544. Wishes, Wins, Recs and Happy New Year with Melonie and Amanda

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Sarah Wendell: Hello and welcome to episode number 544 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, and Happy New Year to you! We have one more listener episode today with Melonie Johnson and Amanda! Melonie is going to share her wishes, the book that blew her mind this year, and her wins, and Amanda is going to do the same thing, plus we’re going to talk about the unique joys of cozy horror.

I do want to give you a small WARNING that at about thirty-five minutes in [35:00], Amanda and I discuss her new relationship with some commentary about prior relationships that had some controlling elements. If that is not something that you can put in your ears, you want to skip between thirty-five and forty-two minutes [35:00-42:00]. [If you listen to the audio, Sarah says 39:00-46:00, but I checked that with her because there’s only 44:37 minutes of audio, and she says it really is 35:00-42:00 – gk] [Yup. My bad – sw]

I will have links to all of the books that we talk about and, of course, the pictures that Amanda references in the show notes at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast!

Hello and Happy New Year to our Patreon community! Thank you so much for supporting the show! Patreon members get bonus episodes; a very fun, welcoming, and wonderful Discord community; we’re going to have crafting hangouts this year; so if you’d like to join, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches.

And hey, I get to start off the year with a compliment! Yay!

To Sara: First, your name is fabulous! Even when things are going absolutely terribly, the people who love you are always so happy to be near you, because you make everything better just by being there.

If you would like a compliment, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Tiers start at one dollar a month, and every pledge is deeply appreciated.

And speaking of deeply appreciated, I deeply appreciate everyone who participated in this year’s end-of-year episodes, and I appreciate so much how many of you let me know how much that you enjoy them and how happy they made you, so thank you for that.

Shall we do this podcast? I think we shall! On with the show with Melonie and Amanda.

[music]

Melonie Johnson: Whoo! Here we are. It is the end of 2022, and like several of the last few years, I am ready for this year to be over. So long; farewell; good-bye. I’m Melonie Johnson, and I’ve been a long-time fan of the Smart Bitches; like, a long time. I’ve enjoyed their reviews, their cover snark, and so much more. It has been a place of joy for me, and I’m so thankful that it is continuing to this day!

My holiday wish for you would be to take a breath, to just chill out this holiday season, and allow yourself to actually really relax. I think we all make the plan to relax, but sometimes planning to relax is more stressful than actually relaxing! My favorite holiday song is “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” and the line “Let your heart be light,” that’s my wish. That is my wish for you, to have a light heart that is a full heart this holiday season.

As to my favorite read of the year, this one is a little tricky because I had some books I absolutely adored, truly loved, but I will refrain from mentioning them out of respect of the picket line, and I do wish all of the employees at HarperCollins who are currently on strike that we see in the fresh new year that you get exactly what you need and what you deserve.

Moving on to other books that I enjoyed, I really enjoyed the trend that we saw this year – it started in 2021, but I think it really exploded this year – 2022 was the season of the witch. It was jam-packed with so many witchy books, and I was here for it. I loved all the sexy, hex-y stories. I even loved all the punny titles. I was totally here for all of the fun ways that authors and editors and everyone else involved in coming up with a title came up with all kinds of ways to play on the words witch and hex and all of that. It was just good fun, and it was kind of, it was really fun for me to see.

Among all those witchy books, one of my favorites was Not the Witch You Wed by April Asher. Now, this is the first book in the Supernatural Singles series, and it’s centered around three sisters, and in the first book, which is Not the Witch You Wed, which I already said – [laughs] – in the first book, we have someone who has always thought of herself as being non-magical. She thought she didn’t have magic; her other sisters did, but she didn’t; and of course we learn that’s not true. She just needed the right spark – and yes, I mean spark as in romantic as well as other – to bring it out of her. This was an interesting story because there were layers to it; it wasn’t just the romance, and it wasn’t just the supernatural stuff, but there were some really wise things that April was saying about how we move forward in a society; how we let go of things that we believe to be true simply ‘cause that’s how they always were; or how we stop doing the same thing over and over simply because that’s how, how it’s always been done; and I thought that was very clever as well as very insightful and done in a way that didn’t feel, you know, soap-box-y. So I really appreciated that, and I really had fun with it, and I’m looking forward to the next book in this series, which features one of the sisters. It’s called Not Your Ex’s Hexes, and it’s out February 7th. So if you haven’t read the first book you can grab it now and you’ll be all set in time for when April’s next book comes out.

I really enjoyed this book on audio; the narrator, Zura Johnson, was fantastic. Really did a great job of both male- and female-presenting voices. I really connected with how she created the main characters, and I’m looking forward to hearing her continue this series and reading the next book. In fact, I loved it so much that I invited April and her narrator Zura to join me in a conversation with romance bookstore Love’s Sweet Arrow, and we’ll be doing that in February together. So yeah, a little bit of plug for that, just because I’m so excited about this book and about both April’s writing and Zura’s narration.

