Sarah: Dreamy is right. In his dreams, certainly, is his little weaver that big. Unless the name of the author is some indication of geography. Then, well, never mind. I can’t smack on Jersey boys. We’re trying to keep the secret about the mullet-length-to-tapestry-length-ratio a secret from the rest of the country.
Candy: At first glance, I thought there was a freaking CROCODILE HEAD emerging from that dude’s crotch. And I was all, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MERRY GENTRY BULLSHIT IS THIS? Then I realized it wasn’t a croc (ain’t she a beauuuuty?) so much as the, uh, log they love to float on. Covered in tapestry. Man, those are some swank freaking crocodiles.
Sarah: I don’t think his hair is real. She’s very real, from the planet known in English as “What’s the Opposite of Jaundice” but him? That’s a wig. And shame on him for mugging some nice lady of her sheitel.
Candy: Looking at the hair alone, I almost expect him to burst into song about how he’s Helga the waitress, the waitress with the very long armpit hair.
Sarah: I cannot vouch for the relative spankability, but come on now, people. Don’t jerk me around. That ass is NOT BIG. You need big ass? I show you big ass. I got one right here!
Candy: Bitch please! This chick’s biceps are bigger than her ass. What the hell is this shit? You advertise Big, Spankable Asses, they better be Sir Mix-A-Lot grade, or I’m going to have to cut a bitch.
Actually I do have one more thing to say – these covers demonstrate why I prefer NOT to have people on my covers. I like to leave my character’s faces to the imagination of the reader…
Leslie – I believe that “Traveller” is the character’s name in this instance.
Cover #1…that cock is scary. Seriously. I’d sooner use it as a self-defense weapon than anything I’d climb on. Thank God all those “buy these pills and your penis will explode in size!” ads are wrong, or you know there would be some male morons sporting packages like that. Can’t you see them now, waving their cock clubs around while screaming a la Denzel Washington in Training Day: “King Kong’s got nothing on ME!” 😉
If you write a book called Big Spankable Asses, you don’t get to complain about your cover. Crickey, that’s simply awful. How about Huge Flopping Titties? What the hell have we come to.
And I still can’t make out what the hell that is on the first cover. There’s this thing that looks like an arm-penis, and some other thing that looks like a disembodied thigh glued to the hero’s side.
Well, then there’s the “shadow” on his abdomen in #2, which makes no sense given the apparent lighting or the other shadows on his torso. The only way it makes sense is if…something…is, um, glowing from within the tapestry. Right? Or am I just the crazy artist chick today?
So, not only huge but radioactive man. There’s something a girl can’t resist.
That ain’t no big spankable ass. This is a big spankable ass.
(But not mine.)
Yikes, Goblin.
My sincere thanks to ComEd workers who toiled tirelessly day and night for two days repairing several power lines so I could wake up this morning to…
bizarre Heidi toupes and gluteus MAXimus up there. Hahahahahah. So nice to be back online.
“And they spelled ‘traveler’ wrong.”
That was my first reaction, Leslie. Then I realized Ellora’s Cave, which happens to be one of my publishers, prides itself on its international base—editors, authors, readers. Apparently traveller is the British spelling. (Don’t know about Canadian. I never did understand those people!)
Watch it wiggle see it jiggle smooth and juicy…
Now we have man-titty and kong-schlong…
So here we are, the 27th, and I still can’t get the phrase, “Man, those are some swank freaking crocodiles.” or the ridiculousness of the first cover out of my head.
Thank you, Smart Bitches….
No. 2: Come on that’s Billy Ray Cyrus and the next thing we’ll here is about his Achy Breaky Heart.
I could not possibly have seen what I thought just saw. Is #1 holding a stainless steel pepper grinder? What is that?
Any my anti-spam is feeling37 (as in I’m feeling 37 kinds of nauseous after looking at #1. I couldn’t even go on to the rest.)
Maybe the woman in #2 is blue after performing oral sex on the guy in #1?
“And they spelled ‘traveler’ wrong.â€
No, you spelled “traveller” wrong.
Two Ls please, we’re Canadian.
The man on “Traveller’s Refuge” is totally David Boreanaz.
http://www.david-boreanaz.com/intro/intro_02.gif
I always wondered what happened to the “Blue Lady” from the original In Death (JD Robb) covers. Nice to see she’s still getting business.