunchbacked? Or some ninja had sneaked up behind her and TOTALLY BEHEADED HER right before the camera shutter clicked?
Either way, what bliss.
Sarah: The damned. Oh, they sure are. Dude on the right has a very animal-esque snout going on thee. And Nia Peebles? Is that what happened to her?
But really, I fell bad for the dude up front with the man breasts held in place by a Victoria’s Secret underwire camisole. Snout-dude has been mocking him for hours by now.
Candy: Wait: blow-up dolls can be damned?
And my mind wonders: What are they damned to? An eternity of looking like slightly constipated SIMs? Is that, like, the Blow-Up Doll Hellish Fate the Blow-Up Doll preachers use to scare the horny deviants into behaving?
Sarah: This is, obviously, a DVD cover, but it had to be included, for both the poor-fitting vampire teeth and the absolutely bizarre expression.
“Excuse me! I must bite you! With my plastic teeth! I hope they do not fall out!”
Candy: See, what did I say about vampires needing dentists? I love the inset even more than the main picture. The dude has the SAME EXACT EXPRESSION in both.
Me and my crappy Monday thank you guys. You have no idea how much I needed this.
Off to file my teeth now. Happy Hallowe’en.
A perfect, low calorie Halloween treat. Thanks!
Sacrament may have a shitty cover, but the book is good, ladies.
Night Games– I completely agree with Candy.
Also, WTF with the weird shadow on the girl’s chest on Lust & the Damned? Is that supposed to be chest hair on the guys or do they need to take a shower?
The DVD cover. YUCK. The chick looks like she’s having an orgasm & the dude..he’s just pathetic. Kinda reminds me of the Asian guy in 16 Candles. What was his name? Dong or something else really original. He was the character who ended up with the really tall chick with big boobs.
Lust and the Damned. . . What’s up with the tiny, too-high man-titties on the guy on the right? I mean, really, those itty-bitty babies are riding on his collar bones!
It’s the headless night-lusting chick that keeps getting me. I keep going back and staring at the cover as if her head is going to pop up any moment. And then I hear Candy’s voice screaming “GIMP ARM! GIMP ARM!” and I fall over in a fit of laughter.
what a wonderful way to begin a Monday.
There’s nothing hotter than watching a big-chested man pleasure himself with his little gimp hand. *squish, squish*
There’s nothing hotter than watching a big-chested man pleasure himself with his little gimp hand. *squish, squish*
OK, for some reason, that reminds me of a sick joke. I might’ve told it on this blog before, so forgive me if you’ve read it already. Or forgive me, period, because it’s a really, REALLY sick joke.
Anyway.
What’s the best thing about fucking a five-year-old?
Their teeny hands make your dick look sooooo big.
What’s the worst thing about fucking a five-year-old?
Cleaning the blood out of your clown suit.
Holy Mother of Gawd, Candy. That’s terrible! TERRIBLE! (Which makes me think you should make bad, sick jokes a whole other blog topic and we can all contribute.)
“Excuse me! I must bite you! With my plastic teeth! I hope they do not fall out!â€
LOL – And I’m picturing the vampy-teethed mouth out-of-synch because of a bad translation. You know how the mouths move either before or after the words? LOL.
Thanks, and Happy Halloween!
I can see all of lust and the damned guys bizarrely extended ribs. That dude is very very skanky.
Agree about Sacraments’ exterior but the interior – a really great read. Nice to see a heroine’s dark half.
Has any one else noticed that the Night Games guy only has one nipple?
Oh Lord, Katy, you’re right! Loss of Nipple must go along with Gimpy Arm Syndrome. Either that, or nipple sacrifice was the “dare” part of the Night Games.
Maybe Gimp LessNipple is mitosing?
Wow. When you said you had a sick joke all I could think is ‘how sick could it possibly be?’
*blink*
*blink*
Mix that with the gimp arm and I may have to … *gag*
Wait, I just saw the expression on the plastic teeth guy.
*gag* *snort* *belly-laugh* *gag* *belly-laugh* …
CindyS