As for a success, hmm. A win for me in 2022 – whoo! – a win for me in 2022, how many are thinking getting through 2022? That, that’s my win: I got through it.

In all seriousness, that is partly true. Only one major house problem this year. Stress-grinding people, please, PSA: go get yourself a mouth guard. If you are a stress-grinder and you grind your teeth and your dentist has ever mentioned this to you, please do not be like me: go and get yourself a mouth guard and you’ll save yourself from grinding your teeth so badly that you crack one and it has to be pulled. Yes, that was my 2022.

Horror stories of health problems aside, my win this year was finishing the damn book. I have struggled with my most recent book much longer than I should have. Getting that book done, getting it to the finish line was incredibly difficult, but I did it! So fuck yeah, I finished that book, and I’m ready to dive into some new stuff. And I think that’s kind of where I’m at for 2023: diving into something new, starting fresh, and I hope it’s the same for all of you!

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Amanda: I’m Amanda; I’ve been with the site, if you did not know, for ten years.

Sarah: Ten years! Whooo!

Amanda: Ten years this September, we celebrated! Sarah sent me a nice bottle of champagne!

Sarah: Aw!

Amanda: Yeah! So ten years I’ve been with the site. I’m kind of like the orga-, organatrix? Is that what we called it? Where I just keep, keep all the trains moving –

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: – essentially. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yep! She’s my, you’re my, my copilot on the, the aviation that is Smart Bitches. [Laughs]

Amanda: Yep. As of where I am, I’m based in New England. I was going to say you can find me working at a local bookstore, but that is not true anymore!

Sarah: Are you excited? Was it like you walked out and then there was just like, oh, relief?

Amanda: I was a little sad, for sure. They had like a going-away thing. The café manager, Jeff, made me this beautiful apple tart.

Sarah: Aw!

Amanda: He’s a baker, so he’s always baking yummy things, so he made me this beautiful apple tart. Got good-bye cards, little presents, and they asked if I would come to the staff party next Friday, and I’m like, I’m not leaving the country.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Like, I’ll come back and – staying in the area. But it was very sad, but, like, I feel it’s nice not to have to, like, worry about the commute, which was very long, which was over, on a good day, over an hour; on a bad day, over two hours.

Sarah: Each way, right?

Amanda: Each way, yes. Let me be clear –

Sarah: Each way.

Amanda: – each way.

Sarah: Mm-mm.

Amanda: And I’d been doing that for three years.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: And then, you know, like, it’s still retail, so not having to deal with terrible people sometimes; you know, working a Saturday is never super fun? [Laughs]

Sarah: Working in the store before the holidays is incredibly draining.

Amanda: Yeah. I’m at MIT! I have a job at MIT in their really cool research media lab, which combines research projects that do art and STEM stuff, so that’s all really –

Sarah: Cool!

Amanda: – there’s lots of weird little robots in the building. [Laughs]

Sarah: You’re going to go in one day and there’s going to be a robot: Hello, I am New Amanda.

Amanda: I’ll be like, you know what? Cool.

Sarah: [Laughs] The robot overlords are here; sounds great. Can’t be any worse than the humans –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – we’ve got to deal with.

[Laughter]

Amanda: So definitely a career change, but I’m excited about it!

Sarah: That’s awesome!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: So what are your holiday wishes for everyone?

Amanda: So this year, which will tie into my wins, I did a lot of scary things? Lot of stuff that made me nervous like, you know, leaving my job of three years, that sort of thing. But it’s for the better to make my quality of life better. So I –

Sarah: Absolutely.

Amanda: – I hope in the new year you all – I don’t want to say possess the strength because you all do – but you do something scary to enrich your life, whether it –

Sarah: That’s a really good wish.

Amanda: Yeah! Whether it’s leaving a shitty job or, you know, traveling alone, which I partially did. You know, getting that cool tattoo or piercing that you want to do, even though it’s scary, ‘cause you don’t know how bad it’s going to hurt. I hope you do something scary that in the end makes your life a little bit better.

Sarah: That’s a really good wish.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Because it can be really scary to change – I mean, for me, I am pretty comfortable with change. I’m like, well, you know, this isn’t working; let’s try something else. I am pretty good at being uncomfortable during a period of change, as long as I have some degree of control. Like, if the change is visited upon me I need a minute, but then I’ll –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – figure it out. But at the same –

Amanda: Or if you’re initiating the change yourself. Like –

Sarah: Yes, absolutely. But it is, it can be very scary to change your autopilot, because changing your autopilot means you have to pay attention to everything you’re doing, and that’s really draining.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, the reason autopilots are so effective is that they don’t use a lot of cognitive and physical energy ‘cause you’re used to doing them. You can sort of – it’s like driving: you’re not paying super close attention to every single second unless things are really weird at that moment.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Sarah: Like you’re merging or whatever. Or you’re on the Beltway.

Amanda: Yeah. [Laughs]

Sarah: Getting, getting rid of your autopilot is exhausting and scary, but also commuting up to two hours each way? That’s, that’s just so much time!

Amanda: Yeah. It’s a lot. And honestly, like, I don’t know if I would have necessarily done it if I hadn’t had like a nice nudge from several people; from, like, you; from my partner. You know, to be like, hey, this doesn’t sound like you’re really happy.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: So.

Sarah: I mean, and it’s super awkward for me to be like, let’s talk about your other job –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – ‘cause that’s not at all awkward –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – for me at all. No. But, like, when we moved here we made like a list of things we wanted in our new home, and one of them was, ‘cause we were moving for Adam’s job, we want his commute to be as pleasant as possible. Well now his commute is great, ‘cause he just goes down the stairs –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – but he used to have to drive, and it could be half an hour; it could be an hour. It was unpleasant, it was stressful, and now he gets on a train and his commute door-to-door is maybe twenty-five minutes total –

Amanda: Yeah. I mean –

Sarah: – when he goes into the office.

Amanda: – I was working remotely before the pandemic, so it wasn’t too much of a, you know, like, have to get used to or anything, but with my roommate also working from home it became a thing of, like, oh, I would like some reason to get out of the house, ‘cause I’m a person who doesn’t, if they don’t have to leave the house, they won’t leave the house.

Sarah: Yes! Me too.

Amanda: But I also feel like it’s better for my mental health to have a routine thing that I do that forces me to get out of the house, whether it’s like a, a second part-time job; whether it’s, you know, back when I would go into therapy, like, going to therapy every other Tuesday; like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – a mandated outside time.

Sarah: I am still making –

Amanda: – recess.

Sarah: Yes. Recess! That’s a really good way to put it! Recess!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I’ve been working my way through Tranquility By Tuesday, and one of the suggestions in that book is to do something to move your body by 3 p.m. each day and to spend at least twenty minutes outside. So, okay, I can, I can do that. I work out as often as I possibly can, usually every day, but we always have to take our dogs out, and our dogs are so slow.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: They are very old. They are fifteen and fourteen. Like, Zeb was really sick earlier? Last month he had a really bad cough, to the point where he was keeping us up all night. I had to take him to the emergency vet – that was many dollars – but I was worried he’d had pneumonia or something.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And then, ‘cause my vet was out of town, so we went to the emergency vet. They’re like, it’s not pneumonia. It, it could be any number of these things. We’re going to give you some cough suppressants, and we think you should follow up with your vet when he comes back. I’m like, that sounds great, as long as he’s not in, in danger. So my vet comes over – we have a house-call vet and he comes in. He’s like, listen, most dogs his age are dead. He is long past the warranty. We don’t know why he’s coughing; let’s just make him comfortable. And I’m like, I love this plan!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I love this plan; give me all the good drugs. We had to get an opioid lecture from the pharmacist at Costco ‘cause we got good drugs for the dog. [Laughs] I’m like, this is for the dog!

Amanda: This is for the dog.

Sarah: They’re like, I don’t care; I, I, I have to give you this lecture. Okay! Tell us all about the opioids. And –

Amanda: It’s like when I go to get allergy medicine, and I need the heavy-strength stuff, but –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – in New England you can only buy so much in a short period of time ‘cause it’s used to make meth?

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: And so, you know, like, I’ll be denied if I try to buy too much in a month’s time, and I’m like, look at me.

Sarah: Do you see?

Amanda: Look at my face. Look at –

Sarah: Do you see the amount of snot on my face? Come on, now.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh yeah. I’m allergic to nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory painkillers, so I can only take Tylenol and Percocet. Like, that’s, that’s my range. And when I get the Percocet prescription, usually at my annual physical, I’m like, may I please have a prescription for five? Maybe ten. It will last me a year? And every time I start with a new doctor I’m like, I’m going to have to go through the whole thing where I’m like, I just need five in the event that I’m in pain, and it’s, it has to be a signed prescription, they can’t call it in –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and I’m like, this helps me – and most of the time doctors are like, yeah, it’s fine. Like, what kind of trouble am I going to get into with five Percocet?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But when I have them and I need them I’m like, thank fucking God! [Laughs]

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I like those holiday wishes, though. And it’s, I think it’s important to consider how much effort it takes you to get to the thing that you’re doing, right?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Was it you that was telling me about that Tumblr post, like when you’re in your – was it TikTok? – when you’re in your thirties and it’s – [laughs] – Google Maps has, it’s going to take sixteen minutes to get there; oh no, we’re not doing that.

Amanda: No. Might as well just stay in. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah. It’s more than fifteen minutes; forget it.

So what book or books made you happy this year? I will say that –

Amanda: Okay –

Sarah: – everyone who I have done this with has brought more than one, so if you have more than one –

Amanda: Oh cool. Yeah, for sure.

Sarah: – it’s okay. I’m, I’m sure you’ve noticed that –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – there’s a long list.

[Laughter]

Amanda: I have one, two, three, four, five. I’m trying not to repeat ones –

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: – that I’ve seen go up.

Sarah: Nice!

Amanda: But there will be some overlap, and I’ll just breeze past the ones that I’ve seen already. And then I have one that I read this year but doesn’t come out until January, so.

Sarah: That’s fine!

Amanda: Okay. First up, A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall.

Sarah: Such a good book.

Amanda: Yeah, I, it was an emotional, lots of yearning, lots of pining? But yeah, that one put me through the emotional wringer; I enjoyed every second of it, for sure. [Laughs]

And then I would say – I’m, we’re going to do the romances first, so I would say Part of Your World by Abby Jimenez. This one came out earlier this year. I really liked it? There’s an age-difference romance between the heroine, who is older, and I’m dating someone younger right now, so, which is not something that I’ve had to deal with, but there are some, like, you know, insecurities I’ve experienced about dating someone younger than myself, like five years younger than myself? So I really liked that one. I liked how the heroine is pretty successful but, like, still has these societal and parental anxieties –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – of, like, I have to live up to, to this or that or whatever. And, like, the villain was awful. Like, Abby did a great job really making me hate a fictional character so much.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I don’t love that there was, like, a little slight redemption at the end; I would have preferred him to get tossed into a wood chipper. But I really liked it.

Sarah: I got the sense that with that book, Abby Jimenez really hit her stride? Like, she was always talented; it’s not a question of –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – developing into her talent; but, like, this was, this was probably her best book so far.

Amanda: And there’s a baby goat that wears pajamas, so, like, what else could you ask for?

The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches.

Sarah: Such. A. Good. Book! Oh my God! It, and it’s one of those books where you start it and you’re like, oh, okay, I know how this is going to go; yeah, okay, mm-hmm. Wait, I do not know how this is going to go!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: What the hell? [Laughs]

Amanda: Yeah, but it’s still pretty cozy. I’ve been enjoying contemporary fantasy novels, like fantasy set in a contemporary world –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – but aren’t full of action like an Ilona Andrews, you know, like, urban fantasy; you know what I mean?

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: But lots of, like, found family stuff.

Sarah: Cozy contemporary fantasy is very comforting right now.

Amanda: And I liked the, the notion of, like, this character – what’s her name, Mika? Mika Moon – feeling like the only place they can be their authentic self is online? And I feel like a lot of people also feel that way, is that the only way they can really be their true self is, like, in an online community.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And then I have Reluctant Immortals by Gwendolyn Kiste I believe is the title? Very good feminine rage book. The former lovers of literary men; so one of them is a bride of Dracula, and the other one is, is it Bertha from, is it Jane Eyre?

Sarah: Yeah, I think it is Bertha.

Amanda: Yeah. Bertha. They’re just trying to, you know, girl-boss it up in 1960s LA, and they’re immortals, and they get word that Dracula and Rochester are back in town, and they’re like, are you kidding me?

Sarah: This fucker!

Amanda: These fuckers!

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: So I really liked that one for, like, you know, exorcising your anger a little bit, like revenge with, like –

Sarah: Rage.

Amanda: – a supernatural twist.

Sarah: Murder.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: Yeah, and then along with that, I would also recommend Such Sharp Teeth by Rachel Harrison?

Sarah: Ooh, I have that on my list –

Amanda: It’s –

Sarah: – to read. What did you think?

Amanda: It’s very bloody, Sarah. I will say it’s very bloody. But it has like a cozy, Hallmark Christmas movie meets werewolf transformation sort of a story? [Laughs]

Sarah: So it’s like cozy horror?

Amanda: Kind of!

Sarah: Oh wow!

Amanda: I refer to these things as horror lite? Like L-I-T-E?

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: Same with her previous book Cackle. There’s some spookiness there, but, like, I find them to be very enjoyable, and it’s like a really good commentary on, like, motherhood and –

Sarah: Right, because the heroine is visiting her sister, who’s just had a baby.

Amanda: And she’s pregnant. The her-, the heroine is pregnant.

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: Yeah, she’s like the, her partner has, like, left her, so she’s coming back home. She’s pregnant, un-, I think unwed, and while she’s driving home she hits an animal, gets out to check what it is, gets bitten, winds up in the hospital, survives, and then, you know, weird shit starts to happen. So I liked it. You might like it! I, you know, like, it’s still pretty graphic, because you have body transformations and animal attacks and stuff, but it, there’s a coziness to it.

Sarah: No kidding! ‘Cause I have that on my, on my list of –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – things to read.

Amanda: Yeah. And then the last book that I would recommend, that I read this year but doesn’t come out till January, is Behind the Scenes by Karelia Stetz-Waters, I believe is the full name.

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: Tara reviewed the first book. I think it was her debut.

Sarah: Satisfaction Guaranteed –

Amanda and Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: And loved it.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: So I picked this one up and, not having read Satisfaction Guaranteed but kind of just going off of Tara’s excitement for the author, it was really good!

Sarah: Really!

Amanda: The, one of the heroines is wealthy and has these, like, pugs who only wear designer clothes, but she’s pretty aware, and, you know, like, is pretty aware of how silly it is, and it’s a little, like, satirical about it. Yeah, and I liked, I really liked both of the main characters. It’s pretty, I don’t want to say it’s like low-angst, but the conflict is definitely, like, internal baggage, like learning to love again after some pretty horrific circumstances, that sort of thing. I really liked it, and that one comes out at the end of January, I believe, but I read it this year. And I’m trying to get Tara to read it so we can do a joint review.

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: Yeah. It would be interesting ‘cause Tara’s more familiar with their body of work than I am.

Sarah: And the other heroine is a filmmaker!

Amanda: A filmmaker who went through, is going through a divorce or went through a divorce and had, I think it was like a really bad car accident?

Sarah: Ooh.

Amanda: That kind of put their career on hold. So they’re trying to get back into filmmaking. They have a, a disability because of the, the car accident, and yeah, like, the, the other heroine is a business consultant –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – and the filmmaker’s assistant writes in to the business consultant. That was like, I think my boss could really benefit from your help in, like, kind of refiguring where they want their filmmaking business to be?

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: And they agree; like, she’s like, yeah, this sounds great. They meet and they’re like, oh, this was the person I flirted with at, like, a, like a Humane Society –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – fundraiser like the week before, where they, like, poked fun at my dogs in their designer little vests. But, like, they have really great chemistry. Yeah, I definitely recommend that one.

Sarah: It sounds really charming.

Amanda: It is delightful. It was delightful. I really enjoyed reading it. It didn’t stray too far into, like, the twee, saccharine –

Sarah: Twee.

Amanda and Sarah: Yeah.

Sarah: That’s how I felt about Season of Love: I kept waiting for it to go too far into tweedom, and it never did, because there’s –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – so many other undercurrents in that book. You would probably really like it because it –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – takes all of those very familiar cozy Hallmark tropes and it, it, it, like, fully embraces them while also subverting them. So, like, for example, the heroine is returning back to this Christmas tree farm owned by her family, who are Jewish – I love this so much. Jews in charge of a Christmas tree farm just cracks me up. But she goes back after ten years, and that’s a pretty common thing in a Hallmark movie; like, oh, I haven’t been home in ten years; I haven’t been home in twenty years.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Well, the book actually engages with the question, okay, so what happens when you haven’t been home in ten years? What does that do to your relationships with the people who live there?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And there are some relationships where you can just sort of let them be quiet for a little, and then you see each other again and it’s like no time has passed and you just –

Amanda: Yeah

Sarah: – pick right back up, and that quiet period isn’t a problem, and there’s some people for whom that’s very painful and that, that screws things up.

Amanda: Yeah! Of, like, oh, nothing will ever be the same again now.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah, it, I would say it’s, it’s, it was a charming read without being, like, obnoxious about it? I was really worried when, you know, pretty early on I was like, oh, we’ve got old, mischievous pugs in, like, Louis Vuitton vests. Like, how is this going to play out? But, like, they’re rescue pugs, and the, the owner of the pugs kind of like fully leans into it. It was like, I know this is ridiculous; I know I buy weird stuff for my pets, but, like, you know, I have the finances, and I don’t have children, so, like –

Sarah: And this makes me happy, so –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – am I really hurting anybody?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: No.

Amanda: [Laughs] But I really liked it, so that one should be on people’s radar, I think –

Sarah: That’s lovely!

Amanda: – for the new year! Yeah.

Sarah: I am very excited –

Amanda: So.

Sarah: – about that.

Amanda: Yeah, so of course –

Sarah: Are you going to review it? I hope you’ll review it.

Amanda: I’m waiting for Tara to see if she wants to do a joint review with me. So we’ll see. I know Tara’s kind of been picking things up and putting things down and, you know, waiting for something to grab them, so.

Sarah: It’s also, when I, when I spoke to Tara, it was -26 Celsius where she is?

Amanda: Oh God.

Sarah: With like a -40 degree wind chill, and I was, I – no. Hard no. [Laughs] That’s a big No.

Amanda: I want snow, but, like, not that badly.

Sarah: So what was a win for you in 2022?

Amanda: I have three wins.

Sarah: Hell yeah! ‘Cause I know –

Amanda: Which – yeah. [Laughs]

Sarah: Because to, to recap, it, when we started podcasting together at the beginning of the year, you were talking about how every month you were giving yourself something to look forward to.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Because – wait, not to bring –

Amanda: – I was.

Sarah: – it, it’s been about a year since, or more than a year since you broke up with what’s-his-face, right?

Amanda: It’s been, it’s been about a year. It happened, our final conversation was end of November –

Sarah: That’s what I thought! That’s what I thought. So it’s been, I mean, look at –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – look at how far you’ve come in your life in just a year. That’s awesome!

Amanda: [Laughs] Yeah! I did, also did something scary in that, like, I, when you break up in long-term relationships, like, there are friends that you’ll never talk to again because they’re friends of your previous partner?

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: And I was thinking the other day, it was like, wow, I miss hanging out with a couple of these people; like, one married couple in particular I was like, I miss hanging out with them; they were so fun. I’m going to reach out and see if they want to catch up and get dinner.

Sarah: Good for you! That’s so scary!

Amanda: I did it! I was like, I know this is weird. I was like, I know this is weird; I’m not, like, connected to the group anymore, but I really miss hanging out with, like, you two, you, you and Greg, and I would love to, like, catch up over dinner or coffee or board games or whatever. And I know you just had a new baby, so, you know. And they were like, we miss you too! We would love to catch up!

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: So that was, like I said, scary, but do something scary. What’s the worst that could happen? They’d just say, like, no; you know, never respond; whatever. Like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: So hopefully we’ll do that towards the end of the year. I know it’s a busy time for everybody.

Yeah, so it’s been about a year since the end of my five-year relationship. [Laughs] But one of my wins is my current relationship.

Sarah: Yaaay!

Amanda: Going swimmingly. If any of you listened to Sarah’s podcast that she hosted with Alisha, I was on it to talk about getting back into online dating –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – and –

Sarah: We had a wonderful feature where Alisha would give critical and supportive feedback on your dating profile –

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – and her advice is really good! Her advice has been really great!

Amanda: Very great. But I had, when we taped that episode, I had just gone on my very first date ever with the person who is now my current partner –

Sarah: Mm!

Amanda: – and I’m like, we had a fun time. I would like to see them again, but I’m worried that there’s not a romantic connection? Like, you know, I wasn’t sure, and Alisha was just like, just be patient.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: Like, I know it’s hard; like, just be patient. Like, make your intentions known, but, like, you know, it’s just a first date. And now, here we are –

Sarah: That’s the thing that I remember that you said, that you were both very upfront: I am dating to look for a relationship. I am not dating to look to hook up; I’m not here for some, you know, physical interaction; I am here to find a relationship. You were very specific about your intentions, which I think is very brave!

Amanda: Yeah, and they, they were too! And now it’s –

Sarah: Good for them!

Amanda: It’s eight months, over eight months later! It is wonderful. Like, they said something to me a couple months ago, and I immediately burst into tears.

Sarah: Aw!

Amanda: And yeah, well, they were like, thank you for letting me love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Sarah: Awww!

Amanda: And I lost it!

[Laughter]

Amanda: Lost it!

Sarah: Somewhere, somewhere your therapist –

Amanda: Like, this person –

Sarah: – sat up and was like, what?

Amanda: I’m crying now! Like, I know! Literally the kindest person. Such a caretaker. Like, it is, I don’t want to say like night and day, but, like, when you have a relationship like this you kind of reflect on your previous ones and you’re like, wow. Like, it wasn’t great! Like – [laughs] – shitty! So, yeah, having someone who, like, we gel well together, comes from a similar, like, not background, but, like, also someone dealing with mental health issues and, like, complex family dynamics. Like, you know, that was something that I didn’t have in previous relationships, so, like, having someone who understands those things?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And empathizes with those things has been a bonus. And we tentatively have plans to move in together next year, so.

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: We’ve started the conversation; we’ve started looking around, so.

Sarah: Didn’t they just move?

Amanda: Yeah, they just moved to a new place in August! [Laughs]

Sarah: Just going to move in –

Amanda: But it’s not big enough.

Sarah: Oh, not big enough.

Amanda: It’s not big enough. I can’t, I, there’s not even a spare place for me to, like, put my desk –

Sarah: Ooh.

Amanda: – so. Yeah.

Sarah: And your current place is two bedrooms, right?

Amanda: Yeah, yeah. So –

Sarah: And not big enough for a third person.

Amanda: No. I don’t think – like, Brian live, Brian, my partner, lives alone? So I don’t know if they would want to –

Sarah: Have a roommate again?

Amanda: Yeah. [Laughs]

Sarah: I can understand that completely.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Wow.

Amanda: So that has been like a, a major, a major win, is just really being in a wonderful, supportive – we’re both words of affirmation people? So we’re just awful with each other –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – just complimenting back and forth.

Sarah: It’s just nauseating!

Amanda: It is! It’s disgusting, for sure! [Laughs] But –

[WARNING: discussion of some controlling behavior ahead.]

Sarah: But it also strikes me, as someone who’s looking in from, at both of these experiences? This seems to be a relationship where you have a great deal of just acceptance of each other as you are with no –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – like, no expectation that you change or be different, and it seems like a lot of the time in your last relationship there was a lot of expectation that you needed to change.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: That you needed to be different.

Amanda: I mean, I was in, I was taking a shower at their place the other night, and they come in; they’re like, I have a question for you, and I’m, like, in the middle of a shower. I’m like, okay, what? And they’re like, do you want cookies or cheesecake? I was like, what? And they’re like, I want something sweet right now, and it’s between ordering cookies or cheesecake. What do you want?

Sarah: Excellent.

Amanda: It’s like 8 p.m. [Laughs] I said cheesecake. And, like, wow, I’m really in love with this person; this person just gets me.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: They get a hankering for, like, something sweet at 8 p.m. and just makes it happen.

Sarah: Yep! Just, just indulge; life is hard; eat the sweet thing.

Amanda: Yeah! So –

Sarah: Well, I mean, you could be in that other relationship eating steamed vegetables and plain chicken if you wanted.

Amanda: God, so gross. And as if, like, a sweet thing was something to be like a reward or like, you know, something for a special occasion. I was like, no, the special occasion is that it’s Tuesday at 8 p.m. and I want something –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – sweet!

Sarah: For sure! Also, outstanding strategy on Brian’s part, because this is what Adam and I have started doing? If we’re trying to figure out, like, say we’re trying to figure out what to do for Friday night takeout and neither of us can think of something? One of us will come up with two options that we are equally fine with, and the other picks from those. So we’re going from all the options to two to one, and it works –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – so much better.

Amanda: [Laughs] And they cook me dinner every single time I’m at their apartment.

Sarah: Awww!

Amanda: That has never been a thing that has happened. Like –

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: -as, like, somewhat like, they’re such a caretaker and so lovely and wonderful, and there’s just like an agreement of, like, I will happily do your dishes if you want to cook me vegetable curry, which is –

Sarah: Oh, that’s lovely!

Amanda: – so good. Yeah.

So that is my major win of the year, but we have some smaller ones. I saw my brother, who I hadn’t seen in like four years?

Sarah: You went to Germany, right?

Amanda: I went to Germany to see my brother.

Sarah: Yay!

Amanda: Besides the pandemic, my brother’s also in the military, for some background, so he moves around a lot, doesn’t get a ton of time off.

Sarah: He’s back in South Korea now, right?

Amanda: He is back in South Korea.

Sarah: Is he –

Amanda: I think he plans to go back to Japan for the Christmas holiday. He’s got some time off he needs to spend, so he’s like, I’m just going to go to Japan for like a week. I’m like, ‘course you are. [Laughs] Of course you are!

Sarah: Sure!

Amanda: Yeah. But he’s back in South Korea. But I saw him in Germany for two weeks, and during the weekdays he would work on base and I would just kind of wander around Germany. I took a train into Paris by myself and spent all day at the Louvre.

Sarah: Isn’t it wonderful to just be by yourself?

Amanda: Yeah. It’s a little –

Sarah: Especially in places –

Amanda: – nerve-racking, but, like, it ended up being fine.

Sarah: One of the things I love about traveling in places with really great public transit infrastructure is that I can get where I need to go, and if, if the signs aren’t in English I can, I usually have an app that has loaded that system –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and I can figure out how to get where I’m going? And I just sort of bop along. It’s so relaxing!

Amanda: Yeah. So I did some exploring locally in Germany, and then my last night there was a, like a fast train to Paris, so I took that in for the day. But then on the weekends my brother and I did like bigger trips. We went to Austria? It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. Like, I’m obsessed with snowy mountains.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: We were, we were in Innsbruck, Austria, and people were just getting on public buses with, like, their snowboards and skis ‘cause, like, it would go up the – [laughs] – mountain. Beautiful. I can also send you pictures to embed, Sarah, if you want them.

Sarah: Yes, please! Send me the, send me the, the Austria porn.

Amanda: Yeah! It’s so beautiful, and then we went to Cologne, I think, one weekend? And we also went to Brussels in Belgium one weekend. So it was fun! It was, my brother had a car there, so we, like, drove, and the drive down to Austria was just beautiful. Just huge mountains as far as you could see. And it was nice just to, you know, see my brother – my, that’s my old sibling – and kind of catch up with him and have brother-sister bonding time. So that was a win.

And then my last win is just getting my septum pierced, which happened way back in January! I was –

Sarah: It looks so good. Every time we talk I’m like –

Amanda: I’m so happy about it.

Sarah: – it looks so good!

Amanda: [Laughs] You hem and haw about it ‘cause you don’t know what it’s going to feel like, you don’t know if it’s, how painful it’s going to be, but it, pretty painless. Like, barely felt it. So if anyone’s curious about septum piercings, pretty easy. I have like one of my nostrils pierced; that was a little painful ‘cause it’s going through cartilage, and then I sat for five hours to get a tattoo finished, so, like, in terms of pain tolerance, like, this was nothing. And so I’m so happy I did it! I feel like I was also, my previous relationship was like, my partner was very opinionated about what I did my body, about, like, you don’t need any more tattoos, you don’t need any more piercings. I’m like, okay, I guess you’re right. But then I was like, no!

Sarah: Mm-mm.

Amanda: I don’t have enough tattoos or piercings! [Laughs] So, you know, I got a big one on my thigh and got my septum pierced, and I feel great about both decisions, so.

[End of WARNING discussion.]

Sarah: Yay!

Amanda: Those are my three wins: a new piercing, traveling, and new relationship which is wonderful. So.

Sarah: Well, you deserve to decorate yourself however you want!

Amanda: [Laughs] It’s true; I do!

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: So my next tattoo is going to be a juicy peach that says, Eat My Butt.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: I just have to, I just to have to find the right artist to do it, but that’s my next one down the pipeline –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – an Eat My Butt tattoo. [Laughs]

Sarah: Where are you going to put it? Are you going to put it on your butt?

Amanda: No! [Laughs] I want people to see it. I want people to know.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: It’ll probably be on my biceps is my guess, ‘cause I’m saving this arm, I want to do a sleeve –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – so I’m saving this one, but, so it’ll probably go on this one.

Sarah: What kind of sleeve?

Amanda: I want a lot of moths and like dark florals, so spooky, spooky moth sleeve is what I would like to do on my other arm.

Sarah: Ooh, that’s cool! Is it going to be color or black and white and grayscale?

Amanda: Color. I think color. All my tattoos are color, so I kind of want to keep the color.

Sarah: Keep the theme.

Amanda: But they’re all very different. Like, I, my Black Phillip witch tattoo is pretty dark and moody, and then I have one of Linus floating in space which is pretty colorful.

Sarah: It’s very colorful!

Amanda: It kind of goes back and forth. But I definitely want to keep it colorwork rather than black and white. So.

Sarah: I love that Tara has a sleeve of blackwork tattoos, and when her kids are bored she gives them crayons or markers; she gives them markers and they just color in her tattoos, which –

Amanda: She sent a photo of, like, one time they colored it in and it looked real. It looked like –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – it was done with real ink. I was like, that’s really pretty!

Sarah: That’s gorgeous.

Amanda: It was like, yeah, no, it’s just fake. It’s just fake color that my kids put on. I was like, well, it looked nice!

Sarah: I mean, what a cool thing to do, though, to have this blackwork arm, and then you just add color with your kids’ coloring –

Amanda: It’s like when you go to a restaurant or whatever like, do you have any crayons and like an activity sheet? And like, no, I got it, we got it here.

Sarah: Yeah, I brought it with me; it’s fine. [Laughs]

Amanda: Brought my own, brought my own activity sheet. That’s the way to do it, yes!

Sarah: Well, thank you!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Thank you for – and congratulations on a lovely year!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Go you!

Amanda: It shaped up to be –

Sarah: You’ve –

Amanda: – a really good one!

Sarah: You leveled up!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: You have done some side quests, and you have leveled up!

Amanda: Yeah. I, probably some main quests too! A nice mishmash in there –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – for sure.

Sarah: Nice job!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Excellent work!

Amanda: Thank you!

[music]

And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Oh! I need to go get a joke. Hang on.

Okay, I’m back with a joke. Thank you to Melonie and to Amanda for hanging out with me, and thank you for being part of the show for so many years. Every time I say the number of the episode at the top of each recording I’m like, wow, that’s a really massive number. I wouldn’t have this many episodes if it wasn’t for you, so thank you.

This week’s joke comes from jfhobbit in our Discord, and I love this joke so much. It is cracking me up! Okay. [Laughs]

Did you hear about the mummy discovered in Egypt by archaeologists that was covered in chocolate and hazelnuts?

Yes! Did you hear about the mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts that was discovered by archaeologists?

It’s the Pharaoh Rocher.

That’s so silly! Pharaoh Rocher! [Laughs] I don’t know why the Ferrero Rocher chocolates are the thing that appears in massive quantities at Costco every year, but it really is Pharaoh Rocher! [Laughs more] Thank you, jfhobbit.

On behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend, and we will see you back here next week.

Smart Podcast, Trashy Books is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find outstanding podcasts to subscribe to at frolic.media/podcasts.

[Laughs] Pharaoh Rocher!

[end of pretty festive music]